Healing the Lawman's Heart

by Ruth Logan Herne

  She looked beautiful. Peaceful. Swaddled from neck to toe in a classic hospital blanket, she was sound asleep. The nurse came over, checked the monitors, then nodded, satisfied. “She’s doing great. Are you the father?”

  “Just a friend.”

  That term made the nurse smile. “Can’t have too many of those. She was a little restless at first, but getting born takes a lot out of you. Now?” She indicated the monitors alongside the crib. “She’s been solid for over eight hours, which means she’s adjusting well. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Tanner?”

  He spotted Julia, then tapped his watch. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

  “I’m heading home now, but I wanted to check in on her. How’s she doing?”

  “Solid, according to the nurse. And beautiful.”

  “She is a pretty little thing.” Julia smiled down at the precious infant, and the sight of her, bending over this orphaned child, was a sight Tanner could get used to seeing every day.

  A sudden break in the thick, March cloud cover brought sunlight streaming into the nursery from the bank of south-facing windows. “Oh, it’s good to see the sun,” Julia whispered. “It’s been a long, cold winter. I’m ready for spring.”

  “Me, too.” He smiled at her, and when she aimed a tired smile back his way, his heart opened wider, at long last. Was it the warmth of the sun flooding the tiles above the baby’s crib? Or the warmth in Julia’s eyes as she watched over someone else’s child? Or maybe it was simply his heart breaking free at last, shrugging off the layers of grief and anger that shackled him for so long.

  He didn’t know and he really didn’t care, because he hadn’t seen the glass half-full in a long time. Now hope had taken root within him and he was determined to somehow, some way, make it flourish.

  Chapter Ten

  “I don’t want to go see my daddy.” Connor’s lower lip rounded. His chin trembled. And when a big, fat tear slipped down his cheek, it took every ounce of Julia’s strength not to sit down on the floor beside him and burst into tears herself.

  “Will he remember us?” Martin’s cautious voice held a hidden question. After over two years of no personal contact, he was probably wondering if he’d remember his father, an understandable question from a seven-year-old.

  “Yes.” Julia didn’t elaborate. Vic wasn’t evil, the boys would be in no danger, but they deserved more than his casual interest now and again. That was out of her hands, though, and maybe they’d come back on Sunday rested, refreshed and with a renewed relationship with their father.

  And maybe pigs will fly.

  She shut down her cynical inner voice, helped the boys stow their backpacks into the back of her SUV and drove up the road to pick Piper up. Her sister-in-law hurried out, climbed into the front seat, high-fived the boys, then faced Julia. “I owe you. Big-time.”

  Julia put the car into gear and frowned. “For what?”

  “Rescuing me. I love my husband, but the thought of getting out of the house for a few hours, traveling with my peeps—” she aimed a broad smile at the boys in the backseat, then slipped each of them a homemade chocolate chip cookie “—and road food has made my day.”

  “Zach getting restless?”

  “Your brother was born restless,” Piper retorted. “So this immobility is killing him, and he goes from being wonderful to crabby at warp speed. Then the cycle starts all over again.”

  “Pain meds aren’t helping?”

  “He’s weaned himself off of them, a gesture I respect from a distance. Up close?” She gave an over-exaggerated sigh for everyone’s benefit. “Not so much. They told us it would be a twelve-week recovery, so we need to be patient. Both of us,” she added and nipped a cookie for herself. “Jules, do you want a cookie?”

  “Nope.” Nerves were gnawing on her stomach, and she’d made it through nearly three weeks of choosing her foods with more care. Five pounds had disappeared with little trouble or thought on her part. “I’m saving my calories for Easter.”

  “Smart move.” Piper turned back toward the boys. “I brought puzzle books for you guys.” She handed them over the seat, then offered each boy a pencil. “I had to hunt to find these. We used to love to do these on car trips when we were little.”

  “You didn’t wanna just watch a movie?” Connor asked.

