by Jeannie Lin
“Wait.”
He blocked her in one smooth motion as she turned to the door. It wasn’t difficult considering the size of the chamber.
“I bought wine,” he said. “To celebrate. Xifeng wine. I had to haggle with the merchant for nearly an hour so you have to drink it with me.”
She laughed. It had been a long time since she laughed. What did she have to fear? For the first time in her life she could choose what she’d do next. Cheng watched her intently. She reached out her hand and rested it against him. Only her fingertips grazed his chest.
Like all of the scholars that streamed in and out of the city, Cheng would be gone soon from the shifting world of the North Hamlet. The same world she wanted to leave behind. They were walking the same path for this one moment in time only. She didn’t want to be grey and withered, holding on to a remnant of a memory she’d never pursued.
Her fingers curled into the front of Cheng’s tunic to draw him closer. She hadn’t really thought him handsome at first. His features were unrefined and rugged, yet in his eyes she could see a depth of humor and a sincerity that compelled her.
“How much did you pay for that wine?” she asked.
His mouth was close. Heated breath caressed her lips when he spoke. “Three coppers. All I had left.”
His gaze darkened with the same hunger she’d seen the night before. The same hunger had plagued her all day.
“You made a good bargain,” she murmured.
Cheng took her mouth. She let him.
Xue Lin was mistaken about the signs of desire in her pillow book. They all happened at once. Heart pounding, beads of perspiration, throat parched. Heat, so much heat, inside and out.
The room blurred in a swirl of light as her feet left the floor and Cheng swung her into his arms. He set her onto the bed, his eyes on her the entire time. She didn’t need any wine. She was already dizzy and floating.
“I should recite you something poetic,” Cheng said.
“Why?”
“To woo you.”
He captured her earlobe in his lips, teeth scraping tenderly. A shiver ran through her and her heart ached.
“Later,” she replied.
The sound of his laughter resonated deep to the very core of her. They could be equals in this, at least for a night. She wasn’t in a hurry, despite her reply. The heat inside her was a steady burn, cultivated throughout the day. The events of this life were so fleeting in and of themselves. She didn’t want to rush this moment.
She curled into his lap. Cheng’s arms cradled her close and she bent her head to press her lips against his throat. Every detail about Cheng fascinated her. The contours of his neck and shoulder. The texture of his skin and how his pulse throbbed just beneath it.
He slipped the robe from her shoulders. His fingers grazed over her throat, sending a shudder down her spine. They were coarse, not pampered scholar’s hands at all. She’d imagined them all day. Broad and confident, holding her.
His hands molded themselves to her body, curving down her back. Slowly, as if this exploration was enough. The sweep of his touch pushed the robe down to pool around her waist. The sense of being cared for overwhelmed her. Nothing ill could happen in his embrace.
He’d found the ties at the back of her bodice. Quicker now, as he pulled at the laces that held the silk cloth that covered her breasts. His breathing deepened as she was revealed to him. For a moment, he did nothing but take her in with his eyes. Heat rose up her neck.
Beauty was prized within the entertainment district. She was surrounded by distinguished courtesans; graceful flowers who enchanted all who looked upon them. She always paled against their glory, but Cheng looked at her as if she wasn’t gaunt and inelegant. In his eyes, she was soft-curved and golden. Her small breasts and reed-thin limbs became something to treasure.
She reached for his sash. She needed something to do to tame the dangerous pounding of her heart. His robe opened down the centre. The swath of muscled torso made her breath catch. He helped her pull the linen free of his arms and then he was bared before her. Magnificent. She’d had lovers before. She would never be able to remember them from this point forward.
They came together, impatient now. He lowered her to the bed. Or was it she that pulled him over her, needing his pressure and weight above her? The opposites were one and the same.
They shed the rest of their clothing with a rough urgency. Cheng raised himself momentarily to pull away his trousers, and cool air washed over her in his absence. But soon he was back to hold her. She ran her tongue along the edge of his collarbone. She’d never done such a thing. He pressed his face into the curve of her neck, his groan a low rumble of pleasure. His organ grew thick against her hip.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said. “My Rose.”
She cradled her hand over the back of his head and threaded her fingers lightly into his hair. He was burning. For her. Calling her by a name that wasn’t even her own.
Without warning, her eyes grew hot and her chest tightened unbearably. The stinging sensation at the bridge of her nose startled her, as did the flood of implacable emotion.
“Rose? Are you all right?”
She’d gone still. She was filled with both hope and sadness, when there should have been nothing but eager desire. Cheng could sense every nuance of her body, pressed as close as they were. He started to raise himself to look at her, but she couldn’t allow that. Her face would show too much. She grasped him tighter. Her breasts flattened against his chest.
She kissed him hard, passionately, desperately. Willing him to continue. The tension remained in him, hanging on the unanswered question, but she dug her hands into his back and ground her hips against him.
All hesitation melted away.
This time when he lifted his head, it was to take her breast into his mouth. His tongue circled her nipple, a liquid abrasion, and her back arched in a shock of desire. At the same time, his hand strayed downward to dip gently between her thighs. Roughened fingers against smooth flesh. The ripple of sensation curled her toes until she cried out.
