Eden wasn’t going to forget about those letters. And she sure as heck wasn’t going to forget about Dylan. I knew what it was like to love someone who didn’t love you, or at least, someone you thought didn’t love you. I could still remember the pain of watching Connor with his numerous girlfriends from the time before we figured out our feelings for each other. It sucked. There was really no pain worse than unrequited love, at least in my experience.
But there was also no greater happiness than finally getting to be with the one you wanted. This last year and a half with Connor has been the stuff dreams are made of. I still struggled with my own insecurities but when Connor looked at me with love in his eyes, all that melted away until all I was left with was joy.
Eden deserved that kind of love. And I believed with all my heart she could find it with Dylan. That she had already found it with Dylan, they’d just gotten off track. And so, I took a page out of Eden’s book (literally her book, the same one she used for Operation Find Allie a Date) and started my own outline. Operation Dylan and Eden was a go. And the first order of business, get ahold of Dylan.
Good thing Josh never changed his number and that I still had it stored on my phone from days gone by when he still lived at home and Eden and I relied on him for rides. It was a simple matter of texting Josh to get Dylan’s number. Of course, nothing was ever simple, and the texts turned into a full-blown interrogation as to why I needed Dylan’s number. Luckily, I had a good excuse ready. I just told Josh I wanted to wish Dylan a speedy recovery from his accident. Josh was still suspicious, but he gave me the number, so I guess it was worth it.
The next part was a little more difficult and took almost more guts than I had. I mean, I didn’t know Dylan that well and hadn’t talked to him since before he left for basic. I really wished Connor was around to sit beside me and offer the encouragement I needed. Instead, I had to settle for texting him simultaneously and telling him what was going on.
Dylan was more than a little surprised to hear from me. I couldn’t blame him, but I could also tell he was stoked. (Which just added to my suspicion, that wasn’t really a suspicion, that Dylan was in love with my best friend and always had been.) We texted back and forth for a while and then suddenly my phone rang. It was Dylan.
“Sorry, Allie, I know this might be weird but there is too much to say in a text,” was the first thing he said after I answered.
“Don’t be silly. I’m the one that texted you out of the blue.” My voice was shaking. What was I doing? Eden was going to kill me!
“So-”
“I think she’s in love with you!” I interrupted. Ohmigosh! Why did I say that?
“Allie, don’t mess with me. There’s no way she does. Wait. Did she tell you everything?” He was holding back, and I didn’t blame him. Eden had waited two years to unload all the emotional baggage she’d been carrying around. It made sense that Dylan thought she might not have told me.
“Just recently. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to get in your business. Okay, that’s not true. I totally am. But she did tell me about everything, I think. About Marshall. And how you rescued her. And the letters. Although, she still had one she hadn’t opened when I talked to her the other day.” I didn’t want to hurt him, but he needed to know that she was hesitant.
Dylan sighed through the phone. “I don’t want to hurt her, Allie. Maybe I should just let it go.”
“No! I mean, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Either way, you and Josh are still friends. And you’re coming home, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, as soon as they let me.” He sounded so broken my heart went out to him.
“Well, then, you and Eden have to figure this out. Otherwise, things are going to be awkward for the rest of your lives. Even if you guys never, you know.” I couldn’t believe I was being so upfront with this guy. I would never have been able to have this conversation face-to-face. I remember Dylan from high school and he was intimidating back then. I couldn’t imagine he was any less now. I put a cool hand to my red cheeks.
“I’ll take any advice you can give me. You’ve been her best friend a long time. I trust your judgement.”
That was all I needed to hear.
Chapter 29
Eden
It was harder than I thought it would be to put Dylan t of my mind. The letters in by bedside drawer taunted me. I read them over and over as well as the ones we’d exchanged while Dylan was in basic. I thought about responding to his newest letter but didn’t know what I would say.
I was taking a break at work on a Thursday evening when I got a text. After communicating with old fashioned snail mail it was something of a shock. Which was ridiculous.
Dylan: Hey.
I stared at the one little word in the blue bubble on my phone for a good five minutes, my mind racing. I wanted to respond. With all my heart, I wanted to let him reach out to me this way. But the small part that had more control over me than I wanted to admit, wanted to ignore him.
Dylan: I know you saw my text, Ed. I can see the read receipt.
Dang! I went to the settings to turn that off. See? Technology wasn’t all that great.
Dylan: Please.
The war raged. Respond? Or not? For the millionth time since I heard about Dylan’s accident, I thought of the pain he’d endured, both physically and mentally and the desire to reach out was almost more than I could take. Finally, I decided I had to answer. I just had to.
Me: Are you okay?
Dylan
Relief. Pure. Soul-deep. Relief. I’d had an inkling, an idea how much I needed contact with Eden. It had been even more apparent when I’d sent her those letters and she didn’t respond. But nothing could have prepared me for the emotions rolling through me as I read Eden’s text. Staring at my phone screen, my eyes blurred, and I had to blink away the excess moisture blocking my view of the evidence that she had reached out. That back home, in her room or wherever she was, Eden was connected to me through my phone. It wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. But it was more than I’d expected. More than I’d hoped for.