  “Listen, kid, there were no TVs in cars in my day. Let’s see how many puzzles you guys can get done in the next half hour. Ready? Set. Go!” She smiled when the boys bent over their respective puzzle books.

  Julia shot her a quiet look of gratitude. Anything that kept the boys occupied for the next hour would be welcome, and if it helped alleviate their worries about spending time with their absentee father, that would be all the better. Julia’s phone buzzed with a text a few minutes later. “Piper, can you check that for me, please?”

  Piper nodded, picked up the phone, then smiled. “Thinking of you. Praying. Tanner.”

  A surge of delight flowed through her that Tanner was thinking of her. Praying for her. He seemed to know how hard this whole weekend was going to be.

  But she’d put an intentional lock on her heart after his unpredictable actions yesterday. Never again would she put herself in the position of having to prove herself to a man. Or to anyone, for that matter. She deserved to be loved and cherished just as she was, and Tanner’s reticence raised warning flags.

  She’d back away quietly, despite how she felt whenever he walked into a room. She’d give him polite smiles, when what she really wanted to do was laugh with him. Joke with him. Spar with him.

  Being around Tanner made her feel vulnerable and that brought up feelings of inadequacy. She hadn’t been able to make Vic happy. She’d pulled out all the stops and it still wasn’t enough. She’d learned a hard lesson, but she learned it well and she’d never put herself in that situation again.

  She turned onto the Alfred/Almond exit ramp and grappled her emotions. She wouldn’t cry, even though every part of her wanted to turn the car around and head back to Kirkwood as fast as she could. She fought the dread in her chest and pulled into the almost empty convenience store parking lot.

  She glanced around.

  No Vic.

  She was a few minutes early, so she moved across the street, got the boys out of the car and let them run around on the nearby playground. Minutes ticked by. Ten. Then fifteen. She was on the verge of calling Vic because he was nearly a half hour late, when a sleek black muscle car cruised into the convenience store lot. It pulled to a stop and Vic climbed out one side.

  And a skinny, young, long-legged brunette climbed out the other.

  Suddenly five pounds wasn’t enough. Because to compete with this young woman Julia would have to erase a dozen years and twenty pounds and stretch marks and—

  “Stop it right now,” Piper warned. “He’s doing what Zach said he always does. All show, no substance.”

  Julia breathed deep, nodded to Piper and pasted a smile on her face before she called his name. “We’re over here.”

  Vic turned, realized he had to either bring the boys’ things across the road or drive over to the playground, and he stopped, no doubt waiting for her to grab the boys and run them across the street to the appointed meeting place.

  Not gonna happen, buddy.

  Annoyed, he climbed back into the showy car, waited while his companion did the same, then spun gravel as he made the turn onto the two-lane. He pulled into the playground parking lot a few hundred feet down the road and the car ground to a quick stop.

  He climbed out again, but having to do it twice ruined the effect, and Julia had to swallow a laugh. He’d planned his late entrance to show her what she was missing—and what he preferred—but he hadn’t expected her to take control of the situation, w
hich made it that much sweeter.

  But then Connor started to cry.

  Martin hung back, unsure.

  And when Vic stepped forward, Martin climbed right back into the car, into his seat, fastened his belt and hit the locks.

  He might be quiet, he might be a little shy, but Martin had made himself clear: he wanted nothing to do with his father, the beefed-up car or the leggy brunette with great hair.

  “I don’t have time for this.” Vic glowered at Julia. She felt Piper come up alongside, and held her off with a hand of caution.

  “Hi, Vic. Nice to see you, too. How’ve you been?”

  “Don’t start with me, Julia. I need to get back on the road because at the end of today’s drive, I’ve got to get two kids to bed.”

  “Go talk to them. And be nice. They’re amazingly wonderful little boys, but you’ve lost ground the past two years. Relationships don’t get fixed overnight.”

  He stared at her. “If you hadn’t moved three hours away, we wouldn’t be having this problem.”

