Healing the Lawman's Heart

by Ruth Logan Herne

  “What are you doing tonight?”

  Piper poked her, but the last thing Julia wanted to do was pretend to have fun. “Getting some things done at home.”

  “Well, that’s a horrible idea when I’ve got the night off. I’m going to visit the baby, then grab supper. Eating with me is a much better idea.”

  She didn’t need Piper’s second poke to realize he was right. “When are you going to see the baby?”

  “About the same time you are, I expect.”

  She laughed, because even in the short time they’d known each other, he realized how important children were in her life. Her boys, delivering babies, Gracie Jayne’s tiny blessing. “I hate that she doesn’t have a name.”

  “Me, too.” He paused for a moment. “So I gave her a nickname. I call her ‘princess,’ and she kind of smiles when I say it.”

  Julia’s heart tipped more firmly in his direction. “I love it, Tanner. It’s perfect.” She drew a breath, tried not to think about what she’d just left behind and said, “I think visiting Princess together sounds wonderful.”

  “It’s a plan. I’ll see you in about ninety minutes.”

  “Okay.”

  She hung up the phone and glanced sideways at Piper. “Hush.”

  “I’m not saying a word,” Piper replied, but her smug face said plenty. “But I woulda smacked you if you said no. Nicely, of course.”

  Julia had never had a sister, but now that she’d kind of inherited Piper and her sister, Rainey, as family? She was really glad to be surrounded by God-loving, stand-your-ground women. With Vic’s sudden reentrance into their lives, she was pretty sure she’d need the women’s support and wasn’t afraid to ask for it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Tanner had one goal for the evening, and that was to keep Julia from worrying nonstop. She spotted him as he crossed the hospital parking lot, and her joyful expression said she was just as glad to see him. He reached out, pulled her into a hug they both needed and held on.

  Holding Julia felt right.

  The scent of her hair, softly curling beneath his chin, the feel of her breathing, a little catch now and then, but then she leaned back, looked up and he had no other choice but to kiss her.

  Perfect.

  The single word described the emotions grabbing him at that moment.

  He could get used to this. He had a lot to tell her, a lot to share, to confess, but kissing Julia took precedence right now.

  She pulled back and glanced around, chagrined. “We’re kissing in a public place.”

  “We should stop that this instant.” He gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek and made it a point to take his time. “Except stopping is the last thing on my mind, but Princess is expecting us. Let’s go.” He took her hand, and when they got inside, he didn’t let go and she didn’t pull away, which made the moment even more wonderful.

  They took the elevator to the NICU area, and she clung to his hand the way he held hers, as if holding hands meant something dear and precious.

  “Hey, Princess.” Julia stroked one finger along the baby’s cheek and lifted her up. “Wanna rock her?”

  “Yes.” He sat down, smiled up at Julia and accepted the baby. She stirred, squeaked and stretched, then buttoned her eyes closed in continued slumber. “She’s amazing, Julia.”

  “And you’re adorable with her,” Julia teased. She took out her cell phone and snapped a pic of him, then showed him the image a few seconds later. “The big bad cop and the innocent baby. That’s a wall portrait right there.”

  It felt weird to see an image of himself holding a baby, as if he was somehow being unfair to Solomon’s memory.

  And yet, if things had gone well back then, he and Ashley would have most likely welcomed a second baby by now. The human heart’s capacity to love knew no bounds. Right now, holding this gift that came from God and Gracie Jayne’s diligence, he felt like he was doing the right thing. “Still no news on family?”

  Julia pulled a second rocking chair up alongside him. “The social worker has found some family. No one is interested in this baby at this point. There are legal issues to be dealt with, and there is a foster family willing to take her in Depew—”

  “Why so far?” Tanner interrupted. “There’s no one in this area who can take her?” The idea that no one in their county wanted Princess appalled him. What was the matter with people?

