by Pamela Clare
“Yes. It’s on the first floor. Down the elevator and to your right.”
“Thanks.”
The chapel turned out to be a small space with pews, kneelers, a pulpit, and a single stained-glass window that depicted a lily. Jason crossed himself and got to his knees, praying silently in a jumble of O’odham and English, pouring out his heart about everything. His fear for Winona. His rage about his sisters and Elena. His uncertainty about his future and whether he would have a job next month. His doubts about the promise he’d made his grandmother. His love for his people.
Thank you, Creator, for bringing Winona safely through the surgery. Thank you for the surgeon and the pilot and the paramedics and the Team. Please drive away infection and help her to keep her leg. I love her. Help me to find my path. I thought I knew what it was, but now … I don’t know where I’m meant to be. Amen.
It was more than he’d said to God in a long time.
When he opened his eyes again, Chaska was sitting in the pew across the aisle from him. “Thank you for saving Winona’s life—and for praying for her. I can see that you truly do care about her.”
Jason got off his knees, sat in the pew. “Yeah.”
“The nurse came out a few minutes ago. She said Winona is asking for you.” Chaska met Jason’s gaze. “For all of her life until now, she has asked for me. When she was a little girl and had a bad dream or was sick or scared, she called for me, even before our mother died. Now, she’s asking for you.”
Jason heard what Chaska was saying and understood the message beneath it. This was a major shift for him and not altogether easy—the big brother taking a backseat to the lover. It was also a responsibility. “You’ve always been her rock. She told me how you took care of her after your mother died. She loves you.”
“I would do anything for her.” Chaska got to his feet. “Are you coming to see her or staying here?”
Winona drifted in a fog. “Jason.”
“He’s right here, little sister.”
Warm fingers took hers. “I’m here, Win.”
She opened her eyes—it seemed to take a great deal of effort—and found Chaska on her left and Jason on her right. She smiled. “You’re both … here.”
“Where else would we be?” Jason kissed her hand.
“The doctor said you’re going to be okay.”
She nodded, then remembered. “The wolf. He was hungry. He—”
“He’s safe, angel. I darted him, and the Team got him down.”
“He’s in Shota’s old pen now. Heather is coming to get him tomorrow.”
“Wasté.” Good. A worry that had niggled at her faded.
She drifted in and out after that, sleeping off the anesthesia and doped up on Percocet, her dreams uneasy and strange. She woke when the nurse walked into the room, light from the hallway streaming inside. Chaska had gone—she vaguely remembered him saying goodbye—but Jason was still there, asleep in a chair.
“It’s time to check your vitals and give you more pain meds.”
Jason’s head jerked up. He got to his feet, walked over to her, took her hand. “How do you feel?”
“It hurts.”
His brow furrowed, his thumb stroking the back of her hand. “I bet it does.”
“I dreamed that a shark tried to eat my leg, and you fought it off.”
He smiled. “Shark wrestling, huh?”
The nurse wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her arm. “From what I hear, that’s pretty close to the truth.”
While the machine took a reading of Winona’s blood pressure, the nurse checked her temperature and then handed her a little paper cup with two pills. “Here’s your Percocet.”
“Thanks.” Winona swallowed them with a gulp of water.
“I’ll get you more water and then let you sleep.” The nurse left them alone.
“Chaska went home, right?” It was the first time since arriving at the hospital that she’d felt clear-headed enough to have a conversation.
Jason drew the chair up to the bed and sat beside her, taking her hand once again, lines of stress and fatigue on his face. “I think he felt torn between staying here with you and going home to Naomi and the baby. I promised I’d keep him updated.”
The nurse walked in with a full pitcher of water and ice and set it on the little table. “Press the call button if you need anything.”
“Thank you.” Winona waited until the nurse had gone. “You saved my life.”
He frowned. “If I’d just been a second faster…”
“Don’t blame yourself. I should have watched where I was walking. We all knew there might be traps up there, but I was looking at the wolf, trying to gauge his responses. Did you dart him, or was that the ranger?”
