“Sod off, James! It’s none of your business who I’ve been with!” The nerve of him! “You’re the one that surprised me with the tickets, remember? And the special backstage passes. Tonight was not my idea, it was yours.” There is no way he’s going to blame me for something that isn’t my fault, let alone be jealous about a relationship that ended years ago.
“I wouldn’t have brought you had I known you used to fuck him!” James snaps back viciously.
“How dare you!” I shout, my face heated in defiance. “Take me home, I refuse to discuss this with you.” I turn toward the window and swallow back the lump in my throat. I can’t take the stress, not tonight. A surprise reunion with Adam and now my fiancé wants to fight about it? No thank you.
“El…” James begins.
“You have no right to be upset about anything here. I’m not saying another word to you. Just take me home.”
James pulls in front of my building and starts to speak.
“No,” I interrupt. “I’m so bloody angry at you James, I don’t know if I want to speak to you any time soon. Don’t call me, you’ll hear from me when I’m bloody ready, if I’m ever ready!”
I slam the door in his face and stomp upstairs. I don’t know if I have the courage to leave James. I don’t love him, not like I should. It’s more like I need him, his presence, I’m too much of a coward to be on my own. I’m entirely dependent on James.
When I let myself into my flat, I’m still trying to decide why I’m so upset. Is it because James and I might be over or because I miss Adam so damn much that it hurts? I stare at the obscenely large diamond on my left hand. What do I want? What do I deserve?
Confused and tired, I slip off the ring and put it on top of my jewelry box. I’m too tired to think about this tonight, so I sink into my bed and vow to deal with all of this in the morning.
25
Adam
I take out my phone for the hundredth time this morning to stare at the number on the screen. Gavin got Ellie’s number for me last night like I asked him to, now I need to man up and ring her so I can apologize for my behavior the last time I saw her. Well, she saw me. I don’t remember a fucking thing from that night, but according to everyone I know, I acted like a total bastard.
It’s not as though I didn’t try my best to scrape together enough money to fly home and find her, but between paying Danny to watch out for Callum Murray and the massive expense of living in Los Angeles, I could never manage to get ahead and by the time I could afford the trip, it seemed as if it were too late.
My attempts to get cash by doing some small acting gigs were completely squashed by none other than the now-famous Andrew Forrester. I didn’t even know the prick back then, never even met him, but he sure knew me somehow. Got every studio in town to give me the cold shoulder and I have no fucking clue why. If I ever do meet the guy, It’ll probably cause me a coronary trying to hold back my fists. The only thing that would stop me would be my refusal to disappoint Ellie by becoming just like my loser father.
And Ellie, now that I’ve found her, she’s fucking engaged! I have dreamt about Ellie Palmer so many times over the years that it sometimes feels as if she’s all I think about. Not once, in all of those fantasies, has she ever been engaged. Certainly not to some giant, meathead, arsehole copper. He’s completely wrong for her and she can’t even see it!
Shit!
I loosen my grip on the phone when the edges start to painfully dig into my hand. Taking a deep breath, I stare at the screen, hit send, and close my eyes.
“Hello?”
Nothing comes out when I open my mouth to speak.
“Hello?” Ellie repeats.
I clear my throat and force out the words. “Ellie? It’s Adam.”
Silence.
“Ellie? Are you there? Did you hear me?”
“Yes, I heard you.” Her voice is soft, hesitant. It brings back so many memories.
“Right, well …” Christ, I suck at this. She has me all tangled up in knots and I haven’t even been on the phone with her for a full minute. “I wanted to see you today, if I could. To apologize.” I rush the words out on a shaky exhale.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Adam.” She says the words, but I can hear the lie in them. She wants to see me, and I need to see her, to make her understand that we can have another go at it, that we’re meant for each other.
“Please, El. I’m begging you. Let me buy you lunch, give me a chance to make it right between us.” I hold my breath as I wait for her answer.
A hear a long sigh and I know I’ve won her over. “Okay Adam. Just lunch,” she warns me.
