by Liza James
"What the fuck were you thinking by leaving?" she demands and pulls her hand back as I realize she's about to fucking hit me. I launch up, blocking her hit with my forearm before gripping her hair and throwing my weight to flip us at the same time.
The crowd cheers, and countless hoots and bellows break out around us while we fight each other. "You wouldn't understand," I grind out, gripping her neck and lifting before shoving her back down on the ground. Her head hits first, and the idea of hurting her like this sends a crack through my own chest.
I don't want to fight her.
But I also don't miss the way her lips pull into a surprising smile and her eyes slip shut momentarily. When she looks at me again though, she's forcing her hand against my face and dragging me closer to her. She whispers quietly, but her lips pull back into a heated snarl at the same time. "I think I'd understand better than anyone."
"Would you?" I scoff, just as she rears back and shoots forward, hitting me across the jaw when I fly back and land on my ass. My hand naturally darts up and I rub my palm against the place where pain now explodes over my skin. "Fucking bitch."
I rush toward her, and don't miss the way her body tenses and her face lights up with a new energy.
She fucking likes this. Such a damn slut for punishment.
K stands, raising her fists in front of her face and bracing her frame as I collide with her. Her grip wraps around my shoulders and she throws me back. Unfortunately, my head is spinning with this high, and I stumble before falling again in complete frustration.
"You could give up, Lyp. Make this easier on the both of us," she calls out, slowly walking toward me and crouching in front of my face.
"Fuck no," I bite out, throwing myself toward her and wrapping my arms around her waist as I send us both flying to the ground. We roll, over and over while her nails dig into my flesh and I rip at her hair.
She groans out in a sudden pain, but I spin us at the same time, positioning myself on top when I can finally swing my fist back and against her jaw. Her head whips to the side, lulling for a moment before rolling back toward me. In that instant, in this moment where it feels like it's just the two of us, her energy changes. As if we're lost enough to everyone else. Given them enough of a show to have a single moment of desperation for each other.
"Leave with me," she whispers, and she lifts her hands up to my waist.
"No," I reply, smacking her against the face with the palm of my hand while I try to keep her fighting. We can't talk and be doing nothing. Everyone is still fucking watching us.
"Hit me again," she replies, as if she's reading my own thoughts. But my brows furrow and a new pain lingers under my skin. The air is shifting, and suddenly it's becoming much heavier with more than just emotions of anger.
"K, come on. Fight back," I beg, while throwing a lighter hit against her face again. I'm trying to give her a shot. Come on, take it.
"No," she says, a sad wash of surrender overtaking her expression. "Leave with me."
"I can't, for fuck sake." Anger billows in my chest, and I'm struggling to keep this going on my own. I'm in this strange place of being torn—I want to keep fighting, if only to feel her against me and hear her words while we speak. But I don't want to hurt her like this, and I'm afraid the only way to get her to participate is by taking this a step farther.
"Yes, you can. Ruby and Aura will help us. We'll stop The Nation together. We'll—"
I cry out in an explosion of frustration and rage, pulling my arm back and sending my fist flying just under her jaw. Her head bounces off the floor and it's the first time a different spark blasts in her gaze when she looks at me again. "When will you understand, you stupid whore. I'm not going with you. I don't want to go with you. I don't want anything to do with you." I grind the venomous words out like poison spewing from my lungs.
It burns my own skin, my flesh twisting with my own self-hatred at what I've just said.
I don't fucking mean it, but it has the effect I need it too.
K launches up in a quick second, flying so hard against my chest that I'm thrown back on the ground and the wind rips from my lungs briefly. I attempt sucking in a breath, and K's own hand crashes against my face. She hits me, again and again and I can suddenly taste the metallic tinge of blood in my mouth.
