“Rahovart—he’s a pretty decent guy. This is his house. He’s been helping me a lot with Alastor, the bad Demon.” Etta made it sound so nonchalant, as if she were talking about some boy at school she wanted to go on a date with and tried to convince her father that it was purely innocent.
John, for once, wouldn’t be getting his daughter off the Demon topic. If he wanted to know what was truly going on, he would have to bend his beliefs. He sat quietly staring at the floor, thinking of his next move. Etta and I both waited patiently for his response.
“Okay, say I believe all of this. Does this good Demon know why this Alastor one is bothering you and giving us so much trouble?” It wasn’t the response I wanted, but it was a good start.
“Rahovart, or Ra, as he prefers to be called, thinks you did something bad that released Alastor while you were deployed.” Etta seemed impressed with herself as she pronounced each syllable of my name properly.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me this is what you see and believe, Etta.” John pulled Etta up from his chest and stared into her eyes.
“It’s all true, Dad.”
“Okay, so what does Ra-ho-vart—did I say that right?” Etta gave a small nod. “So what does he say to do to get rid of the bad Demon?”
“I can possibly answer that if I knew what he did to release him.” I directed my answer to Etta.
“Well, he says he needs to know what you could have done that was bad enough to release him.”
“You know I don’t tell war stories, baby. What happens there stays there, plus it’s nothing your ears need to hear. Your friend is going to have to figure out another way to get rid of him.”
“Dad, I’m a big girl. I can handle it. If you tell us, maybe we could end it all. I told you what you wanted to know. Maybe you could do the same for me.”
John rested his head in his hands and took in a few deep breaths. She gave me a what-do-I-do-now look behind his back.
“Ask him one last time. If he doesn’t talk, Etta, I’ll be forced to do a deep walkthrough on him.” I completely bluffed but I had to get her to push him harder.
“Dad, please tell us.” She tugged John’s shoulder.
“Us?” John nervously chuckled. He didn’t believe Etta for a moment. “Fine, okay, God help me for what I’ve done.” Great—that name again.
“Only one situation comes to mind. It happened before I came home the last time and everything went bad on the home front. There was a small village outside of Kholm, Iraq, that was hit pretty hard by a group of insurgents. They were taking the young boys to Al Qaeda training camps and killing whoever tried to stop them. We were sent in to defuse the threat and restore day-to-day life for the people. Everything went according to plan. We stayed in the village for a few weeks getting to know the people and distributing supplies, blankets, and food. The people welcomed us into their homes and treated us like heroes. I met a twelve-year-old girl named Badria. She reminded me so much of you, Etta. She had your spunk, determination, and your big heart.
“But like all good things, it had to come to an end. Other people needed our help. The people cried as we marched out of the village to our next assignment. As we were leaving, the insurgents were returning. They knew we couldn’t do a thing unless they shot at one of us. Behind us you could hear the cries and screams of women and children. As I looked back, I saw three men gathered around Badria as she cried over her father’s body. When one grabbed her by her hair and threw her on the ground, I lost it. I ran back toward the village, shooting as I went. My men followed me, shooting as well. Insurgents don’t wear uniforms like we do and with the chaos of everything going on, you couldn’t tell who was who. I shot a man in the back. He turned to see who had shot him before taking his last breath. It was Rammi, Badria’s uncle. He cradled her in his arms trying to flee from the gunfire. The bullet passed through his chest and into Badria’s head. Innocent lives were lost because I didn’t follow the rules of engagement.
“When we returned to our camp, I lied and said they opened fire on us. Many of my men lied for me and now they have to live with the guilt of what I did and the guilt of what they did because of my reckless decisions. Washington knew we were lying, but because of my ‘impeccable’ record, they decided to demote me to gunny and threw me into a desk job instead of into Leavenworth where I belonged. Most of my men lost their careers.”
