MATCHMAKING MYTHS AND LEGENDS: A CAT DADDY Q&A
Misconceptions abound at the prospect of expanding the family unit to include another cat or two. Let’s address a few:
If I have a twelve-year-old female cat, should I get a kitten so she will mother him?
As always with questions like this, I have to err on the side of generalization. That said, if you’ve got a double-digit cat at home, please don’t bring home a kitten. It’s usually a bad match, energy-wise, given how superenergetic and hyper kittens tend to be. Then, as they enter the teenage phase (at around six months), they take what they learn and push buttons to see what kind of response they’ll get. Older cats are usually not amused by this.
Also, a younger cat may pursue an older one in “play”—but it’s not play to the older cat. As with the majority of humans, animals get to a certain age when they will want to take the path of least resistance. A kitten represents the most resistance to their day-to-day life this side of . . . well, a puppy. Or a baby. You get the idea.
I believe the maternal ideal is, for the most part, more about human projection than reality. That is to say, it’s not something that your cat spends her days pining about. So, all of these factors lead to a fairly safe conclusion: a kitten will not bring out the “mothering” instinct in your older cat, and will more likely drive her crazy.
If you’ve already introduced a kitten to your senior cat and it’s not going well—or if such a pairing is otherwise imminent—see chapter 14.
What about two kittens with an older cat?
That’s a better scenario, as the kittens will at least entertain each other, and this gives them a great leg up in terms of their social development. Although this situation is less of a potential headache for the senior cat, it’s still not the most optimal arrangement for him.
Should I bring home a female or male? An adult or a kitten?
I don’t believe that it serves the matchmaking process to look for someone based on their being a six-year-old male, for instance. In my experience, I’ve found that these kinds of age/gender parameters are simply too broad, not to mention that they limit your ability to make a connection with a cat who falls outside of those parameters once you get to the shelter. Also, at least when it comes to gender, the fact is that most cats are neutered at an early age, so the effects of hormones and sex on cat relationships are nominal. Instead, I’m a big believer in considering more big-picture aspects of compatibility, which we’ll be discussing in a moment.
I have an FIV+ cat. Can I adopt a cat who is not FIV+?
We are thankfully entering the age of enlightenment when it comes to FIV (Feline Immunodeficiency Virus). In the shelter world, we are, for the most part, abandoning the outdated idea that FIV cats should be kept segregated from noninfected cats both in the shelter and also when placed with a family.
FIV+ and FIV– cats can live together beautifully. There’s not a problem, except if the FIV+ cat is very cat aggressive. That’s when the line has to be drawn, because a deep bite wound is more likely than anything else to transmit the virus from cat to cat. Casual touching, and sharing food dishes and litterboxes are not an issue.
I have a declawed cat. Can I adopt a cat who is not declawed?
You don’t need to feel too sorry in the defense department for your declawed cat. My experience teaches me that because his first line of defense is no longer available, his teeth are twice as fast as your clawed cat’s, so whatever your clawed cat can do with her claws, your declawed cat will do with his teeth in the event of a conflict.
Also, the majority of declawed cats are not declawed on all four paws. In a fight, most damage will be inflicted not with the front claws, but with the back claws. That’s where all the strength and the rabbit kicking comes from. That’s what will eviscerate, and not just scratch.
All of this said, fighting should be at the bottom of your “top concerns” list once you do your due diligence in the matchmaking department. So, rather than thinking in terms of claws or no claws, the bottom line is—if you keep your clawed cat’s nails trimmed, your declawed cat will take care of himself. And if you haven’t yet declawed your cat . . . DON’T.
What role should selecting an alpha cat vs. a nonalpha cat play in adopting a new cat?
While we are still working to more fully understand the complexities in relationships between cats, I believe the ideas of alpha, dominance, and hierarchy actually damage our perceptions of cat relationships.
Many insist on throwing this pack mentality onto cats. However, taking what we know about cat relationships, we need to make empathetic, educated guesses, and then we run with it. As mentioned in chapter 5, this “alpha” status thing is not something I would advise trying to factor in to any criteria for whom you might adopt.
CHOOSING THAT NEW CAT
Okay, so you’re in a position to pick out a new cat and you already have one at home. Now that we’ve gotten some of the more popular “myths and legends” out of the way, whom do I recommend you adopt?
In my opinion, the main criterion to factor in to matchmaking is to match cats by energy level. Even the cat’s history should have less of an impact on your decision. I’d say that the first thing to do before even going to the shelter is to think about what personality type best complements your cat’s.
For example, if your cat is five years old and a total Dennis the Menace, getting into trouble, wanting to play all the time, then you wouldn’t want to bring home Mr. Wilson, who is more set in his ways and sedentary. A real Wallflower also wouldn’t be the best match. Instead, it’s a better bet to match his playful energy. So if you’re looking at a colony-type room in the shelter, observe who the first cats are to come to the door. That’s a good starting point, match-wise.