With shaking hands, I texted her back.
Me: I’m okay.
Eden: I’m really glad.
Wiping a hand over my tired face, I wondered where to go from here. There were so many things I wanted to say to her. So many things that needed to be said. But now wasn’t the time. I had work to do and I was willing to do it. I’d lost her trust. It wasn’t going to be easy to regain it and it shouldn’t be. I’d hurt her. Regardless of the fact I hadn’t meant to, I’d still done it and it was my job to fix it, not hers.
Me: Did you get my letters?
I already knew from Allie she had.
Eden: Yes.
Me: Good.
I wanted to keep talking to her, anything to keep the connection alive but I had no idea what to say to her. My thumb hovered over the icon on my phone that would call her. But I just couldn’t. I wasn’t ready for the rejection. I wasn’t ready to hear the anger in her voice if she even still cared enough to be angry. Or her indifference if she didn’t.
Something had happened to me. It was so cliché. Life and death kind of things. Like your life flashing through your mind as you plummet, moments from your demise. But, I swear, that’s exactly what happened, so fast it seemed almost impossible that I could consciously recognize them. But I did. I thought about my mom and how much my death would hurt her, especially after what happened to my dad. I thought about Derrick and how good he’d been to me even though I wasn’t his kid. I wished I had a chance to tell him how much that meant to me and for the opportunity to have a better relationship with him. My mind flipped through all the things I would miss in the lives of my brother and sister. Games. Graduation. Marriages. Kids.
And then there was Eden. Even as I struggled with the parachute, my training taking over as I tried the fail safes that were in place, Eden’s was the face I knew I last wanted to see. I felt her in my arms. I tasted her kisses. Her smile imprinted on my soul.
/> And regret. Regret sliced through me more painfully than I imagined impact with the ground could possibly feel.
I’d been wrong to turn her away.
And I knew if by some miracle I came out of this alive, I was going to fix it.
As it turned out, I finally was able to get my parachute to deploy. I still hit the ground with more force than I thought I possibly could and still survive but when I woke up in the hospital, my first thoughts were of Eden. I was out of my head with wanting to call her. See her. Hold her. But I held back. It had been more than two years since I’d contacted her. I’d avoided her like it was my job. Only going home when I knew she would be out of town. No one else knew or realized. My parents just thought I was too busy. Josh was easy, I’d visited him several times at school.
I just knew if I was near her, I would have to see her. And if I saw her, there was no way I wasn’t going to beg her for a repeat of the kisses we’d shared before I left. And that wasn’t fair to her. Was it? I’d thought I was doing the right thing when I told her we shouldn’t communicate anymore. All I wanted to do was not interfere with her opportunity to have the full high school experience- sans a long-distance boyfriend. And I knew if we’d kept on like we were, that’s what we would have been.
Glancing at my phone screen again, I thought about my conversation with Allie. I’d been shocked as all hell when she called me out of the blue, but I was also glad. Allie knew Eden better than anyone and she’d given me hope.
Me: Thank you.
It was a few minutes before she responded.
Eden: Talk to you later.
I hoped so.
Chapter 30
Dylan
In my eyes, the biggest obstacle to a relationship with Eden, other than Eden herself, was Josh. How do you explain to a girl’s older brother that you dig her? That you more than dig her, that you pretty much have been in love with her for the last four or five years, give or take. How do you even start that conversation?
Well, I was about to find out.
“Hey, man. How’re you doing,” Josh asked as he walked into my small apartment near post.
“Josh, dude. It’s so good to see you,” I greeted him, rising unsteadily to my feet and clasping hands with my best friend. Josh gave me a back-slapping hug.
“You’ve looked better, Dill.” Josh’s eyes scanned me from my disheveled head to my wrinkled t-shirt to my scarred-up leg sticking out of a pair of gym shorts.
“Shut up, man. See if you look better after falling out of an airplane.” It was good to see him.
“Like I’d ever jump out of an airplane. I leave that daredevil shit to you.” He glanced around the bare apartment. All that was left was the furniture it came with and two huge green duffle bags. “You ready to go?”
“Yeah. Thanks for doing this.” Josh flew in early this morning. One of my Army buddies picked him up at the airport and dropped him off here, so he could help me drive my truck back home. Home. Nerves filled my gut at the thought of going home. Going home meant Eden. It had been a week since I’d texted her. I was too chicken to do it again and she hadn’t initiated contact.
“No problem. I’m always up for a road trip.” Josh shouldered one of the green bags. “This all you got?”
“Yeah, I can get this one.” I hated how helpless I felt sometimes. But at least I was alive and mostly walking. After hiking the second duffle onto my shoulder, I reached for the forearm crutches that had become my best friends as well as my worst enemies. I was thankful for the help they provided but resented the need for that help.
I was working on the self-pity thing. I’d been given the option after my injury to go to training for a different military career. My plans of becoming part of an elite military group had shattered the same time as my leg. Like I said, I was lucky to be alive, but I couldn’t help the disappointment I felt about having to give up the military career I’d always dreamed of.