I never saw John as a crying man, but when a tear fell from his face as he spoke, I knew exactly what Alastor was feeding off of. The blood on his hands and his guilt made John a perfect endless source of dark energy for a Demon. Anytime he stopped producing, all Alastor had to do was antagonize John through René and Etta to stir up his soul. John became a source no Demon would ever give up willingly. If Alastor returned, it would be a life or death battle for him. Without a source, Alastor would have no choice but to return home. I couldn’t kill John just to get rid of Alastor so I could save Etta. I hoped John would give me an easy fix, but all he did was make the situation ten times more complicated.
“I shouldn’t be telling you this. I should get to bed and so should you. We’ll finish talking in the morning.” John stood up and kissed Etta on the forehead.
“Good night, Dad.”
“Good night, baby. I love you.” John’s face hung heavy with worry. He’d just spilled all of his inner demons to his daughter. No father would want his daughter to see him as a monster, but when Etta replied, “Love you, too, Dad,” John released a small sigh of relief.
Chapter Twelve
Etta plopped back onto her bed and stared at the ceiling for a few moments. I wished I could hear her thoughts. Her father had just admitted to being a murderer for all practical purposes, though that was not how I viewed him. I truly believed John only tried to save the village, but his fervor and some help from a desperate Alastor turned what should have been a heroic act into a bloodbath. Many men have unknowingly fallen from grace in the name of the greater good. Now, hopefully Etta would see that her father was just the victim of blurred lines between good and evil.
“What are you thinking?” I asked as I lay down next to her on the bed.
“Can a person still go to Heaven even if they’ve killed someone?”
“Well, I’m not in the business of getting people to Heaven, Etta. That’s the last place I want them to go,” I reluctantly replied.
“Even if it were me?” Etta stared hard at me with watery eyes, looking right into my blackened soul. I never gave much thought to where her soul would go, except to stop her from mistakenly giving it to me.
“That is a choice for you to make. I can’t force you to choose a side. I can only put the temptations in front of you.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“What do you want me to say? I want to see you burn in the depths of Hell? You’ll never hear that from me. Only you and your actions can decide where you go when you leave this world.”
“I would go if it meant I could be with you, you know.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” As much as I would have loved for that to be the case, her comment angered me. I couldn’t imagine a person like her becoming something like me.
“I know that when you’re around, I feel safe nothing could ever hurt me. I get butterflies in my stomach when you touch me. I know your soul, Ra. I don’t know how, but I know. I knew it the second I saw you. You weren’t meant for this existence. You fought for good once, and I’m certain you will again.” Etta was strong in words. She spoke with solid confidence. She described what I felt.
“There’s no going back, Etta. Once you’re damned, you can’t go back. I’m worse than a sinner…I’m a fallen. Fallen are never forgiven.”
“How do you know if you don’t remember what you did before being here?”
There are just some things in this world you can’t explain to a person, and this was one. I may not have shown her the extent of how awful I could be, but she was a fool for thinking I
could be “saved.”
“Let’s talk about something else.” I gritted my razor sharp teeth so hard one snapped.
“What did you have in mind?” Etta rolled over onto her stomach, resting her chin in the palms of her hands. I didn’t really have anything in mind. I racked my brain trying to come up with something but what Etta said threw me for a loop. My brain fixated on the fact that what started out as just another tenant to scare away had morphed into a young girl falling in love with a beast and the beast loving her back.
“What kind of music do you like?” Etta asked, snapping me out of my deep thoughts.
“Not one particular kind. I’ve heard the radio and seen music videos over the years. There’re a few good songs out there, but most of it is just noise to me.”
“Like what?”
“I like that Discovery Channel song.” I smiled.
“Oh my God, the bad touch song? Really? Figures it’d be a dirty one. You’re such a pervert.”
“Stop saying that name around me!”
“Oops. Sorry, didn’t know it bothered you.” Etta rolled her eyes at my reaction.
