“I had the feeling I actually miss skating.”
She looked down at the creek, the edges of the bank covered in ice. Water rushed over and around the ice formations, bringing strange thoughts to Libby’s mind. Flashes of twirling on the ice entered her mind’s eye. She was happy, but how could that be? Though her first instinct told her she was an expert skater, she couldn’t help but wonder where her sudden aversion to it had come from.
“From what I’ve heard from everyone, including Jonas, you’re quite the skater.” Logan offered. “I got to see a little bit of that today.”
The mention of Jonas pricked her attention.
“What did Jonas say about my skating? He doesn’t even know me!”
Logan looked at her curiously. “I got the impression the two of you used to date.”
Libby’s face heated at his comment. “That isn’t even possible since I don’t know him.”
Logan raised an eyebrow. “Do you think you could have forgotten him the way you forgot how to skate?”
Libby’s heart rolled against her ribcage hard enough to knock the wind out of her. She knew from today’s experiment that she hadn’t forgotten how to skate. Was it possible that she’d also not forgotten Jonas and her relationship with him? He had seemed familiar to her, and it now worried her to think they could have dated at one time.
“Surely I would have remembered if I’d dated Jonas—wouldn’t I?”
“Maybe the two of you broke up.”
“Nee, the Amish don’t usually do that. They court one person until marriage.”
“You know a lot about the Amish.”
“Because I’m—I’m.”
Libby couldn’t finish her sentence. She was confused about who she was. She knew her family was Amish, which would make her Amish, but she honestly didn’t think she could be Amish.
“Because you’re Amish,” Logan finished for her.
“Jah, I mean—I don’t know what I mean anymore!”
Logan pulled her into an unexpected hug.
“Don’t try too hard. It will come to you.”
Libby gently pulled away from Logan. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the closeness between them, but she had more important things on her mind at the moment.
“We should go,” she said. “It’s getting late.”
Logan took her hand and led her back to the car. He turned over the engine and cranked up the heat to warm them up quickly. Then, he leaned over and tried to kiss Libby.
She turned her head and backed toward the passenger side door, her head bumping the window.
“I can’t kiss you?” Logan asked.
“Not yet,” she said shyly. “It’s too soon. Maybe after we’ve had a few dates—then, maybe.”
Logan smirked. “You thought this was a date?”
“If it wasn’t a date, why would you try to kiss me?”
“I just think you’re pretty, that’s all.”
Libby folded her arms in front of her and pursed her lips. “Perhaps we should just go into town and eat like we planned.”
Logan distorted his face. “I didn’t really want to go into town either.”
“Then just what was your plan with me?” Libby asked angrily.
“Not to go into town with you.”
Libby leered at him. “Just what is that supposed to mean?”
“Well,” he stammered. “You’re Amish. What would my friends say if they saw me with you?”
Libby pointed to her jeans. “Do I look Amish to you?”
Logan shrugged. “Well, your long hair and the way you wear your makeup does make you look Amish, but more than that, you talk like the Amish.”
“But you said I was pretty!” Libby argued.
“Yeah, but—I—I.”
“You what?” Libby demanded. “You thought I was pretty enough to kiss, but not pretty enough to take on a date in front of your friends? You will not take advantage of me this way—I won’t let you!”
Libby opened the door of Logan’s car and got out, pointing her feet back toward her temporary home with Bethany. It would be a long walk back in the cold, but at least her virtue would remain intact, as would her dignity.
CHAPTER 13
Libby’s anger kept her warm as she walked down the icy road toward home. The last thing she wanted was to run into Jonas, but he was riding toward her in his buggy, and she was certain he’d already seen her. It wasn’t like there was anywhere for her to turn off the road, but even if there was, she’d have probably taken a turn rather than face him at the moment. She would surely suffer ridicule from him for not listening to his warning about going out with the Englischer in the first place. It wasn’t what she needed to hear right now. All she wanted to hear was how Logan was in the wrong—not her.
Jonas pulled his buggy up alongside of Libby. Though he was tempted to ask why she was walking when she was supposed to be out on a date with Logan, he decided to let her off the hook. It was obvious by her expression that the date had not gone well. That, coupled with the fact she was walking and alone, made him wonder what kind of man would do such a thing to a woman. Jonas had taken her home the night she’d broken up with him, and though his heart was breaking at the time, he knew it was the right thing to do.
“Hop in,” he offered. “You look freezing.”
“Danki,” she said quietly.
She climbed up inside the buggy beside him without a word.
“I’ll have to go up the road a ways to the turnoff so I can turn around and head back—unless you’re hungry and would like to join me in town for some food.”
Libby thought about it for a minute. “You wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen in public with me?”
Jonas slighted his eyes from the road long enough to assess her expression. “Why would you ask such a question?”
Libby stared out at the snow. “Answer the question and I’ll tell you.”
Jonas smiled. Even if she was distraught, she was acting like her old self. “Alright. I would not be embarrassed to be seen in public with you. Now will you tell me why you want to know the answer to such an odd question?”