  If you’d remained faithful to the vows you spoke on our wedding day, we wouldn’t be having this problem...

  She kept silent and crouched next to Connor. “Connor, this is your father.”

  “I don’t think I like him.” The boy meant no disrespect, but the honesty of youth took precedence. “Is he mean, Mommy?”

  “No, I’m not mean, but I do mean what I say.” Vic came down to Connor’s level, too, but it was clear he didn’t like the gesture. “I teach kids in school every day, and they would say I’m strict but I’m fair.”

  “I don’t know what that means.” Connor whispered the words into Julia’s ear as he shrunk closer to her side. “Does he like us?”

  “I love you.”

  Connor looked unconvinced. Martin stayed locked in the car, arms folded, refusing to look at his father.

  “Julia, unlock the door and get Martin out. We need to be on our way.”

  She started to answer him, but then the brunette moved to Martin’s side of the car and said, “Martin, I’m Cassidy and I’ve got a little brother just about your age. I’m going to take a little time to swing on the swings, and I bet your dad will join me. Come on over, sit and chat, and maybe we can talk about the next superhero movie that’s coming out.”

  She waited by the car for just a moment, then started to ease away, allowing Martin time to answer. The young woman—Cassidy—showed more finesse at dealing with kids than Vic ever had.

  “You like them?” Martin asked through the narrow window opening.

  She swung back and smiled. “Love them is more like it. Iron Man is my brother’s favorite, but I’m a Wolverine gal myself.” She paused, giving him time to think, and Julia appreciated the young woman’s kind efforts to defuse the situation. “Do you have a favorite?”

  He stuttered then, an old problem that hadn’t reared its head in nearly three years. “C-C-Captain America.”

  “He’s amazing,” she agreed, then went to sit on the swings.

  Vic grumbled something under his breath, shot a dark look at Julia, then took another swing. Julia grasped Connor’s little hand, sat at the edge of the nearby picnic table and faced the younger woman. “I’m Julia Harrison, Vic’s ex-wife. This is Connor.”

  Connor nestled in a little closer to her side.

  “And that’s Martin in the car. And this is my sister-in-law, Piper Harrison.”

  “Zach got married.” Vic’s flat tone implied that Zach’s marital status bored him.

  “I was a ring bearer in Uncle Zach’s wedding,” Connor whispered. He peeked up at Cassidy. “I got to ride in a limo and wave out the top and drink bubbly stuff. And I danced with my mom. A lot.”

  “Oh, that sounds fun.” Cassidy smiled at him and Connor loosened his grip on Julia’s shirt. “I was in my sister’s wedding last year and I had a nice time, too. Was your brother in the wedding?”

  “He was the head ring bearer,” Connor explained with all the seriousness a five-year-old could muster. “I was still little and Martin knew ’zactly what to do.”

  “I bet he did.” Cassidy sent a smile toward Martin, but didn’t rush the situation, even though Vic’s body language said he was chomping at the bit. “Are you in school, Connor?”

  “I’m in kindergarten and Miss Dubois is my teacher and she says I’m very smart and I try to be smarter than everyone else, every day, and I don’t beat anyone up.”

  “Perfect.” Cassidy smiled down at him, and held up her hand for a high five that Connor met with gusto. “That’s the best of both worlds right there. Smart and nice.”

  “Your lawyer contacted me.”

  Julia shifted her attention to Vic. “A matter we can discuss in private. Away from little ears.”

  “Or not worth discussing at all.” Vic’s eyes sharpened. “You took the children to the other side of the state, then expected me to hand over a substantial portion of my pay for their care. That’s unsustainable, of course.”

  “Not a topic that’s open for conversation right now,” she replied, and then she stood. “Have your people talk to my people. As I said, it’s not a subject we should be discussing here.” She sent Connor a deliberate look, then called Martin’s name.

  He stared at her from the backseat of the car, then sighed, and if she allowed herself to get caught up in that sigh, she’d take the boys home and never turn back. But that wouldn’t be fair, and she’d promised herself and God that she’d be as fair as she could be.

