“Look at me, baby.” His command is laced with tenderness - the tenderness I see in the velvet chocolate depths of his eyes staring back at me. I can’t move; I just watch as he crawls onto the bed, straddling my body, his strong toned thighs on either side of me as he stalks me – a lion hunting his prey; lithe, powerful, and impossible to resist.
I lift my hands running them over his warm, soft skin, taut over his broad back, his muscles pulsing under my touch. Even his shoulder blades are sexy, and as I explore his body with my fingertips, he whispers sweetly into my mouth, before claiming it as his.
“Let me make you forget, Tesoro.”
His lips are on me, his tongue tangling with mine, his scent invading my senses as his body presses down along the length of me, pinning me to the bed. Every inch of skin that connects with his is alive with lust, desire, and the promise of a phenomenal fusion of two bodies becoming one, for a brief moment in time.
Without a word, he nestles himself between my legs, his hard, thick erection teasing my slick entrance before gently sinking deep inside me.
“Cazzo… Addi… sei così bella.” [Fuck… Addi… you’re so beautiful.] His words are a sweet caress, a seduction of my soul as he begins to move - filling me, consuming me, owning me with every thrust.
All the twisted reminders of Gavin slowly drift away as Carter consumes me. I am stretched and filled to the hilt with the sheer size of him, my body opening to accommodate him more and more as he hammers into me - fierce, but at the same time, tender. This man instinctively knows how to work my body; every touch pushing me closer to the edge of ecstasy. All negative thoughts are a spec in the distance, my focus solely on the pleasure he brings - the storm coiling in my core, ready to burst free and overwhelm my senses.
“Look at me, Addi. I want to watch you crash over the edge.” His words are almost my undoing. I lift my gaze, locking eyes with him; the passion I see in their depths, both seductive and terrifying..
He starts to rock his hips as he picks up pace, the base of his thick shaft teasing my clit on every downward stroke. Three delicious, hard, thrusts later and the dam holding my body together is obliterated into a million pieces, my orgasm ripping through me, causing me to convulse beneath him, sending him spiraling into his own intense release.
“Fuck… holy fucking shit, Addi. Look at me.”
A fresh wave of ecstasy rips through my body as his orgasm pulses down the length of his throbbing erection before he bites down on my shoulder to stifle the guttural roar that is fighting to escape his chest. The sharp pain of his teeth sinking into my flesh only enhances my pleasure, forcing me to stifle my own cries, in hopes that we don’t wake Lily and Xander with the deluge of moans and screams that are fighting to break free.
The swell of emotion as we lie sated and breathless, causes a pain in my chest. Why did I break my one time only rule for this man? I want to ask him to leave, I don’t like having men in my bed overnight, and this particular man is dangerous to the safeguards I’ve built; but as I look at his face, rugged perfection; masculine and content, his eyes closed, jet black lashes kissing his cheeks - I know I want him here. I need him here… just for tonight… only for tonight… never again.
CARTER
I’m a little confused when I open my eyes. I am not looking at my bedroom walls. I’m in Addi’s bed with no sign of her beside me. I don’t even remember falling asleep last night. I thought she would be skittish about me staying, but I was just so fucking content that I couldn’t move. I don’t know what the hell this girl is doing to me.
Usually, I would have taken her at least three times – on her back, from behind, in the shower; but she fucking killed me with the intensity of her release. The way her body was trembling beneath me, clenching around me, tearing my orgasm from me before I was ready. This girl is seriously denting my confidence in the endurance stakes.
I don’t generally give a fuck what is going on with the girl I’m sleeping with. I keep it to one-night stands and casual arrangements, it’s just easier when I’m so busy running the clubs. Addi is a different story. The look on her face last night, the hurt in her eyes, and the plea in her voice as she begged me not to touch her ass, completely fucking floored me. She obviously has issues with it, beyond just being something she doesn’t like. All I wanted to do in that moment, staring into those sweet, broken brown eyes was scoop her up and hold her in my arms. I knew it would have killed her to have any form of sympathy, so I did what she needed – I made her forget, and fuck, she made me forget all my rules about getting too attached. Twice I’ve slept with her, and twice she has stripped away all my bullshit, and wrung the most intense and honest orgasms of my life from me.
