by Liza James
"What the fuck, K?" I bite out, digging my fingers into her thighs as I try to pull back.
"Fucking bitch," she says angrily, between clenched teeth while she overpowers me.
I can't make sense of any of this and now my heart rate is blowing through my chest in rapid beats that pound in my head as well. It's loud, and as if I can literally feel my blood pulsing through my veins and running hot under my skin in an entirely new way.
I'm fucking pissed. Again. How dare she try to take this from me again?
But when I look up at her, still shoving myself away from her body, it's no longer her face I see.
This is different, and terrifying in a way I've never experienced before.
"Submit yourself to the Omega, Sunflower. Allow me to cleanse your sins and aid in your ascension." His voice is a distorted twist of both Dom and K. His face a vile mix of dark eyes and creamy skin, her body now stained with his form.
My dream. My hunger. My illusion.
Shattered.
Suddenly, it's his long and hard cock in my face, and instead of being forced in between K's thighs—I'm being forced between his.
His head pushes against my lips, and his fingers twist so tightly in my hair that I cry out at the pain.
The perfect opening. He shoves himself inside my mouth and he tastes like vile poison and repulsive cleanses.
I choke as he slams himself to the back of my throat. My mind is now a putrid melting mess of bright colors painted with blood. My vision of K that prior to this, aided in my distraction of Dom is now corrupted with this moment.
As if they're one. Even though I know they aren't—logically, I know.
But it's hard to distinguish the two when I'm high as fuck and losing my goddamn mind.
Both of his hands wrap around the side of my face as he lifts me up and back down, taking all of him over and over and over again.
At first, my hands scratch and scrape over his legs. I'll be damned if I don't draw fucking blood, but after a few painful and incredibly uncomfortable thrusts—I let go.
Surrendering. Stepping back mentally, emotionally, in any way I possibly can until I feel the hectic pace become a bit sloppier.
I scrape my teeth along his shaft, venturing to bite down on his fucking dick, but hesitating because I'm unsure of the aftermath that will befall me with that action.
And then he's coming. Quickly and without warning as it spills down the back of my throat.
Finally. Fucking finally.
I fall back on the bed, gasping and catching my breath while feeling him shift beside me. He leans forward, dragging his thumb along my lower lip, as he's feeling his own cum on my skin while a proud smile overtakes his features.
"They'll get easier, Sunflower. I promise. Remember how blessed you are, how cleansed your spirit will be through these sessions." He whispers as he turns on his side to face me a bit better. I'm staring at the ceiling, the room now completely encompassed in darkness. I'm not even referring to the light, necessarily.
This is different. It's in my bones. A heaviness that intoxicates and fragments my insides with every touch, every word, every ounce of pain.
"I want another pill," I manage to say on a hoarse voice.
He sighs, but I can almost see him nod his head in my peripheral vision.
In the next instant, his fingers are gripping my jaw, his thumb pulling down my chin until I open and he places a pill directly on my tongue.
I swallow.
No regrets.
I'm ready to forget.
"Where's Calypso tonight?" Aura's sweet and quiet voice breaks out behind me. I'm standing in front of my mirror at the club, adjusting the leather straps on the bright green harness I'm wearing tonight.
"Who the fuck knows," I reply, meeting her gaze briefly in the reflection. Aura is changing out of her own outfit, throwing on a pair of sweats and hoodie when Ruby walks into the room.
"Excuse me?" She bites out, her tone a bit angry and harsh as she stalks toward her girlfriend and suddenly yanks her forward by the front of her hoodie. Aura gasps, and I absently pick up the narrow bottle of mascara while watching them silently from my own little corner. It's only the three of us in here at the moment.
"What the hell did I do?" She replies quickly, throwing her hands up and on Ruby's shoulders to hold her back a bit. But Ruby snaps, her own fingers flying up into Aura's hair and on her waist as she twists her around so her back is pressed tightly against Ruby's chest.
Ruby's hand falls around the front of her girlfriend's neck and it's in that instant I see the tiniest flicker of a new expression cross Aura's face. Her lips twitch up at the corners, her eyes slipping shut for just a moment before coming back to the present.
"Where in the fuck did you get permission to change out of that sexy little latex outfit you had on?" Ruby's voice drops lower, into a growl against her skin while I scoff out in the tense space.
Her eyes fly up to meet mine in the mirror, and I can't help the confident smile pulling at my lips.
"I always knew you two were going to be different," I reply casually as I lean forward and begin applying my own mascara.
Ruby ignores me for a moment, one of her hands slipping up and underneath the edge of Aura's sweater. She gasps at the touch, and I can practically feel how turned on she is at the simple touch.
They fucking live for each other.
It's sick.
Ruby laughs quietly against Aura's neck and before pulling away and smacking her ass the second she turns around. "Yeah, that's why you kissed her in front of me, right? I should fucking kill you for that—by the way. You're lucky to be alive right now."
I know she's joking, but there's another part of me that knows she's a bit serious. Ruby would kill for Aura, and I know Aura would do the same. You can just tell, in the ways they interact with each other. In the simple glances and subtle touches. It's in their connection to each other, a tether I've never seen with anyone else let alone experienced it for myself.
