by Lee Jacquot
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees when the announcement is made.
“Three-time reigning Regional Champs, Emerald Falls High School.” The announcer booms and the entire stadium erupts. The bleachers shake, my ears pop, and our bodies vibrate with palpable excitement.
The Emerald Falls cheer squad exits from behind a hidden curtain, trailing in military style. Each step is perfectly in tune, matching that of the person in front of them. The three in front carry black and gold pom-poms, one of which is Lily.
My heart stops, just as the noise around me fades. It’s only been a few days since I’ve seen her, but it feels like a lifetime. I clench my teeth, fighting the burn prickling at the back of my eyes.
Every nerve in my body is pulling me toward the sizable blue mat.
My leg shakes in front of me until Mina places a tender hand on my knee. “It’s going to be fine. Just got to hold fast.”
I look to her, my nostrils flaring with a burn coiling in them. Her ruby lips curl into a soft smile before she pats my leg twice.
Before I have time to think, the music starts.
The girls break off, moving in unison before bunching up in groups and lifting another, tossing her in the air incredibly high. The flying girls twist, some flip, but they all land on their feet with unbelievable grace.
After that, stunts are done one after the other in unison, it reminds me of those synchronized swimming competitions. Everything is fluid, as if their muscles have the memory of every move they’ve ever practiced, and their bodies are on autopilot.
It’s incredible to watch. And Lily is a fucking masterpiece. She commands the mat, and though her eyes are facing the front, I catch the small orders and compliments she gives each of the girls when they move and rotate. She’s incredible.
My gut twists. This is the first time I’ve ever seen her in her element. And now I regret all the missed time I could have seen this. Seen how absolutely made for this she is.
No more wasted time. Ever again.
Lily sticks the final landing of an outlandishly high jump, and the crowd erupts. Even William stands to applaud.
After everything calms, groups of other teams file out onto the floor, all clustering up. Some sit in tight circles, others are in loose staggered sitting groups.
“This is for the winners,” Mina whispers in my ear.
“This soon?”
She nods, raising her eyebrows and bunching up her shoulders. “I’m so nervous.”
I’m not. Even though I didn’t get to watch any of the other teams, there’s no fucking way EFH didn’t win. They fucking killed it. My eyes find Lily standing on the outside of their circle. Their hands are interlocked, and she’s speaking to all of them with their heads inclined toward her. I make out the words proud and phenomenal, and I couldn’t agree with her more.
The announcer’s voice echoes through the stadium with his announcements. “First, we would like to give a round of applause for all the performances here today—amazing job, ladies and gentlemen. We would also like to thank our sponsors for making this event possible and continuing to support the cheerleading community. At this time we would like to announce our third place winners... Astigo Valley High. Nice job, ladies.”
The team with sea-foam green stands, waving at the crowd before moving to the front of the mat to accept a pretty impressive trophy.
“Our second-place winner… Coentuga High. Great job, ladies.”
This time a red team stands, bouncing to the front to accept an even larger trophy.
My eyes leave the red team and snap back to Lily, whose eyes are on me. Her face is impassive, and while that scares the shit out of me, I don’t care. I mouth it anyway because I want her to hear it from me first. “You won. Congratulations. You killed it.”
Her hand lifts to her mouth before rubbing the tip of her nose. But that’s it. My heart jackhammers in my chest, but I don’t allow my thoughts to wander. To doubt. Instead, I hold on to my chair’s armrest and focus on the announcer’s voice.
“And your RCA, Regional Champs in the northwest division, with a ninety-three point seven five, Emerald Falls High School!”
The crowd erupts, even louder than when they were introduced, and the everyone in the stands jumps to their feet, myself included. The Emerald Falls cheerleaders jump, celebrating their victory, and in the middle of it all, my eyes find her.
A shot of cannon confetti sounds in the air, raining down as my heart thunks in my chest, begging me to go to her now.
I want to jump over the fucking railing, past the judge’s table, and grab her.