“Brilliant.” I’m so happy that she can probably see my smile through the phone lines. “I’ll send a car for you and we can eat at the hotel restaurant, it’s too hard for me to go out anywhere these days so it’s better to stay here.”
“No car, no driver, Adam. Tell me the name of your hotel and I’ll meet you there.”
“You don’t want me to know where you live. Is that it?” That’s it, isn’t it? She doesn’t want me to have a way to find her if it goes badly. The hiding and disappearing, typical Ellie behavior.
“Adam, if you want to see me then you’re going to have to do it my way.” She sounds tired and sad, possibly on the verge of tears. I don’t want to be the one who makes her sound like that.
“Okay Ellie. I’m at the Warren Hotel. The big one on the Thames, near the park.” I cave, willing to give her whatever she wants to get her to see me. “Room 3203. Come up and we’ll go to the restaurant from there.”
“Alright Adam. I’ll see you in a bit. Is one o’clock okay?”
“Yes, great, perfect. It’s brilliant Ellie. I’ll be waiting.” Christ, could I possibly sound any more idiotic?
“I’ll see you soon.”
The line disconnects and I sit for a moment, trying to decide my best course of action. I waver between falling to my knees, begging Ellie to take me back or shoving her against the wall and having my way with her until she falls back in love with me.
My phone buzzes in my hand, startling me out of my daydream. Crap. More text messages from Dax. His newest pastime is to use the camera feature on his smartphone to take shots of me being stupid, which is often. I open it and see a picture of me with two groupies after a concert, their bits hanging out while they each kiss one of my cheeks.
Lovely.
I quickly pound out a text telling him to sod off. Ellie will be here in a few hours so I have to get my nerves under control by then. A quick shower and shave only occupies thirty minutes, so I pull out my guitar and start writing, putting words to a tune I’ve been playing around with for the last few weeks.
How can I say what I don’t even know
It wasn’t me you saw that night, darkness overwhelmed my soul
Regrets you’re too good for…
I’m useless for much more…
Than loving you. You’re my obsession.
Take my confession. Be my possession.
Made an impression … on me.
I can’t erase you
You’re indelible.
The knock on the door of my suite is so faint, I wouldn’t have heard it had I been playing my guitar any louder. I put it down and scrub my hands down my face, crossing the lounge to the small foyer.
When I pull the door open, all of my anxieties fall away at the sight of my girl. She heals me- her quiet strength, her hauntingly beautiful eyes, the pure innocence that I know will surround me when I embrace her.
“Jesus, El. I’ve missed you so much.” My breath hitches as she steps towards me.
Her eyes tear up and I grab her trembling hands, drawing her to my chest where she belongs. The sweet sigh that she makes as I bury my nose in her golden hair undoes me.
“El…” She snuggles into me further, as if she can’t get close enough. The feel of her body against mine is like coming home again. Finally, everything feels right again, the past five
years of craving a drink in order to cope with the emptiness inside can finally stop now that I have her here.
Ellie seems to forget where she is for a moment, allowing me to hold her in my arms, surrounded by my warmth. At some point, she realizes how intimate our embrace is, because she jerks away and looks at me with her wide blue eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” she starts.
“Shhhhh, It’s alright El. I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.” I try to calm her down as she backs away a few steps, putting space between us. “Come in.” I step aside so she can enter the main area of the suite.
“Thank you, Adam.” Ellie walks into the luxurious lounge, taking in all of the plush furnishings that we wouldn’t dream of having in Hackney. She chooses a soft, ultra suede couch to sit on and lowers herself gracefully.
I take in all of her, her wavy blonde hair is pulled back into a ponytail, softly trailing down her back. She’s wearing a tight pair of black leggings with high black riding boots, and a form-fitting, blue, half-zip jumper that makes her eyes look like sapphires. Gorgeous as she is, she’s not wearing makeup and she certainly doesn’t need any.
I notice that the giant engagement ring is gone from her left hand. Did she leave it off on purpose? Or did she just forget to put it on? I swallow loudly, trying not to let my nerves show.
“Do you want a drink?” I feel completely inadequate in her presence and have no idea what to say.
