by Nashoda Rose
I dropped the sheet and crawled across the mattress. I perched on my knees behind him and curled my arms around his waist.
He didn’t move for a second, his head still dropped forward and strands of hair hanging in front of his face. But I felt the tension in his back muscles slowly ease as I held him.
I pressed my cheek to his back and closed my eyes.
“She sold herself for me. To keep me. She did everything to protect me. Shield me from the abuse. All those years. She took whatever life threw at her and never complained. Fuck, she never complained. Even when I was old enough to understand what she did for a living, she said I was worth everything. That I saved her every single day.”
Tears trailed down my cheeks, but I didn’t bother wiping them away because there’d only be more.
“Even after that bastard killed her, she still protected me. My father never knew what happened to her or me, but she’d left a letter with a lawyer to find him if anything happened to her.” He paused a minute, as if needing time to breathe. “I think she always knew the bastard would find her. Within a week, Gregory Kane showed up with a lawyer at social services and took me home.”
He shifted to lean up against the oak headboard taking me with him. I curled into his side, one hand settled on his chest and my cheek resting against his shoulder.
“I was angry. That’s when I started fighting. In school. Illegal fighting. Anywhere. The physical pain somehow eased the emotional pain of losing her. Of the guilt for not saving her and for the sacrifice she made for me. Fighting was my outlet.
“But as the anger grew, so did the revenge to find the bastard. It was all I could think about and it ate me alive. I didn’t even know who I was fighting anymore. Myself, mostly.”
“The cages,” I whispered.
His muscles flexed as he hesitated for a second, and I slid my hand into his and linked our fingers. “Yeah. The worst of the worst came to those fights, and a lot of money exchanged hands. Maybe in some ways, it was me trying to protect her in that cage. Fighting to set her free.”
“Or to set yourself free,” I said.
He shrugged.
As if he was trying to find with the words, he was silent a few minutes and his jaw clenched and unclenched.
“I was twenty when I killed him.” I stopped breathing and my body stilled. “Eight years. Eight years before our paths crossed again and I didn’t hesitate. I beat him like he’d done to my mom for years. I beat him until he begged and cried for mercy. But I couldn’t stop. Even after I left him in the alley dead. Killing him didn’t stop the pain like I thought it would.”
His chin dropped and his eyes closed. “I spiraled into a dark abyss filled with so much hatred for myself. Fuck, I don’t even know how I managed to survive when all I wanted to do was die. The cage fighting became more dangerous. Huge stakes that included fighting to the death.”
Oh God. No.
He didn’t say anything for a while and I needed that time to absorb everything he’d told me. Tragic. A heart-wrenching and an unimaginable pain that led Deaglan done a path he’s been fighting to get back from ever since.
“What’s worse is that I can’t remember the fighters I killed with my bare hands, Eva. I can’t remember their faces. To me they all looked like one person—me.”
My breath hitched and a choked sob emerged. “Deaglan.”
“Every time I stepped in that cage, I was fighting myself. I killed myself. Over and over again. Until the last time. Until I met my match.”
He peered down at me and gently wiped the tears from my face with the pad of his thumb. I clasped his wrist before he moved away and kissed his palm before slipping my fingers between his.
He squeezed me to him. “Deck got me out. Fuckin’ guy showed up when I was near dead in what would’ve been my last fight. Not sure what he did to get me out of that cage alive, but it wouldn’t have been pretty with a lot of money on the line.”
The marker. Deaglan told me he owed Deck a marker, a debt. That was why.
He continued, “He threw my ass in some fuckin’ basement for six weeks. Nothing to do but rage and pace and threaten anyone who came near me that I’d kill them. But if you’re locked away long enough with fuck all to do except read books they toss you, and not knowing when, if ever, you’ll get out, the dense fog of pain and rage slowly clears. It doesn’t go away completely, but you start to see through it.
