by Willow Rose
Julie grunted angrily and walked away.
"You're not spending the entire day on your computer playing with some boy!" I yelled after her, but she had already gone up the stairs and slammed the door.
I turned to face Tobias. "Okay, tell me everything. Who is Thomas F?"
14
She had a nightmare and woke with a start. Sydney felt her heart racing in her chest and wondered if it was possible for it to actually jump out. She had dreamt about her father again. She missed him so much that it literally hurt from time to time.
Sydney turned on the light and went to her computer then turned it on. It had become a habit of hers to sit on the computer all night when the rest of her family was asleep. It was mostly because of the nightmares. She couldn't fall asleep afterward.
They were always the same. She was in the car with her dad on the day he died, driving down the road, talking, chatting, and laughing like they always did when they were alone.
And then they crashed. But it wasn't the crash that was scary, it was the sensation she felt right before he hit the tree. The feeling of dread and fear, and then the laughter. Someone was laughing.
Sydney shook her head to get rid of the feeling the dream had left her with. She hadn't been in the car when her dad crashed into the tree, but ever since she had started dreaming about it, she hadn't been able to escape the thought that something else had happened to him. It was no ordinary crash.
Lately, she had spent hours searching the web, trying to figure out more. Sydney had gotten quite skilled at entering places on the computer that most people could never access and she had read the police report of her dad's crash about a hundred times, going over every little detail.
It was precisely one year ago this month that he left the prison outside of Orlando, where he had been evaluating some woman's mental state in order to determine if she was fit for a trial or not. Sydney knew all the details since she had gone over it again and again. Her mother didn't understand why she couldn't just let it go, but she couldn't. There was something odd about her father's death and she couldn't let it go. Her dad was an excellent driver. There were no other cars on the road. Why would he suddenly crash into a tree on the side of the road?
Suicide, the police had speculated and asked them questions about him, whether he was depressed or ever talked about killing himself. It was ridiculous to Sydney. Her dad was never depressed. Maybe he wasn't the happiest man on the planet, but he would never kill himself. He would never leave his girls like that.
Sydney opened the documents once again, hacking into the Cocoa Beach Police Department's main server and finding them. She looked at the report written by the detective Jack Ryder, who she had talked to back when he had come to their house and told them what had happened.
He had annoyed her so much with his long blond hair and handsome smile and the way he talked about her father as if he was a completely different person than what he was.
"You don't know him!" she had ended up yelling at him.
"It's okay," he said addressed to her mother, who had yelled at her for yelling at the detective. "It's only natural to respond with anger in a situation like this. It can be tough for a young girl to grasp. It's tough."
It's tough, pah, what did he know about anything? Mr. Pretty and Handsome probably had a beautiful wife and a perfect life.
But he had provided an excuse for Sydney's mother, one that could explain just about anything Sydney did. She would use it whenever she got angry at something.
"It's the grief talking."
She even used that excuse when Sydney had come to her showing her the picture of her dad’s dead body from the police file, pointing at his neck and at the red marks on it.
"It's just the grief. You want an explanation, someone to blame. We all do, but the fact is, your dad killed himself."
But Sydney knew better. She knew he hadn't killed himself and she had devoted all of her time awake at night to figuring out what happened to him.
Sydney zoomed in on the picture once again so she could see the two red marks on his neck. She had seen enough vampire movies to know exactly what those marks were.
15
"I can't believe she has a boyfriend," I said to Sune while getting ready for bed.
"What's that?" Sune was reading his book. I had bathed him and helped him into his jammies, then helped him get into bed. I always took care of him first.
"Thomas F," I said.
"Who's that?"
"What do you mean, who's that? Thomas F. Tobias just told us everything about him at dinner."
"Ah, that," Sune said.
"Can you believe her? I mean, she's only eleven. Isn't she kind of young to have a boyfriend?"
Sune shrugged. I crawled under the covers and sat next to him. When we sat like that in bed, it was almost as if everything was back to normal, back to before Sune was shot.
"You don't think it's early?" I asked, surprised.
"I had my first girlfriend when I was ten."
"Of course, you did," I said and grabbed my book. I read a couple of pages that I didn't even care about, then breathed heavily. Sune looked up from his book.
"You just won't let it go, will you?"
"Why hasn't she told me about him? We always tell each other everything. Is she suddenly keeping stuff from me?"
"Not stuff. Just one boy," Sune said. "Don't make a big deal out of this, please, I’m begging you. It's not like it's a real boyfriend. They haven't even met in real life."
"No, but they meet online every day," Tobias told me. "I don't like it."
"Tobias told us the guy lives far away, like at the other end of the country. I don't think there's any danger in having an online boyfriend. It's not like anything is going to happen."
"How do you know?" I asked. "How do we even know he's a kid? He could be some pervert."
"If they talk on Skype every day and play Roblox together, don't you think Julie would have found out?"
