by Jill Shalvis
She loved marshmallows.
But now her tummy hurt.
Instead of calling her daddy and whining, which is what she would have loved to do, she pressed her pillow close to her belly and told herself she couldn’t get sick all over the pretty lace comforter on her grandma’s bed.
Her grandma was funny. So was her grandpa. And they had a cat named Noodles who was going to have kittens.
She intended to beg her daddy for one when they were born.
Her hopeful grin faded. Maybe he wouldn’t be interested. He seemed to have other things on his mind.
Like that Cindy woman.
Sara frowned now. She’d seen them kissing and hugging, and she didn’t like it.
She didn’t want her daddy to like another woman, even if she was nice and pretty and smelled good the way Cindy always did, because what would her mother say when she came back?
Sara, honey, I don’t think she’s coming back.
Her father’s words rang in her head, and as much as Sara loved her father and always wanted to please him, she really really wanted him to be wrong about this.
Her mother would come back. She would.
And she’d take one look at the way his father grinned like a dork over Cindy and probably get unhappy, maybe even cry.
Or even worse, she wouldn’t want to live with them, which would be the most awful thing of all, for Sara wanted them to all live in the same house happily ever after.
She didn’t want to come from a family with two houses like her friend Sally.
So while her stomach hurt, she lay there and tried to come up with a good plan for keeping Cindy and her father apart, or for at least keeping her father so busy he wouldn’t have time for anyone but Sara.
When she had a plan figured out, she relaxed and fell asleep.
Chapter 11
Jenna drove mindlessly up the coast, her fingers stiff on the wheel, the night air lifting her short hair away from her hot face.
Misery and despair were her only company. That, and the taste of failure.
She hit the steering wheel with her fist. Once again she had chosen to destroy her life rather than deal with it. Hindsight was twenty-twenty of course, but even she knew what she should have done. She should have announced herself as Jenna that very first day.
Stone might have been shocked.
He might have been angry.
He might have been really really glad.
He might have been any of a thousand things, only she would never know. Not now.
The highway turned narrow and curvy. To one side was a thousand-foot drop to the Pacific, which churned and pounded. The moon disappeared behind the clouds. It was a dangerous time to be driving with such reckless thoughts, especially along a stretch of highway so similar to the one where she’d had her accident. No one knew that better than she did, but at the moment, she couldn’t bring herself to care.
She tried to remember how free and exhilarating the past ten years had been—without close friends, completely without ties.
She’d traveled, worked when she’d needed to, then took off again at will. She’d loved that free life...well, at least appreciated it.
Now she couldn’t imagine going back to it, not when her heart was firmly ensconced in San Paso Bay. But she couldn’t stay, and as misery continued to drag her into a pit of despair, she barely hung on to the next turn.
Her wheels spun far too close to the edge of the road, and she skidded a bit. Her tires screamed in protest, the sound jarring and grotesque in the night.
Shaken, Jenna pulled to the side of the road and slammed on her brakes. What was she doing?
She sat very still and listened to the night noises. The wind. The crickets. The hoot of an owl.
Normal. Everything was normal—except her life, which she’d effectively ruined for the second time.
Harsh, she knew, but true. Unfairly she’d decided that Stone couldn’t handle the truth, that she had to make him trust her. She’d been wrong—horribly irrevocably wrong. Now she had to pay the price.
Sighing, she rested her head on the steering wheel and let the tears of self-pity come.
She’d acted wrong, nothing new. But as she wept, she remembered something she’d learned about herself in those long months in the hospital.
Nothing in life was certain or permanent.
She thought of Kristen and their blooming relationship. Just a month ago Jenna never would have believed it possible. But her sister had been more than willing to meet her halfway, and Jenna knew this was due in large part to her own new ability to be honest. To admit her faults.
Why hadn’t she trusted Stone with those things, as well?
God, the look on his face as she’d left. Hollow. Bleak. Furious, yes, but hurt, too. And you could only hurt someone like that if...if that person cared. And if he cared, it couldn’t be too late. It couldn’t be over.
She’d fixed up parts of her life; she could certainly do her best to fix this, too. Couldn’t she?
Determination filled her, and rejuvenated her, as well. All she had to do—indeed all that was left to do—was be honest. She could do that.
She had nothing else to lose.
With a faint watery smile, she started her car and drove very carefully home.
Sara came home the following evening. Throwing herself into Stone’s waiting arms, she hugged him close.
He held her tight and tried to surface from a fog of swirling emotions. A fog caused by Jenna.
“They’re nice, Daddy,” Sara said of her grandparents. “Even nicer than I thought.”
Stone looked over her head to his parents, who stood on the porch staring at him with a light in their eyes he understood well. Exaltation and exhaustion, both caused by his whirlwind daughter. “I’m glad you had a good time,” he said, his voice low and husky after a long quiet day. He’d done little but kick himself for falling for Cindy—Jenna. This pit of rage and fear and pain she’d thrown him in was horrible.