Liar.
The word flashes through my mind before I even realize it hit me, and at the same time, Calypso finally walks through the door and over to her mirror in hurried steps.
"Calypso," Aura starts, turning toward her in greeting with a kind smile on her face.
Lyp glances up in the mirror and offers a quick wave but says nothing else. It's clear she's in a rush, and I glance at my phone to check the time in case she's late for her shift.
She isn't.
I notice Ruby tug Aura's hand into her own, raising her eyebrows in question as they have some sort of silent interaction. But Aura says nothing else, and Ruby stalks up behind me in order to say goodbye before they both leave for the night.
"You guys are off already?" I quickly ask, realizing it's still decently early for any of the girls to call out.
"We're not leaving, technically." Aura replies as Ruby steps behind her and throws an arm over her shoulder.
Ruby's face breaks out into an arrogant smile, her eyes widening in excitement before continuing Aura's thought. "We're going to the Kink Club side for the night."
I halt my movements, turning my entire frame to face both of them as astonishment floods my mind. "You two," I lift a hand and point to the two of them. "Are going to the Kink Club?"
Aura laughs, throwing her head back as Ruby presses a quick kiss to her cheek. She turns back to me and raises her hand, wiggling her fingers in a cocky goodbye before pulling Aura out of the room.
I turn back to my own mirror, gathering all of my hair in one hand and pulling it over my shoulder. I deliberately watch Lyp in the reflection, noticing the way her frame is tense and stiff while she tries to get ready.
We haven't seen each other since the fight she happened to watch. I haven't spoken a word to her since she shoved me to the ground and told me to get lost.
Fuck her for thinking she could get rid of me that easily.
Narrowing my eyes, I lean a bit closer to my mirror, di
sguising the tactic by running my thumb over my lip as if I'm fixing something. My gaze zeros in on Lyp's hands and arms, the way she's slightly trembling before dropping her make-up brush to the floor.
"Shit," she mutters to herself, as she bends over to reach under the table to pick it up. My eyes fall to her ass, and I unintentionally pause for a split second as if locked in place.
Fuck, I'm checking her out. And I hate the way my stomach knots without my consent.
I shake it off and turn around, deciding to confront her about the fight while we're alone. My steps are quiet, but not silent, and I'm surprised when she doesn't even notice how close I've gotten behind her.
Her hands are fidgeting with her make-up, the trembling in her frame growing stronger while she continues muttering incoherent words under her breath.
What the hell?
I watch over her shoulder, shocked that she still hasn't noticed my presence, hasn't felt me standing behind her. So, I lift a hand and run my fingers along her bare shoulder, slipping under the strands of her long, blonde hair and pulling it to the side.
"Boo," I whisper, my tone sharp and full of the edge I know to take around her. I'm confused and maybe even—dare I say—mildly concerned at her blatant ambivalence, but I'm not lost to the fact that she's still a fucking bitch.
She jumps, gasping in a breath and launching backwards while her eyes snap up to the mirror. Her back collides with my chest so powerfully that I trip and stumble back, my arm snaking around her waist in an attempt to steady us both before we crash to the ground.
My free hand darts to the side, gripping one of the chairs nearby while I catch us both. Lyp immediately pulls out of my hold, whipping around so she's facing me with both of her hands lifted between us.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She snaps, her eyes wide and her shoulders shaking as she speaks. "How many times do I have to tell you to stay the fuck away from me?"
I tilt my head back in surprise, but I guess I shouldn't be. She did tell me to stay away at the fight. I just wasn't expecting such an aggressive response at the club as well.
But it's in that same moment that I really see her for the first time—in the light. Her skin is pale, sunken under her eyes and flushed on her cheeks. Her shoulders are rising and falling rapidly with each breath, and that's when I realize how erratic it is. She suddenly crosses her arms over chest, as if she's fucking shielding herself.
"Do you think you can hide from me?" I say quietly as I take a step closer to her. My chest brushes against her arms, and before I can even gain the upper hand, her fingers are at my throat, forcing me incrementally away from her.
I scoff, keeping my eyes trained on her vacant ones. It's weird, honestly, how incredibly strong she still is while she looks like she's physically withering away.
"I'm not hiding, K. I'm right fucking here," she replies, her lips pulling back over her teeth in a snarl.
She holds me still, and I let her, for the moment. My eyes fall down to her neck, across her chest and her arms as I inspect her for any sign as to what could be happening.
It's the first thing I see that alerts me to someone else spending their time around her. The bruises smattering her skin where she hasn't been able to conceal them. That's how I know there's some secret she refuses on sharing.
"Who are you dating now? Which asshole is beating the shit out of you?" I reply, forcing my tone calm and casual.
I shouldn't fucking care what she's doing in her spare time. But when she's dated in the past, she's at least chosen guys who were quiet, meek—kind.
This is different. Hell, her entire demeanor is different than it's ever been since we were kids.
"It's none of your fucking business," she responds, but her voice is hoarse and her words sound strangled in her throat. Her eyes immediately glisten with tears but I can see her forcing them back when she shoves me away and releases me.