“I fight for the other team, my dear, so logic would tell you I am probably not very fond of the big guy.”
I thought for sure my aggressiveness would start another match between us, but Etta just let out a laugh and turned the subject back to music. “It’s an okay song, I guess, the bad touch song. At least you don’t listen to mariachi music or something.”
“Well, what’s one of your favorites?” I asked.
“I have a lot of favorites, everything from classical to metal. My all-time favorite band though is definitely Gogol Bordello. They’re a blend between folk music and punk rock.”
“Ooh, rock and metal…the Devil’s music.” I laughed while wiggling my fingers toward Etta to imply some evil.
We stayed up for hours talking the night away about everything under the sun, except our pasts. We talked about her upcoming graduation and the goals she had afterward, then the conversation flowed from anorexia and moved onto race cars. I had to shush Etta a few times because she laughed loud enough to wake up her father. I watched as she painted her toenails a glittery purple, and I even allowed her to paint my claws black. I found it a little silly since my claws were already a dusty shade of black, but she ensured me the shimmer of the paint would make them look better. No amount of nail polish could change what I was, but if it made her feel more comfortable with me, I could be okay with it.
I lost myself in our moments together and wished for more. Her radiant smile, bubbly personality, and witty humor could win over even the hardest of hearts. Just talking to Etta like a normal person was a refreshing change from my normal nights of bringing sheer terror to the living. For one night I felt human.
“I love this song!” At seven a.m. her alarm went off to the sound of BTO’s “Taking Care of Business.” Etta jumped out of bed and started lip-synching to her hair brush. She had me laughing so hard with her uncoordinated dance moves and scrunched up facial expressions as she rocked her hairbrush. Caught up in the moment, I got up and started to do my best impression of dancing with her. She proved much better at it than I was. So there we were acting like fools, trying to sing as we giggled when John walked in.
“Hey. Rocking out already, I see.”
“Oh, hey, Dad.” Etta rushed to turn the music down on her clock radio.
“René will be here shortly to get her stuff. After that, I thought we’d go on a short trip. We’ll just be gone a couple of days, so pack light.”
“Sounds great, Dad.”
As John closed the door, Etta and I burst into laughter. Embarrassment was not an emotion I felt, but I could recognize it a mile away. It was absolutely adorable on Etta as her face turned a light shade of pink. My feelings for Etta were getting stronger with every passing second, which further complicated things. All thoughts of getting rid of her once Alastor was out of the picture for good ceased. I wanted Etta more than anything in the world. As wrong as it would be, I would damn her soul to see her smile every day for all eternity.
“Well, I guess I’ll pack. What are you going to do?”
“I’ll sit here and get some rest while you’re gone.” I hadn’t told Etta that Alastor could still be around and that he’d dodged his Tribunal. Once he healed from his wound, I would probably have to fight him. I should have been resting instead of playing sleepover all night, but I wouldn’t trade the time I had with Etta for anything.
“You need a lot of rest, don’t you?”
“Physical contact with you takes a lot out of me.”
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I guess I could try to keep my hands off of you, but with those gorgeous green eyes it’ll be hard.”
“It’s okay. Wait. What did you just say?” I gazed at Etta in confusion.
“What?”
“You said my green eyes?”
“Yeah?” Etta appeared just as confused as I was.
“My eyes aren’t green. Etta, what do you see when you look at me?”
“I see a tall, dark, handsome man with beautiful blond hair and green eyes.” Etta wrapped her arms around my mid-section and gave me a tight squeeze.
Something wasn’t right. Demons had an ability called illusion. We could make a person see whatever we wanted them to. The problem was I hadn’t used illusion on Etta. Something else did. Alastor! He played me from day one, and now I’d been blinded by a girl who I’d thought saw past my monstrous appearance. Etta fell in love with the image of someone else and not me. How could I be so stupid? Pushing Etta away, I stormed off to the closet door.
“Ra? What’s wrong?” Etta called out.
