Amy was already in the conference room when I got back. I took small sips from the water bottle she had given me, to try to calm my stomach. She didn’t look at me, and I didn’t look at her. We sat in a silence broken only by me asking for her approvals on my work for the rest of the day. I didn’t hear from Connor, but I knew that he was busy with meetings about his giant casino project. Or maybe he already knew about the ring from Amy or her husband, and it was already over with him. I scooted the wastebasket closer to my chair with my foot, in case I wasn’t going to be able to make it to the bathroom to throw up.
Finally the day was over, and I stood. “I’m going to go,” I said quietly. I started to close the laptop but Amy spoke.
“Leave it so I can go through it,” she said, without looking at me, and I nodded and walked out without saying anything else. My stomach sank as I rode the elevator to the garage. Connor had texted me, saying only that he would meet me there, and I tried to steel myself for what was about to happen.
I was about to lose him, forever.
Chapter 13
“Lia!”
I turned and looked at the ramp from the street, where two tall figures were walking toward me as I stood next to the truck. It was Connor, with his boss, Stephen Whitaker—as in, Amy’s Steve. I held my purse in front of me, like a shield. Ok, it was going to be all right, I could take this. I could get a car and go pick up Jared, we would get Misiu and our stuff from Connor’s apartment, and go to sleep at a motel. And Jared would never, never forgive me.
“Hi, sweetheart.” Connor bent and kissed my cheek. “You remember Steve.”
“Yes,” I managed to say. “Hello.” They didn’t know yet. I felt my body get weak with relief.
“Hi,” the giant guy answered. He could break me in two, and he would probably want to pretty soon. “Is Amy done, also?”
“I think so,” I said, my voice cracking strangely.
“I’ll go get her, then. Nice work today, Connor,” Steve Whitaker said, and walked off toward the elevator.
“You all right? You’re really pale,” Connor told me. “We can skip going over to the house right now.”
“No, I’m fine. I want to go.” I nodded firmly. “I’m really fine.”
I asked Connor what he had done that day, and he talked to me about his casino meetings on the way over to my house. “Steve is pretty even-tempered, but even he’s getting annoyed with having to deal with Rome.”
Rome Arschloch. The ass-waffle from Atelier Anson, as I mentally referred to him. I listened and commented now and then, and Connor kept looking over at me.
“Lia, what’s wrong?”
“I’ve been feeling a little sick today,” I answered quickly, which was entirely true. I had been nauseated to the point of puke since I had talked to Amy that morning and I hadn’t eaten a thing. “I’m ok, I just want to lie down after we get home.” Home, to his apartment, that was what I meant. That was what felt like my home.
Connor reached over and rubbed my neck. “We won’t spend very long here, so you can get into bed.”
We both walked around my house, admiring how the basement was getting dug up. It was a huge, expensive job, and I realized that I would have to fund this soon on my own, out of my waitress salary when Connor left me and I was gone from Amy Whitaker and Associates. How would I pay for this, for this work that was already underway? The thought made me dizzy. “I’m going to go outside for a breath of air,” I said.
“Want me to come?” He was investigating the ancient electrical panel with a flashlight, happily covering his beautiful shirt and tie with rust and dirt.
“No, I’m good.” I walked up from the basement and onto the porch, which did feel more and more like Connor could pull it over with his body weight. I grabbed one of the rickety columns and closed my eyes for a moment, still lightheaded. Maybe I was actually getting sick. Maybe this whole day had just been a nightmare.
I opened my eyes just in time to see a lime green car coming up the street, and I watched it park in front of my house. Holy balls. This was not what I needed at the moment.
“Lia! Lia Bissett!” Jill Samotny yelled as she got out and slammed the car door behind herself. “Where is Jared? What have you done with him?” She stomped through the muddy yard and towards my position on the porch. Gone were the tears and placating attitude from when she had approached me outside of my apartment building. She was back to the woman I remembered from my teenage years, bullying and loud.
“He’s not here,” I told her, and tried to gear up for a fight. “He’s at his aftercare at school, but you don’t—”
“I know you’re not living in your apartment!” she interrupted me. “Your neighbors told me that you moved out, that you had let Jared join a gang! Are you keeping him in this abandoned building? What have you done with my son?”
I saw the woman from across the street step out onto her porch, look over, and then linger, as if she was just standing outside to enjoy the grey, cold afternoon. “He isn’t your son! And it’s not any of your business—”
“You’ve made a big mistake now, Lia. I already called my lawyer on the way over here! We’re going back to court to get Jared from you, don’t doubt it! I won’t let you mistreat my boy!” She didn’t look triumphant, I realized. She looked terrified, terrified for Jared.
“What in the hell is going on here?” Connor stalked out onto the porch, wiping his filthy hands on his lovely suit pants. “Who are you, and why are you screaming in our yard?” he demanded to Jill.
I pointed. “That’s Jill Samotny.” I realized I was trembling from head to foot. “Jared’s former foster parent.” I sagged a little, holding tightly to the column. “She says she already called her lawyer to take me to court. To take him away from me.”
“If I have to, I’ll take him by force!” she started up again, but now Connor interrupted her.