I chose to get out instead. Because of my injury, I’d get some disability from the Army for the rest of my life. I was also eligible for the GI Bill, but college still didn’t appeal. I figured I would go home and work with Derrick just like he’d always wanted me to. I was going to be fine.
“Let’s get out of here,” Josh said as he backed out of the parking space in front of the apartment building. I looked around one last time. I couldn’t say I’d miss this place that much. Washington was dismal for a large part of the year. In fact, I was leaving just when the weather was starting to get good. I did like the summers in the Puget Sound. But I could do without the nine months of no sun and constant drizzle. Yeah, I wasn’t going to miss this place at all.
“I think I’m in love with your sister.” I waited until it was my turn to drive to blurt out that piece of information, figuring if he was driving the shock of my statement might send us off the road and that if I was driving he’d be less likely to punch me, making me lose control of my truck.
“Dude,” was all he said after a full minute of making me sweat it out. “I’ve known that for years.”
“What?”
Josh barked out a laugh. “Are you kidding me? You’ve been checking her out since puberty, man.”
Was that true? “I have not.” I was either relieved or mad but for some reason Josh’s response made me want to punch him.
Josh rolled his eyes. “Yes, you have. You’re my best friend, did you really think I didn’t know you had the hots for my baby sister.”
I made a face. “She’s not a baby.” The way he said that made me feel like a cradle robber. I had to keep reminding myself that three years wasn’t that much in the grand scheme of life and it only mattered because she was, or had been, so young.
“Whatever, old man.” Josh smirked. He was enjoying this too much. Where was the protective older brother that threatened all our friends and pretty much every guy in our high school away from his sister?
“And you’re cool with that?” I had to make sure. Josh was the best guy I knew. I loved Eden, but I didn’t want to have to sacrifice my friendship with Josh. I would if I had to, but I didn’t want to.
Josh frowned at me. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
I knew my eyes were bugging out of my head. “Dude, you’ve never liked anyone Eden’s dated.”
“First of all, she hasn’t dated that much. I don’t think she’s even had a boyfriend.”
I knew all that. I’d had regular updates from both Josh and my mom about Eden’s social life, such that it was.
I’d never told Josh about Marshall and how he’d broken her heart. I never told him about taking her to my house. To my room. Sleeping beside her in my bed. And I sure as hell never told him about kissing her.
“Why hasn’t she?”
Josh shook his head and nailed me with a look that said he thought I was an idiot. “You’re such a girl sometimes.”
“Eff you, dude. What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Come on. Just ask me if I think she hasn’t dated because she’s got it bad for you? That’s what you mean, isn’t it?”
Josh was such a prick sometimes. “Why are we friends again?”
“Because no one else would put up with your drama.” Josh propped a foot on his knee and drummed his fingers to the beat of the Imagine Dragons song on the radio.
I sat on the question burning a hole in my tongue, knowing he was going to tease me about it, for as long as I could and then I had to ask. “So, why don’t you want to punch me for liking your sister? And why haven’t you already?”
Josh smirked and rolled his eyes again while I reminded myself I was driving and starting a punching match with him right now wasn’t smart.
“Dylan, why did we always tell any guy that looked at her to go to hell?”
That was easy. “Because none of those douches were good enough for her.”
Josh didn’t say anything, just lifted one brow.
Huh? “What are you getting at, dude?”
“Man, you are my best
friend. I know you better than anybody. You are the best man I know. Of course, I’m not going to knock your teeth out for wanting to kiss my sister. I know you’ll treat her with respect and do everything you can not to hurt her. You loving Eden is like hitting the boyfriend jackpot as far as a big brother is concerned.” Josh glanced at me again. “Just no kissing in front of me. My good will only goes so far.”
I was stunned. I had no idea Josh felt that way. I mean, I did, too. Josh was a good man and I was lucky to have him have my back. But shit.
My eyes felt suspiciously misty. Crap. Maybe I really was a girl. Blinking hard, I cleared my throat.
“Thanks, man.”
“Of course, you have a lot of work to do to convince Eden.” Josh laughed harder than necessary. “I don’t envy you that.”
“You ain’t even kidding,” I agreed because he was right. All of this was presumptuous on my part, assuming I would be able to prove to Eden I was serious about my feelings for her and that she gave one lick for me.
But damn. I hoped she did.
“Hey, speaking of best guys I know. How about being the best man at my wedding?”
“What the hell? Did you propose? And you’re just now telling me?” I took my eyes off the road long enough to glare at him.”
“I haven’t proposed yet. I’m waiting until school gets out. We’re going to St. Pete’s for a week to celebrate the end of another school year.” Josh grinned. “I’m gonna propose on the beach.”
“That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you. Lisa’s amazing.” She really was, too. A perfect match for Josh.
“Yeah, I can’t wait. I’m hoping for a short engagement. It would be nice to have it done before school starts next year.”
“Wow, that is a short engagement. You’re a brave guy waiting ‘til the last minute.” What a dummy.
The Perks of Hating You ( Perks Book 2) Page 16
