“I’m sorry I cried like this and increased your anxiety I just hate to see the people I love hurt. But don’t take my tears as admittance of the worse because it’s far from that. I know Sha will come through just like I know Terricka will be alright and all of our lives will only get better. I believe that baby, just like I believe in our love. Now can you trust me like that and be strong?” Jerrod asked me as he wiped away my tears with his thumbs before he gently kissed my lips.
I wanted to break down again and tell him I was tired of being strong and I just wanted to give up, but I knew in my heart that wasn’t true. Despite all the heartache I still had hope and the desire to end our pain once in for all. I had A’Miracle and Terricka’s kids to look after so I knew to give up was not even an option. I had already lost my son so I was not prepared to take another loss. “I can do it baby, I have to. I’m just so scared.” I said to Jerrod as he pulled me in and hugged me again.
“It’s okay to be scared baby, I’m scared too but we have to believe. You are the strongest woman I know and I love you with my heart so know I will be right here every step of the way. We will all get through this like a family and before you know it Sha will be back home to crack jokes and beat me in video games. I promise.” Jerrod said as he kissed the side of my head and I believed every word that he said. “Let’s go Mrs. Hill, I got you.” Jerrod said as he got out of the car and walked around to help me out.
Jerrod and I walked into the hospital hand in hand as my heart and mind raced a mile a minute. We didn’t say a word as we walked through the hospital and got on the elevator to head to the trauma unit. When we got off on the fifth floor, Jerrod quickly escorted me into a waiting room where Lydia was and she ran straight into my arms. I felt kind of weird at first as I held the thick, light skinned girl with big grey eyes who clung to me like I was her life line. We both sobbed lightly as we held each other and she poured her heart out.
“Tisha, I’m so sorry and I’m so scared. Please don’t be mad at me. If I had known about everything that happened I would never let him push himself like that in the gym. Please forgive me Tisha. I love Sha. Please forgive me.” She cried as I rubbed her back and told her it would be okay. “No Lydia, it’s not your fault and everything will be okay. Sha will pull through, we just gotta keep faith. Don’t worry.” I said to her as we sat down and the doctor suddenly walked in.
I quickly stood up as soon as the tall, dark haired, Indian surgeon walked up to me and I prepared myself for the worse while I hoped for the best. “Mrs. Hill.” he said as he extended his hand to me and I tried desperately to read his expression. I tried, but he left no clues as he stood in front of me with a straight face before he looked at his clip board.
“Mrs. Hill, I’ll just get straight to the point. As you know your brother has experienced some very traumatic brain injuries over his lifetime, and this one was no different. When they brought him in Sha was totally unresponsive and had no heartbeat. After we revived him I took him straight in to surgery where we worked over five hours to stop the bleeding. It didn’t look good at first.” The doctor said and I felt weak in the knees.
I stumbled a little as the doctor grabbed my arm and helped me in to the chair while Jerrod grabbed my hand. “Mrs. Hill please calm down because the surgery was a success. I won’t lie like he is out of the woods but I will say everything is looking good so far. He is in recovery right now and you all can see him in the next hour or so. The next few weeks will be crucial as we wait to see if he wakes up the coma we had to induce to keep down his pain. Remain hopeful my dear and offer him nothing but love and support. Although he is in a coma, I’m confident he can hear you so staying by his side will be key. I will have a nurse come out to get you as soon as he is ready for visitors. Stay strong Mrs. Hill, Shamel will need it.” The doctor said as I cried on Jerrod’s shoulder.
I cried more out of relief as I buried my face in my husband’s shoulder and thought about the almost optimist prognosis the doctor gave Sha. I believed him when he said he could recover and I was ready to do all I could to ensure. “Come on baby, you need to eat so that you can be ready when it’s time to see Sha.” Jerrod said as he stood up and pulled me to my feet.
“You too Lydia.” He said as she got up and grabbed my hand.
