As she walks to her desk on the other side of the room she feels the eyes of all the other detectives dressing her down. She knows they all think she is a basket case ready to be drummed out of the department for being mentally unstable after shooting her husband. One detective walks up to her trying to charm her. “Raven, why don’t you and I go get a drink after work, you look like you need a real man.” She looks into his eyes with her brown eyes and pierces whatever confidence he may have had. He raises his arms and backs away. She has this look that says “don’t screw with me!” he just experienced it first hand and it scared the man. She works on leads for the next few hours until it was time to get away from her desk.
As she takes the elevator down to her car she feels the shiver again. It follows her to her car. As she drives home in the early evening the traffic is light. She stops for an “In and Out Double-Double burger,” to go.
As she drives on to her apartment, the eyes are still on her mind. She pulls over in a local park to eat her dinner while she watches the kids play. She wonders if she will ever be a mother. If she will ever know what it means to be loved without condition? She wonders if she will ever have sex that isn’t out of obligation or rape. Most of all she wonders if she can ever escape her past?
She finishes her meal and tosses the wrapping in the trash. From a distance she sees a man playing with his son. He looks up and she almost came unglued. There they were again. The same damn eyes!!! What the hell!! From one hundred yards she could see them. The young boy had them as well. The eyes were as green as the highlands of Scotland in spring.
Chapter 2
The sun had set when she walks into her apartment, twilight blanketing the city. Closing her blinds, she feels the hint of the presence coming over her. For her it has been a long day. She doesn’t really feel like doing much but taking long soaking bath with some nice lavender in the tub to break through the stress that seems to never leave. Well, except for the night before she thinks, a whisper of a smile briefly showing on her face. Crossing her room she puts her side arm in the night stand and begins to get ready for her bath. She kicks off her shoes, as she walks to the bathroom to start the tub. When she rounds the entrance, there are two candles burning. She knows she had blown them out. Well, she knew she blew out the one from the morning. Why are there now two burning? Walking closer she feels a chill in the bathroom, quickly it is replaced with a warm passing air that rests right on the scar she has on her throat. Her hand rising, she rubs it gently, feeling comfort in the warmth. She goes about turning on the hot water as she pours some of her lavender oil in.
The steam is already beginning to fill the bathroom as she walks back into her bedroom. She feels the warmth move to just under her ear lobe. To her it feels like a butter fly kiss or the sensual glance of man’s tongue resting on her. As she undresses she glances to her full length mirror on the closet door. She takes a moment and inspects her body. Her breasts are still full and perky; her tummy tight from hours in the gym, her back side tight, yet, as she looks at her naked image all she feels is the shame of how her husband destroyed her body. She remembers again the violent way he would make her have sex with him, to the way he would handcuff her as he would have sex with other women. The way he forced her to watch as he committed unspeakable acts on the women. The visual comes back to her of how each time he finished he would make her clean him, washing away the vile of the other woman. While he laughed at her as she did it. When she finished her humiliating chore, he would slap her face with a sock with a bar of soap inside. He knew no bruising would show. She HATED reliving this. Why didn’t these memories die when she finally shot him? Why does he still haunt her mind? Why can’t she see beauty in herself?
She walks into the bathroom and begins lighting the candles, one by one, until all of the one hundred and fourteen candles she has scattered about light the room with their flickering glow. She realizes the water is done and goes to turn off the steaming flow of water, the fragrance of lavender fills her senses. She exits the bathroom to turn off the lights in the apartment, her plan is to just fall asleep once she is done soaking.
Then returning to the bathroom she feels the presence again, what is this thing? It doesn’t irritate her. It actually draws her out to search for it, yet when she looks around nothing is there. She steps over the side of the tub and slowly slides down into the steaming water. The smell of lavender overcoming any stress she has had as she relaxes with her head resting comfortably on a bath pillow. Raven lays there in the warmth of the water, until it happens again. Feeling something come over her she closes her eyes and surrenders to anticipation rising within her. Far better than the reality she has been living. With her eyes closed she is taken to a new place within her fantasy world. She is now in a log cabin deep in the mountains of nowhere. She sits in front of a huge fire looking outside a large panoramic window she sees a blizzard blowing. Shivering from the cold outside she wraps herself in a bear skin blanket wondering where this is going. She doesn’t do snow or mountains. She is a beach girl all the way.
