by Doyle, Dawn
“I, um, came over unannounced,” I rushed out. “Is he here?”
Josh looked pointedly at the bike. “Of course he is. He doesn’t go anywhere without that thing unless it’s with me, so yeah, he’s here.” He opened the door wider. “Go on in, he’s in the kitchen.”
“Thanks.” I walked up the steps and past Josh’s quizzical expression. “I won’t take too much of his time.”
“Hey, you take as long as you need,” he said, lifting his hands. “Nobody’s kicking you out, Kins.”
Not yet.
The short hallway seemed to elongate as I neared the kitchen, sounds of my heart thumping over the silence when I held my hand out to push the door. I opened it and paused when I saw Quinn, his back to me, wearing nothing but long gym shorts as he prepared something on the counter.
His inked back stiffened when I took a step, and his head turned, his eyes finding mine over his shoulder. “Kinny,” he said, his features softening and a soft smile formed on his amazing lips. My tongue ran over mine as I took in his impressive physique, his rounded calves, bunched thighs, sexy-as-sin V line, not to mention hard abs and square pecs. Every plane illuminated in the light shining through the huge arched-top window above the sink.
He was stunning—I didn’t find any part of him unattractive, and when my eyes finally lifted back to his, his brow was raised and a smirk across his face. The way he watched me, his blue pools fixed on me, warm, longing…
Oh, fuck!
“Okay, so now that you’ve finished ogling me, are you gonna come over here, or what?” he asked, his arms out. My mouth opened and closed, but my focus was on the curves of his shoulders and biceps where the muscles crossed under the skin, the dip prominent on both sides showing the tone and development. He turned his head slightly to the side, his gorgeous eyes narrowing. “Shall I come to you?”
I couldn’t say anything. I wanted Quinn so bad, but I’d come to his house to tell him something important. I couldn’t take anything from him, whatever that was, knowing that this could be the end.
It had to end sometime. You might as well just do it now.
Before I could get my words out, he took the few steps to cross the charcoal-colored tiles to meet me, then wrapped his arms around me. I melted into his embrace, my arms lifting automatically to hold him to me. I closed my eyes and inhaled him, his freshly showered scent filling my senses, mixed with his own personal fragrance. And, hell, did I want more. I wanted it all, and not just for a short while.
“I didn’t know you were coming over,” he said, then pulled back from our hug, still gazing at me the same way as before. “Did you text?” He tucked some loose strands of hair behind my ear, his fingers grazing the shell, making me shiver.
I shook my head. “I just needed to see you.”
My heart lurched when I saw the surprised smile tugging at his mouth, reaching his eyes. Was my mom right?
“Uh, okay,” he said, his expression returning to the usual one I saw. “I’m here, Kinny. In the flesh.” He ran his hands down his torso, and, stupidly, I got distracted by the movement.
I screwed my eyes shut. “Um, yeah.” I coughed to clear my throat, but there was nothing I could do to clear the arousal coursing through me. God, I was like a cat in heat around him. “So, I spoke with my mom earlier.”
“Uh-oh,” he joked. “This doesn’t sound good. Did she question you about us?”
“Kinda, but not in the way you think,” I replied, my voice lowering as shame filled me. I hated that my own mother had caused me to feel this way. “I think we should sit down.”
Quinn’s brows dipped low, his mouth tightening. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ll stand. Sit if you want, but I don’t need to. If it’s bad, I can handle it, Kinny. I’m a big boy.”
I glanced at his crotch, cringing when he caught me. “I should just come out and say it then.”
“Yeah.”
I took a deep breath. “My mom did a background check on you.”
Quinn blinked a couple of times. “She what?”
I blurted out what my mom had done, the details she’d told me—minus the feelings, of course—and that I thought he had a right to know. When I was done, I was panting, my pulse whooshing in my ears and my mouth so dry, my tongue stuck to my palate. I wanted to throw up, but my stomach held onto its contents, refusing to give me relief from the nauseation.
