by Sara V. Zook
Shit.
I needed to stop doing this to myself. I needed to turn off my feelings for Lilah Cross. The more I thought about our relationship lately, the more I was convinced we weren’t meant to be.
I was piss drunk. I knew that, but I still felt a droplet of this chick’s saliva fall down my chin. Holy fucking gross. I stood up so that the girl automatically fell off of me. “I need another shot. Want one?” I asked her as she stood and yanked at the bottom of her skirt.
“Yeah. Sure.”
As I staggered back over to the bar, I ran my arm down my chin to dry it off. Fucking sick, man. The way these girls acted, you’d think they’d know what the hell they were doing. I wasn’t into having my face licked like a dog.
“What’ll it be, Nicky?” the girl behind the bar asked.
“Shots of whiskey…on a tray.” I blinked as the room spun for a moment. “Actually, you’d better just bring them to me. I’ll drop them.”
She grinned. “I’ll bring them right over.”
I turned and looked over to the corner where I’d just come from. Damn it. That groupie was still there waiting for me.
The bartender placed a tray on the counter and began filling the tiny glasses. I picked one up and downed it. The bartender looked at me out of the corner of her eye with a smirk but didn’t say anything.
Where was Lilah anyway? I hadn’t seen her all day. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at it. No calls from Lilah. No texts from her either. Fuck it.
I made my way back over to the corner and plopped back down on the chair. The tray of shots was set down on a table beside me. The groupie named Veronica held up her shot and said, “Cheers!” in a high-pitched, perky voice.
I grinned and took another. Then she straddled me once again and began methodically slobbering—I mean kissing—my face. Her hands were all over my body. I was sure mine were all over hers, too, but all these shots were taking over me just as I’d hoped they would. I wanted to block it all out right now. For once, the alcohol was doing its job.
“I want you, Nicky Cain,” she whispered in my ear as her mouth attacked my neck.
Her hands moved down lower and lower as I felt the numbness take over me. It was one of those instances where the entire room was spinning and was made worse by shutting your eyes, but you had to shut them because you were so…very…drunk. There was no way this groupie was going to get the luxury of having sex with me tonight. I was on the verge of passing out. I leaned my head back against the headrest.
“Nicky? Nicky?” I heard the girl say. Then she giggled again. “Don’t you dare pass out on me.”
And then I surrendered to the peaceful black as the alcohol won the battle of consciousness.
I woke up sometime in the middle of the night having to piss. My stomach gurgled as the nausea and headache hit at the exact same time. I stood up and almost fell back down. I felt like total shit.
I looked around. The music was off and the floor was a disgusting mess of spilled beer and mangled, passed out bodies. It smelled like ass in here, which didn’t do my protesting stomach any favors.
Coming out of the pisser, I saw two people still wide awake and grinding against each other on the other side of the room on one of the couches. I turned up my nose in disgust as I took a few steps closer. It was Lola up to her slutty tricks again, and the poor victim this time was none other than my cousin, Stan.
If I thought my nausea was bad before…now I was on the verge of puking my guts out.
The doors opened behind me. I glanced up to see Remmy standing there, gawking at his wife as she continued to go at it with Stan. My mouth dropped open. I didn’t know what to do—or say. I ran my hands through my hair. It was as if Remmy didn’t even see me there though. His eyes were glued to Lola as she moaned against my cousin. Then for a brief moment, Remmy’s glazed eyes met mine before turning back around and leaving the room.
That was it. I’d had it.
I walked over and ripped Stan back by his shoulder.
“Hey!” my cousin cried out, glaring up at me as he quickly reached for his clothes sprawled all over the floor beside him. “What the hell are you doing?”
“What the hell are you doing?” I screamed at him. “Fucking asshole!”
Lola struggled to pull her skirt back down and attempted to fix her disheveled hair. She had lipstick smeared across her cheek.
I gave her my most disgusted look as I raised my hand to point at her. “She’s a married woman, Stan! Married to one of our own! Remmy is your brother now, and this is the kind of shit you do?”
Shame washed over my cousin’s face. He glanced over at Lola and then down to the floor as he held his clothes in front of his naked body. “I’m sorry, Nicky. I…she…”
“Yeah, she’s a fucking whore,” I finished for him, not caring how if affected Lola by hearing it. “Look at all these girls.” I gestured toward the floor where they were still passed out. “You could have any of them. Why her? I mean, just look at her!”
“Hey,” Lola yelled out.
“Get the fuck out of here,” I growled at her, forcefully gripping onto her upper arm and dragging her to the front doors. “Go clean yourself up.” I tossed her out into the cold and slammed the doors shut again. I made my way back over to Stan who now had at least his pants back on. “Any other woman except her,” I told him. “The last thing I need is two of my men killing each other over a woman—especially that pig Lola. She’s not worth it.”
Stan pulled his shirt down over his head. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“Yeah, you’re right. You weren’t thinking.” My head thumped violently with every movement I made, but I was too pissed off to care right now. “Problem is, you’re never thinking. First you bring your lowlife father into the picture, and now this. I thought you were smarter than this. Guess I was wrong.”