“There’s acceptance on the other side. Far from forgiveness, but it was enough to get me out of the basement and find a way to live. And helping the girls, that was part of it. I’d built a name fighting and I used it to protect them. No one would fuck with them when they knew they were linked to me. If any of the girls want out of the business, I help them get out. But it’s their choice, Eva. Always theirs.”
I looked up at him with tears streaming down my face, and my heart lodged in my throat. There were no words to offer that would ease his pain. The word sorry felt wrong because it wasn’t powerful enough.
It explained so much about him. Who he’d become. How protective he was. The shield he wore to keep all of this buried. Why he was controlled and determined in everything he did. He never wanted to lose himself again. He never wanted to love and lose like he had done with his mom.
I looked up at him and our eyes met. His were glassy and swam with unshed tears and tortured memories. “I’d do anything for you, Eva, but I can’t change my past and I can’t change who I am.”
“I never asked you to change, Deaglan. I don’t want you to change. I fell in love with you. With the man your past has made you into. All I wanted was to know what made you into the man I love. For you to trust me with yourself.”
He inhaled a ragged breath, closing his eyes.
And then all the walls crumbled as I gave him all of me. “You don’t pick and choose which pieces of a person you want to love. You love all of them.” I curled my hand around the back of his neck and drew him closer. “And I want all of you. I want all your pieces Deaglan.”
“Mo chroi, fuck, I love you so much.” His mouth crushed mine.
“But, Moooom,” Maddie moaned with a frustrated stomp of her foot. “Bucket wants to. Pleeeassse.” The bundled swaddle in her arms moved and the wide nostril stuck out as the piglet sniffed the air. “See, he’s hungry.”
Charlotte lifted her eyes heavenward as she placed the bowl of hash browns on the table. “What piglet isn’t hungry?” she muttered.
Ally laughed as she folded the napkins on the table. She’d arrived fifteen minutes ago, having surprised us by driving up to spend the weekend. Deaglan wasn’t happy about it and neither was Vic, whom I noticed from the front window was currently leaning inside her car, checking it over.
“He can’t eat breakfast with us, Maddie. Take him out to the barn,” Charlotte said.
Maddie continued to argue with her mom while I came up behind Deaglan and slid my arms around his waist, kissing the back of his neck. “I’m not sure how you’re going to make those look like a dog.” He stood in front of the stove with a spatula in hand as he flipped the pancakes.
He pointed to the two oblong-shaped pancakes. “Ears. The big round one is the head and the small round pancake the muzzle.” He nodded to the plate on the counter next to the stove. “Two blueberries for eyes. A strawberry nose and chocolate chips for the mouth. My mom used to make them for me every Monday morning before school. She said it was to start my week off right.” I smiled, loving that he shared pieces of his mom with me. “I used to make them for Ronan. Even though I hated him following me around, but I guess it was my own way to be close to her.”
“I’d like to meet Ronan one day.”
“You’ll meet him, Eva.”
“And your hot, famous rock star cousin, Kite.”
He grunted. “You’re pushing it, baby.”
I smacked his chest and he chuckled.
Last night, after he told me everything, we’d stayed up talking until the wee hours of the m
orning. Not about anything important, just talking as we held one another. He was leaving to return to the city after breakfast.
I discovered that the retired Navy SEAL guy, Ernie, had been watching the farm for the last five days since Curran went underground. Deaglan said his house was cleared out and his shipping business had been abandoned and there was no movement.
I knew Deaglan was anxious to get back and find Curran.
“Maddie. No,” Charlotte said.
Maddie sighed and walked to the door, cradling Bucket.
I kissed Deaglan’s cheek. “I’ll go with her.”
“No, I’ll go, babe.” He tried to pass me the spatula.
I shook my head. “You finish the pancakes.”
I walked across the room to Maddie and crouched in front of her, tucking back the baby blue blanket so I could see the piglet’s head. “So, Bucket is being bullied again?”
She nodded. “He gets pushed around a lot, and it’s not very nice that they don’t let him eat, too.”
“Maybe we can feed him first, all by himself?”
Her eyes brightened. “Yeah, he’d like that.”