“Because of the way I’m dressed.”
“What about it?” he asked casually.
“Logan said I look Amish!”
Jonas wanted to remind her that she is Amish, but he held his tongue. “You look like you’re enjoying your rumspringa, that’s all. But why would you think it would embarrass me?”
Libby blew out a discouraging sigh. “Logan told me he was embarrassed to be seen in public with me.”
“Englischers can be cruel. I’m sorry he said such an unkind thing to you.”
“Danki,” she said, nudging against him.
It put a lump in his throat. He missed her so much, and he wished more than anything that he could slip his arm around her, but he didn’t want to scare her any more than she might have been by Logan’s actions.
“So tell me,” he finally said. “Why is it that I found you out here walking all by yourself? He didn’t leave you, did he?”
Libby shook her head. “I got out of the car after he tried to kiss me.”
Jonas clenched his jaw, but kept his gaze forward so she wouldn’t see the fury he was certain would show in his eyes. He was a forgiving man, but it grated down his nerves to think of another man putting his hands on Libby. He breathed a quick prayer, thanking God that she was able to get away from him unharmed.
“You are lucky to have gotten away from him before something more serious happened.”
As soon as the words left his lips he regretting saying it. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten her or cause her anxiety.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I was so worried for you when you left with Logan, and now I know the reason I had such a bad feeling.”
Libby looked at him curiously. “I thought you were just jealous. I didn’t think that you could be worried about me since you don’t know me.”
But I do
know you! Jonas thought. And I was certainly jealous!
“That isn’t entirely true,” he said.
“Which part?”
“Well,” Jonas began. “I suppose if I was being honest with myself and with you, I’d have to admit truth to all of it.”
She giggled. “I knew you were jealous!”
Jonas nudged her back playfully. “I am not!”
“Are you ever going to tell me how we know each other?” she asked.
Jonas smiled at her. “I think I might make you work for it.”
Libby raised an eyebrow. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that if I told you, there wouldn’t be any fun in that. As long as I keep it a mystery, I can keep your interest.”
“Well I do like a gut mystery, but you already have my interest.”
Jonas winked at her. “I was really hoping you’d say that.”
“I’m not sure why, but I have a feeling you won’t disappoint me,” Libby said.
“I’ll try my best.”
They both laughed, and to Jonas, it felt a little bit like old times.
CHAPTER 14
“We could eat here,” Jonas offered, pointing to the family restaurant on the corner of Main Street. “They serve breakfast all day.”
Libby smiled and nodded. “I could eat breakfast all day long.”
Jonas knew this about her, but didn’t dare let on how well he really knew her, fearing it would scare her off.
“It’s settled then,” he said as he pulled the buggy into the parking lot.
After assisting Libby out of the buggy, Jonas tied up the horse.
Libby tipped her head back, watching the snow swirl about overhead. She loved the snow and wouldn’t mind at all if it stayed winter year round.
Lost in the magic of the snowfall, Libby didn’t hear Jonas when he called her name. He closed the space between them and touched her arm, hoping not to startle her.
Libby lowered her head slowly, looking at Jonas. A flash memory of him entered her mind just as quickly as it left her. She blinked and shook her head. Was she seeing things? Perhaps not, she reasoned with herself. After all, he was standing right in front of her.
Jonas held his arm out to her. “Shall we go inside where it’s warm?”
“You know, I don’t mind the cold,” she said as she looped her arm in the crook of his elbow.
“Jah, I know,” he said with a chuckle. “You could stay out on the ice for hours, but I don’t want to turn into an ice sickle out here.”
She tightened her grip on his arm. “I wish I knew how you know so much about me. I’m guessing we were at least friends.”
He winked at her as they walked through the door of the diner. “Jah, we were gut friends.”
She leaned in and whispered to him so the hostess would not hear her. “I had a feeling we were.”
Jonas patted her hand that hung from the crook of his elbow, thinking he’d much rather hold her in his arms, but that just wasn’t possible yet.
When the hostess showed them to a booth, Jonas gestured for her to sit before he did.
“Here you are Darlin’. This looks like the best seat in the haus.”
Libby looked at him curiously before she slid into the booth. Where had she heard that before? From Jonas, perhaps? Either way, it was strangely familiar.
The server handed them a couple of menus and left them to get their drink order. Neither of them picked up the menus.
“Do you know what you want?” Jonas asked after an awkward moment.
“Jah, I always get the same thing.”
He smiled, knowing what it was she always ordered. “Me too.”
She smiled back as the server showed up with their drinks.
“What would you like, Miss?” the server asked.
Libby raised an eyebrow at Jonas and smiled.
“I would like hard-scrambled eggs, bacon, potato wedges, and two pieces of French toast.”
“Are you really going to eat all of that?” Jonas asked her jokingly, knowing he would end up eating what she couldn’t finish, just as he had when they were a couple.
“Jah,” she said with a giggle.
