by Nicole Bea
I brush my teeth, swipe on a little mascara and blush, and hunt down a tube of lip balm for my chapped lips. I shove on a pair of espadrilles and head out the door. The whole process takes ten minutes and I should have told Lux I’d be longer because I have no idea where Luckheart Street is. The map application on my phone tells me the correct direction to go as I wait for the elevator down to the ground floor of Harris Hall, and by the time I walk out of the pedway between Harris and the Ross building, I know to turn out the back door, past the grove of trees, and up two roads to the right.
Pushing the glass door open, I step out onto the cobblestone path, the night still and the stars as bright as they were the night before. There are only a few clouds in the sky, low gray bundles of fluff that move slowly across the blackness. Houses line the street outside of the grove, and I make my way to Luckheart where there’s a collection of apartment buildings near the end of the cul-de-sac. They look relatively new in comparison to the houses.
When I arrive at the address, there’s a tall complex in front of me, nestled between lamp posts and ancient oak trees. Outside the main door under a covered awning is a buzzer, and above it are names listed in alphabetical order. There isn’t one that says Lux, and for a moment I’m stuck until I realize they’re all last names. According to his school email address, his is Colford. There’s one Colford listed and I punch in the code before there’s a ring from the buzzer speaker.
“Chelsea?” Lux’s voice is clear over the speaker and I’m instantly both relieved and nervous to hear it.
“It’s me.”
“Come on up.”
The door buzzes and unlocks, and I let myself into the glow of the foyer underneath a chandelier that casts rainbows onto the navy blue walls. To the right is an elevator, and I cross the grey tiles to press the ‘up’ button.
In between riding the elevator and walking down the hall of the eighth floor toward Lux’s place, I think of a few things. One, the old version of Chelsea wouldn’t be going to some university senior’s apartment in the dark. Two, I’m chewing my lips again. I reach up and pull at the dry bit in hopes of getting rid of it. And three, what if Lux is attracted to me like I think I’m attracted to him? At least, I think there’s attraction there. I’ve drowned in his eyes a couple of times now, melted at his French accent, and listened to him tell me about home in Newfoundland with more interest than I ever gave Brandon. That means something. It has to.
Shit.
I think I like him.
The realization hits me like one of the cannonballs I used to do off Huxley’s diving board as a kid, back when the whole class got invited to everyone’s birthday parties. For a moment there’s hesitation, standing there on the board high above the water, wondering if I really want to jump all that way down. Then, the actual jump happens and I’m floating in the empty space between air and water, curling myself into a ball as tight as I can to make the biggest splash. And finally, I hit the surface and crash downward, falling into the cool blue. In this case, that cool blue is the truth: I’m already falling for Lux and my emotions are smashing into me like chlorinated water.
This moment of understanding hits me at the exact second I raise my hand to knock, but the door opens before I even have a chance to rap on it with my knuckles. Lux must have been standing there waiting for me. He looks attractive in a tight black shirt and under the low light of his modern apartment. There’s a spattering of stubble on his jawline, the bone structure strong and hard, and he licks his bottom lip somewhat absently as he goes to speak. I’m glad he has something to say because I can’t seem to form words for the first few seconds that I’m standing there in his doorway.
“Hey, you made it.” He offers me a smile and gestures through the threshold to let me in. I step through and he shuts the door with a tiny click, punctuating the sound of The Goo Goo Dolls still playing in the background.
“I did. I mean, I had to GPS the address on my phone, but I figured it out. You’re closer than I thought.”
“Two minutes is all it takes to get here from campus. Pretty convenient.” He walks past the entryway and I follow him toward an open kitchen and living room area, the music getting a bit louder. “Can I get you a drink? I was halfway through a bottle of wine, but I have… orange juice?”
I’ve never had wine before in my life, but maybe now isn’t a bad time to try it. I mean, after all, I’m trying all kinds of new things. “I’ll help you finish off the wine.” I set my belongings on the corner of the kitchen counter by the half wall, trying not to be awkward. The microwave’s display reads almost exactly nine o’clock.
Lux grins, crossing into the kitchen and opening the cupboard to produce a glass. The bottle on the counter is already open with little droplets of condensation forming, and he pours the drink carefully before handing it to me and dispensing his own. Without thinking, I give the wine a little sniff, and have to hold back a cough. It doesn’t smell like the liquor we used to drink at parties, but that was mostly juice mixed with whatever we could steal from our parents’ liquor cabinets.
“It’s Moscato.”
“What’s a Moscato?”
He chuckles, taking a sip from his glass. “It’s a type of wine. This one’s got a pinkish hue to it. It kind of tastes like strawberries.”
Tentatively, I sip the wine. It definitely doesn’t taste like the juice alcohol I’m used to, but it’s not bad. A little grown up, and with a definite hint of strawberries and maybe peaches too. It’s good, I think.
“So, you’ve been doing some dance research?” Lux sets the empty wine bottle in the sink and then leans back on the counter. “You must know the basic steps now.”
