He touched her hand. “Please let me care for you. Please allow me to do this.”
She acquiesced with a nod.
Throughout the whole course of their relationship, he had always felt that she held an advantage over him, but now she was at a disadvantage, and he wanted her to be assured that he would and could take care of her and that it was a privilege to be allowed to do so.
They sat in silence, Elizabeth looking at her folded hands in her lap while Mr. Grinly examined her face and sympathized with the distress he saw there. At last, she spoke. “I am so sorry; you must believe me.” Her eyes began to tear up. “It was not my intention to cause anyone pain — especially not you, especially not Constance.”
“Shh . . . Please do not say such things. It will only upset you, and there is no need for that.”
Hill returned with the tea service, and Mr. Grinly dismissed her. Elizabeth moved as if to pour out the tea, but he gently held her arm and withstood her weak effort.
“Please, let me serve you.”
* * * * *
MR. GRINLY CHEERED ELIZABETH INTO a faint smile with all his delicate attention. Rarely was she treated in such a way by anyone other than Jane. “Do you feel any better?”
Elizabeth had not experienced such tenderness from any man since her father died, and she had to confess that she liked the gentle treatment she was receiving. His concern for her was genuine, his love of her obvious.
“I do, but I am so very tired.”
“If you were to retire to your bedchamber, do you believe that you could rest?”
“Thomas, I fear I have upset Constance —”
“Constance has revealed to me the substance of your conversation. She is upset, but I have calmed her fears. Be assured that she loves you as much as she ever did.”
“And you, sir, must be uneasy. You must have suspicions . . . ”
Although intending to comfort her, his next words only added to her misery. “I have every confidence in your regard for me.”
She felt a tear trickle down one cheek. “I seem to do nothing but offend.” She wished herself a thousand miles away and briefly considered whether it might not be appropriate to seek an invitation to her aunt’s home in Town until she could sort out her feelings. She quickly discarded the thought. She owed it to both men — and to herself — to resolve the issue, and she had learned from Mr. Darcy that running away only made matters worse.
“Do you believe you could rest if I were to assist you to your bedchamber? I will make your excuses to the rest of your family.”
“You are very kind to me.”
“Kind? I would do anything for you.” Mr. Grinly took her hand, helped her to her feet, and guided her to the foot of the stairs. He watched her progress until she turned and was out of sight. Only then did he allow himself to despair of the future he hoped to have with Elizabeth as his wife.
* * * * *
“OH, MR. GRINLY!” CRIED MRS. Bennet. “Good morning, Constance. It is a beautiful day, is it not?” The Grinlys were just returning from a walk around the front of the house. Mrs. Bennet had espied them from the entryway and met them at the front door.
“It is,” replied Mr. Grinly, feigning cheerfulness. He and Constance had been discussing the state of affairs with Elizabeth, and the conversation had not brought comfort to either. “Will you join us for another turn around the garden?”
Despite her eccentricities, Mr. Grinly liked Mrs. Bennet. Though loud and often silly, he believed that she was capable of genuine love for her daughters, and he felt she cared for him, too. This knowledge made the morning’s meeting with Elizabeth all the more painful. He could envision the circumstances whereby he could lose Elizabeth and, in turn, her whole family.
“No, thank you. But is not Elizabeth with you? That girl is always running off. I can never —”
“Mrs. Bennet, please!”
She was silenced.
“Forgive me,” said Mr. Grinly penitently. He took Mrs. Bennet’s arm and led her onto the lawn. “I saw Miss Bennet early this morning. We took tea together, but she is not well and has returned to her bedchamber. I expect to see her later in the afternoon when we leave for Netherfield.”
“Oh, yes, the Bingleys have invited you for the evening. Will Constance attend too?” Mrs. Bennet realized that although she had declined an invitation to join the Grinlys in the garden, she now found herself walking with them.
“No. Constance will remain with Mary.”
“Very well. I am sure we will be glad to have her with us.”
Mrs. Bennet liked Constance very much, although she could not understand why she was quiet and shy, so unlike her own daughters. Be that as it may, she was a pleasant addition to their family party, and any relation of Mr. Grinly’s would be very welcome.