Ellie shakes her head and looks down at the ground, her dark lashes splayed beautifully against her pale cheek. Her hands twist in her lap, betraying her own anxiety.
I take the seat next to her and lean back with one leg tucked under so I can sit facing her.
“Thank you for coming, El. I … shit. I wanted to apologize for what happened in L.A.” My voice cracks, and I swear, I can feel the tears build up behind my eyes. I drop my head into my hands, fisting my hair, and stare at a tiny hole in my ridiculously expensive distressed jeans.
Fuck! I blink several times to clear out the moisture that threatens to betray me.
“I drank so much that night, I didn’t even know you were there until Kate told me the next day,” I admit, so embarrassed I can’t look at her.
“Adam,” Ellie whispers, “it’s okay. I’m okay now. That was a long time ago. I want you to stop drinking so much, please.”
How humiliating. She’s obviously seen the tabloid articles that love to report each and every one of my drunken mishaps.
Impulsively, she reaches out a hand and she puts it on top of my knee, rubbing gently, the warmth of her touch seeping through my jeans, scorching me under the fabric. Ellie doesn’t care about tabloids or image-control… she cares about me. The real me. One of the only people in my life that ever did.
My gaze flicks up and our eyes connect, caught as if in a trance. All of the blood seems to drain from my body at once, leaving me cold, then recirculates under the frantic pounding of my heart. It heats up every inch of my skin until it’s so sensitive it’s as if I’m on fire.
I have to say something, or else I’ll attack her and tear off her clothes and I’m not sure if that would be entirely welcomed. “So, engaged. To a cop, huh?” I run my hand across the back of my neck nervously.
El blushes a deep scarlet and goes to twist her ring around, then drops her hands uselessly when she remembers it’s not there. Wait, it’s not there. Ellie acts as if she’s embarrassed to have me know that her fiancé exists. “Yeah, he, uh, he saved me once. It was a bad time for me.” She frowns immediately, unhappy that she revealed so much.
Saved her? Bad time?
“What’s that?” I shift closer so I can see her face. She didn’t say she loved him, she said he saved her. There’s a distinct difference, I’m not sure she knows that she said it that way. “How did he save you? Are you okay?” My brows pull together in concern. If someone tried to hurt my Ellie, I’ll kill them.
“I’m fine, Adam.” She brushes a stray lock of hair back from her eyes, still avoiding my stare.
“Tell me, El. You’re lying. I know it. What happened?” I reach out hesitantly, but find the courage to gently take her chin and pull it up so I can see her face.
Her lips quiver slightly, her tiny frame shaking. “My flat was broken into, twice. I came home the second time and he… well, let’s just say that a neighbor called the police and James responded to the call in time to stop him from really hurting me.”
“What?” I shout, dropping my hand from her face and digging my fingers into the edge of the sofa cushion so I won’t stand up and start throwing shit around the room in anger.
Ellie holds her hands up to calm me down, not that it’s working. “It’s over Adam. The guy went to prison and I have a restraining order and everything, plus James is so huge …” she shrugs like that explains everything.
“The same guy broke into your flat twice? And attacked you? What the hell, Ellie!” I’m so upset that the edges of my vision are turning red and hazy. That old feeling is coming back, the one that reminds me that I am indeed my father’s son. It washes over me in a veil of uncontrollable fury.
“Adam! Callum was locked up for it, so he’s…”
“Callum? Callum Murray?” I bellow. My voice is now so loud that Ellie is shrinking back in fear. I jump up from the sofa and pace around the coffee table, clenching my fists into tight balls. “He’s tried to get to you twice, and succeeded once?” I say incredulously. “What did that fucker do, tell me El.” I drop to my knees in front of the sofa and take her face in my hands.
“I didn’t mean for you to know, Adam. I’m sorry.” Her voice is unsteady, she’s clearly on the verge of tears. I take her hands in mine, bringing them up to press small kisses to them. My thumbs make small circles on her wrists. I feel something odd on one of them. A small ridge that wasn’t there before.