His mouth pursed, moving to one side as though biting the inside of his cheek, emphasizing his high cheekbones. His eyes narrowed again, away from mine as though in deep thought. “Let me get this straight,” he said after the longest minute in history. “Your mom had my file pulled, told you about what my dad did to me for years, and you thought I should know?” I nodded quickly. “So you came over here, right away, to tell me?”
“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing,” I whispered, staring at my hands, still embarrassed that I’d found out that way.
Quinn yanked out the stool next to me and sat. “I was never homeless,” he said, making my head whip up. “Make sure you tell your mom that.” His voice had taken a hard tone, and I stiffened. He blew out a dry laugh. “Maybe she didn’t get to the part that I was taken in before my dad could sell. Ask her about that.” He leaned toward me, his eyes hard, staring, seeing right into me. “There won’t be anything in the file about Josh, my only friend, and how he used to bring extra food to lunch and invite me for dinner so I could eat. What she also won’t know is that when I was fourteen, I found out about the circle and took up fighting just to earn a few bucks. Even though I got my ass kicked more than a few times, I did it so I could buy some clothes that fit, and pay for laundry so I didn’t get bullied at school for being a skinny, dirty, poor kid. I got in trouble for getting into so many fights with those assholes that I lost count. When my dad found out, he beat me so bad, I couldn’t go to school. He drank himself into oblivion while I was pissing blood.
“What your mom will know, is that when I hadn’t shown up at school in almost a week, Josh’s mom, Ginny, disregarded her own safety and got me out of there. She’d been jumping through every fucking hoop to adopt me, but she did. At fifteen, I’d gained weight, grew a lot fucking taller, and packed on muscle.” He stood quickly, sending the stool flying back. His muscles were tense, and even though he started to walk to the other side of the kitchen, the beads of sweat trickling down his rigid spine were clearly visible.
“Quinn, my mom didn’t—”
“You know those kids who taunted me, snubbed me, cast me aside all that time?” he asked with a look of disgust mixed with a smile of disbelief, cutting me off. “Most of them are the same fucking ones who try to side up to me, try to kiss my ass, want to be my friend, want me to fuck them…” He cringed at his own words. “Now you know why I fucking hate all of them. When I needed help, they looked down on me like I was shit on the bottom of their shoe. But when I started to look like this,"—he held his arms out again—“and won fights against people bigger than me, oh they soon changed their shallow fucking tune.”
I sat in stunned silence, taking in everything he’d said. My jaw hung, my eyes bulged, and all I could do was sit and listen to my thunderous heart, the heavy beat resounding in my ears and pounding in my temples.
My hand shook as I lifted it to cover my open mouth. “I don’t—”
“But your mom thought it was okay to pull my file and give you half the fucking story, huh? What did she think would happen? That you’d stay away from me instead? The damaged guy who’s got a short fuse?”
I couldn’t tell him the reason. I wasn’t so sure myself, but if I was correct in assuming, it had to do with feelings, and the moment they got involved, I had no idea what Quinn would say. “I don’t know,” I whispered.
Quinn turned around and placed his hands on the counter, his head down, his back rippling with tension, his shoulders bunching up. He whispered something to himself, his voice so quiet I didn’t hear anything but his breath and the unmistakabl
e clicks of formed words.
“I told her she shouldn’t have done that,” I argued, my voice rising. “I wouldn’t break your trust, and keeping this from you would be doing just that. Knowing my mom could do something like this has pissed me off, and you have every right to be mad. But, Quinn, I never told you so you’d confess your secrets. I didn’t need that bec—”
He spun around. “Oh, you didn’t need that, huh?” he spat, cutting me off as usual. He dropped his head back before glaring at me with such intensity I was both nervous and turned on, being the center of his focus sending my body on high alert, my core firing up. “I didn’t ask to be put under the fucking microscope because I gave you a fucking ride. I made sure you got home safe, and your mom chooses instead of saying a simple thank you, she looks for fucking dirt on me instead to save her daughter from the big bad boy.” Pain laced his features, and as fast as the hurt flashed across his face, his hard mask was back on. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
My chin wobbled as I fought back my sobs. “Yet again, you didn’t give me a chance to finish,” I choked out. “You jumped right in to defend yourself when no-one accused you of anything.” I got off the stool and walked to the door, holding back the words I was about to tell him, the words that were ready to fall out of my mouth without thinking about it because they were true.
