by David James
This would do nicely.
She dragged the table to the middle of the floor and rearranged the chairs neatly around it. She patted the chairs to remove the dust and immediately regretted it. The air became filled with many years worth of dust and it was hard to see. From out of the gloom she could hear approaching footsteps.
'Gary, is that you?' she said.
The footsteps stopped.
Sarah tried to compose herself, she suddenly felt very alone.
The dust began to settle and the air started to clear and she was suddenly confronted by Nathan's face which seemed to take form from the dusty air. Sarah jumped. She tried desperately not to, but she couldn't help it.
'Nathan,' she said in a barely audible whisper.
He continued to stand there, and began to smile.
'Are you okay Sarah?'
Sarah stood transfixed by Nathan's face.
'Couldn't find you for a moment.'
The voice came from over Nathan’s shoulder.
A feeling of crushing disappointment overcame her as the face of Gary emerged from the nearly clear air.
'Are you okay?' said Gary, concerned by her reaction.
'Yes, yes, fine Gary. You just startled me that was all.'
'I see you have arranged everything then,' said Gary pointing at the table and chairs.
Sarah had recovered her composure now and said 'It's not exactly comfortable but it is away from prying eyes.'
Emily arrived and stood behind Nathan.
Nathan lifted his head and looked straight at her. His eyes held hers, and then he moved his head in Gary’s direction. It was clear that he wanted him to leave.
‘Thanks Gary, that will be all for now,’ said Sarah, her eyes still held by Nathan’s expression.
‘Are you sure Sarah? I mean–’ said Gary, the concern in his voice was plain.
Sarah didn’t look at Gary, but she said ‘I’m sure.’ And with that Gary shuffled out of the room and Sarah listened to his footsteps slowly fading down the corridor.
Standing there in the dark, dusty atmosphere surrounded by the history of the past treatments that had taken place in this room, Sarah felt almost overwhelmed. The two children stood opposite her.
This was the first time she had been truly alone with the children.
As the last sound of Gary’s footsteps faded completely, Sarah observed that the children’s demeanour changed subtly. Their expressions now matched each other. And they looked almost pleased.
'Since we last met, a lot has happened. I felt that I should really speak to you now,' said Sarah. She was feeling uncomfortable at the thought that this may be the last time she was able to be with the children.
'I have a few questions for you. You can let me know your answers in the normal way if you like,' said Sarah.
She ushered them to sit down and they dutifully seated themselves opposite Sarah.
'I was just wondering, when you arrived at the village you were found in, did you meet anyone in the village?'
Her next question seemed vague even to her.
'Was there something about this particular village? Something that made you choose it?'
Both Nathan and Emily turned and looked straight at Sarah. Their looks were a strange mixture of imploring and encouraging.
Sarah felt as if she was being marked by Nathan for her questions.
If Sarah had any doubt about what she had to do next, it had been completely dispelled now.
But she still had one last thing to say. And she was struggling to find the words. But it was the main reason she had brought them here. She needed to see them one last time.
She leant forward towards the children.
'I might not be able to see you as much in the future. Things are going to change here.'
Sarah looked at the children's expressions. They remained calm. She almost faltered as she said 'But I will be trying to help you. Even if you don't see me around here. I haven’t abandoned you.'
In the gloom and silence of the crumbling room she felt as if she had never been closer to the children.
And then Emily reached out her hand and clasped Sarah’s hand; she had done it before briefly, but it still gave Sarah a chill. She could feel a small piece of paper being pressed into her palm.
But she wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
Nathan reached out his hand and clasped Sarah's other hand, until they formed a circle of people holding hands. Sarah felt a crumpled piece of paper being pressed into her hand by Nathan.
She felt a surge through her body and felt almost faint.
She had no idea how long they sat there in their impromptu circle. But the spell was only broken by the sound of footsteps approaching.
The children immediately withdrew their hands before Gary’s face appeared at the doorway.
‘Sorry Sarah, we really must get back now. They will be missed.’
The children released Sarah from their gaze and her shoulders slumped slightly.
‘Everything alright Sarah?’ said Gary.
‘Yes, fine,’ said Sarah in what was barely a whisper.
The children stood up and followed Gary out of the room.
As the sound of their footsteps faded completely, Sarah slumped into the chair, barely noticing the plume of dust she released.
She felt a sense of loss that she hadn’t been prepared for and wondered if she would ever see the children again.
Chapter Twenty Nine
Sarah returned to her desk, having put the table and chairs back to their previous positions in the old institute.