Jason explained what had happened in that last hour, how the wolf had crept closer, and how Jason been afraid the scent of her blood would provoke it. “I kept tossing it chunks of meat. Every once in a while, you would wake up and talk to it in Lakota. It tried to get closer to you. I think it felt safe with you. When the helicopter came, it ran. That’s when I darted it.”
“Thank you. I was so afraid it would be scared away and starve or get shot.”
“I won’t lie. Being that close to a predator of that size was … intense.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “Was my big, bad Shadow Wolf scared?”
She thought he would laugh too, but his expression crumpled, his eyes filling with the anguish of someone who’d known too much grief.
“I’ve never been more afraid or felt more helpless in my life. When I saw how heavily you were bleeding… God, Win, I was afraid I’d lose you.”
She blinked back tears, reached up, cupped his cheek. “I was afraid, too, and then you told me you wouldn’t let me die. You kept me alive. You made me feel safe.”
“I’m glad.” He gave her a sad smile, turned his head, kissed her palm.
Then something occurred to her that hadn’t before, and her heart sank. “I’m going to waste the rest of our time together in the hospital, aren’t I?”
He chuckled. “It’s not a waste of time to heal. I’ll be here every day. I’ve got almost two weeks before I have to drive back. The hearing is on the ninth of October.”
“Twelve days.” That was nothing.
It was everything.
“I’ll stay in Scarlet as long as I can.”
She was starting to get sleepy again, probably from the drugs. “I want you to know that I don’t regret any of this—you and me. We’ve only known each other for a short time, but I…”
What was she about to tell him? That she’d fallen in love with him? Good grief! How would that help either of them?
He was leaving.
He waited, his brow furrowing with concern when she didn’t finish her sentence.
“I think the drugs are kicking in. I lost my train of thought.”
He kissed her forehead. “You should sleep. I’ll be right here.”
“I won’t let you fall.” Jason walked beside Winona as she moved down the hallway, trying out her new crutches. “You’re doing it.”
“I’m not sure how I’m going to get around the clinic like this.”
Her nurse walked on her other side. “You’re a vet?”
“A wildlife vet.”
“Cool. Ever take care of anything like a bear or a cougar?”
“Yes. I’ve got an injured bear cub now.”
“Wow!”
They reached the end of the hallway.
“Do you want to sit and rest for a minute?” the nurse asked.
“I just want to get back to my room.” Winona turned and headed the other way.
It seemed to Jason that she was more uncomfortable this morning—and grumpier. The nerve block had worn off long ago, and pain pills were now her only source of relief. She was also worried about the cost of the helicopter flight and her hospital bill.
He walked beside her. “One step at a time.”
He and t
he nurse had just gotten her back into bed when her door opened and Chaska walked in with Grandpa Belcourt, who was dressed in a fine ribbon shirt, an eagle feather in his hair, a leather bundle under one arm.
Winona smiled. “Chaska. Grandpa.”
Grandpa glanced around. “This room looks like a flower shop.”
A half dozen bouquets sat wherever there was space—on the counter by the sink, on the table beside her bed, on the windowsill. The West family had sent one. Joe and Rain from Knockers had sent another. Lexi and some clinic volunteers had also sent one with a card telling Winona not to worry about the clinic. Zach and Natalie had sent one, too. He couldn’t remember who’d sent the others.
“I can wait in the hall.” Jason turned to leave the room so Winona could have some private time with her family, but Chaska stopped him.
“Stay with us. Old Man wants to pray.”
Grandpa Belcourt unrolled the bundle, drew out a braid of sweetgrass and an eagle feather. He was about to light the sweetgrass when the nurse’s aide walked in.
“I’m sorry, sir, there’s no smoking … or … uh… no smoke allowed.”
Chaska was ready for this. “This is part of our religion. It’s how we pray.”
The nurse’s aide seemed confused. “We have chaplains available if you’d like spiritual support.”
