by Ava Paris
Right now though in our office, we were both going through mountains of data and the report we had built was thriving as we sorted through our data together and would often speak loudly between our desks as we found something.
“Another lake!” I told him as I fished through old data sets looking for lake temperature data that extended across the time period we were focusing on.
“Where is it?” He asked me.
“South Australia. I’ll add it to the South Australian lake file.” I said, as we were building a file full of data from across Australia. This file was complimented by Scandinavian data for the same time period.
A part of me wished I had more international data for comparison, with the data we were using was showing the same things. Things I had previously thought were anomalies - because the temperature was just way too hot for way too short of a time - but which when you ‘looked at the bigger picture’ as William pointed out using an English idiom that was new to him, would show that these same days were hot everywhere when you looked at water temperature.
I had briefly looked at air temperatures for those days and had found that they weren’t days where it was particularly hot, but that the water in each place was hot. It seemed odd to me somehow, how the temperature in lakes across thousands of kilometers - and two continents - could be hotter than one would expect when they looked at air temperature for the same locations, especially when air temperatures in each place varied so much. This was all adding more weight to what all of our climate science was telling us right now, although, it wasn’t the same as any other data I had seen to date.
Even though I hadn’t found the answers - and if William knew them he wasn’t sharing - I was still collecting the data. We could work together to work this out. I didn’t mind co-authoring a paper on this with William, as he was giving as much time and energy to this particular problem as I was, even if he wasn’t the one who had collected a majority of the data.
“Did you find something like this in Sweden?” I asked, “Is that why you knew to look out for it when you saw my data?” I asked.
“Mmm…” William muttered before saying, “Not really. I hadn’t seen it before.”
We hadn’t been looking at one another when he said it, and I looked over at him after he spoke the words. Something wasn’t sitting right with me, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it right away.
“You seemed to know what you were looking at when you saw my data though…” I began.
“…Not really, no.” He said lazily.
“What do you mean, ‘not really no’?” I asked. “It seemed like you knew-”
He cut me off. “-I didn’t.” He sounded a little dismissive.
We looked at one another for a long moment. I guessed I didn’t really have anything to challenge him with.
We worked for the rest of the afternoon with a little less zeal, even if I was happy to be finding trends where I had never thought to look before he had nudged me to open up my eyes.
After some time of us growing comfortable in our easy colleague relationship, the climate conference was upon us. We both attended together, flying to Canberra for a few days of panels and talks inter-woven with social events which featured enough alcohol to make scientists social, which is more alcohol than I had initially imagined when I had been invited to speak at the conference.
Before I had met William, I had arranged a few meetings for the time of the conference. I wanted to meet a few scientists who I had been in correspondence with as it is nice to put a face to a name and I knew that if we got along well, that there was enough rapport there, perhaps we could stop corresponding on issues we were having in our research and start working together in earnest.
Collaboration on a project - as I was finding with William - often meant that you could achieve more than if you just worked on the project yourself. I did enjoy collaboration, but I wanted to know that whoever I worked with was a good fit first. Or so I told myself now when I reflected upon the time between William coming to the university and William and I actually working on some research together.
Science is an odd little field. It is joked that the only people to read a scientists work are the scientist themselves and whoever approves the works publication in a scientific journal. Sometimes this is the case but as my branch of science is gaining interest from people all over the world, more and more people are reading my work. The climate science I have taken part in has had a tremendous amount of attention considering how little of my work climate is. I do much more work on wetland systems than I do on climate systems after all.
As much as these people read and appreciate my work, I am often reading other peoples work. Sometimes in the course of building on scientific knowledge and other times because I am genuinely interested in what other peoples findings are. Some scientists though, I really appreciate their work and will read everything I can get my hands on that they have authored or co-authored.
It is much like reading fiction. Some books I read for the pleasure of a particular story, then I will pick up another work by the same author if I like their previous work enough to want more of them. After some time, you become a ‘fan’ of a particular author of the works you enjoy. When that happens you’re officially hooked and maybe even in touch with the author telling them how much you got out of the best parts of their work.
Arriving at the conference wasn’t like landing at a convention of all my favorite fiction authors. There were a lot of people who weren’t producing work yet, they were in the early stages of their careers. Honors students and PhD candidates wanting to present their findings to the community, some journalists from science publications or just publications who want to report on science, and members of activist groups who wanted to back up work they were doing with credible science were aplenty.
William and I wove through crowds on our way to a panel I was set to be speaking on in a little less than an hour. I had agreed to meet one of the other scientists on that panel - the third of the day - so we could discuss some of my work. William was tagging along because he was as interested in my work as anyone else and as he told me, even though we worked together right now, there was still a lot more that I knew than I was writing in my papers or teaching in classes.