I drink another mouthful, a fuzzy feeling finding itself in my stomach as the wine goes down. “Um, I wouldn’t say that. I would say I can watch someone do the steps and not fall down while thinking of repeating them?”
“That’s a good start.” He takes another sip of the rosy liquid. “Come into the living room, I’ll show you a couple of things. Trust me, the glass of wine makes all of this easier. Helps you loosen up a little.”
I follow Lux past the kitchen bar and into the living room where there’s a large open space in front of his balcony doors. A coffee table has been pushed off to the side and gives even more room to dance in. He walks over to the desktop computer on a large corner desk and flips the music to something that I don’t recognize.
“Meet Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong,” Lux says. “They’ll help teach you the basic steps. We’re going to start with something simple. Watch my feet.”
I watch as Lux places his glass down on the coffee table before his body moves along with the music, quickly picking up the beat of the song. He steps single steps then quicker ones, then back to singles before returning to the quicker ones. It’s familiar from the videos and feels less complicated than I expected. There’s something soulful and beautiful and alluring about the way Lux sways, pretending to hold someone in his arms, moving across the floor of the apartment. For a minute I can tell he’s totally absorbed in the music, but after about twenty seconds, he drops back into real life.
“Not too bad, right?”
I shake my head, downing more of the wine I know I’ll need in order to not trip if he asks me to repeat what he just did. The song continues playing in the background as he takes his wine back, finishing off the glass before setting it on the coffee table. I follow suit, gulping the pink liquid down a little faster than I probably should. It simmers in my stomach and makes me feel a bit sick for a second.
“Okay, so it’s basically step, step, triple-step, step, step, triple-step.”
“Step, step, triple-step, step, step, triple-step. Got it.” I’m a little wobbly already, which will probably make this an interesting experience.
Lux reaches out for my glass and takes it from me gently, setting it down on the table. “Maybe a little less of this and a little more actual dancing.”
“I like it.”
/> “Which part, the dancing or the wine?” He chuckles, taking my hand.
I breathe in a deep sigh, considering his question for a couple of seconds. I try to count to five and hold my breath just to see if I can—one, two, three, four, five. Still okay. “Both.”
“Good. But maybe let’s just focus on the dancing part for right now. I wasn’t thinking that maybe you hadn’t had much experience with wine, but I guess the question ‘what’s a Moscato?’ should have tipped me off. Let’s just… let’s try it out to the music. Just follow along with me.” Lux starts to dance again, moving his feet and repeating the steps. “Step, step, triple-step, step, step, triple-step. You’re getting it. The triple-step is hard.”
We practice until the song comes to an end, sinking the living room into silence. Lux gives me a contented smile, like he’s pleased with me already even though I’m pretty sure I’m only dancing because I’ve had a couple of drinks.
“You’re not bad. Want to try it together?”
It doesn’t matter how much wine I’ve had because as soon as Lux suggests that we dance together my brain starts to freak out. He’s going to have his arms around me like those people in the YouTube videos I watched. I might step on his feet. Hold that thought, I’m definitely going to step on his feet. And I might trip. What if I accidentally knee him in the leg? What if I go off the music’s beat?
“Chelsea?”
“Yeah?”
“Together?”
Be brave, Chelsea. He isn’t Brandon.
“Yeah,” I say, looking down at my feet as I try to triple-step again and get tangled up without a song to guide me. “Can we dance to the same song? I feel like I already know that one’s beat.”
“Sure.” Lux strides across the room to the computer and makes a few clicks with the mouse before the song starts to play again. He makes his way back over to me, where I’m standing in the middle of the room. “Alright, I need your hand. And I’ll put my other around to your back. We’ll just do the basic steps for a while and see if you get the feel for things.”
Slowly, I hold my hand out to Lux who takes it in his own. The pulsating current of his heart finds space in my veins and zips all around my body to rest in the soft spot in the back of my head. I feel like I’m floating, a combination of Lux’s touch and the wine playing in my mind. It only gets worse—better?—when he wraps an arm around me and sets his palm against my back. I think that’s it and I can finally breathe until he steps even more into my bubble, our hips aligned like stars.
“I’ll lead if you’re ready?” His voice is low, and I’m drunk on the sound of him and the music as I nod.
“Okay.”
“Five, six, seven, eight.”
Lux moves first and my brain and feet instantly respond, barely half a second between the two. I repeat the footwork in my head the first few times, the triple-steps catching me until I attempt to relax and feel Lux instead of just existing in front of him. We dance like one entity, one beautiful movement after another in the made-up ballroom of his apartment.
“I felt that,” he murmurs under the sound of the song. “You stopped holding your breath.”
“I’m nervous,” I admit. The triple-step catches me again and I fumble, stepping on Lux’s toe. He doesn’t say anything though, which might be a relief in itself.
We dance for a little while longer, the music crooning behind us, my mind slowly trying to let go of any thoughts except for him and us here together in this moment. His fingers feel a bit stiff on mine, his movements more guarded than they were when he was dancing on his own in the living room. Maybe there’s something about me that makes him feel the way that I feel about him too.
I hold my breath again, tasting the leftover wine on my tongue, and count to five. When I get to four, Lux asks me a question.