She tries to pull back but I hold her wrist out so I can look at it. Ellie scowls when I refuse to release her. What I see makes me gasp. There it is, noticeable enough to see if you’re looking for it, a jagged white scar across her left wrist.
“My God, El. Why? I can’t believe he would… I-I don’t know what to say.” I’ve been sending that bastard brother of mine money all these years, specifically to keep Murray and his friends away from Ellie and he fucking did nothing! My girl was almost killed because of his incompetence. It’s his fault she’s with the cop. She doesn’t love him, but she’s too afraid to be without him. She’s indebted to him.
I get up from my knees and drop heavily on the sofa next to her, watching her through my wet eyes. I’m afraid if I say anything else, I’ll lose what little control I have left over my fragile emotions.
We stare at each other in silence. I watch as her pupils dilate, taking over the bright blue of her iris until only a small sliver remains. When her eyes drop to my mouth, I gulp and part my lips, my heart racing from the familiar way she’s looking at me. I can hear her soft panting, and watch, mesmerized as a beautiful pink color stains her gorgeous high cheekbones.
“El,” I whisper, leaning closer, so close I can feel her feathery breaths on my face. I need to claim her, to reassure myself that she’s safe, alive, and that she’s still mine. I failed her, but I need another chance.
Her hand reaches out to clutch my leg tightly, her fingers dig in and twist the fabric of my jeans. “Adam.” My name slips off of her tongue and sends sparks of desire down my spine.
“Sweetheart.” My endearment is nearly a sob as I’m overcome with emotion. I reach up and slide my hand behind her neck, pulling her to me until our mouths clash together desperately. Six years of loss trying to be mended with one single kiss.
I groan and my cock stiffens uncomfortably as Ellie plunges her tongue into my mouth and tastes every bit of me before retreating so she can suck on my lip. “Jesus, Sweetheart,” I moan against her mouth. She wraps her hands around my neck and I put mine under her tight ass to haul her onto my lap. “Why didn’t you tell me about y
our dad, about Callum? We didn’t have to be apart all this time. I could have protected you…”
Who am I kidding? I’ve been paying to protect her and she still wasn’t safe.
“Don’t,” she whispers. “What’s done is done. I don’t want to think about that time in my life, it was so awful. I, I …”
I silence her by pressing my mouth back down on hers, knowing that the emotions coursing through us can’t be expressed with mere words. I know because I feel it tearing through every fiber in my body, the need to connect with Ellie in every possible way.
All of the nameless, faceless girls I’ve been with in an attempt to purge Ellie from my heart has done absolutely nothing to erase her from my memories. Every sip of alcohol I drank to numb the pain hasn’t dulled it one bit. I’m still so in love with Ellie Palmer that she’s permanently etched her name on my soul.
Ellie groans and shifts to wrap her legs around my waist, our mouths never breaking their precious contact. I’m so thrilled to have her in my arms again that I greedily run my hands over her body, savoring every curve, every smooth bit of exposed skin, threading my fingers through her hair and inhaling her familiar vanilla scent.
“God, what you do to me El.” My breath hitches as I attempt to rein in the desire, no the need to be inside of her right now.
She opens her eyes and gazes into mine, my vision blurred by the tears that still threaten to overflow. When she leans in and kisses each one of my eyelids, taking the salty liquid away with her soft lips, I actually whimper, so overcome with the tenderness of the gesture that I’m speechless.
“I’ve never stopped loving you Adam. Never,” she says softly. “I don’t think I ever will.”
A single tear escapes from my eye, making its way down my cheek. Ellie reaches up to swipe it away but I catch her wrist and press her hand over my racing heart.
“Feel this, what you do to me. You’re still right here, El. You always will be in my heart.”
She slowly removes her hand and reaches for the hem of her jumper, pulling it over her head and tossing it aside. Then she frantically claws at my own shirt, so impatient to rid me of it that she doesn’t wait for me to help. Once it’s gone, I reach around and unclasp her bra, desperately needing to feel her skin against mine. Bare from the waist up, I stand with Ellie clinging to me tightly, her arms around my neck and her legs around my hips, and I take us to the bedroom.
The Complete Rockstar Series Page 16