Raven knows she has never been here in reality but the visuals that play in her mind make the fantasy come alive. She looks into the fire watching it kiss the hearth gently as it warms her relaxing her and making her sleepy. Then, as before, the man showed up as she drifts off to sleep within the fantasy. This time he wakes her as he brings her to her feet. His green eyes look into her brown eyes, warmth and cold collide as he reaches up and takes her face in his hands. Looking even more deeply into her eyes he smiles. “May I?” he asks. She just nods unable to speak.
Slowly he moves in and kisses her with a passion she has never known. Not even the kiss from her fantasy the night before can compare. Raven begins to melt into the arms of this man with the eyes that mesmerize her. These eyes alone are enough to make her feel giddy. As they kiss their tongues touch in a passionate frenzy not even her best romance novels could describe. He breaks from the kiss as she releases the bear skin blanket from her body. “Can I show you something new?” he asks. “Yes, Please!!” she whispers in his ear. Gently he takes her hand and places it on her chest. “I want you to touch them while I bring out something deeper from within you.” She complies, holding his gaze as he places an ice cube in his mouth. He glides the ice down her skin until she shivers from the cold. When she lets out a moan he gently starts dropping candle wax on her skin where puddles of ice water gathered. (The candle is low temp burning candle, the wax no hotter than bath water.) To her it is like a volcano had landed on the tip of her breast but it feels so wonderful.
Raven sucks in air through her clenched teeth, begging him to continue. He does so time and again, ice cold to hot wax, peeling the cooled wax off each time with the softest of touches. He finally lays her down. Doing the same around her belly button a few times, until he has her open her eyes so she is looking into his as waves of pleasure over take her.
She is transfixed by the fantasy playing in her mind. As she lets go one more time he kisses her deeply, almost taking the breath right out of her. He separates from the kiss holding her soft face in his hands starring provocatively at her clouding eyes as she falls unconscious from the stimulation.
He wakes her with a soft kiss on her scar. It startles her but his eyes are so strong yet caring she just looks in them wishing forever ended right then. Suddenly a loud ringing assaults her ears. Raven opens her eyes to see it is 04:30 in the morning. She has spent her evening lost in the tub. She notices the water never cooled, it was as warm as when she first sunk into it. Her skin is as tight as it was as she went in. She collects herself as she rises from the tub.. Her legs feel like rubber bands. Looking around the bathroom all but two candles have burned down to nothing; she is surprised the place hadn’t burned down. Walking to turn off the ringing of her alarm she glances at her phone seeing she had missed four calls from Dennis. No coffee at home this morning. She gets dressed feeling the warmth still on her scar. She feels more like a woman than she has since she wa
s twenty-one.
Chapter 3
As Raven hauls ass down the freeway she calls her voicemail. Dennis has caught a lead on the case and is heading out to Big Tujunga Canyon. He tells her to meet him at a bar about 4 four miles up the road. No name given in the voice mail. He will be there by 07:30 to start the interview. Looking at the stereo the time was just past 07:00 and she has only made the 23 freeway. Traffic breaks up on the 118 freeway and she lit the afterburner on her Mustang, making it to the bar with a minute to spare.
She looks herself over in the rear view mirror, still feeling warmth she can’t explain in the scar that was prominently showing on her neck today. Most days she can dress to conceal the ugly jagged thing. But, today she didn’t have the time. I’m dressed almost like Dennis, she thinks as she steps out of the car. She stands there wearing blue jeans with a brightly colored V-neck blouse and her favorite pair cowboy boots. She remembers when she could wear clothes like without shame. When her long brunette hair would flow and she could just let her natural beauty show. “Well, that sure as hell isn’t happening again,” she tells herself as she walks up the gravel driveway.
