by Gabi Moore
The door shut behind me, and I felt Thane stand beside me and walk me toward the desk.
"More flashbacks, is that what this is about?"
"You woke up right at the end..."
I shuddered, and he looked down -- legitimately humbled, if only for a moment.
"I wouldn't have contacted you this morning if I didn't think this was serious." His hand had already taken the hand that was clutching the papers. With ease and confidence, he loosened my grip and placed the papers on the desk. "We'll deal with those soon enough, though I'm pretty sure you're stockpiling the last four copies you've given me."
I thought about giving him an excuse, but I was already spent. It wasn't his fault that my mind kept going through all of the same shit every week. Defeated, I sat down on the plush leather recliner, and sank into submission.
Generally speaking, the types of assignments that Thane reserved for me specifically were very similar to the types of assignments we used to carry out together, though for the most part it was all political pretense these days. He wanted to know who was thinking what, and which way some vote might go. The usual shit.
What I couldn't understand is why he kept using me for these allegedly 'subversive' missions, when everyone knew that he and I regularly met up and discussed this very thing.
As Thane prattled on about his most recent point of intrigue, I sat there with my eyes at half-mast, waiting for the moment when he would get past the preliminaries and actually get to the point.
"Aria, I need to know that you'll be there for me on this one."
Thane always talked to people this way. It seemed to me like he didn't quite realize that there were other conscious people in the world. He was a narcissist to be sure, apparently seeming to forget that there were others as perceptive and highly functional as himself.
His smooth talking didn’t really matter much anyway. Both he and I knew what he was trying to pull, but it didn’t do much of anything to change my mind. I had my own reasons of wanting to go on this mission, and for speaking to Thane.
For the moment, I had enough reasons to allow myself to be seduced.
On an emotional level, Thane and I went back to the days of the revolution. He had been a leader of profound military force, and I had been a primary intelligence operative. We had been through hell and high water together, and that kind of history creates very deep bonds indeed.
Now that the revolution had been successful, and we had both reached the other side of that conflict, we no longer had that tight social glue that comes about as a result of enduring conflict, and achieving group victory. Our sense of group identity had dissolved into individually focused bureaucratic roles within the glorious new, Non-Violent State.
My eyes had to roll whenever I thought about it.
But for now, I was here in Thane’s Office. Watching his lips move while he told me all about how sweet I was, and how he always knew that I was cut out for a role like this, and so on.
Apparently, for some, “Non-Violent State” meant “Emotionally Manipulative and Politically Coercive State”.
Poor bastard could have saved so much energy if he had just gone straight to the shoulder massage in the beginning, and skipped all of the ego-affirming verbal nonsense. All it took was a pair of his strong hands to massage the tired muscles on either side of my spine, and I would have committed treason for that man. Not that treason was what was called for here. After all, treason would imply that one was working against the government, and not for them.
Emotional connections, and a strong physical touch go deeper than any political consulate — at least that’s been my experience.
"We can't use the regular channels for this mission,” he said. “The entire success of our project depends on the opportunity being presented to the council as serendipity.”
“Leave it to me to architect serendipity.”
He smiled.
“That’s the language of the new world order, but you know how I can’t abide that level of passivity. Those people in office don’t understand the sacrifice and hard work that caused us to arrive in this position in the first place.”
He paused, meaningfully, and let his hands rest on my shoulders. “I know you understand, because you were there. You gave more than they will ever understand.”
“Cut to the point, Thane.”
“It needs to be an opportunity that we happen across. If we brought this up to the council, there would be endless debates over the legitimacy, and the methodology. Not to mention the fact that the whole council strives to embody this new age, “Let it Be” philosophical approach.”
“As an attitude for de-escalating conflict, that approach has done more for this world than the rule of the previous regime.”
“The problem is that we are no longer facing a situation of social conflict. The conflict we face is an environmental emergency. I just don't know how they think we are going to make the kind of actions necessary; especially within the timescale that we need in order to survive.”
I took a deep breath and tried to center myself. The conflict that I was fighting was apparent to my rational mind. The issues that Thane brought up were important, and he was absolutely right. All of the data suggested that our world was in grave danger if we continued to do nothing about the approaching threat. However, there were legitimate reasons that the council was not exploring avenues of radical change like what Thane was suggesting.
The people had intentionally placed people in power that were not reactionary insurgents. Thane, myself, and a few others had been given decorated positions of ceremonial importance within the new system — but not anything that promised any sort of political power.
The people wanted to use us as a means of dismantling the previous system, and then replace that system with the equivalent of a doddering, conservative council of mystics. The new leadership of the Fae world was primarily a spiritual one, which was ironic, because the problems that faced the new leadership appeared to be more physical than philosophical.
