WAH-ROOF!
Faster than lightning, Kidlat propels his little body forward and pushes me with his front paws.
I fall on the ground, scraping my hands and knees. When I stand and look around, my dog is nowhere in sight. All I can see is the huge branch that was supposed to hit me.
Then, beneath the branch’s leaves, I hear the sound of a dog’s cry. The sorrowful, sorrowful yelping of a dog in pain.
My dog.
“KIDLAT!”
Everything that happens next is a blur.
Somehow, the adults found us, and we’re now back inside the evacuation center. A volunteer nurse is tending to Claudine’s foot outside our family’s tent. Mom and Dad are helping Lolo Sebyo find the necessary potions in our luggage to save my dog while I cradle Kidlat in my arms.
“I’m sorry, Jolina,” Claudine sobs. “I’m so sorry!”
Claudine tries to enter our tent, but her mother stops her.
“Let’s give them space, anak,” Tita Peachy says as she ushers her daughter away.
“Please, Lolo, save him,” I beg as Lolo Sebyo joins me on the floor and begins his healing prayer. I can feel my dog’s labored breathing. It’s getting worse every second. “Please save my good boy.”
“Give him to me, little Bee.” Lolo Sebyo takes Kidlat from me, gently laying him on his side. He pours brown liquid in his hand and rubs his palms together. He spreads more of the oil all over my dog as he continues to pray.
I can’t hear what Lolo is saying, but I can feel the increasing urgency in his voice. The happy lines near his eyes turn to worry lines as he prays.
I say a prayer of my own.
Please, Kidlat. Don’t leave me.
I love you.
So, so much.
I’d be lost without you.
But Kidlat’s breathing continues to slow down. Lolo Sebyo prays even harder.
“He’s resisting me,” he mutters. Lolo Sebyo lifts Kidlat’s paw. “Let me in, little dog. Let my magic heal you.”
Kidlat opens an eye, staring at my grandfather.
Lolo Sebyo’s lips form a grim line. I can see a look of understanding dawning upon him. He nods. “As you wish.”
“What do you mean?” I choke back a sob. “I don’t understand! Save him, Lolo!”
Kidlat shifts his gaze to me. He blinks and wags his tail once, too weak to bark or lift his head.
No. You’re not saying goodbye. You just can’t. I don’t know what I’ll do if you leave me.
“Bee, you have to let him go.”
“I can’t. Save him!” I cling on to Kidlat in desperation. Don’t go. You’re my best friend. I love you.
“Kidlat is saving you. Sinasagip ka nya. He wants to save you from something terrible.”
“No, Lolo. Save him.” Tears flow down my cheeks. It hurts. It hurts so much. I don’t need saving. I just need Kidlat to stay alive. “Please save him, Lolo! Please!”
“I’m sorry, little Bee. I’ve tried, but he doesn’t want me to.”
“You haven’t tried hard enough!” I hug Kidlat close to my chest. I can feel his life slipping away. “Don’t go. Don’t leave me.”
“Let him go, little Bee.”
Kidlat coughs. His body shudders. The blanket of darkness lifts itself from me, and I feel free.
“No. No. No!” I sob. Every bit of my heart breaks, shattering into a million pieces. Because at that moment, I know he’s gone.
My Kidlat is gone.
This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been so selfish and angry and so bent on getting even, Kidlat would still be alive. I made bad choices, and in the end, it’s my best friend who took the hit.
And he definitely did.
That giant branch was sent by my Balik to injure me. If I had stayed where I was, I might have survived, but I would have lived with a constant reminder of my mistake. If I’ve learned anything from the magic of Balik, it is that it’s going to punish you for what you did.
But for a small dog like Kidlat, the accident was fatal.
You see, what’s worse was that he had a choice. Kidlat could have let Lolo Sebyo’s magic heal those internal injuries.
But he didn’t.
Kidlat chose to do a Sagip on me. He chose to give up his life so I could live mine peacefully. He didn’t have to, but he did.
Until his dying breath, my loyal dog’s last act was to selflessly save and protect me, even though I brought this Balik upon myself.