I looked down at my book, then back up. "I don't know. I mean, I’ve heard about these guys who are really good at luring kids. They pretend to be teenagers and then…"
"She should be able to hear it in his voice and see his face when they Skype each other."
I nodded. "True."
I returned to my book and Sune to his. I read two more pages, then sighed. Sune rolled his eyes.
"Now what?"
"It's just…"
"What?"
"I just don't like it," I said. "I have no way of controlling what this guy says to our daughter. What if he asks to meet her?"
"Julie is not that stupid," he said. "Please, can't you just let this go?" He put his book on the side table, then turned off his lamp. "I want to go to sleep now. I have an important day tomorrow."
I looked at Sune as he closed his eyes. Back in the day, he would never go to sleep without kissing me first. Now, I didn't even want him to. What had happened to us?
"Yes," I said and turned off my own lamp. "Starting tomorrow, everything will get better."
16
Sydney was immersed in reading the police report when she heard it. At first, it was more like a sensation than an actual sound. Like a deep rumble inside of her chest. She held a hand to her throat and breathed in deep gasps. Her doctor had told her she might experience physical symptoms of her loss and that's what she thought it was.
Sydney tried to ignore it, to begin with, but the sensation grew stronger, and soon she had to get up from her desk. She tried hard to calm herself down since it felt like everything was on fire inside of her.
"I need something to drink," she said and left the room.
She walked carefully so she wouldn’t make a noise across the creaking floors in the hallway and on the stairs. The last thing she wanted was to wake up her sister and especially their mother. She wasn't sleeping well either, not since the accident. Often, Sydney could hear her crying in her bed, probably thinking it was a good time to cry since both kid
s were asleep.
Sydney sneaked into the kitchen, grabbed a glass, and filled it with water from the fridge. Feeling hungry, she grabbed a banana and ate it too, while looking outside at the street lamp where bugs were dancing in the light. She swallowed the last bite, then heard a noise.
The sound of sleigh bells.
She walked into the living room, then stared at the fireplace and the chimney. The sound grew louder as she approached it. Somehow, it was attracting her to it, calling for her to come closer.
"W-who's there?" she asked.
It almost sounded like a rhythm. Sydney stared at the chimney where the sound seemed to come from.
But that's impossible.
Sydney swallowed, hard. It was pitch dark inside the living room. She stood in the doorway and listened to the sound, not knowing what to do. She wanted to get closer, to look up inside the chimney to see what it was. Maybe it was an animal? Maybe it got stuck somehow?
But she knew it was no animal. Because she had heard the same sound before. And no animals made the sound of sleigh bells jingling.
Sydney felt a prickle of sweat on her upper lip and wiped it with her hand. She could hear her own ragged breaths. Something about that sound was so terrifying she could hardly stand it.
"W-who is it? Is someone there?"
Now, the sound was louder. And it felt like it was answering her, communicating with her.
Sydney shook her head, then backed away from the chimney.
No. I am not doing this. I am not seriously talking to my chimney. This can't be happening.
She turned on her heel and stormed up the stairs, crept under the covers and stayed under them, repeating to herself while still hearing the bells jingle from downstairs:
"I am not going insane I am not going insane. I am NOT!"
17
Doctor Herman's office was located on Merritt Island about twenty minutes’ drive from the house where we were staying. It was on the island between our barrier island and the mainland and quite a spectacular drive there, over the bridge and the wide waters.
I, for one, was in a terrific mood, looking forward to finally giving Sune what he had been dreaming of for so long. And maybe, just maybe, making him happy and hopeful about the future.
Sune was in the seat next to me, biting his nails, while the kids were all in the back. I hoped the doctor's office would have someplace they could sit while we spoke to the doctor since it would be hard for us to concentrate properly with them around us. I had loaded up on iPads, Nintendo Gameboys, and even brought Julie's computer, so they could all keep themselves entertained. I didn't know how long it was going to take, but I had a feeling it might take a while since I assumed they would need to have Sune assessed in the gym first before making a judgment whether they would be able to help him. I had no idea what came after if they said yes, but thought I would have to figure that one out once we got to it. One issue at a time. The first hurdle was to get the doctor to even see us, then we'd have to take it from there.
That's what I told myself, but inside I was, of course, worried like crazy about the outcome and trying to imagine different scenarios. I mean, I really wanted for Sune to see this doctor and I really wanted him to want to take him on as a patient and promise him he could help him since he was known to have had great success with cases like Sune's, but what if he did? What if he actually said he would take him? We were only here for a month. I was guessing he couldn't fix Sune that fast. I knew it would take months, if not years of intensive training. How were we supposed to afford it? The treatment and the travel? We would have to travel to the U.S. on a monthly basis probably. There was no way we could afford that.
"It's here," Sune said and pointed at the sign. "I recognize the picture from his website."
I looked out the window and saw the billboard on the side of the road outside a huge building with riverfront views. On the billboard, Dr. Herman smiled at the people passing by. It was quite remarkable and a little over the top for my taste.