“Where are you going?” he asked, making a move toward me.
“Home,” I said, walking down the hall. He stopped me by the door, but when I rounded on him, he saw something that made him pause. “You know what, Quinn? You’re not a bad boy. You’re just scared of letting anybody see you. But I do—I see you, and right now, I don’t like it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he yelled as I yanked the door open and rushed toward my car. He didn’t follow, and I was thankful. “Kinny!” I heard the confusion in his voice, the hint of desperation as he yelled my name again.
I grasped my door handle and turned back one last time, and saw his heaving chest as he gripped either side of the doorframe. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep fighting with you for no fucking reason!”
“No.” He shook his head fast, incredulity across his panicked face, his eyes rounded, brows up in the middle, and his beautiful mouth turning down. “Don’t, Kinny. You said you wouldn’t.”
I closed my eyes and turned away, the movement sending a fresh wave of tears running over my cheeks, dripping off my chin. “I’m sorry, Quinn, but I think what you need is to figure out what the hell it is you really want.”
“I want you,” he growled.
“Yeah, you did, for a few weeks,” I countered. “And our time was up long ago.” I unzipped his hoodie, slipped it off, then tossed it over the seat of his motorcycle, the chilly air biting my bare arms, the hairs standing on end in the cold. “This belongs to you.”
“So, that’s it? I’m no good for you now, so you’re leaving?”
I spun around and stormed over to him. I poked him in the chest. “If you have to ask me that question, then there’s something wrong!” I hissed, trying not to raise my voice.
“Just answer me, Kinny. You can tell me,” he said, staring down at me, his fiery gaze burning into me.
I coughed in disbelief. “Answer it yourself.”
“I’m not, am I? I’m just a no-good bastard.” He threw his arms out to the side. “What do I have to do for you to stay?”
Do not cry. Do not cry.
I chanted over and over in my head, but it didn’t work. Neither did holding my breath to stop the hurt from slicing through my chest, the sharp pain cutting me from the inside out, carving my heart to pieces.
“Absolutely nothing.”
“Then tell me why you’re leaving.”
“Because I have to,” I replied, placing my hands over my chest, guarding my heart against further pain, but it didn’t work. More cracks opened up, slowly crumbling away. “You wanted me to do you a favor, Quinn, and I did. You told me you needed more time, and I gave it to you. I don’t know what you want from me—you don’t say a fucking thing except for me not to tell you that we’re done. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.” My chest heaved from getting that out in one breath, and I sucked in air to calm myself down, to stop myself from shaking, to ease the whirlwind of emotions swimming around inside of me, taking the butterflies with it. “You’re already breaking my heart, Quinn, I’m not sticking around to let you shatter it.”
I got in my car and drove away, willing myself not to look at him in the rearview mirror. I failed, and what I saw kicked me straight in the gut. Quinn held his hoodie to his face, his shoulders rounded, and his eyes closed.
Quinn
Why the fuck did people think my business was theirs to stick their fucking noses into? Just when I felt that there was even the fucking slightest chance I was going to have Kinny for real, it blew up in my fucking face.
Now I knew why her mom was studying me so fucking hard. Looking to see if I posed a risk to her daughter, her threatening words making so much more sense now. That was fucking rich. I’d never hurt Kinsley. As long as my heart still beat in my chest, there was air in my lungs, my girl was never going to be hurt because of me. Ever.
My girl.
My girl. Not anymore. Never was.
I dug my elbows into my legs as I gripped my hair, rocking forward as I sat on the bench in the basement, taking a minute from working the bag to ease the stress, the anger, the blinding pain I felt when Kinsley walked away from me.