We all walked to the cafeteria hand in hand as my mind went over what the doctor said. I tried to eat the burger Jerrod bought but I only took small bites before I decided to get up to make a phone call. I left Jerrod and Lydia at the table as I walked to the ladies’ room and dialed Tania’s number on my cell. She answered on the first ring and all of my emotions and the events of the past few weeks blurted out like word vomit. I told her everything from what happened with Terricka and what was going on with Sha. When I was don’t my foster mother prayed with me and set my mind at ease.
“God got this baby, you just got believe. Everything in this life happens for a reason so just know this is a test to make you stronger. I will handle things down here with Terricka, I’ll check on the kids and take them if I have to. You just focus Sha and keeping yourself well. I need you to stay strong if you think you can help anyone else. Okay baby?” Tania asked me as I dried up my tears and answered her.
“Yes ma’am. I will.” I said as I prepared to hang up the phone and she stopped me. “You remember how just said everything happens for a reason? Well, I got a call today from someone who really wants to speak with you. He left a number and asked me to have you call as soon as possible. I just texted the number to your phone so promise me you will call Tisha.” Tania said. “I promise I will ma. I love you.” I said to her as she said she loved me back and we hung up the phone.
I took a minute to get my emotions under wrap and wash my face before I went back out to sit at the table with Jerrod and Lydia as they watched my face. “Baby you look so much better now. Everything okay?” Jerrod asked as he leaned over to kiss me on my lips. “Yes, everything is going to be just fine.” I told my husband as I kissed him back and then checked the text that had just came through my phone from Tania.
William Randolph, 901-555-7115
Was the only thing the text said but somehow those simple words caught my attention and made me wonder who the person was. I sat there and stared at the text so intently it must have worried Jerrod because he suddenly stood up and bent over to see what had me so mesmerized. “Bae, who is William Randolph?” Jerrod asked as I shook my head.
“I don’t know baby, Tania sent me this number and said he wanted me to call him. I’m curious as fuck, but I can’t focus on this right now. We will call this number and find out as soon as we know Sha is okay though. Let’s not worry about this now. Instead I just want to go give my brother some love.” I said as I tried to ignore the worry, fear, and curiosity that danced in my heart.
When we got back to the fifth floor waiting room a nurse came out as soon as we sat down and let me know it was safe to go in. I felt like the floor was made of ice as I walked on wobbly legs to room 506 with Jerrod on one arm and Lydia on the other. When the door opened and I saw my brother as he laid there in the small bed with a bandaged wrapped round his head, a tube down his throat, and cords in every orifice I could see, I almost lost my confidence and freaked out but Jerrod was there to offer me strength as usual.
“It’s okay baby. I’m right here. I got yo back.” Jerrod whispered as I swallowed my fears and walked over to the left side of the bed with Jerrod behind me as Lydia went on the right side. Both of us grabbed his hand at the same time and two of his machines began to beep. “What’s that?” I yelled frantically.
“NURSE!” Jerrod yelled as she suddenly came out of nowhere. “Oh that’s nothing to be alarmed about, it’s actually a good thing.” The nurse said after we told her what had happened and she checked the machines.
“That was his heart monitor and the other one monitors his brain waves. That just let us know that the surgery was a success and that your brother can hear, and feel although he is in a coma. T
hat’s a great thing Mrs. Hill. That makes his possibility for a full recovery increase by ten folds. Keep talking to him and showing him you care and I’m sure he will be out of here in no time.” The nurse said before she smiled at us and left the rom
A tear fell from my eye as I turned back to my brother and kissed his hand then the monitor went off again. I knew that he felt me and he knew I was there and that was enough to give me strength. “I’m right here brother and I’m not going anywhere until I see you open your eyes. I am my brother’s keeper. And I love you Shamel.” I whispered in his ear before I kissed his hand again and his monitor continued to go off with each touch. “See baby. He hears you and he will get better.” Jerrod said as he kissed my neck and I turned around to hug him.