“I don’t care who you used to be in Jared’s life. You don’t come to our house making threats about kidnapping him.” I had never heard his voice like that, so cold, ice couldn’t have touched it.
Jill stepped back, and Connor walked off the porch toward her. “Jared is fine,” he continued. “He’s with Lia because the courts already decided that she’s the best person to raise him. And she is. No one loves him more, and no one could be more selfless in taking care of him.” He kept coming forward, and she kept backing up. “You may have pushed her around when she was a child, but not anymore. Don’t come within five hundred yards of either one of them, or I will personally make you regret it.” He pointed to the street. “Get out of here.”
Jill’s mouth hung open. She went to her car, keeping an eye on Connor, and sped off. He stared across the street at my nosy neighbor for a moment before raising his hand, and she waved back and hurried inside.
Connor walked onto the porch, and it swayed under his weight. He put his arms around me, drawing me away from the post. “Lia, it’s ok. I really, really won’t let her take Jared.”
I looked up at him, dazed.
“I’ll call the police, we’ll get protective orders, bodyguards if it comes to it. I’ll hire a team of attorneys and we’ll sue the Samotnys for every single thing the lawyers can think of. I’ll bankrupt them and put them in prison. And I would kill someone with my bare hands before I let them hurt you or Jared.”
His voice was angrier than I’d ever heard it. I put my cold, trembling hands on his cheeks. “She’s not going to give up, ever.”
“Maybe not, but neither will I. I swear it, Lia. This is going to be ok.” He hugged me and I put my arms around his neck, holding him as tightly as I could. After a while, he stepped back a little and led me down the steps. “Come sit in the car. We’ll put on the heat for you while I close up the house.”
I followed him almost blindly and climbed into the truck. After he got in, we drove for only a few blocks before I held up my hands.
“You have to stop. Stop!”
And I threw up again on
the side of the road.
∞
Connor had thought I should stay home the next day, but I wasn’t going to pull a Dayana on Amy and leave her alone working, no matter how uncomfortable, strained, and generally awful it had been the day before in the conference room.
“I’m fine. Seriously, I’m fine,” I insisted to Connor as we drove into the parking garage.
“You slept for ten hours and had nightmares all night, Lia.” He pulled into his spot, the old truck rumbling to a stop. “Are you still worried about that Jill person? Because I already talked to a lawyer, and no matter what she tries to pull, he’s confident that we can beat her.”
“I’m not worried about anything.” I was worried about everything. “Will you be able to meet me for lunch?” I asked as we walked toward the elevators. I felt like I needed the reassurance of seeing him during the day. “Or I’ll bring something to your office. Just to hang out for a little.” I heard the neediness in my voice and I didn’t like it, not at all.
He put his arm around me. “That sounds great. I’ll text you.”
Amy got in a little after I did, rushing into the conference room at least twenty minutes after her usual arrival time. And there was some kind of dried food or liquid down the front of her cool blouse, a flakey white stuff against the interesting pattern of the fabric. She nodded at me and sat down and I prepared myself for another terrible day.
“You have…there’s something on your shirt,” I told her.
She looked down and brushed at it ineffectually. “Oh, crap. Luke saw his Uncle Tucker this morning on TV while he was eating yogurt and got excited.”
I smiled a little. “Uh, here. I’ve been carrying wipes because we have so many puppy issues.” I handed her one from my purse.
“Thank you.”
Back to the stony silence. We worked for a while before Amy stood up. “I’m going to get something to eat down the street. I’m hungry, again.” She swallowed. “Do you want anything?”
“No, thank you.” I still wasn’t feeling like food. “I won’t do anything while you’re gone. You can check.” She nodded slowly, and I made a big show of closing the laptop and pushing it away. When she left, I picked up my phone, instead. I hadn’t been alone for long enough to make this call, and I thought I needed to.
“It’s Lia,” I said when she answered. “Don’t hang up.”
“Lia? What’s the matter? What’s wrong?” Jill Samotny asked, panicked.
“Nothing’s wrong.” I breathed in. “That’s why I’m calling you. I want to make sure that you understand that Jared truly is fine. We moved in with my…with a friend, in a very, very nice apartment. We’re remodeling that house you saw, not living in it. Jared is doing well in school and he’s playing lacrosse and he loves it.”
“Lacrosse,” Jill repeated.
“My…friend used to play, and he got Jared into it.”
“When I went by your old apartment and heard from your neighbor—”
“I know. But he’s ok. I won’t let anything happen to him, ever. I know how much you love him, too, so I wanted you to know.”
“Really? He’s really all right?”
“He’s doing great. He loves my boyfriend a lot, and we got a dog, Misiu. Jared named him.”
She made a sound, like a whimper. “That was what Richie and I used to call Jared. That was our nickname for him.”
“Yeah, I figured that was where he got it.”
There was silence before Jill spoke again. “Why are you telling me this? I already got a call from a lawyer directing me to leave you alone or face the consequences.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want us to do that again. I don’t want us to fight like that over Jared because it’s not good for him. But you can’t stalk us, going to my old apartment, going through property records or whatever you did to track down my new house.”
“I love him so much. I’m so worried.” Jill’s voice broke, and I could hear her crying.
