by Stan Kirby
“Jane has five apples. Jimmy has two more apples than Jane. Karen has one less apple than Jimmy. How many apples does Karen have?”
Where did these kids get all these apples? Eugene wondered. And why in the world would any kid need six apples?
But still, homework had to be done. And Eugene was doing it. Until he heard the noise outside his window.
What was that?
“MEOW.” Again.
A cat! At the window! Eugene was instantly suspicious. Was it the Meow Mixer, ready to cough up a Hyper Furball at him?! Or the very bad Katty McKlaw with plans to scratch?! Or something WORSE!?
Eugene crept to the window. He threw open the curtains!
“Time to clean your litter box, Katty McKlaw!”
Oh. It was just an ordinary cat on the windowsill. Turbo’s wheel stopped spinning. Turbo gave the cat a cold stare.
A funny-looking orange cat that looked a lot like orange juice if orange juice had four legs, with little white stripes and green eyes.
“Ew. Peas.” The sight of green made Eugene think of the hated vegetable.
Eugene decided right away to call it Funny Cat.
Funny Cat jumped through the open window. Turbo raced to the far edge of his cage and turned his back to the cat with a snort.
Eugene had always wanted a cat . . . and Captain Awesome could use another reliable sidekick, especially one that could use its Claws of Goodness to catch an evil mouse or climb an evil tree. Eugene rubbed Funny Cat’s head.
“Purr,” the cat purred.
“Aw, mom and dad would never go for another pet.” Eugene sighed. As he carried Funny Cat back to the window, a thought popped into his head.
They don’t have to know about Funny Cat yet, right?
“I’ll bet you have all kinds of awesome cat powers!” Eugene said.
Turbo began running as fast as he could on his wheel.
“Meow,” the cat lazily meowed and licked its paw.
“I knew it! You’ve probably got nine lives and you can always land on your feet!” The possibilities excited Eugene. “Oh! What if Captain Awesome had a cat sidekick . . . oh man! That would totally growl up Mr. Drools!”
Turbo stopped spinning on his wheel and looked right at Eugene.
In a flash Eugene made a comfy bed for Funny Cat in his closet then jumped into his own bed. He pulled the covers up to his head, safe and snug with the thought of having a new, furry friend in the battle against the bad guys.
And then came that howl he would know anywhere! Mr. Drools was back!
Eugene bolted upright in his bed. “Looks like that dangerous dog is up past his bedtime!” Eugene said to Funny Cat and Turbo.
YES!
“Come on, Turbo! Let’s introduce Mr. Drools to the newest member of the Sunnyview Superhero Squad! Time to give that tail-wagging do-badder a meowful!”
Squeak. Squeak. Squeak.
Dr. Yuck Spinach pushed a squeaky cart piled high with boxes of frozen peas down the hall of Sunnyview Elementary.
“Peas, peas, good for your heart! Peas, peas, you’ll get a good start! Peas for lunch and peas for dinner! Eat your peas and be a winner!” he sang.
Pure evil!
After Dr. Spinach disappeared into the cafeteria, Eugene and Charlie stepped out from their hiding place behind the bathroom door.
The boys scurried down the hall and outside. Not even evil could make them miss recess.
Sally sat by herself on the steps and quietly stared at her shoes. Again.
“Hey, what’s wrong, Sally?” Eugene said.
Sally burst into tears. “I never wanted to move to Sunnyview! I hate this place! I wanted to stay with my friends! And worst of all,” Sally said, “Mr. Whiskersworth has run away.”
“Mr. Whiskersworth?” Charlie asked. “Is that your dad?”
“No, my cat.”
“What does your cat look like?” Eugene asked.
Sally pulled out a picture of Mr. Whiskersworth. He was orange, like the color of orange juice if orange juice had four legs, with little white stripes and green eyes.
“Ew. Peas.” The sight of green made Eugene think of the hated vegetable.
Mr. Whiskersworth looks just like Funny Cat, Eugene thought. Maybe they’re brothers!
But before Eugene could say anything, Sally burst into tears again and ran back into the classroom.
“She’s so upset she’s going to miss recess?” Eugene said, surprised.