Yes. Let their bodies persuade one another. For a moment, she’d allowed herself to think of the impossible. To yearn for permanence in this floating world. It had frightened her and Cheng had sensed it, without knowing what it was. This room, this moment, were all passing things.
Cheng shifted above her. This was a primal language without words. He was ready. There could be no more waiting. She was ready too. A moment of anticipation as he placed himself against her. A pause in time, and then it began.
He pushed himself into her, willing her to take him in. So much growing pressure until she couldn’t bear it. She swallowed and curved her arms around him, her legs around him, as he moved in her, taking her breath. Taking everything.
He lifted and thrust forward again. Pushing the pleasure so deep that it radiated through every part of her. Amidst the storm, they kissed; his mouth on her mouth, his hand on her breast. Joined completely down below. Touching as much as they could, in every way possible.
She closed her eyes. An image from the pillow book came to her of two lovers clutched together. She became the woman, her entire body lost to ecstasy. Cheng tensed above her. His movements became short and focused. Her body gripped his in fervent pleasure. This moment was fleeting, but this act was eternal.
And then her mind went black, and there was nothing but heat, urgency, ecstasy. The rest of it had no words. Their coupling seared away everything else.
She clutched Cheng tighter as the climax rushed over her. Then she opened her eyes to watch greedily as Cheng reached his peak.
They lay still, heartbeats gradually slowing. Cheng twined his fingers lazily through hers. Her body still throbbed with the low echoes of their joining and she could hear music playing faintly from outside.
Chapter Four
“Don’t you have to wake up early tomorrow for your exams?” Rose asked him.
They faced each other, l
ying side by side. The bed was too small for them to share it without being intertwined. Her bare leg stretched languidly over his as she pointed her toe to tease his foot. The blankets were in a tangle between them.
Cheng grinned. “There are exams tomorrow?”
He could climb Mount Tai with the energy circling through him.
Rose shifted to meet him eye to eye. Her outer robe fell slightly away, gracing him with the topmost curve of one breast. Just a hint of smooth skin and feminine softness before being hidden again behind maddening folds of silk. She’d draped the garment over her shoulders as the evening chill set in. If he could afford coal to heat the room, he might have convinced her to remain naked beside him. The small luxuries money could buy.
She swatted him lightly across this chest. “Men are so easily distracted.”
“But you’re particularly distracting.”
“Shameless charmer,” she accused.
He could see the hint of a smile before she ducked her face into the crook of her arm. There was so much more to her than she revealed. Rose liked his compliments, but refused to admit it. The only time she hadn’t hidden behind barbs or insults or a small show of bullying was when they’d made love, though she had bitten his shoulder rather cruelly at one point during their second time. He hadn’t minded.
Aimless conversation had taken them into the later stretches of the night. Rose spoke about the exotic trinkets they sold in the East Market and the well-tended parks of Changan. The ponds were filled with fish released from the market. Released from captivity into a larger prison, according to Rose.
He, in turn, told her of his province: the terraced farms with rows of millet and rice. About jade-green dragonflies that hovered over the harvest and how excited young boys would catch and tether them onto silk strings. He felt like an excited boy himself beside her. The imperial exam was as far away as the kingdom of Zhao.
“I’ve seen students rushing to the exam hall with books held open, still reading,” she said. “There’s nothing left for you to study?”
He ran a hand over the cinch of her waist and down to the rise of her hip. “Nothing more worthwhile than this.”
“You’re very confident all of a sudden.”
“I have reason to be.”
She smirked. “Because of one essay?”
He ran his gaze over her face, then slowly down to the very tips of her toes which were painted red. Women held so many pleasant little secrets.
“Because I sense there’s nothing the heavens would deny me today.”
She snorted.
“Master Sun says, ‘Be assured of your success and you will not fail’,” he quoted.
“Modesty is attended with profit, arrogance brings on destruction,” she countered.
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
She wound a lock of his hair around her fingers and tugged playfully. “I see you go to your exams properly armed with a hundred proverbs.”
“A thousand,” he corrected. “And I must have read ten thousand books.”
“And traveled ten thousand li.” Rose laughed as she completed the saying.
As much as Cheng liked her laugh, Old Man Doubt was back upon him. The exchange of proverbs brought back all the sayings and all the books he’d tried to absorb. He couldn’t chase the anxiety back with wine, or even with Rose. The favoured sons of noblemen had the leisure of spending years and years taking and retaking the exams. Without a good name or wealth to shelter him, he had nothing to rely on but his own abilities. This was his last chance.
“I must be ready.” He rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. “There’s nothing left I can do to prepare.”
He let his voice fall away, along with his swagger. Fear and uncertainty poured inside in its place. So many others were counting on him. If his name wasn’t called out, he’d have no choice but to go home in shame.
Rose leaned over, her expression no longer taunting. “I’m sure you’ll pass this time.”
He shrugged and made a sound that meant nothing. Such empty encouragement was meant to puff his chest out with pride, but Rose didn’t need to stoop to such flattery for him. It wasn’t like her.