Jerrod and I remained wrapped up in our embrace for a minute as we let Lydia talk to Sha and watched his monitor go off time and time again. It was like joy to my ears as I stood there and looked down at one of the strongest men I had ever met. Seeing him fight for his life once again gave me the fight I needed so I did the only thing I knew to do when my heart needed comfort. I sang from my heart.
“Nothing is forever what we’re hoping for,
No more pain so don’t you cry anymore.
Hold your head up high and dry yo tears,
Let me help you through and erase yo fears.
We’ll overcome it all if we stick together,
We just gotta believe nothing lasts forever (nothing lasts forever).”
I sang with nothing but love as my brother’s monitor went off again and I felt him grip my hand. “Jerrod, get the nurse he moved. He moved.” I yelled as Lydia and I cried and Jerrod scrambled to get the nurse. I stood back with Sha’s hand still in mine as she checked everything and I told her what happened.
“This is amazing Mrs. Hill. He is actually doing better than we ever thought. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it because it is the key to his recovery.” The nurse said as she smiled at me genuinely with tears in her eyes and then quickly hurried away to get the doctor.
That is exactly what I did too as I kept my love all over my brother. I didn’t leave with Jerrod when he went to pick up A’Miracle at three and I told him to just bring me some clothes when he came back the next day. I was not going to miss it when my brother opened his eyes so I camped out. The only time I left the room was around 10 pm when I went down to the cafeteria to grab Lydia and I a bit to eat.
While I waited on the food too get ready my curiosity caught up with me again and I took out my phone and dialed the number for William Randolph. I didn’t know why at that moment, but my heart raced as I waited on someone to answer the phone and I almost hung up. I was glad that I didn’t when a strong, warm, and loving voice said hello and I somehow figured out why I felt so nervous. From that first second I knew who the mysterious voice was on the phone, but I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t even talk as he said hello again before he called my name and tears ran down my face.
“Shartisha baby say something. Do you know who this is?” The man said as I cried like a baby and shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. “Daddy.” I said through my tears as I heard the man cry on the other end. “Yes baby, it’s your daddy and I’m so happy to hear your voice. Tisha, I’m so sorry for leaving you and not fighting harder to find you even though Denise did everything in her power to keep me from you. You gotta know though I never stopped trying, I never stopped wondering, looking, or hoping for you. I love you so much Shartisha and I hope one day you will give me a chance to make this all up to you.” My father said as I thought about all the times I cried and hoped he would rescue me but he never came.
That abused, resentful little girl inside of me wanted to scream and curse as she spited the father who failed her. However, the little girl and grown woman who just wanted love and closure spoke up instead. “Daddy, I have so many questions, but right now I’m going through something else and I can only deal with one thing at a time. I really want to give you a chance, but right now I can’t make that commitment. Can we just say we will meet and talk when I get back to Memphis? That’s all I can give right now.” I said as I heard my dad gasp. “That’s more than I could ask for Tisha. I will be waiting. Daddy loves you baby.” He said to me as my heart melted and I waited until I heard him hang up the phone before I said I loved him too.
Once the conversation was over I got the food and sat down at a table for a second to let my tears past. I replayed our conversation in my mind twenty times before I instinctually dialed Terricka’s number. I didn’t know why but I wanted to share that with my sister and I hoped that it would show her how people could change. I hoped that we celebrate the call together and that our happiness could get our sisterly bond back. I hoped, but as soon as Terricka answered the phone all of my hope was gone.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TISHA, HAVENT YOU TAKEN ENOUGH FROM ME BITCH. IF YOU NOT ABOUT TO TELL ME HOW SHA IS, THEN WE DON’T HAVE SHIT ELSE TO TALK ABOUT SO GET THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE.” My sister yelled as I cried. “Terricka Sha is doing better but still in a coma. Sister we need to talk and come together right now because it’s a lot at stake. Not only could we lose our brother but we could also lose yo kids. Sister, don’t you care?” I asked Terricka as tears streamed down my face and she snarled like a dragon.