“Wow. I didn’t think it was possible to be that upset,” Charlie replied.
“This sounds like a job for the Sunnyview Superhero Squad,” Eugene said.
The boys were about to leap into action to find the guilty Whiskersworth-napper when a voice called out from the swings behind them.
“We’re going to beat you today, Eugene!” It was Mike Flinch.
Bernie Melnik was at his side and stabbed a finger toward the two boys. “Yeah!” Bernie wasn’t much of a talker.
Bernie and Mike were both epic swing jumpers—they could launch themselves off a swing like two elementary school bananas in a sling-shot—but could they beat Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man?
“Let Flinch and Melnik beware!” Eugene said.
Intergalactic swing-jumping is one of my many playground superpowers.
Bravely, Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man grabbed their swings and prepared to jump through the rings of Saturn. . . .
Was there anything greater than going home from school after such a great victory? Nope. Eugene and Charlie laughed and high-fived all the way home.
Eugene interrupted the happiness with a serious thought. “A cat that looks exactly like Sally’s photo of Mr. Whiskersworth came to my room last night. . . .”
“I’ll bet it’s Mr. Whiskersworth’s brother!” Charlie exclaimed.
“I was thinking the saaaaame thing,” Eugene said. “If only one of us could speak Cat, then we could ask Funny Cat if he knows where Mr. Whiskersworth is!”
“Then it’s a good thing one of us does speak Cat,” Charlie said, then added a meow.
“No. Way.”
“Oh yes. Way. I have more than just the power of canned cheese,” Charlie said. “I have power over the animals. I can get a dog to come to me when I call its name. I can pet a dolphin. And I can get a seagull to catch a french fry in midair. Guaranteed!”
Eugene was impressed. There’s a lot more to Nacho Cheese Man than I thought. We’ll have to start making a list of our powers!
“Did you ever wonder how I first discovered Mr. Drools’s rotten, no-good plans?”
“Wow! You can read Dog, too?!” Eugene gasped.
“No! Are you nuts?! Everyone knows dogs can’t write! But I can read their doggie minds. Now take me to this cat!” Charlie commanded in his most heroic and commanding voice ever. “But first I gotta ask my mom if I can go over to your house, okay? I think I have piano lessons.”
HISS!
Captain Awesome stuck out his hand to pet Funny Cat. “It’s okay.”
SCRATCH!
“Are you sure he’s one of the good guys?” Nacho Cheese Man asked.
Captain Awesome was wondering the same thing. And then he realized the problem!
“Nacho Cheese Man is one of the good guys, Funny Cat! And don’t worry, he didn’t put a mind-control cheese helmet on my head to make me say that.”
“I know what’ll convince him.” Nacho Cheese Man squirted a bit of cheese onto his finger and held it under the cat’s nose. Funny Cat licked the cheese.
“He likes it!” Captain Awesome said.
“Duh. It’s cheese.” Clearing his throat, Nacho Cheese Man looked into Funny Cat’s eyes.
“OMMMMMM!”
he chanted, startling Captain Awesome. “What? It helps me get our brains in tune. OMMMMM!” he chanted again, then leaned closer to Funny Cat. “Funny Cat, where is your brother, Mr. Whiskersworth?” Nacho Cheese Man asked in a commanding voice. He watched Funny Cat lick. “Very interesting .
. .”
“What’d he say?” an eager Captain Awesome asked.
“He says he’s a cat. And that he loves cheese.”
“What about Mr. Whiskersworth?” Captain Awesome asked.
“Oh yeah. I almost forgot.” Nacho Cheese Man locked eyes with Funny Cat and in a serious voice asked, “Do you know where your brother, Mr. Whiskersworth, is?”
There was a short pause as Funny Cat cleaned his whiskers.
“Yes, yes,” Nacho Cheese Man said, a bit impatient. “I got that part already. You love cheese. But where is Mr.—”
RUFFFF!
“It’s Mr. Drools again!” Captain Awesome yelled. “He’s come back for my Frisbee!”
Funny Cat jumped through the open window. He scurried across the roof and climbed down the big maple tree near Eugene’s house.