As she looks around she remembers the location from years earlier. It was used in the filming of the Terminator movie. Which one she couldn’t quite remember? Approaching the front door she sees where Dennis has parked on the side of building, she opens the solid wood door and is blinded momentarily by the change in light. The inside bar was dark. She stands there vulnerable for a moment, blinking, while her eyes adjust. She hears Dennis call her off to her right. She moves in the direction of his voice, finally she can see him sitting with two gentlemen and a young boy. When she sits down next to Dennis she looks up to see the faces of the men at the table she lets out a gasping sound. Dennis shoots her a look to see what is going on.
There in front of her are two sets of emerald green eyes she had seen at the park playing the night before. Raven locks onto the gaze of the man. Now she can make out more of his face than she could in the dim light of the park. This guy is hot!! He has curly black hair that rests just above his shoulders. A little stubble riding on his face but she can see the strong chin beneath, he has the infamous butt chin. This is the one quality in a man that she just finds down right sexy. His cheek bones both have scars right below the eyes it was obvious to her that he has seen his share of fighting. His knuckles show further signs of numerous fist fights as he picks up his coffee mug.
She sits in silence, is this man the one that had been stealing into her mind the past two nights? Is this the face I see when I’ve seem to forget all my sexual inhibitions?? She can’t quite tell. Nonetheless, she wants to hear what he has to say. The other male at the table looks like a bull dog of a Marine. He too has the same butt chin. His face is as rugged as his friend. He has deeper scars in his eye brow, wearing a tank top she can see his tattoos and more scars. This one is capable of doing damage if need be. They both seem to hold themselves like they are cops or members of the Military. The older one even sports a high and tight haircut. She notices a scar that ran along his temple down to the back of his neck.
She looks at the young boy; his features are like the young version of the two men that sit before her. Smiling, she asks him why he isn’t in school. He replies “I am four; I am too little for school.” She asks him why he is here and not with his mommy at home. His blunt response shocks even her.
“My mommy was killed by my dad because she didn’t make dinner right; my dad shot her in front of me.” Dennis took this minute to introduced the two men at the table by calling them G and M. No real names given. Dennis goes on to explain how he had known them for a few years and he trusted them when the law ran out on saving people. She asks “How is the boy involved?” The one Dennis had introduced. “He is our nephew, my brother here and I took him after his mother was killed about a year ago.” “G” smiled at her in way that sent a wave of desire through her. Dennis made a smart ass comment that she looked as if she was blushing. In her mind she is thinking “gushing is more like it”. Dennis took over the conversation at this point with a slight chuckle, excusing his young partners jaw dropping problem. Raven wasn’t insulted. It loosened the atmosphere in the room.
“Boys, we discovered a dead body over the weekend. It was messy. He had ten gunshot wounds and suffered penile mutilation pre-mortem.” Pausing for a moment Dennis looked at them then continued. “At the autopsy we also noticed that he had emerald green eyes. On his right inner bicep was a tattoo of the bald eagle, American flag, with three crosses in the back ground. The moment I saw the tattoo I knew that I had seen it before. But I must be getting old or something, for a while I just couldn’t seem to place where I had seen it. Would you gentlemen mind showing me and my partner your right biceps?” “M” replied calmly, “Sure, but I can tell you now we both have the exact tattoo.” G was smirking. “We earned these tattoos years ago, there are only two other people in the world that have this mark. Did you bring us here for that, or to identify the body that is at the “Mission?” Dennis raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, smiling at “M”. At his side, “G” sat there looking straight into Raven’s deep brown eyes silently admiring how gold speckles came out in the morning light. She sat there motionless, just feeling his eyes look into her sending a plethora of emotions running through her mind. Some of the thoughts are better than others. She has never seen a man so confident and good looking that she could recall. Without breaking eye contact G said, “The body is our brother we haven’t seen him since he took a call from a woman last Wednesday. He called and told us the same story we hear so often. We asked if he wanted us to come along, and he told us he said he didn’t think so. It was just an initial meeting to see if she could be helped by the group.” Raven asks “what group are you talking about?” Dennis spoke up quickly assuring her that he would explain it all to her after the meeting.
