by Dale Mayer
“Guys aren’t supposed to …” He fell silent.
“So it’s okay for the so-called weaker sex to cry because we’re supposedly less able to handle trauma? Because we supposedly cry at the drop of a hat?” She smiled as she thought how different the male and female psyches were. “I’ve seen many men cry, and all the more power to them. Much better to cry and let out that emotion than to bottle it up inside where it festers.”
He gave a heavy sigh. “You’re right. I couldn’t deal with anything at the time.”
“That was your right too. I did take it personally when I heard you say you didn’t want anything to do with me and not to let me in. But then you’ve been acting strangely for a few days, and that was just one more blow.”
She could almost hear the wince from his end of the phone. “I have a confession.”
“What is it?” she asked slowly. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear this, but given that they were now talking honestly, she had to listen.
“The other day I walked around the floor, and I paused outside some offices to adjust my prosthetic as it’s been giving me some trouble,” he admitted. “I overheard a conversation about you. Something about a reprimand over me.”
“Oh.” She closed her eyes and reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry you heard that.”
“It brought up all the times that I jumped too far, too fast, and fell. That up until that moment, I hadn’t considered the impact my actions would have on anybody else, particularly you.”
She shook her head, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Don’t worry about that. It wasn’t even so much a reprimand as I made a change to our system because of that. I wasn’t in trouble. I’m not in trouble. It’s all fine.”
He let out a breath, and even over the phone, she could hear the shaky tremor run through his exhale. He’d been worried about it.
“We mentioned it before briefly,” he said. “But we never really discussed it, never went into the details of it. So, when I heard that, it brought up all my insecurities again. If we’d have spoken about it and if we’d have cleared the air the first time, then I could have brushed this off. But we didn’t. Then today, with all that stuff that kept coming up, it seemed like this meeting was more punishment for you, and I didn’t want to hurt you. Knowing you were in trouble over something I was responsible for—I couldn’t deal with it.”
She smiled. “Don’t worry about any of that. Just focus on your healing.”
“Yeah, I would, but my stomach is growling.”
She chuckled. “If you want to meet on the deck, I’ll see if I can rummage up some muffins and maybe something to drink. Hot milk or juice?”
There was silence for a long moment, and then he said, “Can we?”
There was such hope in his voice she laughed out loud. “There are rules, but we’re not prisoners. I’ll get dressed, if you’re up for it, and I’ll meet you in the dining hall.”
“Be there in ten,” he said, and he rang off.
Her heart was lighter than she could’ve imagined when she had first laid down on her bed. She got up and quickly dressed in yoga pants and a light camisole top. Not sure how cold the night was outside, she grabbed a sweater and slipped on her flip-flops. She didn’t have to get formal. It was midnight, after all. As she headed toward the eating area, she walked by the pool deck and thought of all the times she’d considered coming to the pool but hadn’t. That would be a good idea tonight. It might help her fall asleep too. But first she’d spend a little time with Cole. Maybe they could patch up their relationship. If nothing else, her heart felt a whole lot lighter knowing he wasn’t personally pushing her away.
Cole slowly made his way through the dark hallways. A small series of running lights were along the edge of the hall, lighting up the floor so he wouldn’t trip and fall. Although it was midnight, still the odd person wandered around. He avoided all the main areas and headed straight to the dining hall. He was still feeling pretty wrecked, but the thought of seeing Sandra right now, well, that was worth a lot.
He was grateful he’d reached out. He was even more grateful she’d responded. A quiet hum of activity came from the kitchen, and a few lights were on. He hadn’t expected anything to be going on here at this hour but then realized a night staff was on duty. Maybe even kitchen staff, doing prep work or something. He didn’t know. He did know there were a lot of people to feed, so it shouldn’t be a surprise to learn about a night shift in the kitchen too. He wandered to the coffee island and studied the industrial-size maker. It was most likely the worst thing he should have right now.
“No coffee for you,” Sandra said, her light voice coming out of the dim light. “I’ll have a cup of herbal tea. What about you?”
“I haven’t had warm milk since I was a kid,” he said with a smile. “But hot chocolate might not be a bad idea.”
She disappeared into the kitchen, with an air of somebody who lived here, worked here and knew the ins and outs way more than he did. He waited patiently until she came out again a few minutes later.
“One of the staff will deliver it to us,” she said. “Let’s go outside. I want to sit in the moonlight.”
She walked ahead of him, leaving him to make his way behind her. He liked that about her. She didn’t make any attempt to slow down. She walked normally and acted normally. It was up to him to become normal in the way he acted. There was a lot to be said for that.
Outside, the fresh air and moonlight made for a very special atmosphere. He stood there, absorbing the nighttime stillness, the silence broken by the odd chirp of a cricket or the croak of a bullfrog. The night was clear, and he could see the lights twinkling from the pool below. “I’d love to swim at this hour.”