“Wow! Look at Funny Cat go!” Nacho Cheese Man cheered. “The Sunnyview Superhero Squad is right behind you!”
Captain Awesome grabbed Turbo and tucked him into his Turbomobile. “Time to get MI-TEE!”
Earth’s two greatest heroes not named Super Dude jumped into the teleporter bay and beamed up to the Dog Star to battle the menace of Mr. Drools once more.
Neither hero spoke. This was serious superhero business. After all, the fate of the world’s greatest Frisbee was hanging in the balance.
“Epic!” Captain Awesome said. His Frisbee was safe again. Mr. Drools had been defeated by the Sunnyview Superhero Squad. “Let doggie-do-badders take note: Not rain nor snow nor too much homework will keep the Sunnyview Superhero Squad from upholding all that is good, right, and . . .”
“Covered in chocolate!” added Nacho Cheese Man.
“Well, I was going to say ‘true,’ but ‘covered in chocolate’ isn’t bad, either,” Captain Awesome admitted.
Captain Awesome picked up Funny Cat. “Ready for a little more mind reading?”
But before Nacho Cheese Man could read any more minds, Funny Cat jumped from Captain Awesome’s hands and raced away.
Whoa! I can’t lose a cat I just found! thought Eugene.
Both Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man took off after Funny Cat. They ran down the sidewalk, through Mr. Muckelberry’s front yard—he hates when kids do that—jumped over the bushes, and fell into Mrs. Humbert’s begonias—she hates when kids do that.
Funny Cat was faster than the lightning from the fingertips of Captain Lightning Fingertips from Super Dude No. 68. He teamed up with King Thunder Toes to rain on Super Dude’s Super Dude Parade. Luckily, it was only cloudy with a slight chance of defeat for the bad guys and it was the Super Dudiest parade ever.
Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man screeched to a stop at the end of the cul-de-sac.
“Uh, Eugene, do you know where we are?”
Funny Cat had led them to the house where the alien spies had just moved in. “We have to get Funny Cat back before the alien spies hook him up to their alien spy machines and suck out his supersmart cat brain.”
“We need a Plan A!” said Nacho Cheese Man.
“And Plans B and C, just in case!”
CRASH!
“What was that?!” said Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man at the exact same time.
There was no time for any plans, A, B, and certainly not C! It was time for action!
Together Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man ran to the side of the alien spy house where they found four things that each required their own exclamation marks:
1. Sally Williams!
2. Her bike!
3. Trash cans!
4. Funny Cat (sitting on top of the pile, purring and licking his paw like nothing had happened)!
“Are you okay?!” asked Captain Awesome as he helped Sally from the pile of trash cans.
“Mr. Whiskersworth!” Sally was too excited to care about crashing her bike into the trash cans. “You found him!” She looked at the boys in their superhero outfits. “Whoever you’re supposed to be.”
“I am Captain Awesome!” said Captain Awesome in his most heroic voice ever.
“And I am Nacho Cheese Man,” Nacho Cheese Man said, in his most heroic voice ever. He added a heroic pose because you can never be too heroic at times like this.
“We’re the Sunnyview Superhero Squad,” Captain Awesome explained. “And you’re in big danger! This is an alien spy house!”
“Don’t be silly,” Sally laughed. “This is my house. We just moved in.” She gave Mr. Whiskersworth a big, happy squeeze.
Captain Awesome recognized Sally’s bike from the moving van. He leaped into action and checked Sally’s hair.
“What are you doing?!” Sally said and pulled away.
“Looking for an alien mind-control helmet,” Captain Awesome explained, then turned to Nacho Cheese Man. “She’s all clear. No alien spyness here.”
“Wait a second.” A realization hit Nacho Cheese Man. “You called Funny Cat ‘Mr. Whiskersworth . . .’”
“Well, yeah,” Sally hugged the cat again. “This is my cat. See?” Sally showed the boys the cat’s collar. It read MR. WHISKERSWORTH.
SHOCK!
“ THAT’S Mr. Whiskersworth?!” Captain Awesome gasped. He scrunched his nose and looked at Nacho Cheese Man.