I stalk forward again though, caging her against the counter as I slam my hands down on either side of her. I shove forward, forcing myself into her space so she has no choice but to talk to me. "I swear to all fuck, Lyp. If you don't tell me what the hell is going on with you—I'll find out myself."
She's quiet, her eyes darting back and forth between my own as if her mind is warring on something. She feels so wildly different. The tension between us is riding this wave of giving and pulling, rejecting and accepting.
I don't understand it.
My head tilts a little closer as my eyes fall to her lips, parted and full and not even an inch away from my own.
I want to kiss her.
Now, with all of her anger and fight burning between us—this is what I want to feel.
I lift a hand, surrendering control only briefly while I run my thumb over her lower lip. She freezes under my touch, her eyes slipping shut while I feel her fucking skin.
She's cold.
"Who are you seeing?" I ask again, trying to break through whatever barrier she has so firmly built between us. "What's going on with you, Lyp?"
Her hand slowly lifts and her fingers wrap around my wrist, tugging me away from her while she opens her eyes. Her gaze is dark, empty, bleak as it meets my own and I already know I've lost her.
"I can't do this with you," she replies as she gently pushes me back and turns around to face her mirror again. She continues with her make up, attempting to shut down this conversation between us.
I drop my head in frustration, trying to decide whether I should keep fucking pushing or not. I don't know how to break through this and frankly, I should simply let it go. We've been nothing for so long that this should be easy.
So why the hell can't I do it?
"The hard way it is then," I groan in irritation and step away from her.
She pauses and looks back up to me again, "What is that supposed to mean, K?" Her voice is suddenly cautious and it hasn't slowed the tremble in her hands.
I ignore her and walk out the door in search of Chris. He's in control of our slots on the stage, and I have an adjustment I need to make for mine.
It's infuriating, honestly. How K and I have gone years without hardly any interactions aside from the club, to this insane war happening between us at all times now.
The moment I genuinely need her to leave me alone, is the second she's right here in my face trying to uncover all of my secrets.
I hate her.
Almost more now than I did before. Dom uses our relationship against me, after tricking me into saying things as if I was speaking to her during our sessions. It was clever. I fucking fell for it like I was starving for her connection, thirsty for whatever toxicity she can give me.
I'm so sick.
And now he knows how badly I needed her, how destroyed I am over our past. No one else was supposed to know those things and it's become his perfect ammunition. The key to my entire kingdom.
K doesn't return before it's time for me to head to the back stage, anxiously eager to get this set over with.
Dom gave me Adderall and a joint earlier, keeping me barely fed by my addiction until I go home and can take what I really want. The drug that takes me so fucking high I hardly have to be present anymore.
So, while my head is cloudy and heavy, I'm still here. I'm fully aware of my own pain and desire to be finished at this club. My mind constantly works through the emotions I can't avoid entirely, the fear and dread of what I'm going home to every night and what my future looks like now that I'm a part of The Nation.
I can't forget the training sessions either. God, how could I ever forget those.
Over the last several nights since watching K at her fight, Dom has been taking me to empty warehouses and large fields out of town where we can remain out of sight. It's not only him, either.
But another man that I swear I've seen before, I just can't put my finger on when or how.
His name is Jed, a member of The Nation as well and one who directly benefits from what I'm clearly being prepared for.
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To fight.
Fuck, I laugh to myself in utter disbelief as I climb the short steps that hide me behind the stage.
Fighting. My mind slips to the realization once again.
Me. A fighter. It's the most ridiculous and unbelievable idea I could ever imagine. That has never been me, not for a single moment. Yet, here I am now, knowingly practicing and training to go against someone else in the fucking ring while Dom ideally benefits monetarily.
For The Nation. For my ascension. Climbing my fucking ladder of misery and indoctrination.
Willingly, I might add. Because I decided to devote myself to this god forsaken belief system. I decided I was too weak to fight back mentally and emotionally. Ironic, right? Because I'm still fighting, now physically and for the side I never actually wanted to be on.
I try to shake the thoughts free by leaning forward and peeking around the curtain in search of whoever is currently dancing. I know they should be just about finished, and it'll only be a few more minutes until my song signals and it becomes my turn to step out and entertain the masses.
Sick. Dread. Nausea. Disgust. Unfulfilled. Anxious.
Music. Life. Love. Inspiration. Connection. Energy.
Does the second stream of thoughts and emotions even exist anymore? For regular people, the average girl living in her twenties. In her own apartment, her own independence and support from the people around her.
It's a devastating understanding when you finally realize that seemingly mundane reality becomes your fantasy.
For a moment, my constant depressing mindset is distracted when I don't see anyone on the stage in front of me. But the music keeps playing, and I glance behind my shoulder to see if any of the girls are coming.
No one's here, and when I look to the crowd, I see everyone excitedly sitting in their seats watching the empty stage.
My eyes narrow and my brows pinch together in confusion, but suddenly the sound of casual footsteps comes up behind me.
The song changes, and it's my signal to step out begin my own dance as the base beat of K'S SONG CHOICE thumps through speakers. I whip my head around to see who's coming before stepping forward and when my eyes collide with K's quickly passing figure, I freeze.