* * * * *
SHORTLY BEFORE THE CARRIAGE WAS summoned, Elizabeth joined her family in the drawing room. Mr. Grinly’s kindness had removed much of the apprehension she felt as a result of seeing Mr. Darcy the day before. He had not accused her or blamed her. She had been able to rest and did feel stronger, though not altogether recovered. She tried to enter into conversation with Mr. Grinly and forget that in a few short minutes, he would hand her into his carriage and she would be driven to Netherfield where she would come face to face with Mr. Darcy.
* * * * *
The door was fastened shut, the step raised, and the carriage was off. Elizabeth sat quietly across from Mr. Grinly. They both felt ill at ease and made every effort not to appear as though they were avoiding each other’s sight.
Elizabeth was not comfortable. She knew Mr. Grinly’s hopes for her, for they talked at length about their future and the joy they would experience together. Those hopes were ruined. She would never know happiness without Mr. Darcy, and she could never know it with Mr. Grinly. Her heart screamed in defiance of the calm exterior that she maintained, and only a tear betrayed the silent turmoil that burned within her.
Mr. Grinly sat quietly and pretended not to notice her distress.
Chapter 16
ELIZABETH AND MR. GRINLY ARRIVED in good time for the evening’s engagement. Jane had gone to as much effort as possible to make her home pleasing and inviting, knowing there would be a charged atmosphere as soon as they arrived. She had noticed, without surprise, that Mr. Darcy had been on edge all day.
Elizabeth, mindful of her place as an engaged woman, resolved that if it were at all possible, she would neither look at Mr. Darcy nor speak to him. She hoped that he would not address her beyond the normal civilities.
Darcy and Bingley stood on the appearance of the lady and gentleman in the drawing room, where they all had gathered awaiting word that dinner was ready. Determined to give no encouragement to Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth kept her eyes on Mr. Bingley.
“Good afternoon, Lizzy. Welcome to Netherfield, Mr. Grinly!” Bingley was all cheerfulness.
Jane came over to Elizabeth and kissed her cheek. While embracing her, she whispered into her ear, “I love you, Lizzy. Do not worry. Everything will be well.”
Darcy did not know if he would be able to speak. The pain in his heart had created a lump in his throat. Elizabeth looked as beautiful as he had ever seen her. He knew she must be pained, perhaps even more so than he, for she was here with the man she loved and the man to whom she had promised herself; much to her misfortune, they were not the same person.
Now that she was here, Elizabeth wished she had feigned illness to prevent this meeting with Mr. Darcy. Her heart was all his, and she ached nearly to tears with the agony of knowing she could not have him. Unable to resist the temptation, she raised her eyes to him and her misery increased when she saw him return her look with one of equal pain and longing. She immediately withdrew her gaze.
Mr. Grinly witnessed the exchange between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. His first impressions were confirmed. Mr. Darcy was intimately connected with Elizabeth. His first thought was to force an early end to the evening and get Elizabeth aw
ay from Darcy. His next was to persuade Elizabeth to leave Hertfordshire as soon as may be. They could be wed in just a few days and immediately leave for Kent.
Mr. Bingley invited them all to sit down. “Mr. Grinly, I am told you are from Wiltshire. I have never traveled that far west before. Is it much like Hertfordshire?”
“A little, though I believe there is more farmland in Hertfordshire, and as a consequence of being so far from London, the population in Wiltshire is not so numerous.”
“I have never been to the West, but I would have to say that my favorite county is Derbyshire. Are you familiar with that country?”
“I am not.”
Elizabeth could not refrain from looking at Mr. Darcy on the mention of Derbyshire. It brought to her mind the images of his home that she had conjured up during their conversations.
Jane saw the exchange between the two with pursed lips. The tension in the air was thick, and she admitted that this dinner would not allow anyone to appear to advantage, but making such an invitation had seemed the only way to diffuse the previous day’s meeting. She realized now that all she had done was delay the inevitable.
Elizabeth knew that her resolution to remain silent was impossible, but certainly, there was merit in trying to appear composed. She made an effort to turn the conversation away from anything connected with Mr. Darcy. “Mr. Grinly has lately been in London visiting my Aunt Gardiner.”