“No,” she insisted. She placed her palm flat against his chest. “You will pass.”
Her large eyes held onto him while his heartbeat thudded against her fingertips. He’d hidden so much of himself behind courtesy in an effort to become civilized. At every step, he walked in fear of revealing himself as a rough-mannered country lout. Yet Rose wasn’t afraid of anything. She went after what she wanted without doubt and without apology.
She wasn’t gracing him with empty words as a courtesan might. She was trying to give him a touch of that same stubborn determination.
He had to kiss her. He had to do something to seal this moment, but he was at a loss. Even a kiss seemed too insignificant.
Slowly his hand closed over hers. “Rose?”
Her voice came out as barely a breath. “Yes?”
“You’ve never played anything for me.”
She frowned, pretty lips pouted together.
“Play something.”
“Now? Here?” She looked about the room.
He smiled and went to the corner, returning with Rose’s instrument. “A song to inspire me.”
“But it’s nighttime,” she protested.
“Which is the same as daytime in the North Hamlet,” he insisted. The apartments around them were likely still empty during the prime drinking hours of the night. Not that it mattered. The entire world was contained within his chamber tonight; everything he could ever need or want.
He placed the instrument into her waiting hands and reclined back on the opposite edge of the bed to watch. Rose took the tortoiseshell pick in hand and settled the pipa across her lap. She cradled the long wooden neck against her palm and positioned her fingers over the silk strings. Her black hair fell in a fan over one shoulder as she bent over the instrument.
Propped on one elbow, Cheng settled in to listen. Rose bestowed him an indulgent look before striking the first notes with the tips of her nails. She chose a song in the lyrical style. Sound flowed from the instrument; at first rapid and bold, then hesitant, like the unpredictable rhythm of falling rain. And just as clean and pure. Just as seductive.
He’d expected Rose to be technically skilled. He recognized her familiarity with the instrument and the thoughtful way she positioned her hands. Each elegant movement had been crafted and perfected, but the unbidden sensuality that emerged stunned him. His pulse absorbed the song and his breathing slowed. The music slipped inside him, swimming warm through his veins like liquor.
He clapped his hands together as the last note faded. “That was wonderful!”
Rose bowed her head slightly, her hair falling over her eyes in a gesture so demure that he was certain she was still performing.
“Another song,” he insisted.
Her eyes were deep and mysterious. Her robe parted enticingly to reveal the pale skin of her throat. She shook her head.
“Please.”
“You’d have to pay me and I know you have no cash left.”
“Once I pass the imperial exams, I’ll have you play for me every night.”
Rose grew very still all of a sudden. With stiff movements, she turned to place the pipa by the side of the bed, her face purposely angled away.
“Rose?”
“Once you pass, you can host a great celebration banquet and invite any musician you wish.” She made a move as if to rise. He had to reach across the bed to take hold of her arm.
“Rose, wait,” he implored, as gently as he could.
“It’s rather late.” Her voice sounded muted.
Rose’s back presented an impenetrable wall. He could make out the rise of her shoulder blades beneath the silk.
“I’ve said something wrong.” What had he done to ruin things? Just moments earlier, they’d been h
appy together. At least he’d thought so.
“You need to sleep, oh brilliant scholar,” she said in a tone that was meant to be light.
“But we haven’t even had the wine,” he said in a tone that wasn’t meant to be desperate.
“Save it to celebrate after the exams.”
“Please stay. We’ll sleep, just…just stay.”
He soothed his hand down her back. Anything to heal the rift. Rose answered by lowering herself back onto the bed, still never looking directly at him. He left her that barrier as he folded himself in behind her. His arm found her waist. Her body only conceded after a pause, curving back to fit against him.
Carefully, he brushed her hair back from her neck, making a place for his head beside hers. They lay together in silence and he could hardly believe that only moments earlier there had been music in the room. And laughter shortly before that.
“I didn’t know you could play with such emotion,” he said.
His lips caressed the spot behind her ear. He wanted to show her he wasn’t just a country oaf. Rose had become as fragile as a paper doll in his arms.
“There’s nothing emotional about it,” she said. “I just practise. Practise all the time, until my fingers bleed.”
She sounded distant and he didn’t want to argue, but he remembered how her song had filled him. It had to move her the same way. Or maybe he was being one of those overly romantic scholars. He could hear Rose laughing at him over that.
Yet he was certain she’d poured herself into that song. There was no bitterness or cynicism there. For a moment she had opened herself up to him. It was hard to imagine that Rose could be fragile beneath her hard exterior. He closed his eyes and held her until she was asleep.
Jia woke with one half of her exposed to chilled air. The other half was pressed up against a large, warm mass of muscle from which an elbow protruded to dig into her side. Her hands were clutched onto the edge of the wool blanket in what was clearly a losing battle.
The dark of the room and the strangeness of the surroundings pressed down on her. The world outside was quiet which meant it was still early. The streets of Changan hadn’t yet woken. She lay still, one arm warm and one arm cold, while she listened to the steady rumble of Cheng’s breathing.
