by Meg Ripley
“Right. We have enough trouble trying to keep the environment in its original state in these parts.”
“Yeah. Then you get idiots with loud airboats driving all through the waterways, disturbing everything.” I shook my head. Whatever had happened with Aiden didn’t change the fact that the airboat tours really weren’t doing much to keep the natural environment as it was.
He laughed. “You’ve had the pleasure of meeting the Harveys.”
“I wouldn’t say it was much of a pleasure.”
“Yeah. I heard.”
I gave him a surprised look. He heard what, exactly?
“A friend of mine saw you talking to Aiden the other day.”
His friends knew who I was? That seemed a little strange. ‘Why’ kept coming to my mind. Did he talk about me? Have photos of me somewhere? That could be a good sign.
“He invited me and my friends to a party,” I said. “It wasn’t really my kind of thing.”
“Probably for the best. They aren’t known for being the most…upstanding? They cause us some trouble. And I’ll be honest, I was concerned when I heard you were dating him.”
“Whoa.” I held up my hands, my face growing hot. “I don’t know what your friend told you, but I’m certainly not dating him. He invited us to the party and we went. I talked to him while we were there, and that’s about it.”
“That’s all I meant,” he said. “Those parties get shut down all the time. Aiden is…”
“A complete asshole?”
He laughed again. “Something like that.”
“You know what’s weird? Besides the fact that he tried to kiss me when I gave him no indication that I wanted him to? He asked about you.”
Owen drew his eyebrows together and stood up straighter. “He asked about me?”
“If I knew you. He said you didn’t like his family being in the park and they weren’t accepted here or something. He wanted to know about some guy named Ezra who’s a friend of yours, he asked if I’d seen you and said you were a jerk.”
His eyes narrowed. “What did he ask about Ezra?”
“Just if I knew him. He wanted to know where you lived. Oh, and he asked if I knew Noah, too.”
“Really.”
This did not seem to make him happy, and I couldn’t blame him. If someone I didn’t like was asking around about my family and friends, I’d be bothered, too.
“How is your brother, anyway?” I asked.
“Doing well. Just got married.”
“Little Noah?” I shook my head. I sure didn’t think Owen’s little brother would be married before I was.
“Yup. Do you remember Tori who was in his class?”
“Mmm, maybe?”
“Really long black hair? Was a cheerleader?”
“I think so.”
“Well, anyhow,” he said, “she’s my sister-in-law now.”
“Nice. Good for them.”
Awkward silence again.
“So, what’s the deal with Aiden?” I asked. “Is he trying to start something with you?”
“I’m not sure, but I hope not. I would just ask—I know I don’t have any right to—but please stay away from him. For your own sake. I know I might come off like a jealous ex-boyfriend or something, and I wanted a way to say something without sounding like that, but I really just want what’s best for you. And I know too much about him; I don’t want to see him hurt you.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. I want nothing to do with that guy. I already blocked his number on my phone.”
“Good.”
“You were going to say something about me going out with him?”
“Uh.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I considered it. But I figured it wasn’t my place.”
“We’re still friends. Aren’t we?”
“Sure. I’d like to be.”
“And friends look out for each other.”
He nodded. “That they do.”
“So, as a friend, since we’re friends now, I was wondering how things are going for you. Did you find a special lady, too?”
“Nope.”
“I guess you know I’m single. I dated someone for about a year in college, but that turned out to be a nightmare.”
“Sorry to hear that. I hoped you would find happiness; a good man to love you like you deserve. Someone to marry and have kids with, to grow old with.”
I chuckled. “I always thought that would be you. Maybe I’m just not meant to be married.”
“Don’t say that. Of course you are—I mean, if that’s what you want. I don’t think I’ll ever marry, but I want you to have everything you want.”
“Is that it?” I asked. It seemed like the perfect—maybe my only—opening to finally ask. “Is that why you ended things between us? You never wanted to get married and you thought I did?”
He put his elbows on the railing and rested his chin in his hands, thinking. “No,” he said after a long while. “Not entirely. I thought we’d be married once, too.”
He had a far off look in his eyes and stood back up, looking past me into the woods. I waited, wanting to hear more.
“I just thought with us being at schools so far away, that it would be too difficult. I didn’t want to hold you back. I thought you’d find someone in college and fall madly in love.”
I swallowed hard, my throat thickening despite myself. “I did,” I whispered. “I fell madly in love with you. All I wanted was for us to have a happy life together.”
“How many people actually marry their high school sweethearts? I didn’t want you to feel trapped like I have at times.”
“You felt trapped in our relationship?”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I’ve felt trapped, yes. Not by you. Just by…life, I guess. By my family. We all have things expected of us. Sometimes it’s more than we’d like to have to bear.”
“I didn’t feel like I was trapped with you. I wanted to tie myself to you in every way possible. You were my first love. My first…everything. My…only love.”
It took several long seconds before he would meet my eyes. When he did, his expression looked pained. A tear ran down my cheek and I swiped it away.