“The pool area isn’t locked,” she said. “But I’m not sure what the rules are for patients. I’m certainly allowed, as somebody who lives here and as part of the in-house staff.” She shrugged. “We can check with Dani in the morning to see what the regulations are should you plan on swimming often at this time of night.”
He nodded and took his place on one of the big benches that wrapped around the entire deck. “This is a good idea,” he said. “Thank you for coming to meet with me.”
“Thank you for texting me.” She leaned forward. “Yesterday I’d just come to terms with whatever it is we were doing and needed to talk with you, which was why I was in the hallway outside your door. So, as for timing, it was pretty crappy on my part.”
He winced. “Or rather crappy on my part.”
She smiled. “But I’m fairly certain this too shall pass.”
He reached up and rubbed his eyes. “Like all this emotion. My eyes are hot and burning. My throat’s dry and scratchy. My body aches in places that never ached before, even after Shane put it through all his workouts.” Cole gave a half laugh. “Nobody warned me about this emotional and psychological stuff. I feel like somebody took a meat mallet and pounded me into the ground.”
“That was actually you, doing that to yourself,” she said cheerfully. “That was you pounding all that crap out of the recesses of your mind. In fact, you had to let it out. It’s a principle in life that you find what you are, and who you are, in different places now.”
He reached across to her and laid his hand on top of hers. “I don’t want to think that I hurt our relationship.”
He watched as she looked up in surprise, and then her gaze warmed. “That’s what I came to talk to you about earlier,” she confessed. “I was hoping we could get past whatever was going on between us and reach for something better.”
He squeezed her fingers. “Yes, please.”
He let go of her hand and settled back on the bench as one of the kitchen staff came out with a tray. Not only was there hot chocolate for him but a variety of muffins and a couple pieces of fruit. He smiled. “Thank you very much. I was quite hungry.”
The man nodded. “That’ll happen when you miss dinner.” He took the empty tray away and lef
t the two of them in privacy.
Cole glanced at their surroundings. Nobody was in hearing distance. In fact, it appeared even the kitchen staff had left now. “It’s really unique here when it’s empty.”
Sandra nodded. “The setting’s very intimate right now.”
He gave her a sideways smile. “Not intimate enough.”
With that, she blushed in the shadows and gave a light laugh. “True.”
As if that step of intimacy had been a little too far, too fast, they settled into a more general conversation. He shifted in his seat and finally said, “I feel like I don’t know how to do anything anymore. You have to relearn everything in this situation, and things that I used to be good at, I have to start from the beginning again because apparently I’m no longer good at them.”
She looked at him with a puzzled frown. “Like what?”
“Like flirting. Like having a relationship. Even basic day-to-day stuff.”
She nodded. “I imagine that’s because you see yourself as a very different person now, having to put your old skills together with the new body, and so far they probably don’t fit for you.”
“I don’t want them to,” he admitted. “I want to be the man who can get past this and reach for what he wants.” Cole winced, knowing what her next question would be. Was he ready to answer it?
Maybe not but he wanted to. It felt like he’d been waiting all his life, playing catch-up and never getting what he truly wanted. And what he really wanted sat across from him right now. He didn’t want to hurt her any more than he wanted there to be doubts between them. He didn’t want to fail. He had to brave it out and tell her the truth.
She reached across and laid her hand, palm up, on the table. “What do you want?” she whispered.
He took a deep breath, gave her the most caring and loving smile he possibly could, grabbed her hand in his and whispered in the darkness, “You.”
Chapter 17
Tears came to her eyes. How long had she waited to find a man who would care for her the way she cared for Cole? So many of her friends had partners, had dated men, and she’d been envious the whole time. She’d always wondered if her time would ever come. She wondered what was wrong with her, why she hadn’t been attracted to any of them. Until Cole. It was all about Cole.
Still holding her hand, he asked, “Should I take that back?”
She looked up at him, startled at the tears pouring from her eyes. She sniffed them back and snatched one of the napkins off the table with her free hand, quickly wiping her eyes. “You can’t take it back,” she whispered. “You’d break my heart if you did.”
He squeezed her hand so gently and slowly drew her inexorably closer. But the table was between them, so she got up and moved to stand at his side. Instead, he shifted on the bench and tucked her down until she sat in his lap. She snuggled in and wrapped her arms around his neck, simply holding him close.
“Are we past all that ugliness now?” she whispered.
“God, I hope so,” he said. “I never wanted to hurt you. I never want to hurt you again. I’m a bit of a mess. I’ve still got lots to learn. I will get angry sometimes. There will be nights when I can’t sleep because of the nightmares.”
She reached up and placed a finger against his lips. “I know that. I understand that. I still want all of you anyway.”
