by Lena North
“I’m so sorry –”
It sounded as if he wanted to protest or argue, so I turned my face away from him with a whimper. He made a soft sound, almost like a sob, but then Mac leaned forward and said with more force than I’d ever heard him use before, “Leave. Now is not the time so you will leave.”
Dante winced but did what he was told. His movements were jerky, but he couldn’t resist the command.
Then I leaned my forehead on my knees and focused on breathing.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Nicky.
Time passed, and people were moving around me. I heard muted cheers from the corridor and registered vaguely that Mary and her babies probably were okay. Then determined steps came straight toward me.
“Get a grip, Snow,” Bo suddenly said.
Carson’s partner, the flamboyant man with the biggest heart of anyone I knew, had arrived.
“Bozo,” Hawker grunted warningly.
“No,” he snapped. “I’m sorry, but no. It needs to be said and you won’t. Mac won’t. Olly is off somewhere with Jinx and Dante can’t because he’s downstairs tearing the cafeteria to pieces. So I’ll do it.”
I raised my head and stared at the blurry shape that was him.
“Bo?”
“That’s me,” he said calmly. “I know you’re scared, Snow, and I know you hurt. But you have to keep it together.”
“Sometimes I’m so full of darkness that I can’t find my way,” I confessed. “Now is one of those times.”
“There’s always a way, sweetie. If you can’t find it, then let us.”
“Nick was becoming my light. I’m not sure I’ll manage without him,” I whispered.
“Maybe you will and maybe you won’t, but he’s not dead yet.”
“Jesus, Boz,” Wilder muttered, and I sensed someone moving next to me.
I exhaled slowly and straightened my back. For the first time since the shots rang out and I felt Nick jerk on that bike, the weight on my chest eased off. Bo was right. Nick wasn’t dead, and I had to get a grip. If I lost him, I could lose that grip again, but he wasn’t dead yet.
“Right,” Bo said. “He has parents?
I nodded.
“Has anyone called them?”
I nodded again.
“You might want to shower before they get here, girlie. They’re not gonna want to see their boys blood all over your clothes, so let’s start with that. You’ll need something else to wear.”
He looked around the room, and when his eyes paused on Wilder who was my size, more or less, I wondered if he’d rip the cool black tee and torn jeans off her. She took a small step backward, probably thinking the same.
Then Bo pursed his lips and said, “I’ll go and find you some clean clothes.”
“But –”
He put a hand up in front of me, but turned it and let it slide gently over my cheek.
“Let me? Please?”
“Okay,” I acquiesced, since I needed clean clothes but mostly because I sensed his need to give them to me.
He was by the door when he turned.
“Talk to your cousin,” he said calmly, and then he marched off, a man on a mission.
I probably should, I thought. The question was, which one.
Then I showered, got into the black jeans and tee that Bo had somehow obtained, and walked out to find two police detectives waiting for me. I withheld the fact that I’d broken into my professor’s office, and how the shooter had asked for the papers, and just said that they shot us and that I had been too overcome to see anything. Since I hadn’t actually seen the men attacking us, I didn’t think that I’d obstruct any justice with my limited account of what had occurred, and I’d told Wilder everything earlier so they would take care of things.
The sounds around me felt muted. It was as if I existed in a bubble, and I could only seem to focus my eyes on what was right in front of me, but I clamped my jaws together and kept breathing. Nick’s parents came rushing through the corridor, followed by Joao and I got up again, to hold Pauline as she cried. Nicholas’ arms were around us both, and I heard his ragged breaths, but then he told us that he’d go and see if he could find out more. He came back almost immediately, with Jiminella in tow.
“They’re still in surgery,” he said. “Shouldn’t be long now. His heart is beating again, and they’re closing up his shoulder and leg.”
His heart was beating – again. Had it stopped beating? Images of him on the ground in that alley swamped my mind, and my neck suddenly felt wobbly.
“Here,” a deep voice rumbled next to me and suddenly, I held a bottle of orange juice. “Drink. Then we’re going downstairs for food.”
When I stared at the bottle, Olly gave me a nudge and reiterated his order. As I drank, Olly introduced himself to Nick’s parents, and after a brief pause, he put a big hand on Pauline’s shoulder.
“Try not to worry, ma’am. Jamieson is refusing to let him die, threatened to shoot the cardiothoracic surgeon when he was ready to give up, and Jinx here has scared the whole hospital into focusing all their considerable resources on your boy.”
Pauline’s eyes filled with tears and her hand came up to squeeze Olly’s.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“I’ll take Snow downstairs for a meal. This has been rough on her.”
He nudged me again, but I was looking at Jiminella.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“We were idiots, Snow. I’m so sorry,” she replied.
I didn’t know what to say and couldn’t deal with what had happened between us right then, so I just stood there.
“Food,” Olly rumbled and moved me away from Jiminella’s dark, sad eyes.
I hadn’t known I was hungry, but I was. Dawn was approaching, and I didn’t know where Olly got the sandwiches and dark, strong coffee from because the cafeteria was closed, but I ate and drank everything he put in front of me.
“Okay?” he murmured when I finally leaned back.
“Yeah,” I said. “I need to go back upstairs.”