“She is a pleasant woman,” commented Mr. Bingley. “I am fond of all her family. Their children are lovely. Did you like them yourself? How did you find London, sir?”
Darcy coolly observed Mr. Grinly watching Elizabeth. Clearly, Mr. Grinly was familiar with her discomfiture, and he wondered how much he knew of her situation or her feelings towards himself. Very likely Elizabeth had not spoken a word of it to him. He was certain Mr. Grinly would not have brought her to Netherfield if she had.
“The Gardiners are some of the most likeable people I know, and their children are beautiful. Constance is quite fond of them. I particularly enjoyed Mr. Gardiner’s company and spent time with him inspecting his warehouses. He is very intelligent and quite successful. As to your other question,” said Mr. Grinly clearing his throat, not at all pleased with the idea of having to say so much, “it has been several years since I was in Town, and it has certainly grown larger. Despite the richness of the society there, London is plagued with much poverty. It is sad to see. My daughter and I took in the theatre, the opera, and visited with my deceased wife’s relations.”
Mr. Grinly saw Darcy look up at him, and he regretted that he had mentioned anything to do with Julia. Somehow, it made him feel vulnerable, which made no sense, as he had always drawn strength from her. He felt the eyes of all in the room on him, everyone’s eyes except Elizabeth’s. “I was married previously, sir, many years ago. Julia died in a carriage accident.”
“Mrs. Grinly’s death was heroic, though tragic,” said Elizabeth. “She saved the life of her daughter, Constance, whom you met yesterday. She is a lovely girl and would have made her mother proud.”
Darcy wanted Elizabeth to speak to him. He wanted to hear her call him by name. He knew that she was avoiding him. He did not know whether she was uncomfortable only because of Mr. Grinly, or perhaps she was making an effort to conquer her attachment to him.
“Do you often walk by the stream near here, Miss Bennet?”
Elizabeth made an attempt to swallow through her dry throat. She met his gaze and spoke quietly. “I have not been there since . . . since that time . . . when I was ill. It would be too much for me . . . I mean, too far.”
“I am sorry. It is such a beautiful place. The water is so cool and refreshing. I was never happier than the last time I visited there.”
Elizabeth closed her eyes. What was Mr. Darcy doing? Was he deliberately tormenting her? This was certainly no way to recommend himself, but perhaps that was not his desire. Perhaps he considered her lost and was punishing her for accepting Mr. Grinly. She felt her anger rising.
Mr. Grinly could address Elizabeth intimately, as no man there could, and he took advantage of his privilege to reinforce his claim on her. “Elizabeth, perhaps we can walk to the stream tomorrow, and you can show me all the fine prospects.” He could not suppress a brief look of triumph over Mr. Darcy.
Elizabeth’s eyes flashed at Mr. Darcy, but her voice was sweet and conciliatory towards Mr. Grinly. “You would not like it, Thomas. It is a dreadful place that evokes dark feelings and brings to mind painful memories.”
* * * * *
JANE KNEW SHE MUST ACT. She stood in a decided manner, excused herself, left the drawing room, and went into a small sitting room. She summoned a maid to go to the drawing room and request that Elizabeth join her there.
The gentlemen thought it strange that Jane would choose to withdraw just as they were preparing for dinner, but their surprise and concern was almost beyond their ability to conceal when Elizabeth was called away. She followed the maid into the sitting room. Jane took her hand and led her to a sofa. “Oh, Lizzy, this is too much for you.”
“What is Mr. Darcy doing here? I was never so surprised as I was when I saw him here yesterday. I had thought he was in London.”
“I made a terrible mistake. I agreed to allow Charles to invite him here. With your engagement to Mr. Grinly, I thought there was no danger. I am so sorry.”
“I admit that I did not realize the depth of my feelings for Mr. Darcy. I have made a terrible mistake. I am to be married to a man I do not love, and now, having seen Mr. Darcy again, I feel I can never love Mr. Grinly. All I feel is obligation.” Her situation was hopeless, absolutely hopeless.
“To what was Mr. Darcy referring when he mentioned the stream?”
“While I was at Netherfield, on a day when everyone was out, I left the house for fresh air and exercise. I went to the stream, sat near the water and reflected on my relationship with Mr. Darcy.”