He paused for a moment, thinking how much he missed that giggle.
“Well, in that case, I will have hard-scrambled eggs…” he paused again, looking for the change in her expression.
She didn’t disappoint him.
She’d noticed he’d ordered his eggs the same way she had.
He set his focus back onto the older woman waiting for his order. “I’ll also have bacon, hash browns, and…”
“Toast instead of pancakes,” Libby interrupted him.
He winked at her, pleased that she’d remembered.
The server smiled as she picked up the menus.
Once she was gone, Libby narrowed her eyes playfully. “I’m guessing we’ve eaten here together before.”
“Jah,” Jonas admitted, wishing he could tell her it had been quite often.
Dishes clanging helped to fill the awkward silence between them, but Jonas was determined to offer up a few more reminders to Libby about their relationship. As long as he could avoid the question of why they’d lost contact a couple of weeks ago, he figured he would do alright.
He looked out at the snow, gesturing to Libby to follow his gaze out the window. “The snow is best seen when you’re lying on your back on the ice. From that angle, it seems to just float around, and you can’t tell where the snow starts and the sky ends.”
“You like to do that, too?” she asked.
“Jah,” he said with a smile. “Ever since you first showed me.”
Libby put a hand to her chest. “I showed you that?”
“Jah. Before you pointed that out, I’d never looked at snow from that angle.”
She smiled.
“You also told me that each snowflake is different. You said that you’d read it in a book at the library that no two snowflakes are alike.”
Libby tipped her head to the side, looking deep in thought for a minute. “I remember going to the library with my cousin in Nappanee, but I don’t remember telling you that about the snowflakes—although I do remember reading about it in a book.”
Jonas felt a little frustrated, wondering what he could safely say to jar her memory.
“We spent more than an hour one afternoon catching the large snowflakes on our gloves and trying to see if we could tell the difference in them.”
“Did we?”
“Nee, but we laughed a lot while we tried.”
Libby lowered her head. “It sounds as if we had a lot of fun playing in the snow. I wish I could remember it.”
“I do too,” Jonas said sadly.
CHAPTER 15
Libby hurried to dress herself. She was actually looking forward to the invitation from Jonas to skate with him at the pond today. Funny how just yesterday she was looking forward to skating with Logan again, and hoping it would be their second date, but after the way he’d treated her, she didn’t ever want to see him again.
Pulling on a pair of cable-knit stockings, she wondered if she should rethink her attire. She’d chosen her favorite blue dress, hoping it would turn Jonas’ head. In reality, though she knew it was her favorite, it didn’t keep her from feeling foreign in the dress.
Studying her appearance in the bathroom mirror, she had to admit she looked awfully Amish in the dress, even if her untamed tresses didn’t. Surely she should pull her hair back. After all, Jonas had kindly reminded her yesterday that she should wear it as was fitting per the rules of the Ordnung. They weren’t a part of the strictest of Ordnungs, but she was required to keep her hair pinned back and tucked away behind a prayer kapp.
Libby breathed out a heavy sigh as she looked at herself in the mirror. Had she always been this plain? With makeup on and her hair down she was certainly prettier in her own eyes, but she knew that beauty was in the eye of the beholder. She believed her mother had most likely tol
d her that. If not, she’d surely heard it somewhere from someone who obviously cared a great deal for her, and that was all that mattered to her.
Satisfied she wasn’t going to get any prettier no matter how long she stared into her reflection, Libby stepped away from the mirror and headed down the stairs to where Bethany was eagerly waiting for her.
“Ach, you look so much nicer today,” Bethany told her.
Libby distorted her face. “I look plain and dull.”
“Nee, you’re as beautiful as always, but don’t tell anyone I said that.”
They both giggled and Libby hugged her.
“Danki, I really needed to hear that. I’m feeling a little awkward in this dress. Did I really skate in a dress before the accident?”
“Jah. And don’t worry about Jonas. I have a feeling he’s going to be happy to see you in that dress.”
Libby crossed to the window when she heard his horse coming up the driveway. “He should. He practically sent me to my room when he saw me in those jeans yesterday!”
Bethany giggled. “Jah, he wasn’t too happy to see you dressed that way.”
Libby turned around, a sense of urgency in her expression. “Do you know what my relationship with Jonas was like before the accident?”
Bethany raised an eyebrow. “What did Jonas say about it?”
Rolling her eyes, Libby watched out the window as the buggy drew nearer to the house. “He wants me to remember on my own.”
“It will come to you. Isn’t that what you want?”
“I really like him, Bethany, but I don’t know if I liked him before, or if he liked me, and if it was more, and why we aren’t together now. I have so many what-if questions that I need answered, and it doesn’t help that my feelings for him are conflicted.”
“What do you mean?”
Libby checked the window again before answering. Jonas was almost to the house.
“I mean that I think I could love him, but I know it’s way too soon to have such narrish thoughts about this mann when I’ve barely just met him. And only yesterday I thought I wanted the Englischer! But now, I’m conflicted.”
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