by Addison Fox
Kate felt the reassuring press of his hand at her back and allowed him to guide her toward their table. And with each step farther away from her new “friends” her blood boiled, rising in response to a new target.
Toward the man who hadn’t done anything in her defense.
“Charming women.”
“They’re just looking for trouble.”
“And you so neatly provided it for them.”
Jason stilled, his dark gaze colliding with hers. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You needed to bring up Alaska here? Tonight?”
“It’s where you’re from.”
“And since everyone here knows Grier, you think maybe you could have worked on that story a bit better?”
The light tinkle of his mother’s laughter interrupted whatever he was going to say and Jason simply pulled out her chair. “We’ll discuss this later.”
Count on it, Kate thought to herself as she reached for her napkin and settled it in her lap.
• • •
Ninety long minutes later, Kate escaped to the ladies’ room to freshen up. The news that she was dating her half sister’s ex-fiancé took about fifteen minutes to circulate in full force. It then took about another fifteen minutes—that slight lull between salad and the main course—for at least six people to come over and introduce themselves to her and Jason.
By dessert, she’d run the gauntlet of curious stares and not so subtle questions as another dozen folks made a point to visit their table.
Kate opened her clutch to grab her lipstick and caught sight of her phone. Snagging that instead, she turned it on with the intention of sending Grier a quick text.
And found one from her sister instead: How’s the belle of the ball doing? Have you met Pammie and Mandy yet? If not, avoid them like the plague.
Her throat tightened as she hammered out a quick reply: Turning into a pumpkin and it’s not even mid—
“I saw you walk in here.”
Kate looked up midtext to find Grier’s mother standing next to her in the empty bathroom.
“Ms. Thompson. I didn’t know you were here.”
“Please call me Patty. And I wanted to get over and say hello earlier but you and Jason had quite the crowd.”
Kate didn’t miss the blatant eye roll—or the gentle smile—as Patty opened her small evening bag and began her own touch-up session.
Why, Kate had no idea, as the woman’s skin was flawless.
Patty faced the mirror and focused on the contents of her thin compact. Her words were casual—two friends having a quick chat—but Kate heard the steel underneath. “This is a brutal crowd. How are you holding up?”
“I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“Of course.”
“I spoke with Grier earlier and she said you’d be here. This is the first big event of the season.”
“Clearly a lot of people love opera.”
Patty waved a hand. “Pish. People love to get dressed up and gossip. The opera’s a handy excuse.”
While Kate appreciated the honesty and what felt like a social olive branch, she couldn’t figure out Patty’s angle. Grier hadn’t shared much about her mother, other than the fact that she was fairly cold and reserved. The woman standing next to hear was almost conciliatory in her comments.
“It’s a lovely event.”
Patty’s shrewd gaze narrowed but she said nothing, focusing on a reapplication of her lipstick instead.
Kate focused on her own lipstick and had nearly completed the feminine ritual when Patty’s soft voice washed over her. “They don’t matter, you know.”
“Who doesn’t matter?”
“Everyone who’s not you and Jason.”
The words caught Kate up short and her own response was out before she could stop it. “You sound like a woman who speaks from experience.”
“Oh darling, you have no idea.”
She actually did have an idea, but Kate thought it more discrete to say nothing. The woman standing before her had been the great love of her father’s life.
Not her own mother.
There’d been enough time to deal with that simple fact so that it didn’t sting as it once had, but Kate still couldn’t say she was exactly comfortable with it, either.
“I need to get back out there or my date will send in a search party. He’s so damned attentive,” Patty shook her head, “but at least he’s attractive.”
“Oh.”
“Exactly.” Patty took out a small card and pressed it in her hand. “Here’s my contact information just so you have it. But let’s plan on meeting up tomorrow morning. I don’t live far from your apartment. There’s a coffee shop on the corner of Park and Forty-Seventh.”
Kate nodded. “I know the one.”
“Good. I’ll see you at eight.”
Before she could even think to decline or make some excuse, Patrice Thompson, aka Pattycakes to all who knew and loved her, was out the door.
• • •
Jason tossed his cufflinks on the dresser and they hit the dark wood with a heavy thud. The unease he’d felt in the limo on the way to the event was nothing compared to the cold shoulder he’d received since they’d left.
“You want to talk about tonight?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Kate’s voice—prim, proper and pissed—made an iceberg look warm.
He let out a resigned sigh before turning around to face her. His stomach tightened at the vision she made across the room. She stood in nothing but her bra and panties, her hair framing her face like an angel, the butterfly still nestled at her throat.
God, she took his breath away.
It wasn’t simply the lines of her body, either, although he never failed to appreciate her sexy figure. But it was so much more.
She made him feel like he mattered. The way she looked at him, listened to him, told him things. He knew he mattered to her.
Which was why he couldn’t understand how he still managed to keep fucking things up. They’d go a few days with everything seemingly perfect and then another battle would spark.
