by James Tate
Some of the fire that his parents had tried to destroy inside of him flared to life. “What if she chose me? I mean, you’re not exactly her favorite person these days.”
I had an instant memory of her when we fucked in the bathroom. The way her pussy contracted on my cock as she shattered in my arms. Her eyes as she stared dead into mine, not blinking, just giving me every part of her. I understood what Dylan meant. Sometimes it felt like I was staring right the fuck into her soul, and it was everything light and beautiful in the world. Unlike mine.
When I was fucking Riley, I had no doubt that I was the only person on her mind. But Dylan had a shit load to offer as well, and if Riley decided he was it for her, I wasn’t sure what the fuck I would do.
I wasn’t going to let him know that though.
Crossing my arms, I nudged my shoulder against the wall, and shot him my “are you fucking serious, asshole?” look. It was a look that had caused lesser men to cry.
“When has Riley ever gone to you?”
I was being a dick, especially since I could tell that he cared for her. Not as much as I did, but enough to make this one difficult situation. Because I wanted someone to love Dylan, he deserved that and so much more, but it couldn’t be Riley.
The melancholy faded from Dylan’s face and he straightened. “We really don’t need to have this conversation, Beck. I know Riley is yours. Fuck. The girl is so gone on you, even when she was mad as hell at us. I don’t begrudge you having her. It’s just a thing … I’ll get over it.”
The smallest niggle of tension remained between us, and I tried to figure out what to say to make it better, but I was starting to think there was nothing I could say. Only time would help with this. Time where Dylan hopefully didn’t fall more in love with my captivating girl.
“You wanna play some music?” Dylan asked, suddenly. I schooled my face, something I’d been able to do since I was a young child, but that request worried me. It had been a long time since he’d asked me to play for him. A long time since his demons had almost destroyed him and he barely slept. Back when we were younger, I’d play music for him all the time. It was about the only time he slept.
“Sure,” I said easily, striding over to grab my favorite at our place here: a vintage Gibson Hummingbird. I spent a few minutes tuning it before I settled back into one of the padded arm chairs.
“Any requests?” I asked him, my head already down as I strummed.
Dylan dropped into a chair across from me. “Jesse’s Girl?” he said, shooting me a shit-eater grin.
A low chuckled left me. “Appropriate.” I knew he’d been somewhat joking, but I strummed the opening chords anyway. I’d always had a natural ear for music, something my father had tried to beat out of me, because that was for “fuckboys that wear eyeliner and live on a street corner.” And maybe it was this reason I’d pushed so hard to keep going with lessons. Why I’d threatened to kill him in his sleep if he ever touched any of my guitars. Anything to piss off senior Beckett.
But, truthfully, I was pretty sure I’d lose my mind without it in my life.
I started to sing and Dylan leaned back and closed his eyes. I didn’t look at him, preferring to go into my own head when I sang. Although, I also couldn’t help but remember the last time when Riley had heard me.
The look on her face made me want to sing for fucking ever. Just so I could see that look again.
Fuck. That girl had me tied up in knots. She was ripping the fabric of my world to shreds, and I couldn’t even find it in myself to care anymore.
Whatever it brought, I would take this time with Riley. It would be worth the bloodshed that I knew was in my future.
When I finished Jesse’s Girl, I didn’t pause, transitioning straight into another one of Dylan’s favorites: November Rain.
His breathing started to deepen when I was halfway through that song, and it was just like when I kept Riley’s dreams at bay. There was a deep seated satisfaction in doing something non-violent to help the people I cared about.
My entire life was one fucked up circumstance, violence, death, fear, threats, money. That was it. Then there were moments like these, and I wondered if we’d ever get out. Whether there would be more than just a few glimpses of light in all of the darkness. Before Riley, I’d resigned myself to Delta. To this world.
But now it wasn’t enough.
It wasn’t good enough for her.
I just had to figure out how to get us out without the elders destroying us all.
21
The morning after the gala, I woke in Beck’s arms, and the fissure which had appeared in my chest last night, after I’d lost control with him, increased. All of the emotions I’d worked to conceal, they were leaking from me, and I couldn’t quite figure out how to cram them back inside again.
Sneaking out of the bed, I crept through the penthouse and stepped out onto the huge balcony, closing the door behind me to give me some privacy.
My phone trembled in my hands when I lifted it and dialed a familiar number.
“Riles…” Dante’s voice was rough. “Is everything okay?”
I swallowed hard. “I— I’m fucking this up, Dante.”
It sounded like he was changing positions in bed. “Fucking what up? Has something happened?”
I hadn’t told him about the almost gang-rape, because I was afraid that he would infiltrate the school and kill everyone involved. Well, all of those not in the hospital from Beck already.
This wasn’t about that though. This was me … slipping back into my old life. The one that had almost destroyed me. I needed my best friend to knock some sense into me.
“They’re worming their way back into my life. Into my emotions. I’m scared. I know it’s stupid to trust them, they’re definitely going to hurt me again, that’s inevitable, but I can’t seem to help it.”