I stood. “We’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Babe,” Deaglan called as I held open the screen door. “Take Vic with you.”
I was going to argue that it wasn’t necessary, but instead I smiled and nodded. “Okay.”
“Here. You can hold him,” Maddie said when we were outside. “But be careful, he wiggles sometimes.” She handed me the swaddle, and I hitched the piglet in the crook of my arm before taking her hand in mine and we walked toward the barn.
“Vic?” I called.
He crouched near the front tire of Ally’s car and reached out to examine something.
He shifted on the balls of his feet to glance over at Maddie and me. He didn’t say anything as his hand continued to feel the underside of the wheel rim.
“Can you come to the barn with us? Deaglan is making panca….” My voice trailed off as his eyes shot back to the tire.
I didn’t know what it was that triggered it, but the hairs on the back of my neck darted to attention at the same time as Vic abruptly stood, his neck twisting to shout at me. “Get down.”
My heart stopped. It was like watching an action movie in slow motion as Vic ran and dove behind Kendra’s car just as Ally’s car exploded.
I dropped Bucket, and my arm hooked Maddie’s waist. I shoved her to the ground and shielded her with my body.
Thick, black smoke filtered into the air as the crackle of metal melted under the heat of the blazing flames.
“Eva,” Deaglan shouted as he tore from the house.
A spray of gunshots echoed, and the ping of splintered wood hit the beam beside his head. He dove for cover. “Fuck.”
Charlotte ran out of the house. “Maddie.”
“No.” Ally grabbed her arm, but she yanked free.
“Charlotte,” I screamed. “No.”
She jumped off the front porch and raced across the yard toward me and Maddie.
I heard the bullets. Saw the divots in the grass behind her.
Vic ran across the yard, and with one swoop of his arm, grabbed her and dove behind the oak tree.
The bullets stopped, but the fire crackled and groaned as black smoke filtered into the air from Ally’s car.
I heard Charlotte fighting Vic and screaming at him to let her go, but the tree blocked them from view.
Vic came out from behind the tree and shot in the direction of where the bullets came from. He looked at me. “Go. Now. The barn,” he ordered. “I’ll cover you.”
I picked up Maddie and ran for the old collapsed barn. A slew of bullets sounded behind me, but I had no idea if they were aimed at me and Maddie or if they were Vic’s bullets.
“Eva. Fuck,” Deaglan shouted.
There was another sharp ping of bullets, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Deaglan jumping off the porch and running across the yard toward us. “Deaglan. No!” I shouted.
He dove behind his car and the windshield cracked like a spider web as bullets hit it.
I yanked open the barn door so hard the rusty hinges gave way. The door fell off the hinges and crashed to the side.
I rushed inside and placed Maddie on her feet. “A hiding spot, Maddie. Where can you hide, sweetie?” It was the unused barn that was partially collapsed, and had no animals in it.
There was a pile of rotting furniture covered in cobwebs and a loft of hay up in the rafters. Shafts of sunlight beamed through the cracks in the planks, illuminating the dust in the air.
Maddie choked on her sob as she stood trembling with tear-stained cheeks.
I squeezed her shoulders. “Maddie, I know this is scary. But we need to find a place for you to hide for a little while?”
“What about Bucket?” she cried.
“He’ll be okay, sweetie.” I wiped the tears from her cheeks with my thumb. “He got scared and ran away. We’ll find him later.”
She nodded, and with my hand clutched in hers, we ran through what remained of the center aisle of the barn.
It was the creak in the boards that warned me we weren’t alone, but it was too late. Maddie’s hand slipped from mine, as what felt like a log beam slammed into my throat and catapulted me backward into a hard, living wall. The beam was an arm and it quickly curled and locked around my neck.
My scream to warn Maddie was silenced from the hit to my throat. But I jabbed my elbow back into my assailant’s abdomen and struggled to get free.
His hold tightened and cut off my air. My fingers clawed at his arm as I peeled at his skin with my fingernails.