“I wish I could say I was over you, Owen, but I’m not. You asked earlier why I was really here. That was it. Closure, is what my friends are calling it. I just wanted to know if the distance was the real reason you ended things. The only reason. Because if that was the only reason, and if we’re both still single, and now we’re closer and maybe it’s not a reason anymore, then…”
“Addie,” he whispered.
His expression looked conflicted. I couldn’t remember ever seeing him look so troubled, except for when he broke up with me. This was the exact face he’d made then, too. Right before he told me he could never see me again. I expected him to say the same now.
He took a step closer and reached out to take my hands in his.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you. Believe me when I say it was the last thing I wanted to do. I did what I had to do, but there isn’t a day I don’t regret it and miss you.”
I fell into his arms, letting the tears flow freely down my cheeks. It was everything I ever wanted to hear him say. I looked into his eyes and made my move, leaning forward until our lips touched.
When our mouths met, it was like none of the last four years had happened. We fell immediately into the same familiar pattern of moving our lips together, his hand at the back of my neck, my hands rubbing his back.
This was how things should be. Everything felt right in the world as I kissed him. I could feel the love behind it, the delicate way his tongue slipped into my mouth, caressing me. I grew warm all over. I’d spent years wanting him and finally, there we were.
Our kissing grew more intense and I couldn’t get close enough to him. I pressed my body against his, my arms squeezing tighter as he squeezed me back. I ran my fingers through the soft spikes of his hair, the texture coarse but soft, just like I rememb
ered it. He smelled good, too. It was a different cologne than he’d worn in high school, but the smell of him made me wild. I wanted to devour him.
I felt myself getting lost in him, wanting to fully merge with him in every way. Wanting what we’d had before. It might have been young, high school sex, but we’d always enjoyed ourselves. He was a good lover, and I needed that. I needed him.
I ran my hands under his shirt and along his back. He was clammy with sweat and his skin felt as if it were almost on fire. Or was it my skin that was so hot? I couldn’t tell anymore, but it was all I could do to keep from biting his neck when his fingers circled the back of mine. Chills ran through me everywhere he touched.
“Owen,” I breathed in his ear, breaking our kiss for the first time. “I want you.”
He made a growling sound and picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist as he carried me inside. He lay me down on the couch and pulled off his shirt. I sucked in a breath and looked him over.
He was even more muscular than I’d thought. His biceps popped as he leaned over me, and his pecks stood out over his washboard abs. The hint of hair he’d had years ago had darkened and spread to accent his chest in all the right places. I liked the changes.
I pulled my own shirt off, letting him look all he wanted. He kissed down my neck to my chest, stopping to cup my bare breasts and take my nipples into his mouth. The feeling made me dizzy with desire, and I pressed my hips up against his.
He was hard and pushed back against me as he resumed kissing me. His hands made their way down my stomach, unzipping my jeans and sliding further down, rubbing me over my panties. I let out a low moan of pleasure; It was like torture to wait, so I reached down to unzip his jeans.
When I reached beneath his boxers to feel his warm, smooth hardness, he closed his eyes and sat up. I thought he was just moving to enjoy it more, but he stood and zipped his pants.
I was still breathing heavily, and now I was confused. I looked down at my half-naked body. Had I done something wrong?
He stood beside me and reached down to squeeze my hand. “I’m sorry. You should go.”
“What?” I sat up and smoothed my hair down. “Is something wrong?”
“I can’t do this, Addie. I’m sorry.” He put his fist to his forehead and let out a frustrated growl. “I’m so, so sorry.”
I picked up my shirt and pulled it on, stunned. I sat there on his couch, taking just a second to glance around. It was nice inside, too. Clean and orderly. But in that moment, I couldn’t have cared less.
“I don’t understand,” I stammered, getting to my feet. I slipped back into my flip flops. “I mean. You said…” My hand extended toward the porch, indicating everything he’d told me before we started kissing.
“I know, and it’s all true. But I can’t be in your life. I’ll complicate things. I…I just can’t.”
“Owen,” I pleaded, “don’t do this to me again. Please. I love you.”
“I know,” he whispered. “And you deserve better than what I can give you.”
“How can you say something like that? After all this time. After the last few minutes? You said—”
“I’m sorry.” He walked back out to the porch.
I sat for a moment, trying to stop my mind from spinning. I’d gone from being nervous to overjoyed, thinking I was about to have sex, to confused. And rejected. Again. How was this possible?
I collected myself and walked out on the porch to join him. “Maybe someday, you’ll tell me the truth. Why you really ended things. Why you’re doing this now. Because your old reasons don’t make sense. I want to be with you, Owen. I love you. I’ve only ever loved you, and I can’t picture myself with anyone else. If you don’t want me, then okay. At least I know. We had a final…whatever that was, and okay. I’ll leave you alone. I’ll tell myself whatever I have to in order to get over you. Somehow.”
He looked down at his hands. His voice was tight. “I hope you can.”
So that was it. He had feelings for me. He regretted ending things. But he still didn’t think he could be with me.
