“Rich he’s moved on, and he seems happy. You look at them and tell me Matt’s not happy,” she’d said. Rich had turned to look at Matt, and he’d smiled at them. “It’s better that he never knows. We had our time together, and now they deserve theirs,” she’d told him before hugging him and smiling over at Matt again who she’d seen was still looking over in their direction.
Rich had been pacified, but that night Charlie had lain in bed unable to sleep. She had finally given up the fight, and she’d gotten up and gone and sat in the hotel bar. She’d been looking for a distraction, a few straggling guests from the wedding, but she’d settled for a drink.
The bar tender had been a young girl whose English hadn’t been very good, and so Charlie had sat at the bar in silence thinking about Matt and their past together. At about 4am and with no explanation, the barmaid had walked away and had left Charlie with a quarter of a bottle of vodka and a few cans of diet coke. Charlie had then proceeded to get horribly drunk.
She’d known that she should’ve been happy for Matt, but she missed him. She’d also kept thinking back to his speech, and the split second during it when they’d exchanged a glance and she’d known that she’d very nearly given the game away.
He’d looked in her direction with a look of apology on his face, which she’d known had been for him having made reference to her indiscretion with Rich. Yet as he had, she’d been laughing at the looks on both Bex and Rich’s faces. She’d caught his eyes, and they’d smiled at each other. It had been a smile that they’d shared many times before. It had been a smile that had always been just for them.
Charlie had seen off the last of the vodka, and had stumbled back towards her room. She’d realised in her drunken haze that the only way that she could be sure that Matt would never find out about her memory, was for her to never see him again. That would also remove any temptation she’d have of telling him about it. She’d known that to protect him, she needed to stay away from him.
She’d gotten into bed and had decided that when she got back to London she’d file for divorce. She’d known that it was time to put her past behind her once and for all. It was time to move on with her life, a life that he wouldn’t be a part of. Yet the thought of that had made her cry.
The first few dates that she’d gone on back in London were truly awful. The men were dull, self obsessed, or worse both. They talked about their exercise regimes or their careers, and whilst Charlie had feigned interest she just hadn’t been able to bring herself to accept second dates with any of them.
“You’re over thinking it,” Claire said.
“How am I over thinking it?” Charlie asked as she squeezed into Claire’s skin tight light blue jeans, and then grabbed Claire’s favourite boots and held them up for Claire’s approval that she could borrow them.
Claire nodded distractedly at the gesture with the boots and said; “you know that if the date’s going well and he comes back here, then it’s likely that it’s going to lead to something more. You also know that you haven’t had sex with anyone other than Matt in what, twenty years? So you’re scared, and you’re completely over thinking the whole dating thing as a result.”
Charlie knew there was an element of truth in this, but she refused to acknowledge it and said instead; “twenty years? I think you know that I wasn’t having sex at eleven!”
“Just give it a go Charlie. If he’s half decent invite him back,” Claire said; “then just see what happens.”
Charlie decided to take Claire’s advice, and she went out on her date optimistically. She was confident that she could play it by ear, and not over think things. Yet the date turned out to be a disaster. The guy was rude to everyone they encountered, and he all but called her over the hill when she admitted that she had previously been married.
To escape the date she called Claire for a rescue, knowing that she was at dinner in the same area with Adam and one of his work colleagues, and Claire invited her straight over to join them.
Charlie was going to go back and tell her date that she wasn’t feeling well and had to leave, but as she approached where they’d been sitting she saw him shouting at the waitress and decided not to disturb him. Instead she asked the hostess for her coat.
“Good decision,” the hostess said smiling and passing Charlie her coat. Charlie returned her smile and headed out into the night.
When Charlie arrived at the club that Claire was in, she gave her a call so that Adam could come down and collect her. It was a private members club and she knew that he needed to sign her in.
“Sorry to gate crash,” Charlie said when she saw Adam.
“Not at all,” Adam replied smiling; “another shocking date by all accounts?”
“I really know how to pick them from these internet dating sites,” she said smiling wryly.
“Let’s get you a drink” Adam said.
Charlie nodded.
They walked inside, and Charlie could see Claire sat at a table talking to a man next to her. She assumed that this was Adam’s work colleague.
He was older than Adam, maybe about forty. He had dark hair that was peppered with grey, a round face, straight nose, green coloured eyes, and a nice smile. He wasn’t what she considered to be attractive, but there was something endearing about him she thought as she sat down next to Claire and put her head on her shoulder.
“Let’s get you drunk and high,” Claire said to Charlie.
Adam ordered champagne and tequila, and Claire took out a little black tube and emptied a small pile of white powder onto the table. Charlie looked at Claire aghast, and then looked positively stunned when Claire split the powder into four even lines with the edge of one of Adam’s credit cards.
“Claire we’re in a public place,” Charlie said; “and cocaine is actually illegal.”
“It’s okay Charlie. This is a private members club and they’ll turn a blind eye,” Adam said. “Well, they will with enough of a tip.”
He then leant forward and snorted his line with a rolled up fifty pound note, which he then passed to Claire who followed suit. Claire passed the note to Charlie, but she shook her head.