The crowd erupts in boisterous cheers, screaming K's name while she finally breaks free. "You're a fucking liar." She bites out, just as she leans down and presses her lips to my ear. "I know you went back in some sacred mission to protect me. You're fucking stupid." Her fist slams into my ribs and I groan out as the sting radiates through my side. "And if I have to drag you back by your fucking hair, I will—kicking and screaming."
She sits back for a single second, breathing heavily as my mind spirals in my high and the pain continues erupting in my limbs. "You have no fucking choice in this, Lyp."
Before I can even respond, large hands are slipping under my arms and roughly dragging me out from underneath K. She falls back on her ass when she's caught off guard as well, and the guy running the fight suddenly rushes forward as he yells at the man to back off.
But my heart already knows what's happening, the second K's eyes land on whoever is behind me, and her gaze widens in frantic panic—I know. She scrambles forward on her hands and knees, her fingers quickly wrapping around my ankle as she attempts dragging me forward. But there's no use, and Jed shifts to her side as he sends his own fist colliding against her face.
Everything changes so rapidly I can't keep up. K flies backwards and I wildly try to rip out of Dom's hold so I can get to her. But Dom is powerful, and his hands tighten while he lifts me up into the air and over his shoulder.
He turns and begins hurrying through the crowd while I scream out. I watch K's retreating form as Jed suddenly rips out a gun and sends a bullet flying through the ceiling. Everyone in the gymnasium explodes in an attempt to flee and I slam my fists against Dom's back again and again while I try to pull out of his hold.
My heart is hammering out of control, my mind weighted with the high and my visions twisting with such a powerful and all-consuming fear.
I have to get to her.
But I'm glued to this monster, and as he turns around a corner, I catch a final glimpse of Jed rushing after us, leaving K wiping blood off her face while she scrambles to her feet.
"We have to get out of here," Jed calls out behind us, and Dom is already running through the school and toward an exit he must know of.
"When we get to the car, drive to the procedure location. We won't be found there, and Sunflower can pay with her next sacrifice," he says, his voice uncomfortably strong and steady. As if he isn't even afraid of what's just happened, like he already has a plan in place.
"Aura, that's the girl who is your—"
"Shut up. Do not speak of her again or I'll slit your throat. Do you understand?" His words send goosebumps breaking out along my skin, and that fear twists in my stomach at whatever's coming to me.
I lost.
In the most problematic and dramatic way possible. This won't be good.
"Yes, Prophet. I apologize," Jed's thick voice replies in a clearly fearful tone. I get that, being afraid. But I'm also getting sick of feeling anything at all. I was doing so well and suppressing all of those emotions until I saw her again.
The way she was bleeding when I left, her scrambling to her feet, Jed hitting her. All of it replays in my mind in a vicious cycle as we break out into the night air and Dom loads me in the back of the car.
"K, I need to get back to her," I mumble, knowing things can't get much worse than they already are.
"You will never see her again." His rough fingers grip my jaw tightly as he forces me to look at him and absorb his words. "Never. She is nothing to you. After tonight, you'll understand where your place is amongst The Nation. Your position will be of insurmountable value."
I don't think I'm processing everything fully. Not right now, while I've fallen apart at
keeping everything so tightly pulled together. Now, little pieces of my self-containment have broken off into shards of uncertainty and reminding emotions.
Now, not even the drugs can suppress the heady addiction I have for K.
So, while my heart sinks at Dom's words, I'm actively trying to force everything back behind those barriers. I need to forget this, forget her, focus on what I can do to actually fucking survive this.
I nod in understanding and as Jed climbs into the front seat and turns on the car, Dom sits in the back with me, pulling a black cloth from his pocket and wrapping it tightly around my eyes. I can't see a thing, except the continued beams of light fluttering through my vision. Part of me wonders when my high will come down; maybe I can manage a clearer mind to work through everything I've just experienced.
I have no idea where we're going, or what sacrifice it is I'll be making. But the little phrase replays in my mind as the car sways with each turn on the drive there. Dom rests his hand on my thigh, his thumb grazing along the sensitive skin on the inner portion. He shifts it higher, and I subtly rest my palm over his wrist in hopes to slow his approach.