The problem here was that my body was reacting to old intimacies between Thane and myself, while my mind was dismissing the sensible, community focused approach of the council.
I found it difficult to remain focused on rationally processing anything with his body pressed up against my back. Even if part of my mind rationally agreed with him, this was not a trivial decision.
I had to push him away.
"Just give me some space for a minute, Thane. You and I both know the danger that the Fae Realms face. What we don’t know is the potential consequences of opening a long-term portal. Essentially, what you are talking about is a tear between dimensions. As far as I’m aware there just isn’t a precedent for that sort of thing. We could be dealing with a whole new set of problems, just because we didn’t exercise the appropriate amount of caution in this specific scenario.”
“You and I have been trained to take risks.”
“We might have been trained, but if I’m not mistaken, don’t we need a human to open up the portal?”
He nodded.
“How in the nine hells do you think we are going to find a willing participant within the human realm?”
“Correction: You — not we.”
“Great, Thane. Real comforting — we would need someone who wanted to open up a portal for its own merit. That’s not the type of thing that humans just go out and do for a night on the town.”
I shook my head, practically fuming over the details of what Thane was asking of me.
“Martyr on a Stick! Sure, there is a cultural history to draw on here, but most of the time, the stories are about wayward travelers, and children. Even then, how long does the portal last? Certainly not a damned Rift.”
“It would have to be an adult male, and a virgin. I trust you’ll be able to figure out what needs to get done. Besides, we have already gathered as much research as possible.”
“Oh yea. A virgin? That ought to be fun. Let me guess, a bl
ood ritual on a full moon as well? What kind of bullshit are you trying to pull? You know as well as I do that we don't have any data to support that kind of speculation."
"It's a brave new world for all of us, Aria." He shrugged, as though that simple motion could dismiss all of my concerns. "All I know is that if we don't take action, the Fae are going to run out of resources, and we will move into a sequence of extinction. Honestly, I don't see any other path of action which will take place quickly enough to provide the help we need."
"Aren't you at least a little bit concerned that we don't have a clear idea of why the Void is approaching?"
“Our Metaphysicists are working around the clock on that question. Policy makers are speculating about how we can use our social systems to adapt. Engineers are all working on structural alternatives for energy consumption theories."
I shook my head, knowing that everything he said was true. I myself had taken up the question within the Think Tank I had been assigned to after the revolution. They might have called it the “Eccentric’s Argument and Debate Club” for all of the good it did. However, they congratulated themselves on placing me somewhere that resembled a non-violent application for the skills that I had developed during my years as a field agent.
“We don’t understand why the Void is approaching,” Thane went on, “and there is not enough time for us to figure out a solution without sustaining major casualties. We need access to a denser form of energy, and the Material Plane has always provided that for us in the past."
"Yea, on a personal level. We don't even know if whole scale systemic support can be achieved. The ecology of the Fae Realms would have to operate parasitically on the Material Plane until there was some type of homeostasis, and nobody knows what that might look like. We don't even know if opening a portal on a permanent basis is a viable option."
“We owe it to ourselves to try, and I know you’re the woman for the job.”
He had already broken me down. At that point, I wasn't doing much more than stalling, and he knew that. Thane could read me like a book. We had done too much together. There was too much history. Had this been any less of a contentious issue, there wouldn’t have been much of a conversation at all.
"You're a Fixer..."
"That was a long time ago, Thane."
He leaned in over my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "One week, that's all that’s all we need. After that, you can come back here and argue with your debate team until the apocalypse swallows us whole.”
I laughed, though I was a bit uncomfortable. The sound of his voice so close to my ear brought some heat to my body. I tried to suppress the reaction, but flashes of memory came back to me nonetheless. Memories of comforts shared in cold and foreign spaces.
Thane backed off once more.
“We've charted out all of the astrological components of the time window. We have the research already compiled. The best minds have decided that now is the time. All we need is a field agent. Someone with your unique skill sets..."
"I'll do it Thane, you can stop now."
"If you don't want to, we can find someone else. I'm sur--"
"I told you..."
"Look, I just don't want this to be something that you're heart's not really into."
I slapped him.
I had to.
Chapter 3
Thane was one of the most irritating man I have ever known. He was also one of the most charming. If I had wanted to hurt him, I wouldn't have used the palm of my hand. However, I had to at least send a message that I wasn't going to put up with any more of his patronizing bullshit. Charmers have to be put in line every now and then.
He rubbed a smiling cheek with one hand, and flicked an envelope onto my lap with the other.
"So glad to have you on board. This government needs someone with a bit of fire in them to do the work that needs to be done.”
He walked confidently over the back of his desk, and took a seat. Both boots were immediately hefted onto the polished obsidian surface. Everything in this world was ornate and well presented. So much magic was used to make everything appear well ordered and maintained. I knew that there was another reason I wanted to go to the Material Plane, but for the moment, I shoved that impulse down into the bottom of my mind once more.