“What? I would’ve figured that out if the cat didn’t keep thinking about how much he loved cheese,” Nacho Cheese Man said, defending himself.
“He’s right! Mr. Whiskersworth does love cheese!” Sally offered.
“See! I knew it! I was right!” Nacho Cheese Man proudly puffed out his chest, then continued, “I bet Mr. Whiskersworth ran away because he was sad that you and your family had to move.”
“I was sad to leave too,” Sally said. “But I’m glad that Mr. Whiskersworth is back.”
Captain Awesome was silent. As Sally and Nacho Cheese Man talked, he had a tough decision to make—even tougher than the time his mom had asked him if he wanted green beans or eggplant with dinner.
Funny Cat belonged to Sally. The duty of any and all superheroes was to return lost cats to their owners. Even if you really, really, really, like really, wanted to keep them for yourself.
Eugene remembered the time that Meredith Mooney hamster-napped poor Turbo. He didn’t want to make anyone feel as bad as he had felt on that day.
“Could I have a moment alone with Mr. Whiskersworth?” Captain Awesome asked. Sally handed over her cat and the world’s greatest hero who was not named Super Dude gave him a final hug. “I hope you enjoyed being my second sidekick as much as I enjoyed having you as a second sidekick,” the heroic boy whispered into the cat’s ear. “Be brave, be good.”
“Meow,” the cat replied, and Captain Awesome knew that everything would be all right.
“Thanks, Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man, for finding Mr. Whiskersworth. He’s my best friend, and I’m so glad he’s home.” Sally put Mr. Whiskersworth in the basket on her bike. “Now we’re going to patrol—I mean explore the neighborhood.”
“Just be sure to remember to stay out of Mr. Muckelberry’s yard,” Nacho Cheese Man suggested. “He’s kinda upset right now.” Down the street, Mr. Muckelberry was standing in his front yard, shaking his fist at them.
“We’ll go apologize after he’s calmed down a little.” In his normal Eugene voice, Captain Awesome said to Sally, “I’m glad you got your cat back, Sally. Maybe you’ll like Sunnyview more now.”
“I think I will.”
Sally rode her bicycle down the driveway and into the street. Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man watched to make sure she used all the proper turn signals. And she did.
“What a great day!” Captain Awesome said. “Villains bravely defeated, a second sidekick . . . for a while . . . a chase through Sunnyview, and maybe even a new friend to—”
WAIT A MINUTE!
And that was the moment when Captain Awesome saw IT.
It was one of the most amazing ITs he had ever, ever seen in, like, forever.
“Check out her bicycle!”
<
br /> Nacho Cheese Man saw it too! On the back of her seat was a Super Dude license plate.
A Super Dude license plate!
SALLY WAS A SUPER DUDE FAN TOO!
“We’ve really got to get one of those!” Nacho Cheese Man said.
Captain Awesome agreed.
But Captain Awesome couldn’t fight the feeling that there was more to Sally than he had originally thought. Could it be that Sally Williams was much more than a mild-mannered girl, new kid on the block, and cat lover? Could it be that she had a power more awesome than just being able to stare at her shoes all day long?
Could it be . . . wondered Captain Awesome. Could it be that Sally is secretly a superhero, too?
Sally disappeared around the corner on her bike and Captain Awesome knew his question would just have to wait . . . for now.
BOOM! CRASH! CLANG!
“Evil sounds from the cafeteria!” Charlie gasped.
The boys raced to the cafeteria, flung open the doors, and saw truly yucky evil.
The two boys dove for cover.
“It’s our old enemy, Dr. Yuck Spinach!” Eugene whispered.
“He must have escaped from Asteroid Prison and returned to continue his evil vegetable plans!”
“There’s only one way out of this veggie trap,” Eugene said. “Make a direct charge through Dr. Spinach’s evil Cafeteria Lair.”
“That’s insane!” Charlie gasped. “We’ll never make it! He’ll use his Okra Bombs and Asparagus Spears!”
“Yes. And his Poison Parsnips, too,” Eugene replied. “But Super Dude never says ‘Never!’”