When we reached the meeting point William asked, “Do you think you will get much value from this conference?”
I shrugged a little. “I think so. I have a few of these meetings arranged.”
William nodded slightly before asking, “How many?”
“Hm, maybe twelve or fourteen. There are a number of scientists here in Australia and also abroad who are here at the conference whose work is of interest right now.” I told him.
“Okay.” He said cheerily.
“You don’t have to come for every meeting.” I informed him, “You should be meeting other scientists whose work interests you. I know you did a lot of research on Australian scientists before you left Sweden.” I told him.
“I did.” He agreed. “But it was your work that interested me the most.”
He held my gaze for a long moment then and I felt familiar butterflies. The familiar butterflies I always pretended did not exist when he was around.
Unable to hold his gaze for any time at all I looked away, I took a deep breath and tried to regain my composure. The racing heart and tummy full of butterflies were making it hard to think, let alone act like a professional. As I did so, I caught sight of the other professor as she came closer. We exchanged a smile and she launched into an embarrassing - for me - yet quite predictable fan girl rant about how great my work was. She told me about how some of my experimental methods were ones she herself would not have expected to see, how creative I had been in my scientific enquiry.
I turned red, and wished that William wasn’t there for this other scientists fan girling. I knew from our conversation though that he would probably be shadowing me for the entire conference. In a way, I felt a sense of frustration at that. A
t the same time though, a part of me - one I wasn’t ready to fully acknowledge - was loving having him around me, and enjoyed every second of his attention.
That same part of me enjoyed having him there as he was so supportive throughout the conference. He was constantly making me look better to other scientists, remembering things from my research even I had forgotten, and finding new opportunities to network with other scientists.
Sometimes scientists would ask William about his work in Sweden, and every time they did they were impressed by what he had to say. William always spoke with a sense of confidence and the added effect of him being so much taller gave him more authority. The halo effect they call it.
If I was honest, sometimes he did come off as a bit egotistical or superior to the scientists he was dealing with. I thought that was odd considering he was in the same line of work and it didn’t sound like he was finding anything that we were not, but I dismissed that thought out of hand.
I seemed to be doing that with William a lot, dismissing feelings and thoughts about him that didn’t fit what I wanted to believe about him. It wasn’t a good thing, but that’s what was happening.
That’s what was happening right alongside something else which I had been denying to myself for some time.
Chapter Nine
“You should stay.” I half-slurred to William on the last night of the conference.
“Should I?” He asked me.
“Yes, you should get a job at my university. You would be such an asset.” I told him.
“Hm, have you run this by the university themselves?” He asked, his eyebrow raised.
A cheeky little smile crept across my face. “I don’t have to. I know!”
Just then one of the other scientists - a woman who I had met on a ‘Women in Science’ panel we had both taken part in - came over to the two of us.
“You’re inseparable!” She declared, in the same jolly, tipsy way everyone in the auditorium had now the wine and beer were flowing.
“I know. He can’t get enough of me.” I told her, before realizing my voice was too high and excited an changing tack. “I have been telling William how he has to stay with us.”
“Have you?” She asked, taking another swig of her wine and leaving lipstick behind on the rim of the glass. She was one of those women who can manage to look incredibly elegant all day, then lose that elegance with just a little bit of wine in them. Not a bad thing when you consider that a tall leggy blond like her is exactly what all the men in the room find to be the most intimidating.
“Yes. I think he should stay. He does great work, gets along well with all the faculty, and has been such help during the conference.” I told her.
She smiled. “You don’t need another professor. You need an assistant. The work you’re doing is too important for you to be teaching classes to undergraduates.” She told me. “You need a grant so you can just focus on your work.”
I heaved a small sigh at her words. “I like teaching classes.” I told her, knowing full well that I was in a minority. Most professors hated teaching classes and undergraduate students. They thought the work was thankless and took away from time they could spend on their own research. Of course, they were right in a way. But at the same time, I enjoyed teaching and got a lot out of the process. Especially when my undergraduates came back to do further learning for their post-graduate studies and sought me out over other professors because they already had such positive working relationships with me.
The female professor just smiled at me as a said this, and went on, “Is there something you could add to the university that would mean that Cleo could take a step back and focus on her research?” She asked William.
William smiled his warm gracious smile and said in a voice that was completely genuine without a hint of unnecessary flattery, “I don’t think anyone could add enough to warrant taking Cleo from her students, or from anyone. She is so good at what she does and loves doing it. It shows when you work alongside her.” His eyes were on me when he said ‘or from anyone’ and that feeling, that feeling I had always denied was right there.
The sexual tension between us was real. I could feel it between us like electricity as our eyes locked and the other professor disappeared into the background.