Now, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with using this moment as an opportunity to expand your cat’s comfort zone (and, thus, her horizons). But if you have a shy cat, you don’t want that Dennis the Menace because he’ll fray her nerves by trying to engage her constantly. However, finding a not-so-Dennis but still socially attentive cat can serve as a “social bridge” and help push your cat forward.
In general, you should try to complement rather than bring home a carbon copy. At the end of the day, the techniques of personality matching and introduction—which we’ll cover in a moment—are key to the whole process.
KEEPING YOUR PERSONAL PREFERENCES IN CHECK
In my experience, matching cat to cat in a vacuum seldom happens—the “human expectations factor” usually sneaks in. What often happens in this selection journey is that, instead of keeping an eye on being present in the process and staying focused on what’s best for all, you decide “I want a long-haired black cat.” Or perhaps you’ve recently lost a loved cat and are working through your grief, so you go in looking for someone who either looks or acts like him. Then you go to the shelter and that is who you zoom in on, even though he could be absolutely the wrong match for your other cat—who, in the end, should be the focus of your search.
There are also expectations to be managed. A lot of my past clients considered it a failure if their cats didn’t snuggle together and act like best friends. Actually, at least at the outset, you’re looking for them to simply tolerate each other. Right now, I don’t have any cats in my home who snuggle, and that includes littermates. And that’s okay. Everything is peaceful, and for someone who deals with cat conflicts all the time, that goes a long way. It’s just about adjusting your expectations of what that relationship will look like.
WHEN A CAT CHOOSES YOU: THE DESTINY FACTOR
Sometimes the best matchmaking happens when you’re not trying to make a match.
You might be in a place where you’re adamant about not adding another cat to the family, and a cat shows up on your front porch. The cat happens to be in the right place at the right time, the clouds part, and you realize that, as
much as you would rather not deal with the responsibility, aggravation, and potential upheaval of adding to your current mix, this cat somehow seems destined to be in your life. So be it. There’s something to be said for being open and available to the prospect of this happening. It’s not always a smooth transition, but in the end, it’s a beautiful thing.
Cat Daddy Rant: Single Kitten Adoptions
If you have the choice of bringing home two kittens or one, for the sake of the kittens, bring home two. Having a feline friend is better for them and better for you, and, as counterintuitive as it may seem, I guarantee they will be less work!
The cat’s social world is based around family. Dr. Sharon Crowell-Davis’s studies of feral cat colonies have demonstrated that their social lives are much more complex than anyone had given them credit for. The assumption that cats were asocial led scientists to completely neglect studying how cats interact with each other for years, and has led us to commonly segregate kittens from other cats as an adoption norm. People come to the shelter saying “I’m here to get a kitten,” so there’s never even a conversation about adopting two kittens together.
Dr. Crowell-Davis further suggests that when kittens are removed from their litter, it deprives them of the ability to learn to be socially competent adult cats. Cats are social learners! Kittens learn from their peers—how to hunt, how to play, and how to interact with other cats.
I’m not saying that if circumstances dropped a single kitten in your lap, then that cat is behaviorally doomed; there are plenty of “singletons” I’ve met later in their life who turned out just fine. I am, however, saying that if you are in a position of picking kittens from a litter, you should pick at least two . . . and that if it were my animal shelter—well, you just wouldn’t have a choice.
COMING HOME: THE STEP-BY-STEP CAT-TO-CAT INTRODUCTION PROCESS
I think that the old common wisdom of introducing cats by “letting them work it out” is not only a recipe for disaster, but feeds the belief that cats are solitary creatures who are better left that way. Does it work sometimes? Sure, but it’s cat Russian Roulette; when it doesn’t work, you are triggering the territorial panic switch in your existing cat. Which means the Raw Cat senses a full-on invasion. Which means war.
You’ll see in these steps that slow and steady wins the race. Not only are we trying to minimize risks, preventing a long-term lack of trust between the cats, but we also go slow to make better friends!
Here is a time-tested recipe for successful integration that I’ve seen in action hundreds of times. Follow this step-by-step process to a T, and it will give you your best chance for a smooth integration.
Step One: Proactive Preparation
Before you bring your new cat home, there are some fundamental steps to accomplish that will give you a significant leg up on the process:
No More Free Feeding: As suggested in chapter 3, make sure you have switched your existing cat over to a routine of meal feeding, rather than free feeding her. As you know by now, this concept is foundational to my approach, and nowhere is it more important than during the introduction process, as we’ll discuss in a moment.
Proactive Catification: Here is where we will customize and integrate some key Catification ideas from chapter 8.