Dennis looked at the two men, knowing he had to ask the hardest question in his line of work. He just hoped the men in front of him would live by the character he had come to know over the past few years. “Guys, what more do you know, why was your brother so brutally murdered? I have seen murder after murder and this is one of the most violent killings I have seen in twenty years of doing this job. Why?”
The young boy looked up at Raven, his eyes meeting hers; he smiled in a way that melted her heart instantly as she sits there. She has always wanted to have a family. A huge one, with a whole bunch of kids!!! Boys and girls running through a house filled with happiness and love. Each time she would get pregnant she was full of joy. Looking at the little boy she almost started crying as she remembered how each time her husband found out, he would either force her to have an abortion or beat her into a miscarriage. Raven reached up absently touching the scar on her neck, that was the last time. She kept telling herself to keep her composure. At that very moment the young boy sat up next to her. He takes her hands and looks into her eyes. She is blown away. His eyes pierce straight through her, just like his uncles do.
He looks into her eyes then carefully leans up and kisses her cheek. Taking his hand away he places it innocently on her chest just over her heart. “Ma'am, your heart is hurt, how do you live through all that pain, how do you let the world crush your dreams so bad? Your eyes are like my mommy’s right before she died, lost with no hope. Ma'am do you even know how to love yourself?”
G looks at his nephew and winks. Raven sits there speechless. Anger begins to rise within her as she sees them both smiling as they look at her. “What the hell are you both smiling at?!” she shouted. Both men in unison replied “A woman lost and scarred by men that took your heart at a young age and never let you have it back.” Dennis, seeing the look on her face as the truth was given to her, reached over in a fatherly gesture and squeezed her hand. The boy kissed her cheek again and said he was sorry the truth hurt so much but he can’t lie to her. He can see her heart when he looks into her eyes. Just like his uncles do.
“G”
spoke up, “When can we get our brother to bury him? Our pops will need to be notified, since he is your old partner Dennis, would you like to break the news?” Dennis replies “If you feel that is best, I can drive out to Simi Valley and see him.” “G” just nods his head in agreement along with his brother and nephew.
Taking the last sip of his coffee “G” asks if there was anything else the detectives needed from them? Raven boldly asks “How can you all sit so cool and comfortable knowing that your own brother was brutally murdered, his head almost completely blown off and his heart shot clean out of his body?” The brothers look at one another, shrugging their shoulders in an “I don’t know” fashion. Then “M” said something that knocked her for a loop. “It is part of what we do, it is the risk we face, and we all knew it going in.” The brothers and little boy stood to leave, shaking hands with Dennis and Raven. The little boy pulled her down to his level. She smiles at how handsome he was. “Yes?” she says. He rises up and kisses her on her forehead. “I hope you find the love you never knew and that what you dream may one day be your reality. You are pretty Detective Wagner.” He turns and runs to catch up with his uncles. Raven half fell back into her chair running her hands through her hair. “Come on Dennis what the hell is going on here? Those men know what happened to their brother and you are letting them walk right out of here, WHY??”
Dennis got another cup of coffee from the bartender and a somehow had a glazed twist doughnut in his other hand as he walked back to sit across from her. He sat silent for a few moments trying to figure out how best to tell his young partner the story of these men and their father. He finished his doughnut wiping the glaze from the corners of his mouth. “Raven, I am going to ask you a hard question that I want you to think about while I explain what I can about these men and their Pops.” He looks across at her for a minute then says. “The question is this, what do you believe about God?” He paused for a breath and said softly “I don’t want an answer, I just want you to ponder that as I tell you this story.”
The Road to Lazarus (The First book in the diaries of Lazarus House) Page 2