“Don’t fuckin’ kill her. She’s mine.”
I gulped in a lungful of air as his grip eased. But sheer panic surfaced when I saw Curran walk out of the shadows with Maddie in front of him. He had one hand over her mouth to keep her quiet and the other holding her quivering shoulder.
“Curran. No,” I cried. “Let her go.”
He scowled. “Keep your voice down, bitch.” His cold, hard voice sent a horde of shivers through me.
“Please, Curran. She’s just a little girl,” I begged.
My gaze flicked to Maddie. Her eyes were wide with terror as she stood in front of him.
“Boss,” the guy holding me said. “There’s movement.”
“Take them both,” Curran said.
My heart slammed into my ribcage. No. I couldn’t let him take her. “You take her, you will have a war on your hands that you can’t win.”
His brows lifted. “I’m already in a fuckin’ war because of you.”
Maddie. God, He couldn’t take Maddie. I knew what Curran was capable of, but what scared me more was what Seth was capable of. “I’ll go with you. I won’t fight you. I’ll do whatever you want.”
There was a slow upward curl of his mouth.
“Boss.” The guy tightened his hold on me as I heard Deaglan’s shout and another round of gunfire.
Curran released Maggie, and she fell to her knees before scrambling back to her feet and running to me. Her body slammed into mine. “Maddie, sweetie. You need to stay here. Okay? Don’t move until Deaglan, Vic, or your mommy comes for you.”
“You’ll stay with me?” She peered up me.
“No, sweetie. I have to go with these men for a little while.” I peeled her reluctant arms from around my waist.
“Aunt Eva,” she cried.
I shook my head. “It’s going to be okay,” I soothed as my captor yanked me away from her.
“Cover us. Now,” Curran barked into his phone, then turned to stride down the aisle into the darkness. My captor gripped my arm as we followed.
I looked over my shoulder at Maddie standing in the middle of the barn crying. She’d be okay. Maddie was safe.
Two guys appeared at the back of the barn where the boards were missing in the wall.
Curran ducked through the hole, followed by his two men.
“Go,” my c
aptor ordered and shoved me forward through the broken boards.
Deaglan. I choked back the tears because I couldn’t break down. Not now.
Curran grabbed a fistful of my hair and jerked my head back. I winced, biting my tongue. “Don’t make me regret my decision, Evangeline. Slow us down and I’m going back for the kid.” He nodded to the tree line three hundred feet in the distance. “Run.”
With my heart breaking and lungs screaming soundlessly, I ran.
“Maddie? Eva?” I shouted barging into the barn with Vic right behind. I didn’t have my gun. It was upstairs in my jacket where I’d left it. But nothing was stopping me from getting to her, and besides, my hands were my weapons.
Maddie stood in the middle of the barn crying. Eva was nowhere to be seen. I rushed to her and fell to my knees in front of her. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and I picked up her trembling body.
“Where’s Eva, honey?”
I didn’t want to scare her anymore than she already was, so I tried to keep the panic from my voice. But inside it was like being pelted with bullets as my eyes continued to scan the darkness with no sign of Eva.
“Ernie,” Vic barked into his phone as he approached us. “Do you see them? Can you follow?”
No. Fuck. No. She couldn’t be gone.
Curran. Seth. He blew up Ally’s car. He must have put a tracking device on her car.
Jesus.
“Maddie,” Charlotte cried as she ran into the barn with Ally right behind.
I placed Maddie on her feet, and Charlotte crashed to her knees and pulled her into her arms.
“Where’s Eva?” Ally asked, but I was already moving through the barn, my eyes on the floorboards as I studied the scuffle of disturbed straw that led toward the back of the barn.
I ran and Vic was right behind me.
My heart dropped when I saw the boards missing in the wall of the barn. I climbed through and stopped.
Nothing. Fuckin’ nothing. We were too late.
“Ernie says there were two snipers.” The distraction. “He killed one and left the other one tied to a tree for us to deal with later.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Did he see where they took her?”