He nodded and stood up.
“Talk to Dante,” he rumbled and twitched his head to the side. “He was an idiot for acting like he did, but he figured that out for himself soon enough. You should have returned his calls.”
I nodded and started walking toward a lonely figure sitting in the other end of the cafeteria with his back toward us, staring out the window.
If I’d known he called, I would have called him back, I thought.
“Dante?”
He bent his head down to his chest and exhaled.
“He was right,” he said. “He said I had to let go of you, and I wanted to hit him. Because he was right, but I didn’t want him to be.”
“You were –”
“I take care of people,” he cut me off. “It’s who I am, Snow, with everyone.” Then he turned slowly and went on, “When you came to Marshes, after… You were so small. Just arms and legs and those huge, haunted eyes. And your pain was so complete. I tried to help you because it’s who I am, but also because it was you.”
His beautiful face was strained, and he looked up at me with eyes filled with sadness.
“I know, Dante,” I said.
“I didn’t know that I failed,” he rasped out.
“You didn’t fail. You were there for me when I needed you to be.”
“Except tonight, upstairs. I couldn’t help you then, and I’m so sorry about that, honey. I wish we’d talked, before.”
“My phone isn’t working,” I said. “I would have called you back, but it broke when I fell into a cave and –”
I stopped talking when I saw the look on his face.
“Anyway,” I said, “I would have called.”
His mind brushed mine, and I smiled a little at the familiar feeling.
“How is d’Izia?” he asked.
“Nick,”
I stated and watched him calmly.
“How is Nick?” he corrected himself.
“Still alive,” I replied. “I need to go back upstairs.”
“Can I come?”
“Yes,” I said and stretched out a hand toward him. “Yes, you can.”
It took another hour and then Jamie was suddenly standing in the door to the crowded waiting room.
“He’s in intensive care, and it’s still critical.”
“He’s alive?” I asked, knowing that he was but still needing Jamie to say the words out loud.
Jamie smiled a sweet but tired smile, and I exhaled.
“He’s alive,” he confirmed. “It’s still touch and go, but he’s hanging in there. Do you want to come and see him? He’s sleeping but –”
“Do vultures shit on their legs?” I asked as I got to my feet.
There was a strangled sound behind me, but Jamie barked out a short, startled laugh before he collected himself.
“Uncle Nico, Aunt Paulie,” he said with a nod. “Come. I’ll explain as we walk.”
Nick was hooked up to tubes and machines, and there were bandages everywhere.
“He’s sedated so he can’t hear you. We’ll wake him later today if he recovers as expected.”
“Okay,” I said, suddenly frightened again. It was as if it wasn’t my Nicky lying there on the bed. “Can I touch him?”
Jamie led me around the bed and pointed to a chair.
“You have five minutes.”
I nodded and sat down. Then I put my hand on Nick’s and leaned forward until my mouth was close to his ear.
“I love you, Nicky,” I breathed.
It was barely a sound because this was between him and me. Then the hand underneath mine twitched slightly, and I straightened, turning to Jamie in surprise.
“He moved?”
“Sometimes there are small shudders in the muscles, Snow. He can’t hear you.”
Huh. I didn’t believe him, so I leaned forward again, and breathed into Nick’s ear, “I know you can hear me. I love you. Just rest, for now, Nicky, and I’ll be here when you wake up.”
The hand twitched again, but this time, I didn’t tell Jamie. He wouldn’t believe me anyway.
“Bird?” I said.
“Snow.”
“He’s alive.”
She was quiet for a long time, and then she murmured, “Good. I worried.”
“Me too.”
“Black man was caught?”
I assumed she meant the man in the shadows. The shooter.
“Hawker will hunt him. Joao and the others too.”
“Good.” She was silent a few seconds again, and then she muttered, “I want to peck the eyes out of his head while he’s still alive.”
Yikes.
“We’ll let you,” I said and moved to the side to let Pauline reach her son.
Everyone left after that, most of them up to Double H where breakfast waited. Joao would go with them, to talk to Hawker about what came next, but I didn’t want to go that far away from the hospital. Nick’s parents declined my offer to go to his condo and said they’d check into a small hotel close to the hospital and sleep a couple of hours. I waved them all off, told them I’d gather up my things and go home for a while, and walked back down the corridor to Nick’s room. Then I sank down outside his door, leaned my head on my knees, and started crying.
“Hey,” Bones murmured, and sat down next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders in an awkward move.
“He’s alive,” I sobbed. “You saved us.”
“We’re a team,” Graw muttered as he sat down on the floor in front of me.
I raised my head and looked around. They were all there, sitting in a small circle around me or leaning against the wall, in their ratty old tees, worn jeans, and sneakers. Some were clearly dressed down for the occasion, and some were dressed up. All of them were watching me, and I thought that I’d never seen a more beautiful crowd.
