by David James
'Oh, don't worry, they are probably just a bit shy with it being the first day. I'm sure they will soon be talking and you will treasure the time when they were so quiet.'
If he was a cruel person he might remind her of what she had said. But he wasn't and he didn't.
Besides, he felt a little sorry for Sarah. She had always treated him well; she usually tried to explain why she was asking him to do certain things. Treated him as a person rather than just someone who just moved beds around.
She seemed to have been quite pleased when the children had first arrived. He didn't know much about the realm of psychology; but he realised enough that it must be quite a coup for her to get such a high profile case. If he ever wondered quite how high profile it was, he just had to arrive at work every day through the press throng. But even Gary could tell that she was being weighed down by it all recently. He didn’t mind admitting that he was worried about her.
She had instructed him to always allow enough time for a reply from the children. So here he was, dutifully waiting for a reply that he was sure would never come. He calculated that enough time had passed for a reply and opened the door and entered.
He had been observing this ritual for several weeks now, but as he entered the room it still took him by surprise.
The room was so neat. He had never seen anything like it in a children's room before. Let alone a room inhabited by teenage children.
The beds looked as if they hadn't been slept in; the games and comics were stacked neatly and their clothes were organised with almost military precision.
All very strange.
Nathan, if that was his name of course, and Emily, likewise, sat conspiratorially together at the far end of the room, perched on the end of the bed. The twins, as always, sat together, inseparable. He was aware that twins were supposed to be close, understandably. But these pair took it to the next level.
As he made his way into the room all eyes were suddenly upon him. It always made him feel very uncomfortable. He suddenly felt like a gazelle out in an area of the Serengeti with no trees or bushes available for cover for miles around.
He was meant to be the adult here, which meant that he should feel superior. But he felt anything but.
Ritual number two now followed.
'Good morning children,' he would pause momentarily just in case a reply was forthcoming, despite himself he was always a little disappointed when none came. He would then drop into a strangely one sided conversation.
'You're looking fine today Nathan, what was that, yes I did see the match last night, great wasn't it, thanks for asking. You look very nice Emily, I like what you have done with your hair. No, I still haven't managed to get a girlfriend, what was that? No I won't give up hope. How are my special ones then? Whoa, don't both talk at once!'
He always had the uncomfortable feeling at this point that the gazelle had lifted its neck in front of the lions.
'Now then, if you could gather yourselves, we have a session in a few moments. I'll be back in five minutes if that's okay?'
And with that he left the room. He had to keep reminding himself that he was dealing with children that must have had something traumatic happen in their lives. He shut the door behind him, leaned back on the door and let out a deep, necessary sigh. He let out a slight cough and realised that he needed a cigarette. They weren't keen on employees smoking on the grounds; something about setting a bad example. He didn't really understand as they were here to heal people's minds not their bodies. But he had worked out an area that was hidden away, where he could manage a quick smoke. Looking slightly like an escaped convict, he manoeuvred himself between two small sheds, lit up the cigarette and absorbed the heavy smoke into his lungs. He instantly felt more relaxed. The cigarette only lasted three and a half minutes; he couldn't be away too long and had managed to develop a technique whereby he could be out the door, smoke the cigarette and be back inside in five minutes.
Suitably refreshed, he made his way back to the children's quarters. Dutifully, he knocked on the door and waited the requisite time before opening the door.
'Are we ready then?' he said. They continued to stare at him. 'Good, if you could follow me please.'
He turned his back on the children which, and he wasn't proud to say this, always made him feel uncomfortable and he was always slightly relieved when he reached the door. He opened the door and stood in the hallway ushering the children to follow him. They dutifully followed, led inevitably by Nathan with the others close behind.
As they walked the short distance to the room where the session would take place, the other people milling around in the corridor – a mixture of staff and patients – either stood and stared or leapt back slightly to allow the strange procession of people past. It was fair to say that in the hierarchy of patients the children were at the top; the superstars of the institute as it were. Gary felt like a football manager leading his team out; or perhaps a manager leading his boxer and their entourage out into the ring.
Gary liked sport.
If he was ever searching for a metaphor he would always reach for a sporting one. Though if he was ever accused of “reaching for a metaphor” he would not be pleased.
As they approached the familiar room, he was feeling more tense than normal. As he turned round to look at the children he hoped that he wouldn't betray anything out of the ordinary. Sarah had been quite explicit about that; she didn't want the children to suspect that anything was different from normal.
'Right here we are,' he said in a tone that was meant to sound chatty, but to his ears it sounded a little forced. The children didn't betray any emotion apart from what looked like their usual weary acceptance.
He opened the door and ushered the children in. He lingered for a moment, as his natural curiosity got the better of him. What he saw between the small gap in the door was mainly darkness with a light somewhere at the end of the room. He held the door slightly ajar for as long as he dared, before finally shutting it.