Dante took a moment to answer, and I started to pace, the freezing air biting into my skin. “I think you’re okay to let this go, Riley,” he finally said, and I almost dropped the phone.
“What?” That advice was the opposite of knocking sense into me.
“People fuck up,” he said softly. “Sometimes they get caught up in surviving, and then shit gets out of hand, and then people get hurt. I don’t think they did it deliberately, they just had no choice.”
There was something odd in Dante’s voice, something I hadn’t ever heard before, and it sent a jolt of unease through my body. That unease settled in low, and for a moment, I wondered if maybe he knew more than he was saying. This didn’t feel just like random advice. It didn’t even feel like advice connected to the specific incident I was talking about.
“What do you know?” I pressed, more bite in my tone. I trusted my best friend more than any living person in this world, and I knew him very well, which was how I knew he was keeping something from me.
Dante’s voice was suddenly clearer, as if he’d sat up. “Riles, seriously, you don’t need to worry about me. I’ve got your back, always. I mean … I think I’m finally getting my life under control, taking back my power, and once I do that, no one will ever fuck with us again.”
Again his words were confusing, and I was almost certain we were no longer talking about Beck and the shooting incident.
Before I could say anything more, the door slid open behind me, and I spun to find Evan there. “You should come inside before your nipples freeze off, Spare,” he said, eyes dropping to the thin sleep top I was wearing.
I wrinkled my nose and turned my back on him. “I gotta go, Dante,” I said into the phone. “Will I see you soon?”
“Yep,” he replied. “I’ll be out in the next week or so for your birthday. I’ll keep you updated.”
Birthday, right, that was soon.
“Bye, love you,” I told him before hanging up the phone.
Evan was gone, so I stepped inside and beelined straight for the shower. Thankfully it was empty, and I managed to shower, dress, and get back out for room ser
vice breakfast in record time.
The five of us sat, and I held my hand out for coffee, because there was no way they could have forgotten how badly I needed that to function. Beck placed it in my hand, and as I stared down at my mug, the one with the queen on it, my eyes burned.
“I figured we needed a little unity,” Beck said softly, taking the seat on my right side, pulling it very close as his dark gaze devoured me.
I looked around, and sure enough, everyone had their personalized cups. Fucker. He knew exactly what buttons to press in my stupidly sentimental body. It had meant everything to me to feel like I was one of them, especially after their early efforts to push me the fuck out of their lives. I’d finally felt like I’d made it, only to have it all ripped away in one moment.
My hands trembled, and for a second I didn’t know if I was going to smash the cup. That would have been very dramatic and symbolic of my current anger, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to break it. Not yet.
Instead I took a sip of perfectly brewed coffee.
My groan was low and breathy, and I ignored Beck and Dylan as they chuckled at my expense. “Let her enjoy her coffee,” Jasper said. “She’s much less of a bitch when she has it.”
I flipped him off without even opening my eyes. The second sip was just as perfect.
Everyone started to eat, there was a huge spread of food, but my stomach was in knots from Beck, and everything else that had happened in New York, so I just sat back and watched them. In unguarded moments like this, it was the time I learned the most about all four of them.
They left all of the crunchy bacon for Evan, because that was the only way he ate it, and the scrambled eggs were Dylan’s while Jasper preferred fried. Beck devoured French toast like it was the best thing he’d ever eaten, the more syrup and fruit the better. They all drank coffee, and it was often Dylan who acted as the house bitch and refilled their cups.
Each of them was so in sync that they didn’t even have to speak. They just handed the food around, shared their life, and had each other’s backs. The loyalty I could see between the four of them … it said a lot. It told me that they were not the type to betray someone they cared about. Not easily at least.
More of Beck’s argument from last time ran through my head. He’d said it was Dante or me, and he chose me.
I understood that. I really did. But why couldn’t they have talked to me? Warned me at least so I was a tiny bit prepared.
“It really hurt me,” I said suddenly, and their conversations immediately ceased. Suddenly, I was their sole focus. “Not that I had to kill someone and you all didn’t give me a heads-up, but that I had to go through it alone. I’d thought we were a team. Stupidly. I trusted you four, even when everything in the world was telling me that you were bad news, and then you proved the fucking universe right by screwing me.” I eyed Beck. “One of you literally.”
He opened his mouth, but I cut him off before he could speak. “I’ve never run from the darkness in your world. If anything, I have embraced the assassination attempts, almost dying, being hunted down like animals, dealing with Catherine, and every other fucked up part of this world. I embraced it all because from the moment that plane crashed into the forest, I haven’t felt alone.”
My voice broke, and I tried my hardest to get it together, but I couldn’t seem to. “My parents were ripped out of my world in an instant. A split second, some black ice, and I was an orphan. Alone. Even having Dante in my life couldn’t come close to healing the hole that left in my soul, but you four … you made me feel like I had a family again.”
I broke off, my head falling forward as tears dripped onto my clenched hands. “I’m not sure I can let you all back in like that again. I won’t survive losing you a second time.”
I could practically feel Beck vibrating at my side. Dylan was doing the same, and when I looked up, Evan and Jasper were wearing twin expressions of devastation. Until this point I wasn’t sure any of them quite understood how much they had hurt me. How far they had broken me with their actions.