Jason wasn’t in the mood for this. “This man is an elder and a Lakota spiritual leader. Go read the American Indian Religious Freedom Act, and then come talk to us about hospital rules and chaplains.”
The nurse’s aide left, red in the face, probably off to fetch the proverbial cavalry.
Chaska met Jason’s gaze, approval in his eyes.
Old Man Belcourt lit the grass, blew out the flame, ran the eagle feather through the tendril of smoke, then used the feather to fan the smoke over Winona. He spoke in Lakota before translating his words into English for Jason’s sake. “Tunkashila, Grandfather, Creator, I give thanks for my granddaughter Winona’s rescue and her survival. I ask that you watch over her and help her to heal and walk again.”
Tears spilled down Winona’s cheeks.
Then he turned to Jason, fanning smoke over him, too, the sweet scent of the grass tickling Jason’s nose. “Creator, watch over the man who protected Winona and saved her life, Jason Chiago, this man who moves with the strength of a wolf. Guide him on his way. Keep his feet on the path of a true human being.”
Was that the path Jason was on? He had no idea.
Lastly, Grandpa turned to Chaska, fanned smoke over him. “Bless my grandson and help him to be a good father and husband. Mitakuye Oyasin. All my relations.”
Chaska nodded. “Aho. Mitakuye Oyasin”
It was the only Lakota phrase Jason knew. “Mitakuye Oyasin.”
The prayer was over by the time the nurse arrived. “I’m sorry. She’s new and doesn’t understand. We allow indigenous spiritual practices at this hospital, provided patients aren’t placed in danger. I’m really sorry for the misunderstanding.”
“Thank you for teaching her.” Grandpa rolled the feather and sweetgrass back into their sacred bundle. “And thank you for taking good care of my granddaughter.”
“You’re welcome. I apologize once again.” The nurse left them in peace.
Grandpa Belcourt sat next to the bed and asked to hear the whole story from Winona and Jason. He listened thoughtfully, as if every word mattered, nodding his head every so often, his expression grave. When Jason finished with the helicopter’s arrival and his darting the wolf, there was silence.
After a moment, Old Man spoke. “It’s hard to know why such things happen. But I believe Creator meant for you to be there, Chiago. Otherwise, my granddaughter would have died, and the wolf would still be alone. We should talk more about these things.”
Chaska grinned. “What Old Man is saying is that he’s pouring water for an inipi—a sweat lodge ceremony—and he wants you to be there.”
There was only one answer Jason could give to an invitation like this. “Of course, I’ll be there. I would be honored.”
“Kat James is coming by this evening to stay with Winona.”
“Kat’s coming?” Winona perked up.
Chaska nodded. “Gabe is joining us for the lodge. You know what he went through. He’ll have some powerful prayers for you.”
Jason saw in Winona’s eyes how much that meant to her. “Gabe is a good man.”
Old Man got to his feet. “You can help me tend the fire, Chiago.”
Chaska grinned, gave Jason a friendly jab on the shoulder. “I’ll pick you up at about three this afternoon, brother.”
“I’ll be there.”
Chapter 22
While Grandpa Belcourt cleaned the sweat lodge and prepared it for the ceremony, Jason threw more logs on the fire, the stones that would heat the lodge beneath the blaze. So far, the old man had barely spoken to him, but Jason knew the whole point of his being here was so that they could have a private conversation.
“Chanupa. That’s our word for the pipe. It’s wakan—sacred.”
Jason repeated the word. “Chanupa.”
Grandpa chuckled and set leather pouches of tobacco, sage, cedar, an old drum, an eagle-bone whistle, and his sacred bundle on the small, earthen mound that served as an altar between the fire and the sweat lodge door.
The lodge, a low structure with canvas and blankets fastened to a frame of willows, was built up the mountainside above the old wolf pen in a small clearing that overlooked Scarlet. Two tipis—one for men and one for women—stood on the edge of the clearing, giving people a place to change before and after the ceremony.