  She reached a hand up to his cheek. “Because there were no legally drawn-up papers, Princess becomes a ward of the court. They get to decide where she goes, and a premature baby who might or might not have special needs can’t go to just any home. Those homes have to be certified to meet unexpected needs or situations.”

  “And there are none of those here?” He didn’t bother to hide his disbelief. “That can’t be right.”

  “There are some, but they’ve already got babies,” she explained. “So Princess—”

  “Gets shipped off an hour north and makes it a lot harder for us to drop in and see her.”

  “It looks that way.”

  The baby squirmed again. She gave out a plaintive cry and Julia retrieved a bottle from the nurse. She handed Tanner the bottle and he stared at it. “I’m going to feed her?”

  “She’s hungry and you’re holding her. Do the math.”

  He gulped, repositioned the baby and put the bottle near her mouth. She groped for it instantly, found the nipple and began sucking with gusto, hands fisted. “She’s very intense.” He turned his attention to Julia. “Is that normal?”

  “Instinctive and normal and good to see,” Julia told him. “They said she was being a lazy eater the first day and that concerned them, but there’s nothing laid-back about the way she’s attacking that bottle.”

  “You can say that again.” He smiled down at the baby, then leaned down and kissed her soft forehead. “She’s got a trucker’s appetite today.” He sat back and savored the moment while cautioning himself. He had no ties to this child, no say in her future. To let himself love her was a mistake, but as he wiped a tiny drop of milk from her cheek, reality hit.

  Too late.

  He’d fallen hard for both the baby and her not-so-legal guardian. The question now was what to do about it. Marty had given him fair warning. As a cop, he knew better than to get himself into an uncontrollable situation, and yet here he was, ready to run the risk of loving again.

  “Almost three ounces.” The baby’s nurse smiled at them as she noted the feeding on Princess’s chart. “That’s her best one yet. You folks are good for her.”

  Those simple words meant so much to Tanner. As he handed the baby to the nurse, a flash of insight drew him upright. For three years he’d carried failure on his back, bearing responsibility for Ashley’s and Solomon’s deaths. On top of that, he was suing the medical team because someone had to be at fault. If only he’d pushed Ashley to a different doctor, a different practice, if only he’d—

  Reality broadsided him. Ashley knew her own mind, she knew what she wanted and she was a smart, educated woman. If she felt safe with her choices, who was he to second-guess her? Maybe the folks around him were right, maybe things just happened sometimes, and maybe...

  It wasn’t God’s or anyone’s fault, it was just life.

  Julia kissed the baby’s forehead. “Good night, sweet pea. See you tomorrow.” She faced the nurse and pointed toward the social worker’s office around the corner. “Nothing from Wanda today?”

  “Not a peep. And this baby’s got a little time with us,” the NICU nurse said, smiling down at the now-sleeping Princess, “because she needs to put on some weight, but she’s doing great now. No problems that we see. Holding her own completely.”

  “That’s good to hear.” Tanner stroked the baby’s head and met Julia’s gaze, and for that moment, the world bec
ame a more perfect place. Him. Julia. This baby. Right then it looked entirely possible, although several factors stood in the way. The words of a childhood pastor came back to him and he whispered them as he said goodbye to the baby. “With God, all things are possible.”

  Julia looked up at him. “I don’t generally hear you quoting scripture, Tanner. And the look in your eyes says you’re making plans.”

  “I’m a planner by nature.” He settled his gaze on her, kissed the baby and then slung an arm around Julia’s shoulders as they moved to the door. “I’d forgotten that for a while, but something about being here with you and her has rejuvenated that instinct.”

  “It’s hard to walk away, though.”

  The catch in Julia’s voice said she meant more than the baby. He gripped her shoulder and pulled her a little closer. “But she’s in good hands. And we’ll be back tomorrow. And Sunday’s not that far away.”

  He expected her to cry.