My golden rule has always been not to get involved with broken chicks; I don’t want to take them home, even for one night. Not because I’m a dick, but because I know what it feels like to love a broken woman with your entire being, and it hurts like a motherfucker. I’m not talking about a lover… I’m talking about Vittoria, my little sister.
Tori is my only sibling, and I would do anything for her - she is the only woman in my life that really matters, besides my mom. She is such an inspiration to me, and I am in awe of how fucking strong she is; but I’ve seen her broken, with the same look in her eyes that I saw in Addi last night, and it ripped my heart out - damaging it beyond repair.
When I was fourteen, Vittoria would have been ten. We were the best of friends and each other’s nemesis rolled into one. God, I hated her at times, but I would do absolutely fucking anything for her. My dad is a pretty big deal in Manhattan. He owns a massive law firm with Xander’s dad. They’re the major players, but they employ some of their college buddies, and we grew up around these guys, calling them ‘uncle’ and expecting to see them at all of the family barbecues and parties.
Marcus was my idol. I thought he was the coolest guy I’d ever met, way cooler than my dad. He would always side with me if I was trying to get my dad to agree to something, and he always brought presents - at that age, superficial affection is easily bought.
The summer I turned fourteen my parents threw me a huge party at our house and all the usual suspects were in attendance. The party was in full swing and I was having a great time with my friends when my mom called me into the house and asked if I’d seen Vittoria. I figured she was probably off having one of her moods because I was getting all the attention. Mom told me to go find her and bring her back to the party.
I looked in all the places I thought she would hide, but I couldn’t find her and it was starting to piss me off. It was my birthday party and I was wasting time looking for her. As I walked into my bedroom, I heard the smallest, strangled sob escape from my closet. I will never forget that sound as long as I live. My heart was hammering in my chest as I opened the door, sensing that there was something seriously wrong.
Vittoria was curled into a ball in the corner, wrapped in my favorite Nicks sweater, sobbing her heart out. I instinctively dropped to my knees and pulled her onto my lap. She was shaking so violently that I remember struggling to keep a hold of her. I don’t know how long we sat there. I just held her and stroked her hair to calm her down until she had no more tears left to shed. I couldn’t let her see the tears streaming down my face as I watched her break down in front of me.
When I managed to compose myself enough to speak, I asked the question that I knew deep down, I didn’t want the answer to… “What’s wrong, Tori? What happened?”
If felt like an eternity before I heard the most vulnerable little voice speak the words that would incite an all-consuming rage inside me.
“Marcus… he hurt me… he told me not to tell anyone.” I held her tighter, afraid of what she would say next.
“You can tell me, I’m your brother, it’s ok… you can tell me anything.” She started crying again, the devastation in her eyes tearing a hole in my chest.
“I can’t, Carter.”
“You need to. What… what did he do, Vittoria
?”
“He… touched me, made me… do things, and then…” Her cries were excruciating to hear. “He… he made me cuddle with him. Special cuddles for mommies and daddies. He told me not to tell. He said he would be angry with me if I did.”
Even the memory of those words coming from the lips of my sweet innocent sister, make me feel physically sick to this day.
My entire body radiated an all-consuming hatred. I wanted to murder him. I wanted to rip him limb from limb, but I was fourteen and my sister needed me to be strong for her.
I tried to get her to come out of the closet so I could take her to our parents, but she was too scared that she would see him. She didn’t want me to leave, but I had to go and get my mom and dad. When I finally convinced her it would be ok, I hid her under a pile of clothes, and locked the door to the closet behind me. In that moment I was no longer a boy; my carefree childhood was a thing of the past. I walked the green mile of my youth.