“Nicky, listen…”
I swatted my hand in the air and winced at the same time as my temples felt like they were bulging out of the sides of my head. “No. Save it. It was a stupid fucking idea on my part to bring you into this.
“You don’t make mistakes, Nicky?”
I glared at him. “Nobody gets to judge the judge.”
He stared at me, his eyes now full of both hurt and anger.
“I decide what goes on around here. You’re out, Stan. I can’t have this kind of chaos happening all the time.”
“Nicky, please…”
“I don’t want to see you or hear your voice again. You’re out,” I repeated with more emphasis before turning to go upstairs.
EIGHTEEN
CROSS
“So, this is my place.”
I did a little spin as I took it all in. Robert didn’t live in a mansion by any means, but he had an apartment on the top floor on the far side of Haven that was absolutely spectacular. It was decorated in dark colors. Very modern and stunning for a bachelor.
“I’m impressed,” I told him.
“Yeah?” He raised his eyebrows. “Good. That’s what I was going for.”
I giggled.
“Let me take your coat.” He slid it from my arms and placed it on a nearby coat rack.
“And you cook?” I eyed him suspiciously.
“I do. A man’s gotta feed himself.”
“That he does.”
“This is the living area. In there is the bathroom followed by the bedroom.” He turned around and gave me a wicked grin. “Which you can get acquainted with later if you want.”
“Robert…”
“I’m only kidding. In there is the kitchen. Make yourself at home. Put your feet up. I’ll get you some wine.”
I sighed and plopped down on the comfy leather couch. “Wine would be nice.”
“White or red?”
“Surprise me.”
I leaned back and closed my eyes, but I was finding it very difficult to relax. I was in Robert Simeon’s apartment. I shouldn’t be here. The guilt was edging its way in, sabota
ging my excitement. I began to wonder about the store and how Emily was making out…then I thought about Nicky and how I hadn’t made contact with him all day…
“Here you go.”
I opened my eyes. Robert was standing over me with a glass of red wine ready. He had changed out of his suit into more casual clothes of khakis and a nice white button up with the sleeves folded halfway up his arms. He looked just as yummy as I’d imagined he would out of his suit. I smiled. “Thank you.”
“Back to the kitchen.”
“What are you making?”
“You’ll see.” He walked back into the other room.
I could hear the sizzling of a frying pan. I took a deep breath and then a sip of the delicious liquid after swishing it back and forth in the crystal glass. Nicky Cain wasn’t the only man in Haven who lived the high life. Some men—like Robert—could even live like this minus the illegal bullshit. Nicky was a wildcard. Robert was safe. I didn’t even know why I was comparing the two. Anybody other than Nicky would be safe. But then the guilt hit me again. I was in love with Nicky—wasn’t I? I frowned and took another sip. I wasn’t going to dissect my feelings right now. I needed to just relax and enjoy this evening. I was going to enjoy the fact that a man was cooking for me and wanted my attention.
A half hour later, I was seated in Robert’s kitchen at a shiny black table as he served me some sort of concoction with meat and vegetables along with gravy. He also placed a large bowl of salad on the table and a bottle of wine after refilling my empty glass.
“It was my mother’s recipe,” he commented, staring intently at me.
“Smells delicious.” And it did. I dove right into it with my fork. The meat was tender, the vegetables crispy. It had great flavor with a little bit of spice, which kept me continuing to reach for my wine glass to calm the little bit of fire going on on my tongue. “Robert, this is amazing.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, Lilah.”
“No, no, really. It’s so good. Thank you.”
He grinned then after taking a moment to study me. “A woman’s got to eat, right?”
I nodded.
We ended up in a deep conversation about our childhoods and parents. Robert was an only child. His mother was from Italy and moved over here with his father. I told him about my father, that he was a senator, although I felt weird given that I was estranged from him. Even with Mark out of the picture, we didn’t go out of our way to speak to each other. A lot of that had to do with my step-mother—who I loathed.
Robert finished his plate of food and reached for a remote. He turned on some light classical music which filled the entire apartment with a sweet sound. He then came over to my side of the table and stretched out his hand toward me. I patted my mouth with my napkin and slid my hand into his.
“Dance with me, Lilah,” he whispered, spinning me around and pulling me in tight to his chest.
We swayed to the music for a while, our cheeks pressed together as he held me tight, one of his hands placed gently against the middle of my back, the other one holding my left hand.
“You’re a very sexy woman, Lilah,” Robert whispered, his breath tickling my ear. “I am such a lucky man to have you in my arms right now.”
This man made me feel as though I could melt. His words were like caresses making butterflies dance in the midst of my stomach.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about a woman as much as I have you lately,” he admitted. “I don’t like saying things like that.” He chuckled. “Makes me feel vulnerable, but I don’t care with you. I want you to know how I feel. I may not get another chance.”
I was sure he could feel my heart pounding against his chest as it thundered against my own ribcage. It was a beautifully romantic moment. Any girl would die to be here like this—with him. The wine was beginning to go to my head a little though as he swirled me around and around.