“Nothing. Pack your things before your father gets upset.”
“Tell me what’s wrong?” Etta pleaded. My anger boiled up. I was made a fool for a game I wanted no part in. Alastor probably sat somewhere in the house laughing at me and my foolish idea of Etta possibly loving me for what I am. Flashing to Etta, I towered over. She cowered until she bent at the knees.
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong! You’re what’s wrong, Etta. I can’t believe for one second I believed you cared about me, that you saw past what I am. All you see is something that isn’t real. You pretended to love me for how you thought I looked, not for me.” Etta balled up on the floor as she did when René attacked her. Angry at myself, I let out a roar, shaking the room around us. Seeing her in a ball on the floor was heart-wrenching. Only a few breaths ago, I would have done anything to call her my own, to protect her, and now I hurt her again. Before she could turn to me with those hypnotic eyes, I flashed to the attic. No amount of drywall and insulation could block out the sounds of Etta’s sobbing below.
“Good to go?” John’s voice rang out. He must have been outside packing the car when I unleashed my roar.
“I’ll be right down.” Etta tried to sound like her normal self, but I could tell she was still crying by the strain in her voice.
The tingle returned to my stomach so strongly that I could only describe it as painful. I hadn’t meant to hurt Etta. I simply got so angry that I released all my anxiety, frustrations, and doubts on her. She had been played as a pawn in a game she couldn’t truly grasp. Now, if there was ever a chance she could see past the real me, it vanished. Although I was upset at myself, I was happy to hear Etta would be leaving. I needed to get my head on straight and find Alastor. He would pay severely for making me his clown and using Etta to do it.
“Ra?” Etta’s head poked through the opening.
“Go away.”
“No.” Etta pulled herself into the attic. “Look, I don’t know what I said that was so bad, but I’m sorry.”
“You don’t get it. It’s not what you said. It’s what you see when you look at me. It’s not the real me. So just go before we do any more damage.” I let out a grunt as the tingling intensified twofold.
“What I see doesn’t matter, Ra. It’s what I feel
and I’ve already told you how I feel.”
“You say that now, but Alastor is alive and here. He used illusion on you to make you believe that I look different than I do. What happens when you get a glimpse of the real me, when the illusion wears off? What then, Etta? You’re going to still love a black-scaled serpent? I don’t believe so. You humans are so superficial.”
“But, he’s not here now, Ra.”
“Alastor is very much alive and around, Etta. He’s probably laughing at us both right now as we speak.”
“I know how you look, Ra.” Etta grabbed my hands and held them tightly as her gaze fixed on mine. “I saw the other you when you attacked René for hurting me. I saw it when you were talking to Alastor and Gabriel. I saw it when you just yelled at me. I know you don’t have the best teeth and look a lot like a mutant dragon with some funky horns. I know your eyes are blood red and your hands resemble dinosaur claws more than human hands, but when we talk, when we just sit and talk, I see the real you. The one you hide inside of you. The beast you are now is not who you are. So, you don’t need to hide it from me anymore. It won’t change how I feel about you.”
Leaning my forehead on hers, I listened to her heart. “Don’t lie to me, Etta.” I whispered. Her heart raced, but not the way it would if she were lying. Something else made her heart beat rapidly out of control. Could it be her love for me or did she fear me now?
“I’m not lying to you, Ra. I know it’s silly, but I think I’m in love with you.”
Those words shouldn’t have affected me, but they did. I couldn’t contain my feelings anymore. I pulled Etta into me, kissing her with everything I had. “I love you, too,” I growled.
“Shut up and just kiss me.” The passion that burned between us blazed hotter than any Hell I had known.
“Etta! Let’s go!” John called out.
“I’ll be back in a couple of days,” Etta said through each smack of our lips. I didn’t want to let her go, but I had to. As she walked to the opening of the closest, I flashed over to Etta, kissing her again.
The Demon Side Page 8