Every instinct kicked in as I picked up pace, bounding down the staircase and out into the garden to find my parents. Before I could reach my dad, I saw Marcus standing swigging a beer without a care in the world, laughing and joking with his friends - fucking laughing. The rage I felt in that moment was indescribable.
I completely lost control, running at him and attacking him like a rabid dog. I remember my dad trying to pry me off, shouting at me; my mom screaming in the background. I was kicking and screaming as he yanked me off of Marcus. And then I said it… screamed it for all to hear.
“You fucking bastard! I will fucking kill you. You raped my sister - worthless piece of shit. How could you do that to her? She trusted you.” I was inconsolable as I fell to the ground in a heap.
Everything after that felt like watching a movie in slow motion. I had never seen my dad get angry before, and this was seething hatred - rage - thousands of years of genetics kicking in to protect his daughter. That day, my father beat one of his closest friends to within an inch of his life before making sure he went to prison. It turned out that Vittoria wasn’t the first girl he had done this to. He won’t see the light of day outside a prison yard ever again.
My mom was amazing. She went straight to Vittoria - nurtured her, cared for her, and helped to slowly piece her back together. It took a long time, years, but eventually some of the sister I knew before that day came back to me. She is the strongest most courageous woman, and I love her to death.
I’ve never gotten over the fact that I couldn’t protect Vittoria from Marcus. It has stayed with me all these years, and it always will. I guess that’s why I keep women at arm’s length. A woman deserves a guy that can protect her from all the bad things in life, and I can’t do that.
Up until this point I have never met a woman who awakened that primal desire to protect in me, and that’s why last night fucking terrified me. Something in Addi’s eyes called out to me, and I wanted to answer it so badly, so fiercely, that I couldn’t have walked away even if she’d asked me to.
Where the fuck do I go from here?
I can hear pans being smashed in the kitchen and the girls talking in low, sinister whispers. I need to have a serious conversation with Addi about what happened last night. I don’t know if I can handle this… whatever this is; but I know I can’t just walk away today and never give her another thought.
I quickly grab my clothes off the floor and shrug them on. I hate putting on clothes from the night before, but I’d look like a dick if I went out there in Addi’s robe. As I step into the hallway, I bump into Xander. I have never been so happy to see him in my whole fucking life. I need a distraction. We fall into our normal routine, trashing each other as we make our way to the kitchen. The aromas coming at me right now are heavenly. She can cook, too. I am royally screwed.
Watching Xander greet Lily is both endearing and seriously fucking annoying. The look on Addi’s face when I walk over to her - you would think I’d murdered a baby. Fuck it… I stand behind her, my chest flush against her back. I know I affect her, so I nuzzle into her neck, drinking her in. She flinches at my touch. Shit. She’s going to react badly to this.
To my amazement, her entire body becomes fluid, molding to my chest. I take that as a green light to continue nibbling her neck. She tastes so fucking good, and I can still smell sex on her. I’m getting hard from the memory, but her pliancy doesn’t last long, and I get the cold shoulder throughout breakfast.
Xander has to leave to organize his date with Lily tonight, and I know I should just go with him, but I want to talk to Addi about what happened last night. Her silence is made worse only by her glacial stare when we’re left alone.
The silence is deafening. Eventually, I brave asking if she has plans for the day, only to be cut down with an obvious lie.
“Yes. I’m very busy all day with Lily.” From the look on Lily’s face that’s the first she’s heard of it. Fuck, this girl is hard work.
“I better get going, too, then. Walk me out?” I say goodbye to Lily and make my way to the door, my heart pounding in my chest, hands in my pockets, head down. I am a motherfucking pussy, but I don’t want to leave her like this.
“So, I’ll call you?” I know this is a ridiculous question. She wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire. A phone call from me is not something she’ll be waiting for with bated breath. I push my luck for one last kiss, and am completely blindsided by her reaction.