He knew his life wasn’t an easy one—and had expected she’d have an adjustment in coming here—but he thought she was prepared. That she understood what she was getting into.
Could he have truly been wrong about that?
On a soft sigh, he acknowledged the elephant that had sat between them all evening. “I know you’re upset but I don’t fully understand why. It’s something about Pammie and Mandy. Why are you so bothered?”
“You didn’t defend me.”
“Defend you how?”
She grabbed a thin silk robe from the end of the bed and wrapped herself up in it, along with a good dose of anger. “Those women were looking for dirt and you served it up on a silver platter.”
Their interrupted conversation from just before they sat down to dinner went winging through the room. As he took it on the chest, Jason realized he was itching for a bit of a fight himself.
“Would you rather I lied about it? About you and where you’re from?”
“I just don’t think you had to make it quite so easy for them.”
“Easy?” A harsh laugh escaped her at that. “What about us is easy, Kate? I used to be engaged to your sister. We were clear on that from the first. It’s why we both shied away and danced around the attraction.” Not for long, he acknowledged to himself, but it had still been a barrier between them.
“Now so is everyone else.”
“I’m not ashamed of it.”
Her eyes narrowed at that. “I didn’t say you were.”
“Well then, are you?”
The words dropped into the middle of the room, hammering both of them with enough blunt force to fell a tree.
• • •
Was she ashamed?
Jason’s words took root in her mind and she quickly turned them over, testing their weight. “No, of course not.”
“Are you sure?”
“I know what I feel.”
He moved closer and she knew that would be the end for her. The sight of him—the underlying attraction that lit the depths of his eyes when they were together—always conspired to calm her down, reducing the fire in her belly to a dull discomfort that she brushed away because of all the recent changes in her life.
Losing her father and learning about Grier. Finding Jason and moving to New York.
She’d excuse away her anger over something and they’d go back to normal for a few days and then it would rear right back up between them.
“Then what is it? What can I do to make it better?”
The urge to brush it away once more nearly had her replying with some little platitude to get them back on track, but something held her back as an image of Patty’s face in the mirror assailed her with vivid clarity.
They don’t matter, you know. Everyone who’s not you and Jason.
Jason sat next to her on the bed. “Please tell me what’s wrong. If I know, I can try to fix it.”
Nothing did matter except she and Jason and she knew that. But putting voice to the words was harder than she had ever imagined. “I feel out of my depth here all the time.”
“Why?”
“It’s like when I’m with you—when it’s just us—everything’s perfect. And then I get around your parents and your friends and I freeze up.”
“Those people tonight were not my friends.”
“They’re your social circle. You spend time with them. Know them. Attend their parties. They are your friends, Jason.”
“They’re acquaintances at best and they’re a required part of my professional life. Trust me, I’d much rather stay home most of the time.”
She heard something under his words but couldn’t quite place it. “Then why don’t you?”
The fires of his anger he’d banked as they both calmed down flared again at the fresh comment. “So now we’re going back to that?”
“We never finished the discussion.”
“I have a commitment to my legacy, Kate. I can’t just walk away from that.”
“What about your commitment to yourself? There are a lot of ways to be successful.”
“I’m doing what I want to.”
“Are you? Because if you were, I don’t think this conversation would irritate you so damn bad.”
He stood and paced the room, stripping off his shirt as he went. “I’m sure. I’ve worked fucking long and hard to get where I am.”
“It doesn’t mean you can’t want something else.”
He stopped pacing and turned to face her from across the room. “Who says I want anything else?”
“You’re the one who said the evening was a chore.”
“I said I’d rather stay home. There’s a difference.” Before she replied, he walked into his closet. As he disappeared, her interest in talking about the chasm between them fled too.
She wouldn’t be dismissed and that was exactly what he was doing every time she brought up his father and his job.
Kate knew love and relationships weren’t perfect, no matter how well-matched the couple. But she wouldn’t tolerate being ignored.
Her mother had lived like that, dismissing the things she didn’t want to deal with. The battle was good and active when she wanted to discuss it, but the moment she lost interest, she’d shut down. Kate had seen her father fight it, time and again, and she’d be damned if she’d repeat the cycle.
With a terrible sadness weighing down her limbs, she climbed into bed. In the quiet, she had the thought she’d dreaded since arriving in New York. A thought that had grown louder and louder as their relationship began to crumble.
Maybe it was time to go home.
Chapter Seven
Patty ran one smooth fingernail down her perfectly folded napkin that sat beside her half-drunk cup of black coffee. She’d arrived early, a sleepless night and a shocking amount of nerves forcing her out of bed long before she and Kate were scheduled to meet.
She’d made a point to follow Kate to the ladies’ room the evening before. In fact the bright smile the girl wore like battle armor still tugged at her heart. It shocked her how much the girl looked like Grier.
It shocked her even more to see Jonas Winston in each and every line of Kate’s face.
And in the way she moved.