Elizabeth paused for a moment, feeling as if she were once again by the stream. “He returned to Netherfield that day before the others and Anne informed him that I had left the house. He came after me. I do not know why he chose to go to the stream, but he found me there, and sat with me, and we talked. Jane, he kissed me.”
“Lizzy!” cried Jane. Recollecting that it was her purpose now to comfort Elizabeth and not to rebuke her, she immediately regretted her tone. “I am sorry. That was unkind. I am just astonished, that is all.” Jane struggled for the right words. “How did you receive his advances?”
“I welcomed them with all my heart. I loved him, and he loved me. After Mr. Darcy left Hertfordshire, I hoped I would not still love him. I had pledged myself to Mr. Grinly for the rest of my life, and I wanted to be happy with him. I had come to your way of thinking.” Jane winced at this. “But when I saw Mr. Darcy yesterday, I knew all my efforts to forget him had been in vain. I want to believe that he came back for me. Is that true?”
“I have spoken with Mr. Darcy. He says he loves you.”
“Please tell me. What else did he say?”
“He believes that you do not love Mr. Grinly. He has come back for you.”
Elizabeth sat back on the sofa and leaned her head on Jane’s shoulder. “Mr. Darcy hurt me when he left without a word. He tried to persuade Mr. Bingley not to marry you and said that our family would shame him. What am I to do? I do not believe I can expect that same behavior from Mr. Grinly. I know he is devoted to me, whereas Mr. Darcy, though he told you he still loves me at one time at least, felt I was not good enough for him. How can I trust that his love for me will not be as transient now as it was before? I realize now that I have loved Mr. Darcy the whole time. Is that wrong?”
“I do not believe that falling in love with a person is either right or wrong. It just happens. I am certain that you did not choose it. When I saw Charles, I knew that I would love him. I did not make a choice.”
“But I want that choice. I am tired of feeling powerless. If I am to love Mr. Darc
y, I want to choose to love him, not be forced into it because my passion is stronger than my reason! How can I rely on Mr. Darcy’s love for me? He left me once. I was ready to give him everything, but I heard him say that I was not enough. How do I know that he does not still feel that way? How much does he love me? How do I know he will not hurt me again?
“If you ask him,” continued Elizabeth, “for my sake, to leave Hertfordshire and never come back so that my peace of mind can be restored and I can reconcile myself to Mr. Grinly and fulfill my obligation to him, do you think he would do that?”
“Oh, Lizzy.” Jane brushed the hair back from Elizabeth’s face and stroked her cheek. “I will do whatever you want me to do. Do you want to marry Mr. Grinly? Do you want me to ask Mr. Darcy to leave?”
Elizabeth recalled the desire in Mr. Darcy’s kiss, the look of love in his eyes, and the way she felt when he held her in his arms. Elizabeth paled at the thought of never seeing him again, but if she were honest, she would have to say that she simply did not trust him. Had it all been a lie? She was in agony now because of Mr. Darcy and would always feel the pain of his rejection. He had done that to her. Is that what love does? If so, she would not wish this misery on anyone. She knew Mr. Grinly could never inflict that kind of pain on her because she did not love him and never would.
“Yes,” she said through her tears.
* * * * *
JANE SPENT A FEW MINUTES with Elizabeth, comforting her, drying her tears, and making every effort to bolster her weakened spirits. Jane understood Elizabeth, and knew that she did not want to see Mr. Darcy. She would not ask Elizabeth to return to the drawing room nor would she ask her to face him again.
Mrs. Bingley rang for a servant. “Please order Mr. Grinly’s carriage to be brought around immediately.”
“Lizzy, I will ask Mr. Grinly to take you back to Longbourn. Talk to him. Trust him. Allow this moment to be the beginning of a new understanding between you.” She knew the best chance for Elizabeth’s happiness with Mr. Grinly would be a relationship based on trust and integrity. Now was the time to prove his mettle. “Charles and I will speak with Mr. Darcy. I will relate to him briefly the substance of our conversation and your firm decision in favor of Mr. Grinly. We will ask him to leave Netherfield, and I will send you word at Longbourn when he is gone.”
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