He hadn't been able to see very much, but what he did see convinced him that the children were not in for one of their normal sessions.
Chapter Nineteen
Sarah, Helen and John sat at the back of the room. They had been talking quite freely up until the last few minutes, but now as the time approached for the children to arrive, their conversation had stopped completely. Sarah was, she presumed, the most nervous as she was aware that it was all at her instigation. The others could just say they were doing as they were told. The responsibility would be hers.
As the door opened, she could feel herself tense up as the children entered. She just hoped that the scene would be familiar to the children.
The scene that greeted the children was entirely unexpected to them. The room no longer looked like the usual room they had become accustomed to. The lights were down low and the centre of the room was cleared out apart from an object in the middle about six feet tall. The main light was coming from the far side of the room. The whole room had been transformed into an approximation of the village square where the children had first appeared. Complete with an attempt at the striking monument in the real village.
Sarah, Helen and John all tensed together and Sarah realised that she had forgotten to keep breathing. It wasn't an exact copy, they hadn't had the time or resources for that. But it was, or so Sarah hoped, a reasonable copy of the village square that the children had first appeared to the world in. She hoped she could take them back to that moment. A moment hopefully when they were able to speak.
The children stood motionless. Their faces, that were usually so carefully controlled in their expressions, seemed to contort in a battle of self control versus emotion.
Sarah judged that their efforts had produced some sort of recognition in them. At the very least, they were displaying more of a reaction than normal.
Sarah screwed up her courage and in a voice that she hoped was an approximation of what they had first heard said 'Can I help you?
'
Nathan turned to look at her. His mouth began to move. But as soon as it moved, it was immediately clamped shut again.
Sarah judged that she would only have a few moments before their customary control would be restored.
'Are you okay? Where are your parents?' she said.
Sarah thought she could almost hear Nathan start to say something.
There seemed a battle raging as to which emotion would control his expression.
The rest of the children were all sheltering behind Nathan, appearing to take their lead from him. Sarah used the knowledge she had picked up from the newspaper articles about what had happened when they had first appeared. She moved towards Nathan with her hand held out on front of her. She walked forward until Nathan could see her more clearly. Nathan instinctively moved his hand towards hers. And then as her own hand was inches from his, he suddenly withdrew his. There was almost a look of recognition on his face.
As his eyes met hers she suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable. It was as if his eyes were boring into her mind, stripping away the layers of protection that she had spent so many years constructing. The longer she looked at him, the more layers were peeled away and the closer he would get to her unprotected self. With what remained of her self control she managed to finally say 'Let me take you home.'
And then Nathan's expression changed suddenly to one of fear. Sarah was taken aback. It was not an expression that she had seen on Nathan's face before. It was one of complete and utter terror.
And then he turned away from Sarah and ran back to the other children.
There was a sudden air of panic amongst the children. They ran towards Nathan and followed him as he positioned himself against the wall, the children cowering along with him.
As she looked to Emily she was shocked that her expression, usually so happy, looked as fierce and frightened as Nathan's.
She knew whatever moment she had with the children was now past and she was doing more damage keeping them here.
She turned to Helen and said 'Get Gary and take the children back immediately.'
Helen recovered her composure quickly enough to run out and moments later Gary appeared and began to carefully usher the children out.
Soon the room was clear and only Helen and John were with Sarah.
Sarah slumped down in the nearest chair.
No one spoke for a few minutes.
Finally John started to speak and Sarah feared he would make some funny comment. She really wasn't in the mood for funny comments from John.
'That just went wrong so quickly,' he said in a gentle tone.
Helen picked up on his demeanour and said sympathetically 'I thought you were about to make a real connection with them.'
Sarah shook her head slowly and said 'I know, I thought we were going to get them to actually, you know, communicate with us,' she said with the last of her energy.
She wondered what lasting damage she may have done.
The rest of the day passed in almost total silence. Helen and John were reluctant to say anything to Sarah. And Sarah was certainly in no mood to instigate a conversation with them.
Mercifully Sarah heard Helen say 'See you tomorrow then Sarah,' and flash her a sympathetic smile.
John followed soon after and Sarah was left alone in the office.
She had been putting off going to collect the children's journals. Normally she counted it as the most important part of the day and she always hoped that they had written in them.
But now as she approached the office where Gary was usually located, she did so almost hoping that they hadn't entered anything in them.
'Hello Sarah,' said Gary cheerfully.
'Anything for me?' said Sarah, fearing what Gary might say.
'Oh yes,' he said reaching to get the journals from his locked drawer, 'been scribbling away like there's no tomorrow.'
She reached out her hand and received the journals.
'Okay, I'll read them later.'
'Don't have nightmares now!,' said Gary.
Sarah managed a weak smile.