And in her smile.
A strange hitch in her breathing caught Patty up short and she reached for her coffee in an attempt to compose herself.
The thoughts of Jonas had been far more frequent over the last few months. The man she’d worked almost her entire life to forget had come back into their lives the previous fall with the news of his death.
The memories had come back in full force then, but they’d been so painful—and persistent—since she’d visited Grier in Alaska the previous January.
And now she was having coffee with Jonas’s other daughter.
The one he’d known and loved every day.
The one whose mother he’d made a life with.
Kate walked into the coffee house and Patty stood and waved her over. The bright smile and vivid gray eyes were another reminder of the man Patty had loved, but she pushed those feelings aside in favor of giving help where she was able.
She had plenty of hours with her own company to think about all the things she could have done differently with Jonas. For now, she had a chance to help his child and that was worth something. Penance? Atonement?
Or perhaps just the right thing to do.
“Patty.” Kate opened her arms for a hug and Patty was surprised how easy it was to pull the girl close, wrapping her up for the briefest moment.
“I’m glad you could meet me.” They took their seats and their waitress came over quickly to take Kate’s order.
“I appreciate the invitation.”
“I’m just sorry it’s taken me this long to extend one. I’ve been traveling a bit since I got back from Alaska and, well—” she broke off, unwilling to lie, but not sure how to explain why she’d hesitated to make one simple phone call.
“It’s awkward.”
Kate’s gray eyes were clear of any ill will or anger and instead, all Patty saw was a refreshing honesty. “Yes. A bit. It’s funny, though, I don’t feel the least bit uncomfortable, so now I’m kicking myself for waiting so long.”
Their waitress set down Kate’s latte and set down a fresh cup of black coffee for Patty before departing discreetly.
“Do you go to many events like the one last evening?”
“My fair share. It’s funny, I don’t enjoy them nearly as much as I used to.”
“Has something changed?”
“Me, I’m afraid.”
Kate’s eyes were wide over the large mug and heaping of foam at its top. “I see.”
“No, sweetie, you probably don’t. But that’s all right.” At the puzzled smile, Patty continued. “Your father’s come back into my life at a time when I didn’t realize quite how much I needed him.”
“Oh.”
“I’ve spent nearly my entire adult life keeping Jonas Winston in a box in the corner of my heart, barely daring to take the box out and look at it for fear of opening up a wound I didn’t feel I could handle.”
A hard laugh echoed in her throat and Patty knew the joke really was on her. “Imagine my surprise to realize your father was going to have the last laugh.”
“Patty. I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.”
“I’m not sure if I really even understood it myself until recently, but why don’t I try and explain it?”
• • •
Kate stared at the elegant woman and wondered if Patty was all right. Grier had made more than a few jokes at her mother’s expense, but the woman sitting opposite her seemed like the antithesis of the reserved, repressed person her sister had described.
Instead, it seemed as if a switch had flipped and Patty was determined to say some very personal th
ings, despite their casual acquaintance.
“First, I’m talking in riddles.” Patty set her mug down on the small table between them. “So let me begin at the beginning and go from there.”
The story that unfolded was one she’d already heard from Grier, but it somehow seemed more poignant—and real—coming from Patty. She talked of how she’d met Jonas when she worked on a documentary about the Alaska pipeline. He was a worker on the line, and the two had shared an instant chemistry.
As Kate listened to her—now with the framework of how she felt about Jason—the reality of what Patty went through was different, somehow. Instead of thinking her cold, Kate could understand how confused she felt. How hard it was to face her future not knowing what sort of life they could have, especially based on how Patty had been raised.
Kate knew full-well Grier had paid the highest price—one even more costly than Patty or Jonas—but she also knew Patty had suffered for her choices.
And with age, how the chasm that had seemed insurmountable at the time now seemed so simple and almost pointless.
“Do you see, dear?” Patty gripped her hand. “I can’t go back and change my life. I made my choices and I’ve lived with them. I’ve made a life I’ve been happy with, but I know I could have been happier had I stayed. There would have been a dimension to my life that would have let me live far richer and more deeply had I risked myself.”
“Did you feel the obstacles were insurmountable at the time?”
“Yes.”
Kate picked up her mug again, staring at the foamy cream on top before setting it back down. “You know, it’s easy to say that now, but you made a decision at the time based on the information you had to work with. For whatever reason, what you had with my father wasn’t enough.”
“No, Kate. I wasn’t enough.”
“But he wasn’t, either.”
She saw the set of Patty’s shoulders. She leaned forward in interest, yet her back was arrow-straight, as if she were ready to defend Jonas. “Why do you say that, dear?”
“Because if he was, he’d have come after you.”
• • •
Kate wrapped up the pizza she’d ordered for dinner, her morning conversation with Patty swirling through her mind. Although she knew the subject of her father would come up over coffee, Kate hadn’t expected to stir up such difficult thoughts about a man she loved so much.