Grandpa sat on a nearby bench. “You’re a hard worker. Tell this old man about your family, your people.”
Here we go.
While Jason tended the fire, he gave Grandpa Belcourt his life story, holding nothing back. His parents’ murders. His brief descent into drinking and drugs. His life with his grandparents and learning the O’odham himdag. His job with the Wolves. His grandmother’s death. The promise he’d made. Elena’s arrest. His upcoming hearing.
As he’d done at the hospital, the old man listened intently, never interrupting, not even to ask questions. When Jason finished, Old Man nodded. “You have already walked a long, hard road with many twists and turns—just like the maze on your arm.”
Jason glanced at his tattoo. “You know the meaning of the Man in the Maze?”
Grandpa chuckled. “We old people share stories at the pow wow.”
That made Jason laugh. “Right.”
“This promise you made your grandmother—what words did you say to her?”
Jason thought about it, trying to remember the exact words. “I promised never to leave the O’odham people.”
Grandpa nodded. “A promise is a sacred thing. So is the love of one’s half-side.”
“Half-side?” Jason hadn’t heard that expression before.
“Naomi is Chaska’s half-side, and he is hers. Two people meet and find they were always looking for one another. They are two halves of one whole.”
Jason felt the truth of those words to his bones. “If both things are sacred, Grandfather, how can a man choose between them?”
“You must pray on this today, for it’s clear to these old eyes that my granddaughter loves you and you love her. She called for you, not her brother. You are her safe haven now. Remember that Creator doesn’t lead us to dead ends. We do that to ourselves. Creator gives us choices.”
Jason bit back his frustration. If there was a compromise here, Jason didn’t see it. Winona wanted to live near her family, and Jason couldn’t blame her. He could see how close they were. But he’d made a promise.
“Tell me about the rest of your family.”
Jason tossed more wood on the fire. “I have three older sisters scattered around the country and seven nieces and nephews. I never see them. My sisters left me in Sells and never came back. They married non-Natives, and they’re not raising their
children in the O’odham way.”
“This makes you angry.”
“Yes.” It was the truth. “They abandoned me. I was still a boy when they left.”
“How about in Sells or over on the Mexican side—aunties and uncles?”
“Not any longer. They’ve all passed. I am the last of my family still on the land.”
Grandpa seemed to consider this. “It could be that it’s time for you to break free of your anger toward your sisters so you can consider your path in a new light. Be certain you’re not making decisions out of resentment toward them. These matters deserve careful thought.”
Break free of his anger? How would that change anything? And why did Grandpa think Jason would make decisions based on resentment toward his sisters?
Grandpa Belcourt was as cryptic as Jason’s grandfather had been.
The sun was close to setting now, and the others had arrived—Chaska, Gabe, and Doug, Naomi’s father, who would be driving back to Pine Ridge with Star and their kids in the morning.
Jason left the fire, walked to the men’s tipi with the others to change.
Chaska pulled off his shirt, exposing the Sun Dance scars on his chest. “Have you been to an inipi before?”
“One of my fellow Wolves is Lakota, so, yes, I’ve been to a few.” Jason stripped naked, put on his swim trunks, and wrapped a towel around his hips.
“I was hoping you’d say this was your first.” Gabe picked up his towel. “Old Man Belcourt goes easy on newbies.”
Grandpa chuckled, dozens of Sun Dance scars on his chest and back. “Are you complaining that my lodges are too hot?”
“Too hot? No. Never.”
The others laughed.
They walked together to the lodge, Chaska removing his wedding band, setting it on the altar, Doug and Gabe doing the same. If the inipi was hot enough, metal could burn. Gabe also removed his prosthetic leg and left it on the altar.
Then, one by one, they dropped to their knees and crawled into the lodge, Old Man first and then Jason, followed by Gabe and then Doug. Chaska remained outside to assist by handling the hot stones, using a steel shovel to pass them into the pit at the center of the lodge. Then, at last, Chaska entered, sitting to the right of the lodge door.