“I know.” I took another breath. “I know, because that’s how I used to feel when you wouldn’t let me see him. Except that I was sixteen, and I didn’t have anyone else. And I had been horribly injured, and lost my parents. You were right about me being bad, a delinquent, whatever, but it was because I needed someone. Do you understand now?”
“Richie and I made some mistakes,” she said, the same line she had given me before. She was doing exactly what I had done in the past, grabbing at a sweet-sounding lie and sticking with it.
“Yeah sure, some mistakes.” I sighed. “I guess you’re ok living with them, and nothing I’ll ever say could make a difference to you about how wrong you were.” I got myself ready, because there was another reason that I had called her. “I think we should set up a time for you to see Jared.”
“What?”
“Not to be alone with him, and with serious limitations, but yes, if he wants to, I’ll make it happen.”
“Really? Do you mean that?”
“I want what’s best for my brother,” I told her. “I want whatever that is, even if it’s seeing you. I hate you, Jill, for what you did to keep me and Jared apart, for the stories you told him about me and about our parents, for how you tried to erase his past. It was wrong, and it was awful for both of us. But I do believe that you love him, and that’s why you did that stuff. I understand more and more how a person can do terrible, stupid, wrong things out of love.”
“When can I see him?” Jill asked me eagerly. “When?”
“I’m going to have to think about it.” And talk to Connor, who would object, and broach it with Jared, and I didn’t know how he’d react. “I’ll text you, because I don’t like talking to you. But I’ll let you know.”
“Ok. Whatever you can do,” she said. “Even if it could be just a few minutes.”
I remembered how, years before, I had waited outside of Jared’s school so I could see him at recess to make sure he was ok. I had stood in the snow and the rain for just a glimpse of reassurance. “I’ll let you know,” I repeated.
“Thank you, Lia.” She was crying, hard. “Thank you.”
“Bye.” I put down the phone and closed my eyes. Balls, the meeting between Jared and Jill was going to suck for me, but it would be right for my brother. That was all I wanted.
“You’re really going to let Jared see his old foster parents? Was that what your call was about, or was it some kind of scam?” I looked up at Amy, standing in the doorway to the conference room and frowning doubtfully at me. “I got worried that you’d do something bad while I was gone,” she said. “I came back to check on you and I overheard.”
“No, it’s not a scam,” I answered. “I really am going to let Jared see the Samotnys. Jill, his foster mom, tracked me down yesterday and freaked out about where we were living. She found out about him being in a gang.”
“A gang?” Amy’s mouth dropped open. “Is that the ‘trouble’ you talked about? That little boy was in a gang?”
I nodded again. “It’s my fault because I wasn’t watching him enough and loving him enough. He got into things way over his head. That was why we had to leave our apartment.”
She stared at me in horror. “Is that what you meant before, the secret you didn’t want to tell Connor? Or was it that you had stolen my ring?”
I flinched a little. “I have a lot of bad secrets,” I told her, and swallowed.
She sat down across from me. “Like what? What else have you done?”
I swallowed again against the gathering metallic taste in my mouth. “I’ll explain everything, but I need to have the garbage can close, because I’m probably going to throw up again.” Amy sat down across from me at the big table and I spilled my guts to her and into the garbage can. I told her all the terrible things that I hadn’t ever wanted anyone to know.
I started with my parents’ accident, about how my father had been drinking, about how my mom shouldn’t have gotten in the car or let my brother ride with him—but also how that hadn�
�t caused the accident. “He had a problem with alcohol,” I admitted. “It was getting worse. My parents were fighting about it, more and more. I try to make it seem like they lived in a fairy tale, but there were problems, even before what happened.”
I told Amy about how the car accident was my fault, or how I felt like it was, because they were coming to see me at school that day. How I had stood in the auditorium in front of all the other kids, and instead of the principal giving me an award, she had pulled me off-stage and told me that a terrible thing had happened. I told Amy about moving in with my uncle, who didn’t want us. “I did my best to make it up to him, because I thought he would throw us out on the street. I worked illegally in the party store, selling booze as a minor. There were so many late nights where I was alone and scared behind that scratched counter. But that was how I met Connor.”
I told her about him coming in to buy Allumette Gold cigarettes and about my crush on him. And then, I told her about the terrible night when he had been shot, and what had happened after. How I had helped him, then helped to cover it up. “My uncle was afraid. I don’t blame him for that, and it turned out he was right to be so scared. But I do blame him for how he left me to deal with it. I was trying to fix it, to get help, and I went to Connor’s mother.” I explained Margaux Hayes’ reaction to when I pleaded with her, asking her to help me and my little brother, and how she’d had me removed from the hospital. “Then Connor was gone, and then…the fire.” I didn’t give a lot of details of that, or my recovery from it, because it was too hard for me to say.
“My God,” Amy breathed. “Is all that real? That’s a true story of your life?”
“I mean, you can verify some of it. My parents’ accident was in the news and so was the fire at Uncle Berj’s store, but I think most of our family court stuff is sealed. But this is all true, and it’s all awful, right? It makes me seem even worse in your eyes.”
Fixing Lia Page 22