“So…very…beautiful,” he hissed into my ear before pressing his cheek tightly against mine again. “Your hair smells so good.”
I closed my eyes.
Then he stopped spinning me. We barely swayed for a moment. “Lilah, open your eyes, sweetheart.”
I did. Robert was staring at me with those incredible blue eyes of his.
“Tell me what you’re thinking. Please,” he pleaded.
I took a deep breath. “I’m thinking…what an incredible man you are, Robert. I’m having a wonderful evening here with you. I’m the lucky one.”
Before I even knew what was happening, Robert leaned in and pressed his lips against mine in a very gentle kiss. I didn’t pull away either. I just…let him do what he wanted to do.
“That was nice,” he said, pulling back for a moment.
I smiled. “Yes, it was. I need to use your bathroom.”
“Of course.” He raised his hand and pointed. “Right there.”
“Thanks.”
I walked into the bathroom and after locking the door, pressed my back against the wall. Holy shit. What had I just done? My phone started vibrating.
Crap. It was probably Nicky.
I reached in my pocket for it. Nope. It was Shayna. I pressed it to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Lilah?”
“Yeah?”
“Why do you sound like that? Everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine. I’m just whispering.”
“Why?”
I sighed. “Because I’m in the bathroom.”
“Okay…”
“Belonging to this man I just met recently.”
“Wait… What? What does that mean exactly, Lilah?”
I snickered.
“Who is it?”
“Robert Simeon.”
“Never heard of him.”
“He’s gorgeous. And he just kissed me.”
It sounded like Shayna had just dropped the phone. “Are you freaking kidding me right now? You’re kissing another guy?”
“It just sort of…happened.”
“Happened? How does that just happen? You just happened to go over to his house?” Shayna asked.
“You have a point.”
“Nicky’s going to kill him…and you.”
“Nicky’s not going to find out.”
“Shit. You’d better hope not! But seriously, how good of a kisser is this guy? You know I have to live vicariously through you since I’m married and a mother now.”
I chuckled. “It was…nice.”
Shayna was quiet for a moment. “Hey, it’s your funeral.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nicky’s going to find out. And like I said before, he’s going to kill you. Hope you enjoy the afterlife with that new guy. That’s where you’re going to be spending it.”
“Shayna!” I hissed.
She laughed. “Hey, just calling it like I see it. I thought you were really into Nicky. I mean, hell, if you don’t want Nicky, I’ll take him.”
“God, Shayna. Shut up.” I chuckled again, but I was beginning to literally feel her words as another pang of guilt ripped through me. “Shit. I shouldn’t have let him kiss me.”
“Uh-huh…”
“I should try to get out of here.”
“Walk out, go back to Nicky. Forget it happened.”
“Oh no, Shayna. I shouldn’t be here.”
“No shit you shouldn’t be there. Thank god I called you, talked some sense into you.”
“I know,” I whispered. “Thanks. I gotta go.”
“Lilah…”
“Yeah?”
“Go back to Nicky.”
I put the phone back in my pocket and ran my fingers under the cool water of the sink. I stared at myself in the mirror. Nicky had saved me from a life of hell with Mark. Nicky had taken care of me, given me a home and even more, he’d made my dream of Cain Designs come true. And how do I repay him? I go to another man’s house and let him come onto me, dance with him, even let him kiss me. I pretty much even kissed hi
m back.
God.
I hated myself right now. I was disgusted to even look at my reflection.
Pushing back from the sink, I dried my hands on a towel and left the bathroom.
“You okay?” Robert asked me. “Too much wine?”
I gave him a small smile. “No. Everything’s fine, but I have to go.”
Robert’s forehead creased. “What? Why? Did I do something wrong? If I offended you in any way…”
I held up my hand. “No. It’s not that, Robert. I…just have to get going. Thank you for dinner. I enjoyed myself.”
He nodded. “Sure. Anytime.” He walked me over to the door. He still looked worried. “You’re sure you have to go?”
“Yeah.” I pressed my lips together. “Thanks again.”
“Goodnight.”
It looked like he wanted to kiss me again, but I wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Can I call you a cab?” he offered.
“Oh, no. I got it.” The cool air hit me as I walked outside. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I reached out my hand to hail a taxi.
NINETEEN
CAIN
“Nicky, your cousin’s here. Says he wants to talk,” Brock announced from the elevator doors.
I sighed and took a moment to think. I was hoping that Stan would be long gone by now and back to Lazerne. “Send him in.”
A few moments later, in strolled Stan with an apologetic look on his face.
“Listen, man, before you get started on whatever it is you think you’re coming in here to convince me of,” I started, my hands flying up in the air. “I know I was drunk the other night. I know you were, too. I know Lola can be a bit…demanding when it comes to what she wants, but I still stand by what I said. I can’t have that kind of shit between brothers around here. She might be a slut, but she’s still Remmy’s wife. We tried it out, right? It just didn’t work. I’ll give you some money so you can live comfortably back in Lazerne.”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Stan told me.
I glared at him.