“It’s not over,” I said out loud. “She can’t leave me—I need her.” And it wasn’t for a few weeks, a few months… Fuck, I was so messed up I couldn’t think straight. But, I knew there was something that would help me focus, and I had to get off my ass.
I raked my hands over my face, then stood sharply, pulled my arm back, and rammed it into the bag as hard as I fucking could, roaring as I hit it again and again, so hard and fast that sweat dripped down my face and my back.
“You’re already breaking my heart…”
“…our time was up long ago.”
My chest heaved as I sucked in lungfuls of air, my heart pounding, perspiration dripping from me, and my head ached so bad I could hardly see. Now I knew why it was hard to let someone go—it was as clear as fucking day.
And the more I thought about what was said, how I reacted, how I yelled, I knew in that instant, I wasn’t just an asshole—I was a fucking disgrace.
I checked my phone for the tenth time in the last thirty minutes, but Kinsley hadn’t replied to any of my texts, and she’d declined all of my calls. I tapped my fingers on my desk over and over, agitation rippling through me.
“Are you ready to go?” Josh asked, rapping his knuckles against my open door. “Car’s all set up, Layton’s secured the location, and time’s ticking by, bro.” I looked over to him and saw he was watching my hands. “Still not answering?”
I shook my head. “I just need to talk to her, tell her—” I stopped. Tell her what, exactly? That I was sorry? Again?
“Give her a little space, Quinn,” he said, leaning against the frame. “I heard what went down the other day, and even though I’m always on your side, you were a dick.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Dude, you fucking unloaded on her!” He threw his arms out. “What the hell did you expect? You knew that poor girl had no fucking clue what she was getting herself into with you, but you hounded her anyway. Then, a couple of months later, your fucking life story falls in her fucking lap, and you, Quinn, you gave her no fucking time to process. She did the decent thing by telling you what her mom did, and I respect her for it. She could’ve kept it from you all while knowing only a few things and her mind making up the rest. Do you know what that kind of shit does to a person?”
“Don’t give me a lecture, Josh, it’s not the time.”
“Oh, I know it’s not the time,” he fired back. “But you know I’m right, and it’s happening.” He walked over to me and shoved
my shoulder. When I didn’t budge, he did it again, harder, almost pushing me from my chair. “Fucking, prick. Do you know how often I worried myself sick when you had to go home to that piece of shit, wondering if I would ever fucking see you again?”
I rolled my eyes. “This again.”
“Yeah,” he spat. “This again because you clearly don’t fucking get it. When people care about you, Quinn, they worry about you. Kinsley had a fight with her mom over the file, and if that doesn’t prove that she cares about you, then you’re a fucking idiot.”
I jumped up, my chair falling back as I did, hitting the carpet with a soft thud. “If she did, then why the fuck did she walk out?”
He barked a sarcastic laugh. “Because it was never real, remember? How the fuck can you stick around in a fake relationship when you have real feelings, Quinn? If Kinsley didn’t give one damn about you, do you think she would’ve even bothered to say anything?” he yelled, jabbing his finger toward me, anger showing on his usually calm face. “Don’t you think she would’ve kept it to herself that she knew you were broken by the person that was supposed to love you and protect you?”
“Shut up, Josh,” I warned, his words cutting into me like he knew they would. “Seriously.”
“Ya know, I never told you this because my mom made me promise, but I think you need to know.”
“I said, shut up!” I yelled, my hands balling into fists.
“No. When my mom got you out of that roach-infested shit hole, do you know what she did while you were sleeping?”
I scrunched my eyes closed, ground my teeth, and fought the urge to smash him in the fucking mouth. Dickhead couldn’t talk through a broken jaw. “Josh,” I growled.
He ignored me. “She’d watch you. Right outside our bedroom door. She’d watch you all tucked in, and she’d be sobbing quietly to herself. She’d come in, stroke your hair, kiss you on the head, and tell you you were safe now, and to sleep easy. You might not have heard her, but I did. Every night for the first few months. And you know what I did?”