“Stop over thinking things,” Claire whispered.
Charlie looked at Claire, took the note, and then stopped thinking.
***
Charlie’s head was banging when she woke up, and she had to sit up quickly when she felt the violent urge to vomit. Yet it was then, as she sat up, that she felt something heavy move from across her chest to over her lap. She looked down at the weight and saw that it was a man’s arm. Lying next to her, completely naked, was Adam’s work colleague. Charlie couldn’t even remember his name, and she was mortified by what she’d done.
She pulled the sheet from off the bed, and she wrapped it tightly around her naked body and walked into the living room. There were traces of white powder all over the coffee table, and there were discarded bottles of tequila next to the sofa. Charlie felt vomit rise up in her throat, and she choked it back before heading quickly into the kitchen to get some water.
Charlie sipped at the water slowly, and leant back against the cupboards. She tried to remember the previous night, but as it came back to her in horrifying flashes she wished it would stop. She could remember the cocaine, the shot drinking, more cocaine, more shot drinking, and then finally Adam’s colleague kissing her and her pushing him away.
She remembered coming back to the flat, and she remembered more cocaine followed by more shots of tequila. She remembered stumbling to bed, and turning around to see that Adam’s colleague had followed her in. She could recall him kissing her, and she remembered reciprocating. She then had a mortifying recollection of stripping naked, before climbing astride this stranger as he clumsily fumbled her body with his hands and lips. The memory made her flinch, and the awkwardness of the encounter made her feel embarrassed to her core.
Charlie crept into her room, and she grabbed some clothes before going into the bathroom to change. Once she was
dressed, she headed outside and walked down the hill towards the Starbucks on the high street. She knew that she could wait there for Claire to let her know when the coast was clear.
This is not what she’d wanted she thought. This wasn’t how she’d wanted to move on. She was looking for a new man to start a new chapter of her life with, not a meaningless one night stand that she’d regret as soon as she woke up the next day.
Claire
She felt guilty over Charlie’s one night stand, and she felt guilty for her recent underhand behaviour. Whilst she had been encouraging Charlie to go out on dates to her face, she’d been deliberately setting her up with guys that she’d known that Charlie wouldn’t like. It wasn’t that she was being spiteful, it was just that she was wanted Charlie to realise that men like Matt weren’t easy to find. Mostly she’d wanted Charlie to realise that instead of looking for someone new in her life, she should have been fighting for the someone that she already had in her life.
Claire had tried to be supportive in Charlie’s plan to start afresh, but that had been before the wedding. She’d also agreed to both Rich and Charlie that she wouldn’t tell Matt about Charlie’s memory. Yet that again had been before the wedding. The wedding had changed everything.
Rich may have managed to convince her that Matt had moved on, and he may have managed to persuade her that Matt was happy, but he’d had no control over what she’d seen for herself at the wedding. She’d seen the way that Matt had looked for Charlie throughout the day and night, and how he’d tracked her with his eyes when he’d known where she was.
Claire had also watched him with Emily, and whilst she’d accept that he hadn’t shown any signs of being unhappy he and Emily hadn’t looked like loves young dream either. Well Matt hadn’t.
She’d been so busy watching Matt throughout the day that she’d neglected Adam awfully, but she honestly hadn’t cared. She’d been mesmerised by how Matt had barely been able to keep his eyes off their table, and how he’d had to force himself to look at Emily and not Charlie. When he’d been making his speech, and waiting for the laughter in the room to die down, she’d noticed that he hadn’t been able to keep from looking across at Charlie to see if he was making her laugh. It was clear to her that nothing at all had changed. As had always been the way with Matt, when Charlie was around no one else in the world seemed to exist.
When she’d made the decision to confront him at the end of the reception, she’d known that she was going to tell him about Charlie’s memory. The one flaw in her plan though had been the fact that she hadn’t realised that she hadn’t been the only person observing someone that day.
She’d always known that Charlie could read her like a book, but she hadn’t realised that she’d been watching her. She’d thought that Charlie would’ve been distracted by Matt and Emily, but when she’d made her beeline for Matt Charlie had been there in a flash to intervene.
Claire had been furious with Charlie that night, and when she’d gone to bed she’d raged at Adam about Charlie being a fool. Claire had known that Charlie only had to click her fingers, and Matt would’ve coming running back to her. Yet Adam had defended Charlie’s actions, and he’d said that it was thoughtful of her to conceal the truth to spare his feelings.
She’d been disgusted at hearing this, and she’d refused to speak to him. She’d gotten into bed and had turned her back on him, but Adam had managed to pacify her and they’d made love.
Afterwards when she’d been lying in his arms, he’d said to her that above everything else that she’d told him that night about Matt and Charlie’s great romance this was the most romantic part in his opinion. Charlie was wilfully turning her back on the love of her life to prevent him from any further hurt. She was giving him a shot at happiness with someone other than her.
When Adam had fallen asleep, Claire had gotten out of bed and had sat by the window. She’d watched the night turn its different shades of grey before finally the sun had risen. Yet as she’d sat there Adam’s words had kept running through her mind, and she’d realised that he’d hit the nail on the head. Charlie was protecting Matt. She was sheltering him, and as a consequence she was giving up on her own happiness.