Of course, she was right there as she laughed loudly - too loudly - and I turned towards her.
“It seems everyone is very impressed with you Cleo, and rightly so.” She told me.
I smiled at her as I knew I should, but my mind was elsewhere. Even as I wasn’t looking at him, I was incredibly aware of William. I was incredibly aware of how he was standing, gesturing. I had him in my sights and he wasn’t going to get out of them so easily.
Earlier that evening I had let William know just how much I had appreciated having him to work with. Both his help with my students and his collaborative efforts with the project we were undertaking together. After I had told him how great he was - while trying not to gush too unprofessionally - we spent most of the evening talking science and work before I changed the topic abruptly to personal matters.
William didn’t exactly know how to make small talk, but he didn’t need to muddle through it for long until I finally took him by the hand and led him away from the dwindling number of people who were still up drinking and talking science.
I led William away by the hand and when we were far enough away from everyone I dropped my hand. He had gotten the point - that I wanted him to follow me - and I didn’t want to run into someone in the hallway who may feel the need to talk about how shocked I had looked when caught holding a colleagues hand. I knew he was behind me anyway, the guy was always with me I thought as I smiled and we neared my room.
Arriving at my room, I pulled out my key card. I fumbled with the door, so ready to get inside, in a hurry to finally make a move.
William followed me inside without a word and before the door was even closed my lips were on his. We kissed and I felt myself moaning into his mouth as his hands traced the shape of my body over my clothes. I wanted him so badly. I wanted to be close to him and that desire had me taking off his clothes before I realized what I was even doing. Everything felt so instinctual, so primal.
I had spent so long being the good girl, always doing the right thing to protect my reputation and seem like the hard worker, the woman who puts science and her career before all else. As my hands traced his body though I felt that slipping. As I slipped off his shirt all thoughts of that good girl were gone. I felt every internal prohibition - every time I had told myself no - melt away as I unfastened his belt and lowered his trousers to the floor. I felt it disappearing into nothingness as his kisses pushed everything else from my mind and he, wearing nothing now but his black cotton boxer-briefs, pulled my dress off over my head and lowered me onto the bed.
He kissed his way down my body and I let out a small gasp when he kissed my ‘other’ set of lips before positioning himself between my legs and licking softly. My gasps turned into soft moans as he found just the way to please me on his own. He found the rhythm and pace I liked without my having to say a single thing and the way it felt - the way it felt because it was him too - was pure ecstasy.
It wasn’t long before he had me arching my back. I was close, but he didn’t let me cum. Instead he moved up so we were face to face and kissed me while he pushed his hardness inside me. Instantly, I felt full. It was just too perfect.
When had he slipped his underwear off I thought for a moment that I shouldn’t do this. That internal prohibition wanted to show its head one last time before I realized that it didn’t matter. This felt good, but unlike anything I had had before. I had gone through a slutty phase as an undergraduate and had had my fair share of men, but this was different. This didn’t feel slutty or reckless, no matter how much I had protested it and for how long.
This was different because it felt so good to be with him, but also because of something else. I couldn’t quite put my finger on exactly what tha
t something else was though.
Every thought in my mind was fading and I gave myself permission to stop thinking and start feeling. I felt wonderful. For someone who spent all my time thinking an analyzing not just my work but every part of my life, this feeling was as wonderful as it was overdue! This completely thoughtless feeling, this feeling of just being here for sex, for the moment we were sharing was amazing. Why had I taken so long to let myself feel this?
I could feel myself wholly in my body as I had never felt before as he kissed me and moved inside me. I could feel the heaviness of being. The heaviness, the exact weight of my limbs. I could feel the strength of my body was I pushed back against him. I smiled up at him as he smiled down at me.
Did he feel like I did? Did he feel this good?
I went to ask him, but couldn’t manage the words. When I tried to speak, I just managed to moan loudly. He had me in such a wonderful place that it was all I could manage and it was perfect.
We looked into one another's eyes and I smiled.
I trusted that he could feel what I could feel.
Just then, in missionary of all positions, I felt my body tense into the familiar tension of orgasm. Only now I could feel the whole thing. I could feel every muscle as it tensed individually, then my body as a whole. I could feel my body grab onto him and hold him. From my hands to my thighs to the muscles inside me grabbing at his hard dick. Everything was grabbing him, pulling him in, holding him to me so he didn’t float away, just as I floated away.
The orgasm was strong, but I wasn’t sure if it was the strength of a regular orgasm. When your whole body feels different, how can you know?
One thing I did know though, was that William had reached his own orgasm. Where usually I would have expected to feel a few pulses though, I felt like I could feel his whole cock rippling as he let out moan after moan. Exactly how big was that thing I thought before my mind was wiped of that thought immediately.