“Grandpa took me fishing this morning in the creek!” Sara’s face wrinkled in disgust. “And we caught one, but its eyes and mouth were doing this—” She stopped talking as her mouth gaped open and then shut, her eyes wide with mock terror, in a perfect parody of a fish on a hook.
His parents laughed. Laughed. Something tugged at Stone, something unwelcome that felt suspiciously like acceptance, almost as if his heart had warmed toward them.
No, that couldn’t be. Jenna had just destroyed that particular organ—again. His temper surged, as it had all day long. He’d had no idea he could be so angry!
But watching Sara giggle and gush over the things she’d done with her grandparents did warm his chilled soul. There was no use denying it.
“She’s wonderful, Stone.” Lara’s smile was bittersweet. “And we’ve been such fools. I hope someday you come to believe me when I say how—”
“Don’t apologize again,” Stone ordered, perhaps too roughly. “I know how you feel.”
“Do you? I doubt it. I doubt you’ll ever understand how much I regret some of my choices, how much I have denied myself.” She lifted her chin regally, but spoke with undisguised hope. “But I won’t regret the present, Stone. Not unless you’re against this.”
Stone turned from her to Sara. “Go unpack, honey,” he told the girl.
She started to go, then stopped and faced her grandparents. “Thanks,” she said softly. “I love you.”
Then she was gone.
His mother dabbed daintily at her eyes, which Stone ignored. “What would I be against?”
“We want to see more of her.” His father spoke with a quiet determination, yet with something else, too, something Stone thought never to hear again from him—respect.
But he didn’t need it, not anymore, not from him.
“We know you’re alone. We’re hoping it’s not too late to help you with Sara.” His mother touched his arm for the first time in years, beseeching him with solemn eyes.
/> “What about Sara’s mother?”
“Her mother?” Lara asked, her tone casual, her eyes anything but. She dropped her arm from his. “Jenna’s been gone for years.”
“What if she’s not gone?”
“I...Oh.” Lara studied her son carefully, as if she could read his oblique thoughts. “You know where she is. You’ve been in contact.”
“Does it matter?”
His father sighed and nudged his mother, giving her a pointed look and a slight shake of his head.
Lara’s lips were pinched with strain. “I already admitted I was a fool, Stone. That includes how I treated her.”
“And she would be welcome, as welcome as Sara or me?” He had no idea why he pushed, for he couldn’t care less about Jenna.
Annoyed at lying to himself, he sighed and rubbed his temples. He cared all right; he just had no idea why he cared.
“I wish you’d tell us what’s going on,” Lara said quietly.
“I’ve been on my own for some time now,” Stone said as kindly as he was able to, while lingering fury at Jenna still raged through him. “And quite honestly much of what I’ve done is none of your business. It’s my life. And Sara’s.”
“And we haven’t earned the right to be included.”
At her anguished expression, he softened his voice, but didn’t give in. “Not about this.”
His parents’ bitter disappointment was clear.
“I understand,” Lara said, her voice a mere whisper. “Good day, son.”
They thought he was turning them away, and he wasn’t cruel enough to let them think that. “Wait.” Stone sighed when they both turned back eagerly to him. “I just meant that I’d like to let Sara call the shots for now.”
“That’s fair,” his father said quietly.
“This is all new to her and very exciting,” Stone admitted. “I’m sure she’ll be thrilled at the prospect of spending more time with you, but I just wanted you to know, at this time, I’m going to leave it up to her.”
“Like I said, that’s fair.” His father grasped his mother’s hand. “Thank you, son.”
“And Jenna?” Lara asked. “What about her?”
“We’ll see,” Stone said. How could he explain what he didn’t understand himself?
Long after his parents had climbed into their car and driven away, Stone stood there, staring at his empty driveway.
He couldn’t have been more thrilled for Sara about the happy reunion, even though he himself felt reserved and not quite rid of his resentment. He wanted this enough for her that he could put aside his own hurt.
He would not deny his daughter what he’d always wanted for her. Family.
But at the moment he had a far bigger issue to face—the fact that Sara was no longer motherless.
Jenna had come back.
“He’s there, Kristen.” Jenna whirled away from her office window in a mixture of panic and hope. “Oh, God. He just opened up his shop. I think I’m going to be sick.”
Kristen laughed when Jenna pressed her hands to her stomach. “Honey, relax, or you’ll have a stroke before you even go try to talk to him.”
“That might be better. He’d have to feel sorry for me then. Maybe I can just stop breathing and he’ll have to give me mouth-to-mouth. You can’t stay mad at someone whose life you just saved, can you? I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Jenna,” Kristen murmured in sympathy, rising and taking her hand. “For Sara, remember?”
How could she forget? “Yes, for Sara.” For the beautiful, wary and wonderful child she wanted to get to know with all her heart.
But first she had to get Stone to forgive her.
“You know, there is one thing to consider here.” Kristen tucked a strand of Jenna’s hair behind her ear and smiled with love. “If he didn’t care so much, he wouldn’t have been so furious.”
“You didn’t see his face, Kris.” Jenna closed her eyes against the memory of Stone’s destroyed expression, but the image was imprinted on her brain to torture her forever.