She plants her soft, elegant hands on either side of my face, pulling me in, kissing me with a passionate urgency that kills me, floors me, and makes me want to beg for more. As quickly as it began, it’s over. She pushes me back and I know I have a fucking idiotic sated look on my face, but fuck me, that was literally the best kiss I’ve ever had, and I wasn’t even in the driver’s seat.
I don’t want to push her beyond what she can handle, so I turn and force myself into the elevator without looking back. I can’t even turn to face her door as I hear it slam shut. That simple noise stinging more than it should.
Addi is all I can think about. She has consumed my thoughts this past week. The look in her eyes still haunting me. I can usually spot a girl with issues a mile away, but Addi… she hid it so well, behind charm, sass, and bravado. It was only in that moment of complete vulnerability that she let her guard slip, and there it was… that look; the one that speaks a thousand words. I know without a doubt that someone hurt her… really fucking badly.
I’m trying to give her some space, because I realize that Friday night was hard for her, and the trust she put in me to let me carry on, to let me help her forget… well, that was a huge step. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fucking pining over this girl, but she has awakened something long suppressed in me, and I would like to help her if I can; if she ever speaks to me again.
I got her number from Xander yesterday, but I haven’t tried to contact her yet. I need a bit of time to figure out what it is that I want to say to her. I’d like to at least offer her friendship. I know I’m not better for much else, but I lived through watching Vittoria piece her life back together, and it is so amazing to see her thriving now. I don’t know if she’ll ever trust a man enough to have a serious relationship, but she poured all of her strength and focus into dancing. She graduated from Julliard three years ago now, and has been touring the world with a prominent ballet company ever since. I am so damn proud of her.
She’s going to be back in town soon for a few months which will be great. I miss my baby sister when she’s on the road. She’s the only one that really understands my reluctance to have a relationship. The only one that knows without a doubt - I don’t shirk attachments to women just to be a player. She understands the fear… more than anyone. I could use her advice on what the fuck I’m doing with Addi. I don’t want to cause this girl anymore pain, but something is drawing me to her and I can’t fucking shake it.
ADDI
I really need Lily right now. I need to talk through all the shit that is spiraling out of control in my head, but she is so
deliriously happy with Xander, and I can’t bring myself to dump all of this crap on her. She tried to talk to me last Saturday after the guys left our apartment, but I just couldn’t. If I had opened the floodgates at that point, I would have told her things… things about me that I could never take back. My secrets are mine, and I will never put that burden on anyone else… especially not Lily.
We’ve known each other since junior high; we’re sisters in every way that matters, and Lily has been through more than anyone should have to bear. She had shut herself down to the possibility of love… until Xander entered the picture a few weeks ago. They had a bumpy start, but she’s the happiest I have ever seen her. I love her; I would do anything for her, and I won’t take this away from her for my own selfish need to purge my dirty, broken soul.
Lily thinks my freshman year boyfriend Gavin cheated on me, broke my heart, and left me angry with all men. She’s not completely wrong, but I didn’t tell her the whole story, and I never will. I’ll live with my shame, keep it as my own, and keep pretending as long as I live. It’s the only way to survive.
I spent Saturday locked in my room, trying to block out the night before with Carter. A difficult task when everything in my room smelled of him, reminded me of him, and brought me to my knees in my desire to run into his arms and hold on for dear life. That’s not who I am, and it took me a day or two to get over it.
I had a moment of weakness, a single moment in time when he saw into the very depths of my soul, and he didn’t run. He stayed, and the way he worked my body… God… the way he touched me… it’s the first time since Gavin that I was truly able to forget; to lose myself.
It’s Friday night, and Lily is staying at Xander’s. I know what I need to do to get out of my funk. I’m going to call the guy that gave me his number in a coffee shop today, and I’m going to go out dancing, drinking and do what I do best. I’m going to fuck him, take what I need and come home to my apartment alone. This is what works, this is what keeps me happy, and anything else is a pipe dream.
Relentless - Manhattan Knights Series Book Two Page 4