So I do.
My hands grip the cold metal railing, and my muscles tense as my feet leave the ground. I land the three-foot jump and bound past the long table, ignoring the hollers of Mina, William, and a group of security guards now trailing after me.
I reach the mat and jerk to a stop. My chest heaves, adrenaline shooting through my nerves with a force so strong my body shudders. The group of girls doing the small celebration look at me, mouth ajar. Lily rotates, eyes connecting with mine.
Everything I had planned to say evaporates in the heat swirling between us. The part of me that always lets her choose what she wants to do rears its head—whispering how stupid I am. How this isn’t going to work. To turn my dumbass around and walk back to the stands.
But I don’t. Not this fucking time.
“Lily. Since the day I first saw you, with that yellow ribbon tied in your hair, flying behind you in the wind, I knew. Right then and there. But if I didn’t, you showed me the next week when I went into that treehouse and never wanted to leave. You’ve been with me through the roughest times of my life, even when you weren’t physically there. You’re so many wonderful things bundled into a spicy little ball of fire, and fuck, Lily, being without you feels like being without the sun.”
Lily’s eyes slowly well with a wall of tears, or maybe it’s my own eyes, but she doesn’t stop me. She just stares. Everyone stares, waiting. I greedily swallow some air before saying what I should have said the day she told me not to move to Emerald Falls.
“I would never hurt you, Lily. I need you to trust me when I say that because it’s always been you. Yesterday, today, tomorrow. For the rest of my fucking life. It will always be you. And I am so in love with you I—”
“I love you too.”
“Lily, I promise you I didn’t... wait. What?”
The ends of her perfect lips curl, those chestnut eyes glimmering with amusement. “I said I love you too, Spence.”
Is it possible that your heart can explode with happiness, but you somehow live through it? Because mine does. It swells in my chest and pushes so hard into my ribs, I have to hold a hand to it to keep it inside. Relief, euphoria, bliss. Everything surges through my body until I feel the tear slide down my cheek, matching the ones trailing down hers.
I scoop her in my arms, the sudden screams and cheers of the crowd finally registering as we twirl around, her giggles muffled in my neck. A second round of confetti cannons ring out, showering us in the gold and black of Emerald Falls. And when Lily leans back, hands clenching me as if she may fall at any second, I see it.
Her purest form. The one from before, before she needed to put on the facade.
My future. Wrapped in her chestnut eyes.
Our love. Raining down in foil confetti.
This new Lily isn’t some horrible girl, hell-bent on making my life miserable. She’s a fighter, resilient and strong. Lily’s the product of thousands of pounds of pressure molding her into the diamond I couldn’t see. I thought all this time she had lost herself, but really she was blooming into what she’s always been since the day I laid eyes on her.
A queen.
Epilogue
“Oh, you look perfect, mija.”
My aunt Mina beams at me from the bottom of the stares. Her wide brown eyes sparkling with tears that slowly release down her cheek.
I wasn’t going, but
two weeks ago, she helped me pick out the dress. It’s an A-line, long sleeve, and floor-length. The deep emerald stands out beautifully against my skin, which is only showing at my chest with the low V-neck, and at my right leg from the slit that reaches just under my thigh. The heavy fabric is divine, and I purposely didn’t show Spencer so I could see the look on his face right now. And it was so worth it.
His own tux is black, tailored to show every bit of his muscle, and the emerald green pocket square ties it together magnificently. His thick locks are combed back, but a few strands fall over his forehead in a sexy Johnny Depp from Cry-Baby type way, so I won’t dare fix them. His mouth is parted, and I have to bite the inside of my lip to keep from smiling at how fast his chest heaves and falls.
When I’ve made it to the end of the stairs, he still hasn’t spoken and my aunt Mina jabs him in the ribs. “Boy, if you don’t—”
“I’m sorry, it’s just,” he pauses, his smile finally splitting his face and bringing his delicious dimples out. “It’s just when I don’t think you can get any more beautiful, you always make me feel stupid and show me you can.”