I wish I could turn back time and tell my past self about the terrible cost of the magic of revenge. But I can’t.
No amount of magic can turn back time or bring the dead back to life.
Kidlat is gone. My good boy is totally gone.
I’m sorry I took you for granted, my friend.
I’m so sorry I failed you.
You are my everything.
“They have to take him now, Bee,” Dad says, gently coaxing Kidlat’s lifeless body from me. “You have to let him go.”
I let go of Kidlat’s body. But I will never, ever let him go.
Never.
It’s funny how time passes. When you’re too numbed with pain to care, you don’t notice time ticking by. I go through each hour like a paper boat floating on Kaibigan River, drifting along wherever the current takes me.
Next thing I know, two days have gone by and it’s time for us to return home.
The shelter people took good care of Kidlat’s body. They heard what happened, that my good boy was a hero. They treated his remains with the utmost respect. They even said a prayer and held a salute for him when we left the evacuation center with Kidlat’s remains and Lolo Sebyo’s live chickens.
Our house is a mess. The storm surge flooded the entire first floor, leaving mud and debris and the stench of rotting seaweed. The eatery’s food supply and dinnerware are missing, probably washed to sea when the waters receded.
I know Lolo Sebyo and my parents are aching to clean and fix things up, but Kidlat was part of the family. Sending him off comes first.
We bury Kidlat in the backyard.
I stand like a statue beside Lolo Sebyo as Mom and Dad dig a hole under the mango tree. I chose that spot specifically—right above it is the tree branch Kidlat and I loved to spend afternoons on. The mango tree that we believe to be magic, still standing strong even after the typhoon and the storm surge that rushed from the sea.
Maybe the mango tree will also protect Kidlat’s final resting place.
“Start lighting the candles, Bee,” Mom says as she continues to shovel dirt to cover Kidlat’s tiny coffin. Her voice is hoarse, like she’s trying not to cry.
I light the candles. There are seven candles in all, one for each of the years he was with me. Seven years—he was with me that long, more than half the time I’ve lived on this earth.
But I am still here, and Kidlat is not.
I try to cry but can’t. I’ve run out of tears to shed.
Once Mom and Dad are done shoveling back the soil, Lolo Sebyo blesses Kidlat’s grave. We say prayers for our beloved dog, standing still as we silently bid him farewell.
Goodbye, my friend. I love you.
Mom and Dad return to cleaning the house. But my grandfather stays with me.
Lolo Sebyo puts an arm around my shoulders. “Don’t worry, little Bee. He will return to you. I do not know how and I do not know when, but he will.”
“I hope so, Lolo.” I let out a long sigh. “I really miss him.”
“So do I.” Lolo Sebyo releases me and reaches for his cane. “Come, my child. Let us go sit on the bench. I’m afraid my bones are not as strong as they used to be.”
“Okay po, Lolo.”
The bench outside Lolo Sebyo’s lab is right beside Kidlat’s grave. I can see the candles flicker from here. The flames continue to burn even as the sea breeze tries to blow them out. The candles are from Lolo’s stock, so I’m sure it’s because of magic.
“I have been meaning to talk to you, little Bee.” Lolo
Sebyo leans on his cane, facing me.
I’ve been waiting for this conversation. After all, Lolo Sebyo was the one who tried to save Kidlat. But there was no privacy in the evacuation center, even with the tent partitions. I’m thankful my grandfather spared me the shame of being overheard.
“That was very brave of you, going after your friend.”
I meet his gaze in surprise.
Lolo Sebyo smiles. “There aren’t many eleven-year-olds who would walk right into a storm to save their friend. But next time, do as I say. If you’re going to be the great arbularyo I know you’ll be, you need to learn to follow my instructions.”
“Yes po, Lolo, I promise.”
“Remember, righting a wrong with another wrong does not make it right.” Lolo Sebyo shakes loose soil off his cane. “Being an arbularyo is a huge responsibility, and magic should not be taken lightly.”
“Opo. I know that now po.” I hang my head in shame.