“What are you nervous about?”
The wine answers for me. " This. Getting the steps wrong. University and being alone and failing and my mother by herself in Patrick’s Cove.”
Lux lets out a sigh of his own, and I can feel his body relax as he takes the basic swing steps more fluidly, his touch sinking into my body. “Does it help if I tell you I’m nervous too?”
“What are you nervous about?” I direct his words back at him.
“Graduating. Not having a job if the government thing doesn’t go through. The club failing. Falling for someone this year when I suspect I’m going back home in May.”
The last sentence echoes in my heart and my head, and I suck in a breath. He’s saying something without really saying it, but so am I.
“Is there someone?” I ask, and Lux gently pushes his fingers against my back, twirling me under his arm. The motion is unexpected, mainly because I didn’t think I’d be coordinated enough to accomplish it, and partially because for a second, I could almost read his mind for the move he wanted me to perform. It felt… it felt natural.
The moment I’m back in front of Lux, he hesitates, and we stop dancing. The lyrics play along in the background, the music not knowing we’re having a moment. I gaze into his blue eyes and his glance digs into my soul, exposing every inch of me from my bare feet up through my leggings and cardigan to the deepest part of my mind.
“Chelsea, I-…”
“It’s okay if there is. I didn’t walk here with any expectations. I mean, I did but not about you. They were more about me and how I want to live my life from now on.”
“There isn’t. There’s nobody. Not for a while now.”
Another pause, and the song ends for the second time. We’re cast into quiet, the only sound around us the general hum of the air exchange system. He’s still holding on to me and I don’t want him to let go because there are little pulses of energy running through me and sinking into my toes and fingers that make me feel unlike I’ve ever felt before.
“Sorry. It’s none of my business. I just thought I’d ask because that seemed so… I don’t know. It was a lot. A lot of feelings just happened.”
“That’s dancing.”
The Moscato replies for me. “That was more than dancing, Lux.”
He nods, gently dropping my hand to brush a strand of hair from my face. He’s so close, I can count the stripes of dark grey that offset the blue in his eyes. I get to three before he responds. “I know. That was connection.”
My empty hand naturally finds Lux’s waist, my fingers sinking into the fabric of his shirt as it knots between my knuckles. I need this. I need this feeling.
Chapter 5
Lux dips his head down and rests his forehead against my own, and I peek down at the closeness of his mouth to spot him biting his lip. The scent of Moscato and peppermint swirls around me from his breath, a sweet smell that is reminiscent of candy canes, Christmas, and the first winter snow. Meanwhile, my mind screams at me to just kiss him because I know I want to, and every inch of my being wants to know what his lips feel like on mine. And it’s not that I wouldn’t—because I would if he made a move first. Rather, it’s that I’m frozen in place, drunk on the wine I shouldn’t have had in the first place, looking down at his smile and up at his dark eyelashes.
Sliding his hand from my cheek down to my neck, Lux lets out a deep hum from somewhere in his throat. His fingers trail along the spot where my cardigan has slipped to expose part of my shoulder and the strap of my shirt, running delicate lines across my skin. The touch sends sparks up my neck, a prickling heat finding its way into my cheeks as my heart races and pounds a heavy beat behind my ribs.
My hands are wound tight into his shirt hem above his hips, knuckles grazing the warm skin underneath the fabric. It’s unconscious, the way I’m brushing my fingers on his sides, like I’m testing the waters to see what he thinks of our closeness before I commit to anything more. Because I know how I feel, but how does he? The quiet movement is a happy medium; if I were feeling bold, I’d drag my fingernails across his back and sink farther into the way he’s touching me. But I’m not bold, I haven’t reinvented myself th
is far yet. It’s only been a couple of days, and I definitely didn’t expect to meet someone like Lux ever, let alone so soon.
As soon as I start thinking about it, about Lux and how he moves when he dances and the way his touch is driving me crazy, my anxiety about Brandon’s cheating kicks into high gear and I start shaking. The shaking isn’t just in my hands, it’s everywhere. A vibration through my whole body like some kind of microearthquake is running through my blood. The more I try to hide it, the more I feel it, from my fingers down into my knees.
Lux’s hand pauses on my neck, his thumb tracing a swirl along my collarbone.
“You’re shaking,” he whispers, his voice barely loud enough for me to hear the words. “Is this okay?”
It’s perfect. Don’t ever let me go.
“It’s fine, better than fine,” I choke, attempting to swallow the dryness that’s found a place in my mouth. I’m a little surprised I manage to get the words out because even my voice is shaking.
Lux leans back a tiny bit, creating a gap between our foreheads as he gives me a soft stare. “I have a question, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. It won’t change the way I feel.”
“How do you feel?” I toy with my comfort zone and press my fingers along the waist of his pants, tentatively touching the edge of the material. I’ve never, well, Brandon and I never… but I want to with Lux.
Maybe that’s why Brandon found Amy more attractive and hooked up with her instead of waiting for me.
“I feel like I’m scaring you, but I also feel as if you like it.”