His words swirl in my chest before blooming on my cheeks. “You are many things, Spencer Hanes, but stupid isn’t one of them.”
I reach up, kissing him on the edge of his mouth. His hand snakes around my back, holding me in place so he can admire me up close. He lowers his voice to a whisper. “As long as one of those things is being yours, I’m happy.”
“Bet your ass you are.”
He laughs through his nose before releasing me and digging into his pocket. “I got you something. I wanted to give this to you our freshman year because I planned to add to it…”
He pulls out a large white square box before turning it to face me and pops it open. Inside, resting on a pillow of fluffy black velvet is a gorgeous medium twist charm bracelet with two charms. The first is the one I’ve been missing for months since I threw it at him. The second is a small masquerade mask. I feel my eyebrows furrow as my finger traces over the intricate piece of silver.
“Because our prom is masquerade-themed?”
He chuckles, taking it out of the box, and holds his hand out for my wrist. “Purely coincidental. It signifies the mask you wore. It’s something I don’t want you to forget because it takes a truly strong person to endure everything that you have in your life. It helped you shield your heart from any more hurt, keeping it intact until I came back.” His hand connects with mine, sending shivers up my forearm.
I’m thankful my sleeves are long, so he doesn’t notice the gaggle of goose bumps. He clasps it on before locking our fingers together. “But I’m here, and it’s my job to protect it from now on.”
He smiles at me once more before turning me to face my aunt. She has a large camera covering her eyes, but the tears flowing from underneath and her shaking shoulders reveal what’s happening behind it.
“Mina.”
“Just smile, you silly girl.”
So I do. We take at least thirty-five pictures, in way too many poses, before finally, she comes from behind her shield, a blubbering mess. I wrap my arms around her, squeezing as I rock us back and forth, humming one of Blaze’s tunes that always calms me down.
She cries a little more before grabbing onto my face, but careful not to mess up my makeup. “I am so, so, so proud of you, mija.”
I can feel the prickling at the back of my eyes, threatening to mess up my mascara, so I kiss her cheek and smile. “Thank you. For everything.”
She shoos me away with her hand, grabbing a tissue from inside her shirt. “Hush hush. It’s my job. Now, here. Don’t forget your masks.”
Mina hands us our half-black masks. Mine is lace with hints of the same emerald green as my dress, while Spencer’s is matte. His phone rings just as Mina finishes securing it around my face.
It’s hard for me to grasp just one emotion that’s flitting through my body at this moment. But there is one I notice a little more because I haven’t felt it ever before.
Peace. There’s a serene aura swirling around me, almost lifting me off the ground. It’s knowing that life is full of shitty things, and even though I could handle it by myself, I don’t have to. Not anymore.
Mina gives me one last once-over before Spencer leans in, kissing her on the cheek. “We won’t be back late. Promise.”
She laughs. “Oh, I know. Or else I’ll have those testiculos of yours and feed them to the dog next door.”
We walk outside to a rumbling black truck that vibrates my entire driveway. For a second, I wonder how in the hell I’m even going to get inside. As though Spencer can read my mind, he squeezes my hand and winks. “Easy stunt to a frequent flyer.”
My heart flutters, and I lean up to kiss him. Ever since regionals, he’s come to every practice and watched all of my recorded tapes. I have to force myself not to look at him at performances because it trips me up every time I do. He looks at me as if I’m the most magnificent thing he’s ever seen, and it melts my mind into mush.
One of the dark tinted windows rolls down, and a green-eyed devil appears. William has since taken an interest in being Spencer’s shadow, and it was surprisingly easy for us to forget our past encounters. Especially with him popping up almost every weekend and he never misses a chance to ogle my aunt. Luckily though, he disappears when Amora’s around, unable to put up with her sharp tongue before getting worked up.
“Heya sugar. You look goooood. You too, Lily!”