I didn't say anything, but drove into the parking lot and parked the car. The kids rushed out of the car while I helped Sune get into his chair.
"Don't do that," Sune hissed at me when I grabbed his arm. "You know I don't like it when you do it like that."
"Sorry," I said and pulled back.
I hated when I did something wrong, and I almost always did, especially when he was anxious.
He's just nervous, Rebekka. He's just nervous. We all are.
William bumped into my leg and hugged it tightly, reacting to a sudden childish desire to hug his mommy that needed to be fulfilled right away, but as he did, he pushed me into Sune, who almost slipped when trying to swing his body into the chair next to the car.
"Damn it!" Sune yelled.
"I'm sorry," I said again, then grabbed William in my arms and took a step away.
"Control that stupid kid, will you?"
William started to cry.
Oh, boy.
Julie rolled her eyes and turned away from us, while Tobias looked like he could cry himself while gazing at his helpless dad. I handed him William, who was still crying, then attended to Sune. I lifted him into his chair even though it killed my back, put him down, then walked to William and grabbed him in my arms, comforting him, telling him his dad didn't really mean it, that he wasn't stupid. When he finally stopped crying, I looked at Julie and Tobias.
"All right, kids. I need you to be on your best behavior for the next couple of hours, all right? This is important. To all of us. Can I count on you?"
Tobias nodded and, after a little while, Julie nodded reluctantly as well.
Holding William on my hip, pushing Sune in his chair, ignoring all my body's signs of pain and stress, I marched ahead toward the entrance to what—hopefully—would change our lives for the better.
18
Of course, it took forever before it was our turn. We waited an hour past our appointment time. And then there was the paperwork. We had to fill out so many forms, my hand hurt in the end.
Finally, we were told to come into the examination room, where we met a young man who apparently wasn't Dr. Herman, but someone else who talked to Sune really quickly, then examined his legs and his back, putting him up on a stretcher. He didn't talk to me at all or tell us anything, just grumbled some sounds when asking Sune to do several things, which he, of course, couldn't do. Then the young man left and we were asked to go back into the waiting room.
I could tell Sune felt disappointed. He didn't speak a word to any of us while we waited, and his eyes avoided mine. I knew how devastated he must have felt since he couldn't do any of the exercises the man had asked him to.
Half an hour later, we were told to come back in again, into an office with a big redwood desk.
"Dr. Herman will be right with you," the nurse said.
I hoped she was right. We had left the three kids in the waiting room. Julie and Tobias were in charge of William and I could only pray that it would go well. There were some children's books in there that he could flip through, but other than that, it wasn't a very child-friendly place.
They're fine. The big kids will take care of him.
The door opened and the man from the billboard entered, but he wasn't smiling like he was out there. He looked seriously at Sune when he greeted us and shook our hands. Then, he sighed.
It wasn't a good sound.
He looked down into Sune's file, then back up at him. "I don't know what to tell you," he said.
You don't know? You're the one who is supposed to know! You're the one who's the doctor here; you're the one we traveled almost five thousand miles to see. And now you tell us you don't know?
I wanted to yell it out, but of course, I didn't. Instead, I simply said:
"What do you mean, Doctor?"
"What I mean is, I’m looking at the file here with all the information you sent us, the x-rays and doctor's evaluation, and I see no reason for you to not be walking by now."
I almost choked. "Excuse me?"
"Listen. I know it might be a lot to take in, but you can walk, Sune."
Sune huffed. "I…I really can't."
Doctor Herman leaned over his desk, then closed Sune's file. "It's all in your head, young man. It happens sometimes; people mentally block themselves like this. But you can walk, I’m telling you. I have seen a ton of cases like yours. You can walk. But you've got to get out of that head of yours."
"Excuse me?" I said, feeling rage envelop me. Who was this guy? Who did he think he was? "My boyfriend was shot in the spine two years ago. Every doctor we have ever spoken to has told us Sune will never walk again. We’ve tried everything, every training program and treatment we could find. They all said the same thing. He will never walk again."
Dr. Herman turned and looked at me, then shrugged, tapping the corner of Sune's file on the desk.
"Well, they were wrong."
"What?" I said. "How can you…who are you to…"
Sune reached out his hand to stop me. "Rebekka. It's okay." He looked at the doctor. "Can you help me, Doctor?"
He shook his head. "I’m afraid not."
I could feel Sune's disappointment in the room.
"It's not that I don't want to," the doctor said. "But you need to make the first move. You have to start moving your toes first. Even a wiggle would do. You are the one with the mental block. You need to get past that first. Then I can help you." He smiled politely at both of us, then looked at his watch. "I have another patient. Come back and see me when you’ve made progress, okay?"
19
If people could actually explode, I would have done it by now. I was furious as we drove back home. Sune sitting next to me didn't utter a word, whereas I couldn't stop talking.
"Who does he think he is? Telling you that you can already walk, it's all in your head. Is that really what we traveled five thousand miles for? Not to mention the cost of seeing this guy. What a quack. I can't believe it."