“HELL NO, I REALLY DON’T CARE. ITS JUST LIKE YOU SAID BITCH, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS MY DRUGS AND MYSELF. FUCK YOU, SHA AND THEM KIDS BITCH. BYE BITCH I’M GONE FOREVER JUST LIKE YOU WANTED!” Terricka yelled into the phone before she hung up.
Her words hit me like a million daggers and ripped through my already broken heart. I sat there and cried some more as her words bounced off the walls of my mind. I wanted to break down but something inside wouldn’t let me. Surprisingly it was Denise’s voice that came to me once again and helped me gain the clarity I needed.
“Pull yourself together Tisha and stay focused on what you have to do. Those are the drugs and the voices talking, not Terricka. She really doesn’t mean it; she just needs time. You know sometimes to love someone is to let them go. You had to let me go. Maybe you just need to let Terricka go and hit rock bottom on her own so she can really appreciate your love and help. Focus on Sha right now baby. He needs you.” My mother said as her voice rang in my mind and I found the strength to suck up my tears once again and do what had to be done.
I left that cafeteria with my faith and strength renewed knowing that I had found my father and there was hope for my brother. For two weeks after that I didn’t leave Sha’s side, not until October 15th when the thing I hoped for most happened. As I sat at Sha’s bed side and read him a chapter from my latest book called A Broken Girl’s Journey, I suddenly got the overwhelming feeling I was being watched. I ignored it for a second but when I felt something move on the bed I had to stop reading and look up. I looked up right into the beautiful, sad, brown eyes of my little brother as he stared down at me. I felt paralyzed as I stared at him while tears ran down my face and he smiled at me with his eyes before he reached for my hand. I quickly dropped the book and took his hand in mine as tears continued to run down my cheeks and my words got stuck in my throat. I felt flustered and overcome with happiness as I leaned in closer before I kissed his cheek and he made noises like he wanted to talk.
“No Sha, don’t try to talk you have tube down your throat to help you breath. I already know what you want to say anyway, and I need you to know that I love you too. I love you more than anything little brother and I will never leave your side, no matter what. Now just rest because we have an uphill battle ahead of us.” I whispered to my brother out of breath before I kissed him again and then sat back in my chair as I hummed and rubbed his hand.
Within minutes he was back asleep and I crept out of the room on wobbly legs to tell the nurse what had happened. I stood outside the room and cried tears of joy before I called Jerrod as the nurse and doctor went in to examine Sha. I could barely get my words out as I sobbed and I told Jerrod what happened before he and
A’Miracle cheered on the other end of the phone. “I’m so happy mommy. Tell my uncle Sha I can’t wait til he comes home. I can’t wait til you come home either mommy.” My daughter said as I suddenly realized it had been almost two months since I had spent a night at my house with MY family.
I felt like I had abandoned my baby for a second as her words replayed in my mind, but that thought didn’t stay there long. “Don’t you go to thinking crazy baby because I can hear it in your silence. A’Miracle knows you love her and we know what is going on. You have to be there for your brother. I got the baby and the house and we will be here when you all come home. You are just a saint Tisha with a heart of gold and there is nothing wrong with that. My baby gonna save the world and I’m gonna be right there to save her. Maine I love you Tisha.” Jerrod said as I laughed through my tears and told him I loved him back.
After that call home I called Lydia and told her the good news. She informed me she would be back the next day after exams so that I could go home and I told her how much I appreciated it. “Give my baby a kiss for me and tell him I love him.” She said before I agreed and hung up.
Once I was off the phone the doctors came out to tell me that Sha was doing great and would be able to get his breathing tube out and move out of ICU the next day. I felt as light as a feather, like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders when the doctor said those words and left me there to bask in my happiness. I stood there and peered at my brother through the glass as he laid and slept peacefully and I thanked the Most High and angels above. “Thank you God for sparing my brother and all of the angels who watch over us. Thank you so much.” I said as I wiped away my tears and prepared to go back inside.
Sins of Thy Mother 4 Page 15