  She didn’t. She breathed deeply, reached up and touched his cheek briefly, but the quick caress created a kinship of hope. He leaned down, planted a lazy kiss to her hair, then pulled open the exit door for her. “Let’s eat, and you can fill me in on what still needs to be done with the clinic. The next time someone comes out of the hills looking for help, I want it to be right there, no sideways trips to the main office.”

  “You mean that?” She stopped and faced him. “Even though we might be a magnet for trouble?”

  “Magnets lose their draw after a while, and it will be our job to make that happen,” he promised. “If we discourage the bad guys from hanging around, they’ll find another place.”

  “As long as the women are safe.” She ignored the cold west wind and looked up, chagrined. “We considered proximity when we picked that spot, but we never thought that thugs might put the women in danger. With the brick through the front window, it’s become a concern.”

  “It’s cold, about to rain again and I’m hungry. I’ll meet you over at The Pelican’s Nest, okay? We’ll carry on our discussion over hot food and Tina’s desserts, a guy and his girl, out having a late Friday night dinner.”

  “I’m not your girl.”

  He grazed one thumb across the base of her chin. Held her gaze. “Give me a little time, Julia. Give me time.”

  * * *

  Her heart tripped faster. Harder.

  Julia wanted to grab hold of him and never let go, but was that because of the emotions of the moment or the pain of leaving the boys with their father for the weekend?

  She wasn’t sure, and she wanted to be absolutely, positively, 100 percent certain. I don’t think it works that way, her conscience advised. There’s always chance involved. That’s life.

  Julia had taken her share of chances. Embracing another one now seemed both tempting and wrong. But she realized, she had to start trusting herself again. Trusting God. Life was a gift. It was about time she started living the gift again.

  “Julia!” Tina waved from the other side of the restaurant counter a few minutes later. “How’d today go, honey? And what are you doing here this late? I— Oh.” She stopped talking as Tanner walked through the door. “Table for two?”

  “Perfect,” said Tanner. Julia had the urge to administer a wake-up call with her heel to his instep, because if he treated this like a date, then the entire town would see it that way. Currently there were only three other tables being used, but in a small town, everyone would know by tomorrow. “Tina, do you still have fish available?”

  “Best haddock in Western New York,” she promised. “And coffee? Or is it too late for coffee?”

  “Water’s good for me,” Julia answered. She slid into a booth overlooking the dark, gray, windswept lake, then turned her back on purpose. Slate-gray waves held little comfort, and soon she’d be going home to a mostly empty house. At least her dad would be there, milling about in the morning, back and forth to the farm, restlessly awaiting spring’s softer weather. Maybe that tree falling on her house did her a favor because she wouldn’t have to be alone this weekend or spring break week.

  “I was thinking we should give the entry to the clinic a brighter tone.”

  “What?”

  “The entry to the clinic,” Tanner said. “Can we make it brighter? More inviting?”

  “We could, but that’s not my forte,” Julia confessed. “I’m out of my element when it comes to that kind of thing.”

  “What about yellow?’ he asked. “Neutral, but bright and inviting.”

  “With floral prints from the ones Mrs. Thurgood left me.” Tina deposited waters on the table and pulled up a chair. “She was such a sweet soul, and she loved helping people. She’d have been the first person to jump on board and help you with your project, Julia.” She took a seat at the end of their table. “I don’t mean to interrupt your date, but—”

  “It’s not a date,” Julia assured her.

  Tanner’s lazy smile said the exact opposite.

  Tina ignored Julia’s protest and leaned forward. “I think Tanner’s got a great idea, and what a nice tribute it would be to Mrs. Thurgood to have some of her paintings on the wall.”

  “They’d be beautiful,” Julia agreed. “You don’t mind donating them?”

  “She left me a dozen and that’s about eight too many,” Tina replied. “So that will liven things up nicely over there. Two fish fries?”

  Tanner quickly nodded yes.