He doesn't say a word but begins praying in a language beside me I don't understand. He's chanting something, over and over before giving thanks to our Omega for my sacrifice.
"What exactly, am I going to be doing here?" I caution a question when I shift toward him. A shooting pain flashes over my ribs, where K hit me earlier, and strangely enough I find comfort in the sting. It's a subtle reminder of her.
"The Omega gifted me with a vision of your place amongst our followers, Sunflower. A matriarchal role if you will. One where you will also be blessed with the ability to cleanse and multiply our people." His voice vibrates with a new energy, one that's happy and bordering excitement.
I remain frozen in the seat while he speaks however, my head rushing in attempt to understand exactly what he's saying.
"Multiply our people, cleanse them. What do you mean by that?" I ask the question slowly, enunciating each word while my heart begins picking up a quick and panicked pace.
My palms begin sweating, new waves of nausea rolling through my stomach as he continues explaining.
"Our people will need to grow, evolve into the powerful movement we truly are meant to become. For the last year, deniers have been threatening our hold. The weak were taken by the police, those who wouldn't have survived amongst us anyway, those who didn't deserve ascension were subjected to prison. I've come to understand this is exactly as the Omega intended. He needed to purify our ranks and spoke to me in a vision as he told me of your exact purpose."
I'm trembling. His words infect my blood with terror and the harshest realization I've ever come to face in this.
It's so much worse than I imagined. Where I assumed if I paid my dues, if I did as he demanded now, I'd be given my freedom later on.
Oh god, oh god.
"You will bear the children of The Nation. And in creating pure life, you will absolve the sinners of their darkness. Countless children you'll have, my Sunflower. From every man in The Nation until our ranks are filled with boundless joy and fruition."
"No," I suddenly speak, quietly at first and without realizing the word was even falling free. "I will not."
I'd rather die.
I'd rather die than spend the rest of my life fucking men and being impregnated with their children.
"This is the perfect sacrifice, Sunflower. How do you not see the irony in this? The Omega saw your vile draw toward women, the abomination in your nature, and he's given you the ultimate gift in rectifying this. Cleansing men of their own sins, bearing their children—you are a matron of light and life." His words are coming quicker, the tone in his voice turning a bit aggressive as he explains his reasoning. He's passionate about this and determined to make me the cow of our Nation.
I can't. I can't do this. And if this is what my life will become, then I'll find a way to end it before I ever get there.
I don't speak, I can't. I have nothing to say other than the complete and utter denial of this. I don't need his permission to finish things myself though, and with each passing instant, my mind begins telling me this is the only option I have left.
Suicide. Is this the end for me?
Hopelessness is a powerful feeling. The lack of opportunity to break free, the idea that I was serving a purpose by being here in order to save my friends. Those facts are what's kept me going, kept me here. And the possibility that I'd be free at some point.
But those desperately needed pieces of hope are now gone, stripped of my mind and replaced with one single thought.
I want to die.
The car slows to a stop. We've been driving for almost an hour.
One full hour of my mind spiraling with methods and timeframes and ideas of how I can end this.
I feel sick, and also strangely at peace. Like a settled weight in my chest that no longer scares me but frees me at the end of this.
When Jed turns off the car, I catch the subtle sound of a rumble outside our vehicle. It's so quiet, and Dom is shifting in the seat to unbuckle me and adjust my blindfold. He keeps it on my face though and climbs out of the car while pulling me behind him by my hands.
Once I'm out, he shuts the door and I hear the sound of Jed closing his as well. Dom places me in front of him, leading me forward by a strong hold on the center of my back. I can hear the crunch of pavement under my feet, the sound of windy gusts blowing through the trees, and the swish of automatic doors opening as we approach.
Where are we?