“Childproofing”: Using this term can help you zoom right into what the term “proactive Catification” is all about. Before bringing home a new baby, you probably will have thought a few steps ahead to when he or she is more mobile and heading into the world of potential booby traps. Initially your new cat family member will be sequestered, but it’s never too early to cat-proof. One difference, though: preventive measures for a solo cat might concentrate more heavily on child locks on cabinets, burner and knob covers on the stove, etc. Of course that should be done regardless, but for integration, things like blocking off the Unders is more of a priority. If you’ve ever tried to break up a cat fight under a bed, you’ll know exactly why this is so important! Review some of the Catification ideas in chapter 8 so you can better childproof with your new addition in mind.
Territorial Diversity: The way cats perceive territory is floor to ceiling, 360 degrees. If you have the choice, you want to bring a new cat to a home where the “top is popped.” You’ve made it as territorially diverse as possible, so that when the cats do come into contact, it can be done at a safe distance, with each cat finding his or her Confident Where. Therefore, when you’re Catifying for a new arrival, you want to make sure you’re building the bare bones—a territorial skeleton, if you will—where you’re giving equal emphasis to different spots on the vertical axis. This is because you don’t know who this new cat’s going to be, but you want to give her the ability to find her Confident Where somewhere, giving you the ability to build out her surroundings as you get to know her better.
Urban Planning in Action: Speaking of the Confident Where (and the territorial skeleton), introduction time is prime time to make sure you maximize traffic flow, which will, in turn, decrease the conflict that can come with traffic jams. A Cat Superhighway around the most crucial social space—usually the living room or the bedroom—is a key element because multiple lanes of traffic, with various on- and off-ramps, provide vertical breathing room. Tunnels and cocoons on the floor, along with litterbox placement that prevents ambush and doesn’t create dead ends, give you better traffic flow on the horizontal axis. Don’t forget about cat trees placed strategically in the windows, with different levels on them! Urban planning maximizes the potential for discovery, time-sharing, and space-sharing required for cats to get to know each other, and makes the whole transitional period as noncompetitive as possible.
Cat Daddy Dictionary: Cat Chess
Cat Chess is a cat’s strategic approach to the environment. Cats will look for vantage points from which they can gather information about the surroundings. For example, corners and dead ends are important for cats to know about, so they can trap their prey, or avoid being trapped.
Cats are always planning three steps ahead: what will my opponent do and how will I react? It is essentially based around the eternal question of how do they hunt and kill without being hunted and killed? It’s fight or flight, as equally honed skills. It’s a game with high stakes (maybe even life or death).
Cat Chess can play out in homes between cats. In an antagonistic, Napoleon/Wallflower relationship, it looks like a game of cat and mouse, of predator and prey. The aggressor cat surveys her field of vision within a certain part of the territory like a chessboard, looking to checkmate her victim at any opportunity. Great hunters plan ahead, predicting their opponents’ moves, cutting off angles and escape routes. In the end, they leave the scene unscathed and move on in search of their next pawn.
Our job is to join the game, to become the chess master over the other players. The best way to do this is first to use your Mojo Map to ascertain the patterns and routes. Once this is done, then Catification is the tool that beats Cat Chess as obstacles are removed, multiple lanes created, and, ultimately, enough extra territory created that checkmate is virtually impossible.
Step Two: Base Camp and the Mandatory Isolation Phase
Although this part of the process might seem a bit lengthy and involved, remember: you have only one chance to make a first impression, right? That said . . .
No Peeking: One of the hallmarks of this integration method is that the new cat and the resident will not initially lay eyes on each other. This is a non-negotiable. Ignore this part of the introduction process at your own peril!
Set Up Base Camp: Decide where you’re going to set up base camp for the new cat. This could be the master or a spare bedroom, an office, or even the bathroom when there is no other option. As long as the human scent is strong, it will help the cat establish a sense of home by comingling scents. See chapter 8 for a refresher on base camp.
Now comes that wonderful, exciting moment. . . . It�
�s time to bring your new cat home! Make sure your resident cat is temporarily tucked away in a back bedroom or someplace where he will not see you bringing your new cat into the house, then proceed directly to the new base camp. Get your new cat settled in as best as you can, keeping in mind that anything you can bring along from the shelter or his foster home that has his scent on it—bedding, blanket, toys, etc.—is a high-value bonus for his comfort and acclimation process.
THE NITTY GRITTY
Now that we have everything set up and ready to roll, let’s get down to the business of getting your cats to meet each other. Steps 3 through 7 can be performed at whatever pace is necessary for your situation. Let’s go!
Step Three: The “Other Side of the Door” Feeding Ritual
In the feline world of highly attuned senses, introducing the cats one sense at a time is the most nonthreatening way to do it, starting with their infamous sense of smell. This feeding ritual, which is all about creating a positive association between the newcomer and the resident cat, has evolved over the years, but by and large has always worked for me. What’s involved? Very simply, mealtime will consist of bowls set up on either side of a closed door. These bowls should start out far enough apart so the cats will walk up, eat, and walk away without incident, but close enough that they sense there’s another cat on the other side of the door. From there, we gradually move the bowls closer. Here’s how it works:
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