“You’re wrong, you know.” I walked down the porch steps and looked over at him one last time. “You think I deserve better than you, that somehow you can’t give me everything I want. Well, all I want is you. So, you’re wrong if you think somehow that’s not enough for me. There is no one better than you. All of the disasters I’ve been involved in since you have proven that. I attract men who…are not you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
He walked inside and closed the front door softly. I stood there for a moment, but when it was clear he wasn’t coming back outside, I got in the car and left. I had no idea what I would tell my friends; this was the opposite of closure. Maybe they’d have some insight to share, some glaring reason I couldn’t see that would explain why he wouldn’t be with me. I wiped the tears falling from my eyes as I drove back to the site.
10
Owen
I heard my phone buzz and groaned. I’d told them only to text if there was an emergency—something no one else could handle—and now my phone was going off again. I didn’t even bother to look at the screen. I reached my hand out from underneath my blankets and pushed my phone off my bedside table.
All day, it’d been the same.
“Just checking in.” Ezra.
“Making sure you’re still alive.” Mason.
“Hey, the guys said you’re sick or something? Won’t get out of bed? Call me.” Noah.
I’d heard from every member of my clan; the ones closest to me, more than once. I got that they were worried. But they didn’t get that sometimes, even the Alpha needed a few days to himself. To drink himself into a stupor. To deeply regret all the decisions he’d ever made in his life. To stay in bed sleeping all day, if that’s what he wanted to do.
The light outside my window told me it was nearly evening. Again. I wasn’t even sure how many days it’d been anymore. I’d taken a few days off from work to stay away from Addie. I’d done the right thing. I hadn’t gone to talk to her, using the Aiden thing as an excuse. But then she’d shown up. Checking on the ibis. Yeah. Good one. Okay, so she did have a degree in ecology and a genuine interest in animals and the environment, but who would drive over here just to check on a bird with a broken leg? Addie would, my mind answered. And Addie did. Even if she had other reasons to talk to me, she might have called for no other reason. That’s just how she was. She was perfect.
I reached my hand out again, this time to grab the bottle. It was almost empty, but I swallowed the last bit of whiskey and sat up. I rubbed my eyes and let them adjust to the room. Clothing sat in piles on the floor. Empty beer bottles littered the side table, along with wrappers and boxes from take-out food and delivery. I picked up a half-eaten burger and sniffed it, then put it back in its wrapper.
That had been the one interruption I hadn’t minded as much. Ezra and Mason had stopped by, which annoyed me, but they’d brought me a huge bag of greasy food. And they just left it when it was clear I didn’t want to talk or run. I couldn’t shift when I was like this; it would be too easy for them to pick up on everything I was feeling. I had to get control over myself before I could let them in like that.
I trudged to the kitchen, wondering what beer I had left and what food was in the freezer. My walkie, which sat on its base near where I kept my keys and jacket, crackled.
“Earth to Owen…” Ezra said.
I snatched the walkie off its base and held down the button. “Do not use work equipment for personal communication.”
“Owen! This isn’t, man. We need you.”
I set the walkie back down and returned to the kitchen. They didn’t need me. There were plenty of well-qualified rangers employed by the park. Any of them were more than capable of handling any situation that might arise. Tonight was the last night of Addie’s reservation. I’d be back at work tomorrow, after check out time. After I was sure she was gone and I’d never see her agai
n.
“Owen!”
I heard him all the way in the kitchen.
“I know I’ve been bugging you when you said not to, but this is an actual emergency!”
I shook my head. Like I hadn’t heard that one at least twice over the last few days. It was an emergency that no one could find Conner—until they’d realized he’d left his phone at home. It was an emergency when a fellow ranger called out sick, leaving a gap in the schedule. Until they’d called another senior ranger and got him to cover. Whatever “emergency” it was this time, they could figure it out without me.
I snapped open the top of a fresh can of beer and took a gulp. I had just enough beer and alcohol to get me through one more night before I needed to restock. If it was already getting dark outside, then I was already behind schedule. I took another long sip.
I heard the car door first. Cursing under my breath, I went to look out the window. Ezra. Did he never learn? Maybe it was time to get a new second. Mason could be moved up in the ranks; that might not be a bad idea.
I made him pound on my door for several minutes before I finally opened it. “If someone isn’t dead or actively dying, you are turning around immediately and leaving.”
Ezra hesitated. “Even if it involves Addie?”
“Especially if it involves her.” I couldn’t even say her name out loud. It’d been the only word I’d been thinking for days.
“Okay…” Ezra turned on his heel and took a few steps away.
He knew me too well. “What?”
He shrugged and didn’t turn back. “I thought you might want to know about this, but you’re right. I’ll get someone else to handle it. Have a good night.”
I narrowed my eyes and watched him get in his car. What was this game he was playing? I didn’t want to give in, but if there was some kind of emergency with Addie, I did want to know, despite what I said.
“Ezra!”
He rolled the window down and stuck his head out. “Yeah?”
“What’s going on with Addie?”
He gave me a smug smile before getting back out of the car. “Well, it’s not directly about her, exactly.”