Spencer rolls his eyes, and I laugh as we pile inside. Remy sits tucked away in the back seat. A phenomenal bloodred sleeveless dress that sparkles in the low light of the truck and clings to her like a second skin. “Remy, you look hot.”
Her small face turns nearly the same color as her dress, a timid smile sweeping across her face. “Thank you. You too, Lily. You guys look perfect.”
“Alright, alright. Let’s blow this popsicle stand. Score me some…” William clears his throat, looking at Remy in the rearview. “After I get you home, of course.”
She grins for a moment before hugging herself around the middle. I wait until we’ve pulled off, and the boys are talking about potato distribution before turning to her.
“Hey, so I read a lot of manga when I was younger and haven’t really had time for it lately. But with summer around the corner, I thought about opening my reading horizons and wondered if you could give me any recommendations.”
Remy’s face lights up like the fourth of July. Her hands wave around as she talks, and she goes off on at least four tangents, describing six different genres until I pick one. “Oh, I think I like the broken alpha one. That sounds interesting.”
She beams, her cheeks swelling so much her eyes seal shut. “Yes, that’s one of my favorites.”
By the time we reach the school, she’s ordered three books online and created a buddy reading schedule, totally forgetting how uncomfortable she was. Spencer pauses and shoots me an appreciative smile, but I wave it off. In the short time I’ve gotten to know her, it’s easy to see why he became friends with Remy. She’s a pure type of person. The bright light that will sit with you in the darkest of rooms until you get up and walk to the door.
We pile out of the car and walk toward the school, which is booming—spilling music, and light into the dark parking lot, leading us into the good time it promises. I notice Blaze standing at the entrance across from the last-minute ticket booth. His dark suit is tailored perfectly, and for once, he doesn’t look so broody. I lean into Spencer, reaching up on my tiptoes. “I’ll be right back. Get the ticket for William, and I’ll meet you right inside.”
He nods, capturing my lips with his. The stampede of butterflies never gets old. They flap around with excitement until I’m dizzy from his smell.
Finally, he releases me, and after catching my bearings, I meet Blaze with a hug. “You look handsome.”
“And you are stunning.”
I don’t want to, but I grit my teeth and ask what
I’m wondering. “Waiting on Stacy?”
After her confession of trying to ruin the team tat I busted my ass for she lost her spot as next year’s captain and decided to just quit. Waste of talent, if you ask me, but not being associated with the team gave Amora free rein when she ran into her late after school one day. I told the girl to let it go, something I excel at thanks to Dr. Floren, but she’s a firecracker through and through. Once you light the fuse, there’s no turning back.
“Amora, actually.”
My head snaps up so fast it pops. “What?”
He grins, pushing some hair away from his face. “It’s not like that. She wants to make some dude jealous.”
My eyebrows furrow as I try to figure out who Amora would want to make jealous. Shit, the only guy she can’t get her nails into is Blaze. Just then, I notice the blue in Blaze’s eye twinkle. It’s subtle, but his jaw tightens, forcing me to follow his line of sight.
Remy.
Whipping back around, his face becomes impassive. And I can tell he doesn’t want me to say anything. So I don’t. But I know what I saw. It was a crack.
Once there is a crack in the masks we wear, it’s only a matter of time before the whole thing shatters, exposing who we really are. The ugly, filthy truths we hide underneath. And if anyone can love Blaze’s bruises and show him how to love them.
It’s her.
He clears his throat, shifting on his feet. “So, Solace, huh?”
I nod, wiping a stray piece of lint from his jacket. “Yep. The first years have been paid, and I’ve already started applying for scholarships after that. Plus, I’ll be able to save everything I make from coaching cheer to the little league girls.”
Blaze smiles again, and I remind myself vaguely to play the lottery later. “I’m proud of you, Lil. Now go have fun with your rook.”
“What?”
He huffs, the corner of his lips curling up. “Kings are lazy. Make everyone else surround them and do all the work. Can’t protect their queen like a rook can.”