But … it seemed they might finally understand.
“We don’t deserve your forgiveness,” Dylan said softly, his voice rough. “There was nothing we could have done to stop you from having to cater to Delta’s fucked up world, but we could have prepared you. We could have stood at your side instead of on the opposite side. That is on us.”
Beck nodded. “I thought I was protecting you,” he said, his voice a wash of dark emotions. “That if you went in blind you wouldn’t do anything to raise Delta’s suspicions. You wouldn’t do anything to get yourself hurt.”
I had to look at him, I couldn’t help myself. His eyes were boring into mine
“I never for a second thought you would assume we’d deliberately lured you into our world. I thought you would trust in us. That you’d know we were doing everything we could to protect you, while not raising our parents’ suspicions.”
I’d hurt Beck as well, that much was clear as he sat there, looking a little broken, too.
“Dante was not the smartest move,” I told him softly, my tears finally drying up. “My anger over that ... it clouded my judgement.”
Fire flared in Beck’s gaze, and I was confused for a beat as I tried to figure out what had triggered that. “Dante was the best choice,” he said coldly. “Not only is he aware of this world and the mess of rules we have to follow, he was the one guaranteed to make you act fast and not fuck around. Our parents are insane, and they would have hurt you to get their own way.”
Aware of this world. Did Beck mean simply because I was part of Delta and had shared some things with my best friend. Or because he was a bit of a fan of their company and its rise to power? Or maybe even a slight reference to the Grims and his place there?
Or was there something else…?
“You know you’re one of us, Riley,” Evan said seriously, that more subdued side that he hid so well in public, appearing again. “It doesn’t matter what you do, or say, or how many ways you fuck up. You’re always one of us.”
“Unconditional,” Beck added. “Our bond is unconditional.”
The four of them reached out to me, almost like they were sealing that statement with one huge handshake. I hesitated, but only for a heartbeat. Unconditional was pretty rare in life, and if they were offering me that, then I could meet them all halfway.
“Unconditional,” I murmured, my hand joining theirs. My eyes met Beck’s. “We still need to talk,” I told him, and he nodded, looking more relaxed than I’d seen him in a long time.
After that I managed to eat and drink my coffee, the mug lovingly packed back in the box Beck had brought with him. “I know we could get them for every house,” Dylan said, as he wrapped each one gently, “but then it kind of loses that special touch.”
I snorted. “You’re all a bunch of softies underneath, aren’t you?”
Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Only around you, Riles.”
He stared down at me for a beat longer than was necessary in this situation, and I recalled the stunned way he’s acted after I’d ambushed him with a kiss last night. I was just about to ask him if everything was okay with us, when we were interrupted by Evan.
“Car’s ready,” he said as he passed by. “Bomb squad has been over it, and the area is secure. We can head on down.”
I jerked back, watching his broad shoulders as they disappeared down the hall. “Did he just say bomb squad?”
Dylan laughed. “Yeah, we haven’t managed to ditch the security team when we’re in New York. Too many of our competitors here for us to be complacent.”
I must have looked nervous, because he wrapped an arm around me. “Don’t stress. I’ll double check it myself.”
“What?” I gasped. “You can detect bombs too?”
Was there any fucking thing that Dylan couldn’t do?
He shrugged. “Yeah, I’ve had training in it. Wouldn’t call myself an expert, but I don’t ris
k my friends without double checking things myself.”
Apparently Beck had the same training, because he joined Dylan as they walked the perimeter of our car. Checking it over. Poking and prodding some shit. “I want all of you to stand back until it’s started,” Beck said, waving us toward the elevators.
“Fuck no,” I said, stepping close to him. “We’re all in this together, dude, and I’m not moving.”
He shook his head. “Stubborn like the rest of them.”
Jasper chuckled. “Beck always tries to pull the ‘I’ll start the dangerous car while you all wait in safety’ move. It hasn’t worked yet.”
Beck nailed Jasper with a glare. “Figured you fuckers might be more cautious now that we have Riley, but apparently not.”
“You’re not blowing yourself up and leaving us to deal with Delta alone,” Dylan said. He didn’t sound like he was joking.
Beck didn’t argue, he just swung around and climbed into the back, letting Jasper take his place behind the wheel. I ended up in the middle again, and sinking back between the guys, I held my breath as the car started. When there was no explosion, Jasper shifted it into reverse, and we left the parking lot.
It felt different in the car today, less tense, more of a companionable silence. My little speech this morning had knocked all of us around, and while it was definitely more emotional than we were most of the time, all of us had needed it. Step one to healing.
When we got outside of New York, Jasper cranked the music, and I spent the rest of the trip screaming old school Eminem songs, rap battling it out with Jasper, who knew every single fucking word to every song.
“Fancy yourself as a rapper, I see,” I said to him when I stopped to catch my breath.
Dude was Slim Shady junior.
All too quickly Jasper pulled up at my place, and I blinked when they all got out. “What are you doing?” I asked. “Don’t you guys have to get home…?”