  Julia hesitated. She knew she should have hers broiled, no butter. And a side salad, no croutons. And lemon water. She was about to say exactly that, when she caught Tanner’s eye, and realized she was allowing self-doubt to dictate too much of her life. Her food, her clothes, her shoes... “I’d love a fish fry, and extra tartar sauce please. But instead of French fries, can I have a double coleslaw, Tina? And how is Charley doing? I haven’t seen her in weeks and at this stage, they grow so quickly.”

  “Charley’s gorgeous, and she has Max wrapped around her pretty little finger. I can’t believe that not so long ago I was single, grumpy and lost my business to arson, and now?” She flicked a glance around. “This. Married, a baby, a cute house on the hill and a family business. I was ready to hit the road, get away from Kirkwood and never look back.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “I couldn’t leave Max’s parents in a lurch, not with his father so sick. And I didn’t really want to leave. I love Kirkwood, but I wanted everything to be all right. On my terms. And my timeline.”

  “And God doesn’t always work that way.” Julia knew that firsthand.

  “A fact I discovered.” Tina winked at them before she moved back to the kitchen area. “I’ll let you guys resume your conversation.”

  Julia turned. Caught Tanner’s eyes. And for the life of her she couldn’t recall what they’d been discussing two minutes before.

  He grinned. “Yellow paint.”

  She breezed on as if she’d known that all along. “And we’ve got a bunch of folding chairs donated from the women’s shelter in Clearwater. And Jenny Campbell found us two end tables for the waiting area, and wondered if she should paint them, so I’ll tell her yes. If we pick out the yellow paint at Campbell’s Hardware, then Jenny can pick a paint that complements the walls.”

  “And washable floors.”

  “With nonskid entry rugs because we get six months of rain and snow, sleet and ice,” she agreed. “I think we’re on track to open as scheduled, and what a perfect way to finish the Lenten season. Prayer, sacrifice and a new clinic for women in need. The church is sponsoring an Easter egg hunt on Holy Saturday. Rainey, Tina and Laura are organizing it. I promised the boys I’d take them.”

  “I’ve never been to one,” Tanner admitted.

  “Never?” The thought of never going to an Easter egg hunt seemed almost impossible. “Not even when you wer
e a kid?”

  He shrugged. “We went to a couple of different churches. Never stayed long at any particular one. My parents spent most of their time fighting. Nothing was easy when they got divorced, so the normal kid things got pushed aside.”

  Two things instantly went through Julia’s mind. One, that Tanner’s description sounded like a wretched way to grow up, to be caught between warring parents all the time. Where was the love in that scenario?

  And the second thought?

  She was going to make sure she didn’t make the same mistake with Martin and Connor. If Vic intended to be part of their lives, she needed to let him, and without the resentment she’d embraced since his initial phone call. Putting the boys first should take precedence. She needed to remind herself of that more often. “Well, then I’d like to invite you to the egg hunt. I’m on call that night, but the boys and I are going, and it would be great if you could go, too.”

  His face shadowed slightly, but then he reached out, gripped her hand and nodded. “I’d like that. I’m working that evening, too, but I’m free in the morning and I can’t think of anything I’d like better. Unless it’s a monster truck show at the arena this Sunday.”

  She laughed. “Yes, you were right to hang on to the tickets. The boys are so excited about going.”

  “Well, the Extreme Dominator and the Crusher are scheduling a grudge match. And there’ll be cotton candy. What more could a boy want?”

  Tina brought their food then, and sitting there, talking with Tanner, eating some of the best fried fish known to man, made the weekend seem less troubling.

  “How’s your fish?”

  “The best I’ve ever had,” she told him, laughing. “I’m so glad I didn’t wimp out and get the broiled fish. This is amazing. Thank you, Tanner.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Just then, his phone buzzed. Julia glanced down. “Do you need to take that?”

  He frowned as he read the text. Concern darkened his face, and then he set the phone back down. “Nothing that can’t wait.”