'I'll try not to. See you tomorrow,' and with that she left the institute.
Sarah barely noticed the press as she drove past and she was almost surprised as she drew up outside her house. She hadn't noticed the journey at all, her mind was elsewhere.
She gathered up her bag, with the journals resting on the top, opened her front door and slumped down in the front room.
She sat there for almost an hour, trying to gather her thoughts. Eventually she realised that she could put it off no longer and reached into her bag, pulled out the journals, and turned the page to the newest entry.
Hi Sarah,
You managed to surprise us, it was like we were back there again. Sorry it freaked us out a bit, it’s just that well it brought back memories. Oh that’s what you wanted isn’t it, you are so clever Sarah!
I wonder if they have put up a plaque or something, you know like they do when someone famous lives somewhere. Blue aren't they? Maybe a gift shop, with some dolls that look like us! We all like dolls don’t we Sarah. I suppose we are famous now aren't we? Haven't signed any autographs yet, but I guess there's still some time left.
I really think you are getting to know us now.
Anyway speak soon.
Emily
X
Nathan here. Nearly forgot my name then! Easily done I suppose.
I would keep going if I were you. You could be on the right track, you never know. I can remember every detail of that place and you did pretty well considering. It must be difficult dealing with us on your own especially with all the other stuff you are having to deal with. We know what it’s like.
You did well there Sarah. Your father would be so proud I’m sure, and that’s what you would want isn’t it? It’s all any of us really want from our parents I suppose.
I wonder if your bosses approve of what you are doing? Who cares what they think anyway.
Nathan
Sarah put down the journals. She stared to turn over some of the phrases they had used in her mind.
Her heart had jumped slightly as Nathan had said ‘Your father would be so proud I’m sure. It’s all any of us really want from our parents I suppose’.
She wondered if he really would be proud? Would he approve of what she was doing? She felt an emptiness in her as she knew she would never know the answer.
‘I wonder if your bosses approve of what you are doing? Who cares what they think anyway’.
She had to admit that she was feeling more divorced from the institute now; she felt much closer to the children than she felt with the rest of the people in the institute. In trying to foster a family atmosphere with the children, she had surprisingly felt herself becoming drawn into the family dynamic. She was beginning to feel that she needed the family environment as much as the children.
Sarah put the television on to take her mind off things. But she couldn’t concentrate on anything. Even when she tried to put on something that required no thought at all, her mind just began thinking about the children again.
She gave in, turned the television off and headed up to bed.
As she reached her bedroom she realised that she had picked up the journals.
'Well that should help me sleep,' she said to herself, as she placed them on the table beside the bed.
She read for a few minutes, but couldn't get into the novel she was trying to read. She found herself re-reading each page as she realised she hadn't been concentrating.
She gave up and put the book down, pulled the duvet up tight and hoped for some sort of nights sleep. Maybe everything would look different in the morning.
The bus was filling up. Sarah counted the children in two by two. The bus was nearly full and then there was Nathan and Emily. Emily smiled broadly, Nathan wasn't smiling, 'Are you looking forward to today Nathan?' said Sarah.
Nathan stopped on the steps of the bus, turned to look at her and then
continued getting onboard.
Sarah turned to the coach driver and said 'I am sorry about this, they will settle down after we get going.' The coach driver smiled and said that it would all be okay. Sarah wondered where the coach was going, she turned to the driver she said 'I don't know the way. Do you know how to get there?' The driver turned and said 'Oh no, it's not up to me where we are going. It's all up to you.'
The coach shifted to the left, Sarah felt herself being thrown across her seat. There was a 'T' junction approaching rapidly ahead. 'Which way do you want to go?' said the driver, he had turned around and was now looking directly at her. 'Which way?' he said, his voice was more stern now. Nathan had got out of his seat again and was now standing next to the driver along with Emily and the twins, and out of the corner of her eye she could see Helen as well. The coach was now picking up speed and the junction was appearing rapidly. All eyes were on her and they all said in unison 'Which way?'
'I don't know, I don't know!' she screamed.
Sarah sat up abruptly in bed. She wasn't sure if she had been screaming for real or just in her dream. She leant across, picked up the journals and put them away in the drawer. She pulled the duvet tightly around her and hoped for a more restful night.
Sarah awoke having had an uneventful final part of her sleep. Her dreams had been more of the usual disjointed nature, but thankfully not so terrifying.
Sarah steered the car through the throng of journalists outside the institute in her now customary manner. She looked for the oddly coloured coat, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. As she sat down at her desk, her mind was barely at the institute at all. Sarah had arranged a meeting with Helen and John for the morning. After the events of yesterday, she felt she had to.
The time for the meeting arrived and Sarah signalled to Helen and John to join her in the meeting room.
Before they had all sat down John said 'That was interesting yesterday wasn’t it,'