“Well, you have to admit it had to be a shock,” Kristen said. “Finding out the woman he just fell for is really the woman he’d already fallen for ten years ago.”
“Yes.” Miserable, Jenna slipped bonelessly into a chair. “And now he hates me all over again. And I’ll never get a chance to make it up to Sara.”
“Oh, I doubt it. He may want to think he hates you, but believe me—I found this out the hard way—Stone is one of the fairest men on this planet. He’s also one of the most honest. Even he will have to face the truth—he still cares about you. Too much. Otherwise this wouldn’t have been such a bombshell.”
“Well, it certainly was that.”
“He cared for you as Jenna, and he was starting to care for you as Cindy. It was a double whammy. Can’t blame him much.”
Jenna sighed. “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because I have to tell you, it isn’t working.”
Kristen’s smile was sympathetic. “You came to me and told me the truth. Was it so awful?”
“No.” Jenna swallowed around the sudden lump in her throat. “It was wonderful. You were wonderful.”
“And so are you.” Kristen smiled gently. “Go to him, Jenna. You can do this.”
“Think so?”
“You came up with a great plan. Now toughen up and go for it.”
“Just march down there, announce I’ve found him a great clerk and start working?”
“Yup. You’ll whip his office into shape and prove you’re genuine both at the same time.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one putting your heart on the line.”
Kristen studied her for a moment, and when she spoke, the amusement in her voice had been replaced with strength and affection. “It’s about time you put your heart on the line, Jenna. Whether or not you want to admit it, you’ve played it safe most of your life, even when you were running. Face it, honey, that was the safest of all, staying away from anything and anyone who might hurt you. Or care for you,” she added softly, tugging on Jenna’s hand until she met her eyes. “And I’m proud you came back, Jenna. So very proud. I know what it cost you. But you’ve come a long way, so don’t give up until you finish everything you came here to do. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to that man and your daughter.”
“I know. You’re right.” Still, fear chased hope. “But I’m not sure he’ll see it quite that way.”
“Oh, Jenna.” Kristen hugged her. “Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself. You are worth it. And you are lovable, I promise. The trick is believing it. This won’t work between the two of you unless you do.”
When Stone opened his shop Monday morning, he rolled his eyes in disgust at the haphazard stacks of paperwork waiting to be done. At the piles of sawdust everywhere. At the work lined up on his bench, all unfinished parts for the life-size puzzles he had yet to put together. Jenna’s fault. Blaming her made him feel marginally better. It would allow him to forget his pain and work. But he’d promised the producer of the upcoming auction he would have the materials ready for donation. He never went back on a promise. Never.
Before, the simple joy of the place had given him a rush, but now all he could think was that he badly needed a clerk. And something to ease the terrible restriction in his chest, the one he was afraid would never go away.
Cindy.
Jenna.
Himself, playing the fool.
“Dammit.” Shoving away the images he didn’t want to face, he strode forward, determined to put order into his day He had an important meeting with the local school board, where he would propose several new ideas for the GATE—gifted and talented education—classes, something he’d been excited about just last week.
But he’d never felt less like working.
He was so intent on what he had ahead of him, the sound of the front door to the shop opening didn’t register. Not until—
“Hi.”
At the sou
nd of that soft, sexy, treacherous voice, Stone tensed. He turned and saw an incredibly beautiful woman. Jenna. Soft brown hair framed her pretty face, full of angles and what he’d always thought were mysteries.
He’d been right on that account.
She wore her dark sunglasses, but when he looked at her, she seemed to draw herself up. Slowly she pulled the glasses off. Blinking rapidly, she remained tense for a few seconds, as if the light hurt her eyes. Finally she relaxed.
He wondered about that, about why the light hurt her, then silently called himself an idiot for even sparing her a second thought.
No colored contacts today Nope, just naked vulnerable blue eyes. Jenna’s eyes. And they were so difficult to face it seemed that his heart actually physically hurt.
Nervousness vibrated off her in waves, not detracting in the least from that willowy body, from the long legs that just a few days before had been wrapped around his waist while she’d writhed and sobbed in ecstasy beneath him.
He swore out loud and she jumped, which made him grimace and turn away from the troubling sight of her
“You get used to it,” she said into the silence.
“What?”
“My face. You get used to it being so different from what you expect. It just...takes a while.”
“I’m not planning on getting used to it.”
“Oh.”
More silence, and he wished she’d leave before he had to make her do so.
“I’m here to start work this morning.”
That had him whipping back to face her. “What?”
She lifted a shoulder and offered a hesitant smile, a blush staining her cheeks, as if she’d read his sensual thoughts of a moment ago. “You mentioned you needed a clerk to help out.”
“Not you.”
“I can help, Stone.” She’d been squinting a bit, but then she opened her purse and pulled out her reading glasses. Putting them on, she said, “I’m good at clerical work.”
“No.”
She bit her lip, then pushed at the glasses on her nose—a vintage Jenna move that made his gut tighten uncomfortably. “We have things to talk about.”
“No, we don’t.”