“I am certain you have learned your lesson.” My grandfather strokes my hair. “The brave little one saved you from what could have been a very challenging future. He wanted you to have a second chance in life—to live a life untainted with Balik. It is a chance for you to be happy again. All because he loved you.”
I’ve always taken magic for granted—like, I deserved it because it was my birthright. I expected the magic to yield to me, and I couldn’t see that it was a force beyond my control—a force that I shouldn’t even try to control. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so terrible at it and only succeeded when I was overwhelmed with anger and hurt. But I think I’m beginning to understand it now.
I can’t use magic for selfish reasons, expecting no consequences just because I make myself believe that what I’m doing is right. What’s wrong is wrong. Taking control of someone and playing with their emotions is definitely wrong.
“I messed up real bad, Lolo. Maybe I don’t deserve to be an arbularyo like you.”
“We all make mistakes, my Bee.” Lolo Sebyo cups my chin and gently turns my head to face him. “But you have been given another chance. That is a privilege. Not everyone gets the same chance as you. Do not waste it.”
“I won’t. Promise po.”
A man clears his throat. We look up to the direction of the sound, finding Dad in the yard once again. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but there are people here to see you.”
Lolo Sebyo stands. “Lead the way, Rainier.”
But Dad shakes his head. “No, Papa. They’re here for Jolina.”
Dad steps aside to reveal Tita Peachy, Tita Raven, Winter, and my former BFFAE, in crutches and with a bandaged foot.
“Hi,” says Claudine.
As expected, Mom turns into an anxious mess upon seeing her bosses. She drops her broom and dust pan and hurries to join us.
“Ma’am Peachy, Ma’am Raven!” she gasps. Her disheveled hair has dry leaves in it, and her face is streaked with mud. “What can I get you? Water? Juice?”
“We’re fine,” Tita Peachy says. “Don’t stress yourself, Sunshine. You have enough to worry about already. We were wondering if you needed a ride home, but they said you’d left the shelter already. But we needed to see your family, especially this girl.” Tita Peachy takes my hands and covers them with her own. “Jolina. Maraming, maraming salamat. Thank you so, so much. You saved my baby.”
I look up and find Mom, Dad, and Lolo Sebyo beaming with pride. I turn away. I don’t deserve this recognition after what I did.
“She would have done the same for me.”
We may not be friends anymore, but from the short time I’ve known Claudine, I know she wouldn’t have hesitated to save me if I needed it too.
“She’s a great girl. We’d be so lost without her.” Tita Raven smiles. She tilts her head in Mom’s direction. “Sunshine, a word? There are some things I would like to discuss with you. Our resort manager has decided to move back to her family in Leyte. Peachy and I believe you would be perfect for the position.”
“Oh my!” Mom wipes her dirty hands on her apron. “Yes. Yes, of course, ma’am. Thank you so much!”
“I don’t want the family of my daughter’s rescuer to have a difficult time rising from this terrible typhoon.” Tita Peachy smiles at me one more time. “The storm surge may have flooded it, but I will help you rebuild Bagayan Food Haus. And maybe even expand it! Raven and I have always wanted to source some of our hotel’s food service needs.”
As soon as the adults leave, Claudine sets Winter on the ground. The cat walks to where Kidlat is buried and meows in sorrow.
I feel a knot form in my throat again.
“We brought flowers for Kidlat.” Claudine wipes away a tear. “Is that where he’s buried?”
“Yeah.” I step aside to let Claudine through.
She lays a bouquet of mums and yellow roses on Kidlat’s grave.
“He was a good boy.”
“I miss him so much.” I wipe away a tear that has fallen down my cheek. “I also missed you.”
Claudine bites her lower lip. “That wasn’t very nice, you giving me gayuma.”
“I’m sorry.” The floodgates open, and I’m crying again. “I think about it all the time. I had no right to control your emotions and thoughts like that. I’m so, so sorry. One day, sana mapatawad mo ko. I hope you can forgive me one day.”
“I do already. Don’t you feel it? I know why you did it. I was terrible. I kept saying we just got off on the wrong foot, but it was me trying to make myself feel better. I made you feel unwelcome. I bullied you. It’s no excuse, but I was really jealous of you—a cool Manilenya with a wonderful family. But you forgave me and I thought all was good. I felt so betrayed when you said you used a gayuma on me. I didn’t know what had been real and what hadn’t.”