He crushed her to him. “You can’t take that back either.” He tilted her head up, so he could see the truth in her eyes. She held nothing back. They’d been at crosscurrents for too long. Somebody had to take the chance of being honest and open and walk across the water that separated them to the freedom that togetherness would bring.
He lowered his head and before he kissed her, he whispered, “Please don’t take that back.”
Then he crushed his lips against hers. Instantly passion rose between them. But a sweet, tender passion, more like the sealing of a promise. The tenderness of the kiss that meant forever. This wasn’t about taking the moment just for them. This was about enjoying the moment as if it were the first of many more to come. She drew her arms tighter around his neck, holding on tightly. She couldn’t think of anything she wanted more.
When he finally lifted his head, he asked, “Are you sure?”
She nodded and smiled. “I’m sure.” She studied him and then gently dabbed away the moisture in the corners of his eyes. “Are you okay?”
He cuddled her close against him. “Never better. I’ve finally found what I’ve been racing toward. I finally understand why I have always been playing catch-up. Because they all had something I’ve never had. I didn’t understand it until today. Now I finally do.”
She leaned back, confusion in her gaze, having no idea what he was talking about. He stretched out a finger and tilted her chin up.
“They always had somebody to love them. They always had someone to love back. I never did. It seemed like, while they were in this loving and warm cocoon, I was out in the cold. Maybe since I had no family life to speak of, the SEALs became my family. But I always felt unloved. Felt I had no one to love me back.”
He took a deep breath and whispered against her hair.
“Until you.”
Epilogue
Denton Hamilton stared at his email in disbelief.
He’d heard so much about Hathaway House from Brock and Cole that Denton had been living in a fantasy world, hoping a miracle would happen and he’d have a chance to join his friends at the same center.
But the costs … they were horrific.
He’d applied anyway. Made his case, knowing they took on a certain number of pro bono cases, and had hoped and waited.
He pulled out his cell phone and called Brock. It rang several times, then went to voice mail. He tried Cole.
“Denton, what’s up?”
The curiosity in his friend’s voice was justified. They’d been on the phone only a few minutes earlier. “I got in,” Denton croaked, his voice clogging up. He cleared his throat several times, then repeated, “I got into Hathaway House. They have a bed for me.” His voice rose at the end as the words in front of him finally settled in. “I’m coming there, Cole. I’ll be there next week. We’ll be together again.”
“Holy crap, are you serious? That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time,” Cole said warmly. “Wait until you see this place. You’ll love it.” He paused, then added in a teasing voice, “And you’ll love the women.”
“Nah, I’m not coming there for that. Besides, just because you and Brock found the perfect ladies for your lives, that doesn’t mean Cupid is smiling in my direction. No, I’m happy to know I’m coming to Hathaway House and getting my best chance at regaining my strength and my health.”
“Maybe so, but in this place, miracles do happen. I got mine. I know there is one here just for you.”
This concludes Book 3 of Hathaway House: Cole.
Read about Denton: Hathaway House, Book 4
Hathaway House: Denton (Book #4)
Welcome to Hathaway House. Rehab Center. Safe Haven. Second chance at life and love.
Navy SEAL Denton Hamilton has checked himself into Hathaway House, hoping for a fraction of the results his friends have gotten at the rehab center. Now missing a rib, muscles and a portion of his stomach, as well as suffering from PTSD, Denton would be happy to have his physical self healed. He’s not so sure he’ll ever get his mental health back, and finding a woman who’ll have him now—as his friends have been lucky enough to do—is out of the question. Who would be willing to love a man like him?
Administrative Assistant Hannah Forsythe helps Dani run Hathaway House. A loner at heart, she’s drawn to Denton’s struggle and dismayed at his belief that no one could ever love him. But when an ill-advised observation she makes has unexpected consequences for Denton’s recovery, Hannah’s only choice is to separate herself from him to help him progress without her.
As time passes, Hannah wonders if her choice has cost her everything she’s ever wanted or wheth
er Denton can work through his feelings to give them both their happy ending at Hathaway House.
Book 4 is available now!
To find out more visit Dale Mayer’s website.
Author’s Note
Thank you for reading Cole: Hathaway House, Book 3! If you enjoyed the book, please take a moment and leave a short review here.
Dear reader,
I love to hear from readers, and you can contact me at my website: www.dalemayer.com or at my Facebook author page. To be informed of new releases and special offers, sign up for my newsletter or follow me on BookBub. And if you are interested in joining Dale Mayer’s Reader Group, here is the Facebook sign up page.
Cheers,
Dale Mayer
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About the Author
Dale Mayer is a USA Today bestselling author best known for her Psychic Visions and Family Blood Ties series. Her contemporary romances are raw and full of passion and emotion (Second Chances, SKIN), her thrillers will keep you guessing (By Death series), and her romantic comedies will keep you giggling (It’s a Dog’s Life and Charmin Marvin Romantic Comedy series).