I didn't feel like dignifying Thane with a response, so I simply turned my heel and left.
“Why don’t you take a walk in the courtyard, and clear your mind?” he called out after me, laughing to himself once more.
Fucking Thane.
* * *
Watching the sea of interns go about their business for the day was nauseating to say the least.
I didn't hold any malice for any one of these people in particular. There was something wholesale unattractive about the whole charade. Everyone was so busy, and I couldn't understand what they all thought they were accomplishing.
A couple even bumped into me as they passed, talking amongst themselves about some abstract and legalistic policy. Immediately, I had to deal with profuse apologies, and red blushed cheeks from both of the interns. There were portraits of both myself, Thane, and a handful of others in the hallways. I didn't look like much these days, but not too many Fae suffered the same sort of physical disabilities.
I waved them along.
They were problem solving, to be sure, but compared to the problems that we had faced in order to get here, it seemed trivial. A whole flood of busy work came in to replace the former tyrannical government, simply because they couldn't stand to have a little bit of nothingness.
You could leave, I reminded myself, not even bothering to speak within the privacy of my own mind. You could probably get access to this portal and just fuck around on the material plane for the remainder of your life. Seduce a fisherman, and start a half-breed family.
The thoughts themselves were entertaining, particularly because I remembered the possibilities held by assuming a different form on the material plane.
In transferring over to the material plane, a fae automatically assumed a form reflective of the natives. Of course, the previous echoes of my life would be on the new body, but a birthmark is a lot more manageable than a permanent disability.
None of the humans have wings. They wouldn't gawk at you any more.
The thought only kicked around in my head for a minute or two before I shoved it aside. I was familiar enough with both pain, and vanity. The final reason to push all of that out of my mind was because I remembered the true gravity of the situation we were in as a people.
Environmental collapse was no longer a theoretical topic of discussion; it was not so much a matter of if, but when. Not to mention there has also been an increase in cases of mental health trauma throughout the Capitol. More and more, Fae were succumbing to suicide and social alienation. I didn't blame them myself, though I found it difficult to make a distinction between PTSD and the greater psychological malaise of our race.
Thane's evaluation of the Void was not a matter to be taken lightly.
I shook my head and shoved the note back between my right ass cheek and my pants. The note fit snugly against my body as I walked away from the structures of the Consulate and toward the gardens which littered the grounds around the central building.
I let my eyes relax slightly, and tried to take in whatever beauty I could from this environment. The entire landscape was designed to engender psychological serenity, even if some of us didn't occupy that state of mind any longer.
The Fae consulate is a seductive place if you've never been. Just after the war, the image projected by the consulate was something holy and set apart for regeneration. The marble statues and magnificent gardens were signals of what could be, if we only worked to restore beauty. They are beautiful, but they are tirelessly maintained so that hardly a leaf is out of place.
As it turns out, the consulate gardens are just another indication of the subtle classism that has taken root within Fae society.
The garden
s were tended to by gnolls, and the cleaning was managed by pixies. Supposedly, we had all once lived in an idyllic forest wonderland, but I couldn't even imagine that type of existence any longer. Supposedly, somewhere out on the fringes, there were Wild Fae; those faeries had all run away in an effort to retain both their culture and autonomy.
The Wild Fae had been tangential, yet crucial in our fight against Xan. More support was offered by them for our benefit than any other population in the realms. However, they only operated at a distance. The Wilder Ones appeared to be ultimately concerned with their own preservation, and only came into action when Xan's forces threatened to run them out of their deep forest retreat.
Following the revolution, we had a choice to join the Wilder Ones, and some did. The rest of us clung to the process of creating a civilized utopia. The promise of security and an improved quality of life were too enticing. It was a devil's bargain, but most of us were so caught up in the machinery of social engineering, that we didn't have attention to notice, or time to complain.
I wasn't completely jaded, but I did fail to see the beauty of the consulate most days of the week. When my mind is pre-occupied with the latest dramatic political episode, it is hard to see the beauty of the trees. It's hard to even appreciate the power and simplicity of a single moment.
Breathing more deeply now, I set my sights not on the nearest areas of the garden, but along the edges. Out there, along the periphery, there was still a bit of freedom to be had. The workers were ordered to maintain appearances as close to the common grounds as possible, but due to the construction of the gardens, the fringes were less accessible, and less critical for purposes of presentation.
My feet passed through the threshold of the garden's main entrance, and I looked around me. I had walked into a vast courtyard. Along the edges of the courtyard were openings which branched outward into increasingly private directions. Wind came at my face, and gently lifted my hair from my cheek.