Charlie was her best friend, and it was her job to protect her and shelter her from unhappiness. She had to put a stop to the lies, and to Charlie’s selflessness. She had to put a stop to all of it, and she’d known that just as Rich had chosen Matt’s happiness over Charlie’s all those months ago. She had to do the same, but this time she’d be looking out for Charlie rather than Matt.
Claire had known though that if she went against Charlie’s wishes and Matt got hurt again she’d never forgive her, and the knowledge of this made her doubt whether she was ready to take this risk with their friendship. The stakes were high, and the longer that she’d thought about it the less willing she’d been to gamble. She needed Charlie in her life, and she felt sure that there had to be another way to make Charlie realise that she needed and deserved Matt in hers.
The night that Charlie had called to say that she was bailing on yet another date, was the night when Claire realised that there had only been one thing left to try to get Charlie to see sense. Claire had known that she’d needed to get Charlie drunk, and it had needed to be on something that made Charlie act completely unlike herself. Claire had also known that the something that she’d needed was tequila, as she’d witnessed its effect on Charlie more than once before.
When they were fifteen, Claire’s parents had gone away and her older brother Bryan had thrown a party. Charlie and Claire had stolen a bottle of tequila from the party and they’d sneaked it up to her room, before they’d invited their friends over. It had been the usual chorus of Matt, Rich, Nick, Ben, Rach, and Bex, and they’d all done a couple of shots.
The effect on most of them had barely been noticeable. They were all used to a small amount of alcohol, and it hadn’t been the first time that one of them had stolen from one of their older siblings or parent’s parties for the benefit of them all. Yet Charlie had never touched spirits. She’d always stuck to shandy, or if she was feeling adventurous just beer on its own.
After a couple of shots of tequila she’d been all over the boys, and she’d been dancing and teasing them. Bex and Rach hadn’t been impressed, but Claire had found it hilarious. Rich too hadn’t been amused, and he’d been horribly jealous at how Charlie had fawned over Matt. He’d finally dragged her off to Bryan’s bedroom, and from the account that Charlie had given to Claire the following morning that had been the first night that she and Rich had gotten truly intimate.
Claire had been shocked. She’d known that Charlie was cautious, but then Claire had known that Charlie could be given that she’d been both beautiful and popular with all of the boys in their school. Yet it hadn’t been her actions that had shocked Claire. It’d been the fact that her actions had suggested that she’d finally gotten over her crush on Matt. A crush that had until that tequila induced night, been putting a serious dampener on her and Rich’s sexual relationship.
At university Charlie had always been a good girl, and Claire had been the one to go off the rails. She’d enjoyed a little bit too much the freedom of a life away from Cheddar, and a life away from prying eyes that reported everything to someone’s parents, but at one party Claire had seen that Charlie had been out to get drunk.
She’d assumed that Charlie must’ve had a fight with Matt, a stupid spat that they’d have forgotten the next day, and she’d been doing shots of tequila with a group of guys. Shortly after this, Claire had seen Charlie leaving the party with a guy that she hadn’t recognised. Guessing that her best friend’s actions were tequila induced, she’d grabbed hold of Charlie and had dragged her home.
Claire had known that Charlie would never have forgiven herself if she’d gone home with another man. She simply wouldn’t have been able to deal with the guilt of having cheated on Matt. It therefore came as little surprise to her the following morning when Charlie, wh
o’d been nursing a massive hangover, swore off tequila for the rest of her life.
She had felt guilty as she’d sat in the private members club watching Charlie getting drunk, watching the leering lecherous Doug make his moves just as Adam had warned Claire that he would, and as she’d also gotten drunk she’d started to have second thoughts about her plan and she’d tried to get rid of Doug. The problem by this time though, was that with the mix of cocaine and alcohol that had been in Charlie’s system she’d no longer been willing to listen to reason.
Back at the house Claire had become side tracked by Adam, and she’d only remembered that she’d been supposed to be keeping Doug away from Charlie when it was too late. They’d both gone into Charlie’s bedroom and the door had been shut, but the following day Charlie had been both hungover and mortified.
Adam had gotten rid of Doug, and had then gone home for the day to sleep off his hangover. Claire had managed to tidy the flat before Charlie had returned home, bringing with her two large lattes and muffins, and they’d then sat together under a blanket and put on a romantic movie to watch. Yet as the film had been coming to an end and Claire had been starting to feel better, she’d turned and seen that Charlie had been crying.
In the weeks that had followed, Claire had noticed that Charlie had been working longer and longer hours. When she had got her to come for a drink, she’d stuck to wine and she’d drunk modestly. Yet even when she’d been in she wasn’t happy, and Claire had often heard her crying.
Claire had tried to confront Charlie about things and suggest that maybe she should get back in touch with Matt, but Charlie had completely lost it with her. They’d argued, and Charlie had stormed out of the flat. When she’d come back and Claire had asked her where she’d been, Charlie had announced that she’d been to see a divorce lawyer and some estate agents. She’d said that she’d found a place in London Bridge, and that she’d be moving out within the month.
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