She barely noticed anything going on around her.
She wondered if the people around here would miss her when she wasn't there.
As she looked at Helen, she could imagine that she would be more than happy with a change of regime. She seemed to be busying herself already with some task Susan had set her.
And as for John. Well, he would barely notice at all.
She sighed slightly and turned her attention to the dwindling list of emails. It was as if the institute was already writing her out of its history.
She switched her computer off, thought about saying something to Helen and John, thought better of it and left the building.
She started the car and drove slowly through the media throng, who upon seeing who it was, promptly ignored her and went back to something more interesting to do.
As she crawled along she imagined stopping the car, getting out and announcing to the world what she knew about the children and how she had been the one treating them all along and that she was actually important. But the moment passed and with each turn of the car’s wheel, the more she knew that her theoretical fifteen minutes of fame would be at the expense of the children. They didn’t deserve that.
By the time she was climbing out of the car at home, she desperately wanted to get into the sanctity of her father’s house.
She slammed the front door behind her and locked and bolted the door firmly. She collapsed onto the sofa and felt the folded pieces of paper pressing against her leg.
Hiya,
Sorry to hear that you won't be with us for a while. But you are doing the right thing.
I just hope we will be okay without you here. We don’t like the other people here. They don’t understand us like you do Sarah. They don’t have our problems.
PLEASE be careful Sarah, we still need you. I wouldn’t trust anyone if I were you.
Don’t let anyone stop you doing what you want to do.
We’ll miss you and hope to see you soon.
Oh, here’s the end of my story, hope you like it.
But then a witch appeared and then it seemed dark all the time and it was frightening and they all started to feel frightened.
And the witch was watching them all the time and they didn't like it and she started to feel sad and so did the others.
And there were strange things that they saw that terrified them. The brave knight t
ried to help them until one day the knight suddenly left them alone and it was always dark now.
But he had told them about someone who would help them, but they lived far far away and they wouldn't be able to find them.
And the dark was frightening to them and they had to get together and help each other and then something terrible happened. And no one came to rescue them.
Emily xxxxx
Sarah put down the first piece of paper. If Emily had meant to make her feel more relaxed about her decision then she had singularly failed.
She picked up the even more crumpled second piece of paper.
So you are leaving us then Sarah. It's for the best, they don't want you here anyway. Not now.
I wish you had managed to tell us something about our new keeper. I have the feeling that things aren't going to be as good for us here now. But we'll cope I suppose. We always have in the past.
Don't trust anyone Sarah. They aren't what they seem.
They aren’t like us, we understand each other don’t we.
Nathan
As Sarah put down the last piece of paper she found that she was already missing the children. She wanted to go straight back to the institute and see them, demand that she be allowed to resume her treatment of them. But she knew it was too late for that. Even Nathan had alluded to the fact that she was no longer needed by the institute. She would have to help the children in her own way now, away from the institute.
And then something more disturbing occurred to her.
When had the children actually written these notes? She had only just told them that she was leaving.
The only conclusion she could reach was the only one that made no sense to her.
They must have written them some time previously. Before they could possibly have known that she was leaving and what she was going to do.
Had they carried them around with them, waiting for her to decide what she should do, waiting to give them to her?
She stood up quickly and grabbed her laptop. As she waited for her email to appear she desperately needed something from Ben. Eventually she saw what she wanted.
Hi Sarah,
Well, some sort of a reaction from the children is better than nothing I suppose!
Would be interesting to compare it to the view of the village that I am looking out of the window at right now.
And, no, I'm sure you aren't being paranoid and I will be careful as you suggest.
This ruse of pretending to write a book is working a treat. People aren't at all surprised when I wander around the place. And it seems natural to ask them plenty of questions. Got a pretty good idea of the layout of the village and the surrounding area. There are several places that look promising, but they are a little away from the village so I have worked out a schedule of these places and when to visit them.
However, when I broached the subject of the children, things seem to change. People became more guarded. In fact they all seemed to give the exact same response. It was all a bit weird, like something from a cult!
But I think I will probe a little more tomorrow, maybe press a bit more to force a reaction. There's someone in the village that I think seems to run the place. I'll have to find some reason to talk to her.
Will let you know what happens tomorrow, wish me luck!
Ben
She had to remind herself what she had last said to him, it seemed an age ago but was actually only a couple of days. So much had happened, or at least appeared to have happened.