I don't have the faintest idea, but as soon as we stride through the doors, my steps evolve into a tap tap on something I assume is linoleum. The air wafts with the smell of sterility and cleanliness, and my brows pinch together in confusion as I try to make sense of this.
Suddenly, Dom is greeting a man, the other responding in great respect and clear appreciation of my personal monster. How the fuck does he find these people? I don't understand it, but then my mind begins connecting everyone I've met so far.
K's family. Jed. Dom. Myself.
We're all hopeless.
Easily manipulated with inspired action. I laugh briefly at the realization, because holy hell this is how it all works.
He preys on the weak-minded, on those who don't know their own worth and power. And god, I gave mine to him so willingly. I want to hate myself for it, but I also remember the threats and pain, the rape, the fear of losing K.
I understand why I made the choices I made, and I know this next one will be justified as well.
When all hope is gone, I refuse to get it from him.
The three men are leading me deeper into the building we're currently in. I'm remaining silent, and Dom's hold swings to the nape of my neck as he walks beside me. His energy is shifting, turning into something tense and thick between us.
I wish I knew what I was walking into. How am I going to survive this? The last thing I want is for Dom to claim my death as his.
That alone belongs to me, and I'll fight to maintain that.
We slow down a few paces and turn, clearly stepping into a narrow space as he leads me into a room. Every step sends a pain shooting across my ribs. My head is pounding with a migraine, and I'm still heavy from the high while we move. I want to escape this now, but there's so many things occupying my mind that it's hard to decipher exactly what I should do next.
Escape or end it. Those are my options, and ones I can't figure out the timeline of.
The men are conversing about whatever is coming, referring to the procedure countless times as I struggle to listen.
What fucking procedure? I'm supposedly going to give birth to all of The Nation's children, so I'm sure it can't be related to my fertility. My heart races though, and I begin mentally scanning through every possibility.
The newer man leaves the room, and Dom leads me to what I believe is a slender bed. That's when I realize we must be in some sort of medical faci
lity, which makes sense to the procedure reference and the sterile environment.
Wrapping his hands around my waist, he lifts me up while I try to pull away from him. His fingers bite into my flesh as she shoves me back then forces me to lay down on the bed. I'm still attempting to remain calm, but I quickly feel him wrap straps around my wrist while Jed hastily secures my other.
"Wait, stop—" I stammer out, my voice pitching high in panic while I try to rip my hands free. Their holds are strong, and they immediately pin my hands down so I can't move while they tightly secure me in place. "What's going on?" I cry, now kicking myself for not finding a way out of this before now.
"Your procedure, Sunflower. It will be quick, I promise." Dom's voice is strong, calm, collected.
I hate him.
He reaches forward and pulls off my blindfold, my eyes immediately squinting under the bright fluorescent lights above me. "What fucking procedure?!" I scream, kicking my feet out and to the side while I try to hit him.
He simply smiles, moving beside me and firmly wrapping his fingers over my thigh as he shoves my leg down to the bed. "We have to protect you against your own temptation, your own sin. This is a blessing for you from the Omega. Don't you want to live without this corruption in your nature?"
"Holy shit." I'm trying to catch my breath, but everything begins racing. My heart, my breaths, my mind, my words. All of it, panic is striking through every ounce of my body, and I'm terrified of what's coming. "There's nothing wrong with me. I promise. I swear on it, on my fucking life. I don't like women, okay?"
Dom smiles sadly, his thumb tracing along my skin as his eyes bore down on my own. "You're lying, Sunflower. And I forgive you for this, the Omega forgives you. It's time we take matters into our own hands and cleanse you of your pleasure permanently."
My head swings to the left as the other man walks into the room. He's wearing a long white doctor's coat, blue scrubs layered underneath and bright blue gloves on his hands. He smiles as he walks toward me, but it doesn't reach his eyes.
Goosebumps explode along my skin, my entire body on alert as he comes nearer. "Hello Sunflower. My name is Doctor Gardner. I'll be performing your procedure today."