“I know. I’m sorry—”
“Hey, hey. Didn’t I say I forgive you already? I’m hurt you did it, but I understand. What I’m trying to say is …” Claudine takes my hand. “I’ve already forgiven you.”
I throw my arms around Claudine and hug her tight. “You’re so kind.”
“It’s really hard not to forgive the person who saved my life.” She gently extricates herself from me, smiling. She flips her hair in usual Claudine fashion. “And Winter’s. It’s because of you and Kidlat that we’re here.”
I hug her once more. “Do you think it’s possible for us to be friends again?”
“I guess,” she says, shrugging. Then she narrows her eyes. “It’s going to be a while before I trust your cooking again though.”
I grin. “You can watch me cook.”
Claudine grins back. “Cool.”
“Did you really lock yourself and Winter in your bedroom?”
“Yeah. That’s actually what I wanted to tell you before you sprung that whole ‘I gave you gayuma’ thing on me,” says Claudine, smirking. “I wasn’t planning on staying inside too long. My food supply would only last me until the evening. Can’t live on potato chips and chocolate milk forever.”
“True.” I nod in mock seriousness. “You’d get a tummy ache. And poop all day!”
Claudine and I burst out laughing. We laugh until our insides hurt.
It’s so nice to laugh with a friend again. My friend.
As our laughter dies down, Claudine clears her throat. “One more thing.”
“Yes?”
“I just thought you should know … You didn’t have to give me gayuma. I always wanted us to be friends.” Claudine glances at Kidlat’s grave. “I think Kidlat did too. He was always nice to me.”
“Yeah.” I agree. My dog knew many things. “He was the best dog ever.”
Claudine puts an arm around me. “I’m glad we’re friends again.”
I lean my head on Claudine’s shoulder, looking up at the now-clear blue sky. “So am I.”
Today is the twenty-fifth of April, the day I was born. The day I turn twelve.
When Kidlat was still alive, I would wake up on my birthday mornings to find him sittin
g by my pillow with a gift. They were mostly sticks, rocks, or random things like a plastic cup or an old toothbrush.
I’ve kept all his gifts in a box. Though it breaks my heart knowing that I’ll never add another trinket to it, I feel blessed I have a box like this at all. Kidlat was truly an amazing dog.
“J-Bee! Hurry up. The boat is waiting,” Mom calls from downstairs.
“Coming!” I close the box and hide it under my bed. On my way to the door, I take a packed duffel bag and hoist it onto my shoulder.
Kidlat has been gone for less than a year. It feels like forever. Everything is so different and familiar at the same time. I can’t say that I’m over it—I don’t think I ever will be. Losing my beloved dog is like a wound that has scabbed over but continues to throb underneath.
“Ready?” Mom takes my bag when I meet her at the foot of the stairs. I nod, and we head down to the beach through the backyard.
If Kidlat were alive, he would be weirded out by how different our beach now looks. There are fewer grown trees, but there are lots of young ones we planted a few months back. Fallen logs are turned into makeshift benches where more residents—not just me—spend time on them, thinking about what they’ve lost and what the future may be.
“Hey, birthday girl! Get your butt in here,” Claudine calls from the boat my family rented, where Dad and the boat crew of two are loading the coolers and picnic stuff.
Like most outrigger boats used for tourism, this boat has a covered passenger area. And in that area with Claudine are Lolo Sebyo and my friends who’ll be celebrating my birthday with me on the mainland—Angelou, Marvin, Bobby, Judy, and Ann.
We’re midway down the beach when Mom suddenly stops. She blurts out a string of bad words. “I totally forgot the balut!”
“Where is it?”
“On the bench beside Lolo’s lab.”
“Okay. I’ll get it,” I volunteer. We can’t have a picnic without balut. It’s my favorite and was Kidlat’s. It wouldn’t be right not having it as part of a meal celebrating my special day.
Sugar and Spite Page 12