Sarah sat at her keyboard at the desk, wondering exactly where to begin in her reply. She had desperately wanted Ben to have got in touch. After the day she had, she needed to hear from a friendly person. It was only when she read his email that she realised how dependant she was becoming on him. He almost represented her last chance to help the children. Especially now that she was being undermined at the institute.
But she didn't want to let her desperation show to Ben. She took a deep breath and composed herself before she began her reply.
Hi Ben,
Not sure how to describe what has happened here.
I have a new colleague. Susan. I'm not sure colleague is the right word, maybe “boss” is closer. I know being a professional it shouldn’t matter. And I know that all that matters is the welfare of the children. But I can't help being a bit hacked off frankly. She seems to have pretty much dismissed all of my work so far. Oh not in so many words of course, but it certainly feels like that. She has decided to change the course of treatment. I'm not sure I should tell you exactly what she is proposing, I'm sure it is covered by company confidentiality or something, but needless to say I don't think it will be in the best interests of the children. I'm actually quite frightened of the effect it might have. Especially on Nathan.
To be honest I'm not sure what else I will be able to achieve once she starts her treatment of the children. I'm not entirely convinced that she will ever let me see them again.
Oh, and it's been decided I should take a few days off, for my own good, apparently.
Try not to antagonise the villagers too much; we might need them.
Anyway, take care and please let me know what happens tomorrow.
Sarah
She sat back in her chair, hoping that she had kept the desperation out of her reply. She thought that she had. But maybe she had complained a bit too much.
As she looked around the house she wondered what precisely she would do now. She had no job to go to, Ben had gone away and she no longer had the children.
She stood up and, almost in a dream like state, walked to the study, unlocked the door and entered.
She felt at home again.
The room looked almost completely tidy now, her work here was almost done, but she didn’t want to leave. She looked around for things to do. The books were all neatly arranged now, there were no piles on the floor. She wondered if her father would hate it looking this tidy; probably.
And then she realised that she hadn’t completely finished tidying the actual desk he had sat at. There must be several draws that she needed to look in. This pleased her, but she decided that she would leave that for later on, maybe as a strange form of a treat. There would be time enough to look through the draws later.
As she stood up from the chair, her eye caught sight of the chess table that she and her father used to play on. She well remembered the intense battles they had got involved in, sometimes deep into the night. She hovered over the table. The last game they had been playing before his death was laid out in front of her.
A frozen moment in time. The arrangement of the pieces was etched in her memory.
It was his move.
She sighed loudly, wrenched herself away from looking at the table and left the room, locking the door behind her and wandered up to bed.
It didn’t exactly feel natural – going to bed when it was perfectly light outside and part of her felt guilty that she should be doing something.
But the director had told her to rest and recharge her batteries, so she was only really doing what she was told after all.
She pulled the sheets over her and had a feeling that something was missing.
She realised that she would normally have the journals to look at. She suddenly felt the loss of the connection with the children deeply.
Sarah sat up abruptly in bed. It was still dark.
She looked through blurry eyes at the clock and it was two o’clock. The remnants of her dream were quickly vanishing from her consciousness; all she could remember now was that it involved a loud bang, and then it drifted away completely. The loud noise had seemed very realistic.
She felt hungry and decided to go downstairs to find something to eat.
When she had taken over the house, she had decided to have the larger room, not her own room that she had lived in as a girl. She had felt a certain thrill at moving into the “big bedroom”. It had always belonged to her father. As she walked past her old room on the landing
she noticed that the door was partly open.
That seemed odd.
But then, she reasoned, the house was quite old, the doors either stuck and needed a shoulder to open them or swung freely open at times of their own volition. She started to pull the door to but as she did a face peered back at her.
She jumped and felt her heart racing.
She stood there with the door still half open and still half asleep.
And then the face she had half seen began to form in her mind. The wild hair. The wide staring eyes.
She slowly pushed the door open fully, the door creaked obligingly and the face was revealed.
And her expression transformed from fear to a smile of recognition.
Her old doll sat there looking back at her with a worried look on its face. It was almost as if it was remembering all the therapy sessions she had made it undergo when she was younger.
Other girls would dress up their dolls; create tea parties for them and introduce them to other friends. But Sarah had made hers undergo an intensive course of psychotherapy. In her mind the doll had suffered from Depression; Eating disorders; Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and Insomnia. And only through her detailed analysis and treatment had it been cured. Or at least partly cured as it had started to develop symptoms that didn’t appear in any psychology books.