They told me how they had planned to meet up with us at Nick’s place, to find out why we were breaking into the Uni. There was bragging about hurting the men who had shot at us and frustration that they had come to our aid so late and that they hadn’t captured anyone. When the ambulance and police had arrived, most of our friends had left so they didn’t know more than that. As the day slowly moved they stayed with me. We talked about climbs we’d done, crazy shit we’d pulled off, about Nick and what we’d do when he got better. The hospital staff let them stay when they so easily could have pushed the rules at us and forced them, and me, to leave. When everyone finally left, it was well into the afternoon, and I watched them leave with a smile on my lips. It was wobbly, but it was a smile.
I’d thought I had no one to hold me up.
I’d been wrong. I had my family, and I had friends.
“You’ve been here all day?”
Jamie’s voice made me jump, and I turned to him.
“Yeah,” I said.
“You need to sleep.”
He was frowning and shuffling us away from Nick’s room.
“I’m not leaving him,” I protested.
“Break-room, just around the corner, there’s a couch.”
A few nurses sat on said couch when we got into the room, but one look from Jamie had them moving away quickly. Then we sat down, and I turned to him.
“Thank you.”
“He’s my cousin.”
That simple statement said it all, but in a way, it didn’t.
“But –”
“I’m sorry, Snow. I said things I shouldn’t have said. You caught me by surprise, and I reacted badly.”
“You did, and I know you think Nicky was involved in your brother’s death, but you saved him anyway.”
“I’ve been angry for years, Snow, you know that. Still am, but he’s my cousin, and maybe I was –”
“I should have told you about Nicky and me,” I interrupted.
“I never loved you.”
I blinked.
“I never loved you,” he reiterated, with a small grin. “Wanted to love you. Thought I could. Tried really hard, but I wasn’t in love with you.”
“Okay,” I murmured weakly.
Then Jamie explained in great detail how his pride had been stung, how much he liked me as a friend, how he’d thought we’d be comfortable and how he had changed his mind. My eyelids started drooping, and he pushed me down to my side, pulled a pillow into his lap and made me rest my head on it.
When I was on the brink of falling asleep, I felt his hand glide gently through my hair.
“Snow,” I heard him sigh.
He whispered my name once, just as I tumbled into dreamland, and it sounded sad.
Chapter Eighteen
Stop peeing on the turf called Snow.
“Don’t make me laugh, it hurts,” Nick said quietly.
Bones had been walking through Nick’s room at the hospital but he froze and stared at us.
“Wasn’t planning to,” he muttered.
I smiled, and when Nick squeezed my hand, I got up, pulled a big envelope out of my tote-bag, and placed it on Nick’s chest. He was still watching Bones, who was watching Hawker, Miller, and Kit warily. Bones didn’t seem quite as threatened by Dante but it was probably good that Olly had muttered something unintelligible and walked off a while ago, I thought with a grin.
“We’ll be off the grid for a while,” Nick said. “Need to give you something before we leave.”
We hadn’t decided where we’d go when Nick was released from the hospital, but his condo was according to both Joao and Hawker a huge no-no. They talked about security, and the lack thereof, until Nicky was half asleep. I had been bored out of my mind and agreed to not going there.
Bones took the envelope before Nick could raise it more than an inch from his chest. The injuries healed well, but the bullet had touched his heart as it passed through his lung, and h
e’d lost an alarming amount of blood from that and his other injuries, so everyone was careful around him. It frustrated him, but his father had told him in great detail what procedures Jamie and the other doctors had performed, how they had restarted his heart three times, the shape I had been in and how Pauline had thrown up when they got to their hotel room that awful day. Nick had paled as his father spoke, and when Nicholas finished it all with a terse, “We’re going to mollycoddle you for a good long while. Suck it up, boy,” he just nodded.
“What’s this?” Bones asked.
“Sign it, and your name is corrected.”
“But –”
Bones stared at Nick, wide-eyed and confused.
Wilder had a high-power lawyer firm on retainer, for legal issues concerning her ranch and “other things.” I didn’t want to know what other things she could possibly need a lawyer for but asked her to help us with the paperwork needed to add the g to Bones’ last name.
“Sign it, buddy, and walk out of here as the McAngus you should be,” Nick clarified.
“I can’t accept –”
“I heard you,” Nick cut in. “I was dying. Snow was next. It was dark, and getting darker, and I heard you.”
I took hold of his hand. I’d told him what had happened, but I hadn’t known he’d been conscious enough to remember what Bones and the others had done for us.
“You stood in front of us facing a gun, man. Shielded us and led the others, pushed back at the ones who shot at us. Who shot me. Unarmed, and unafraid, you stood there right in front of us.”
“It wasn’t a big deal,” Bones muttered.
“It was a huge deal to me. He would have shot Snow next, and he didn’t. Can’t pay you back for that, but that piece of paper… That I could do, easily.”
Bones closed his mouth and looked at me.
“Sign it,” I said and stretched a pen out to him.
He snatched it out of my hand and signed the papers. I put them back in the envelope and gave it to Hawker.
“You’ll take care of it?”
“Yup.”
Bones jerked around and looked at Hawker again.
“Thanks,” he said uncertainly.
“I’m the one who should say that.”
“Okay,” Bones muttered and turned to Nick. “Look, I don’t know what to say. You’ve just… I don’t… Fuck.” He cast another quick glance at Hawker as if the older man would object to the use of a word that was a staple in his vocabulary.