  Which meant Martin had to give this a try. “Martin, I’ve got to head back to Kirkwood. Aunt Piper has things to do and I’ve got to check in at the hospital.” She wasn’t scheduled to check in, but she would stop by and peek in on Gracie Jayne’s baby. She’d sat and rocked the tiny girl twice that day. No family had stepped forth as yet, and for the moment, the newborn was a lost lamb in need of love. “Come on, honey. Come say hi to your dad and shake his hand. You know what Grandpa always says, that we’ve got to give things a chance.”

  Martin held her gaze through the window, finally sighed and undid his seat belt. He unlocked the door, then climbed out of the backseat. “I don’t think Grandpa was talking about this.” He stared at his father, and suddenly meek, mild Martin looked far more like his namesake grandfather than he had in the past. “I think Grandpa means we have to try our best, all the time, like he does.”

  “Mr. Perfect.” Vic muttered the words just loud enough for Julia to hear them. To Martin, he said, “And that’s sound advice. If you don’t give me a chance to be a good father, how can we know? And do you remember when you were little how much you used to like following me around? Pretending to be big like me?”

  “I remember.” His tone said he didn’t recall the moments with the same level of enthusiasm. He turned toward his mother. “We have to go?”

  She didn’t want to nod, but she did. “Yes. And I’ll be here on Sunday at three to pick you up.” Remembering how late Vic was today, she pulled an ace out of her bag and prayed Tanner hadn’t given away the tickets he’d purchased. “We’re taking the boys to the monster truck show on Sunday afternoon, so they can’t get here late.”

  “The monster truck show?” Martin’s eyes grew round. “There’s a bunch of kids from my class going to the monster truck show! I never thought we’d be able to go, Mom!” He grabbed her around the waist and hugged her tight. “We’ll be here right on time, I promise. And we might be able to get the Extreme Dominator’s picture!”

  “I bet we can.” She bent down and hugged him while Piper withdrew their backpacks from the SUV. “And, boys, you can call me anytime. Your father has a phone and you know my number, so if you want to talk to me, just call.”

  “We will.”

  “Okay.”

  She couldn’t stay properly calm at this final
parting moment. She kissed both their cheeks, offered a cheery wave and climbed into the car quickly. Piper hopped into the passenger seat and turned her head away while Julia steered the car up onto the road, then hooked a left onto the I-86 entrance ramp. Even tough-as-nails Piper was having a hard time leaving the boys behind.

  Julia wanted to stomp on the brakes, go back and save her boys from the clutches of their foolish, narcissistic father. For just a moment she understood the desperation of people who flee with their children, but common sense scoffed at the emotion.

  Vic was their father. If his resolve to redevelop a relationship with his sons fizzled, at least she wouldn’t be held responsible.

  Tears flowed, and she knew it was insensible. He was their father.

  But his cool rebuffs, barely restrained frustration and his negativity...those factors stirred up emotions better left buried.

  Her phone rang just then. Tanner’s number showed up in the dashboard display. She swiped away the tears and hit the button. “Hey.”

  “Hey, yourself. You okay? Because you don’t sound okay.”

  “No.” She couldn’t lie to him. Not when the concern in his voice said he genuinely cared. “But I’ll be okay. Vic was late so we just got on the road. Piper’s pretending not to cry.”

  “I am not,” Piper sniped from the seat next to her, then gave a short and unhappy sigh. “I’m fully admitting that I wanted to grab those boys, put them in the car and run for the hills. Tears are understandable.”

  “I hear you. This is a tough and huge first step,” Tanner acknowledged. It was a new beginning...and Julia had aced them before. She could do it again now. “I wanted to check in, let you know I was thinking about you, Julia.”

  Thinking about her. Calling to see if she was all right. Respecting her. The simple beauty of that lessened the weight on her heart. “Thank you, Tanner.”