I looked around the room like I was making sure no one was around even though we were completely blocked off and I moved just a few inches towards him while laying back down. I kept my back to him and kept going until I felt him behind me. I held my breath and kept completely still to make sure he wasn’t waking then slowly reached back for his left arm laying across his stomach. I lifted it gently and pulled it towards me just as gentle.
Zayden moved with it like he rolled towards me in his sleep and his arm went right around me naturally without my guidance.
I became more relaxed while I held it against me but his voice in my ear caused my eyes to pop open in the most embarrassed way. “You could have just asked.”
I let go of him in almost a panic and backed away while sitting up to look. “I’m sorry. That would have been weird. I didn’t want you to think—”
“I know.” I was a bit glad he didn’t seem upset. “You still don’t want it to mean anything.”
“I’m sorry.” I said again, laying back down more away from him. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s all right, Love. I said I wanted to help you and I didn’t mind. I can tell you haven’t slept yet.”
“Not from lack of trying. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Come here.” Zayden moved closer and put his arms around me to pull me into him.
“Zayden—”
“Shh—” There was nothing I could do but let him keep me close. “I said it’s all right. Just go to sleep. If you sleep, I’m less likely to lose control with you.”
“You don’t have to do this if it’s too much for you.”
“It’s okay. I wanted to help.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I know this still means nothing. I won’t push that.”
“All right. Thanks. I do appreciate it.”
“That’s all that matters.” He kissed my head and nothing else was said.
I laid in his arms and my eyes slowly started to close. I had found my peace and the sound of his breaths finally carried me off to sleep.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up without being touched to a beautiful wordless melody. It was strange that I felt rested and just laid there, listening to Zayden humming next to me.
I slowly peeked towards him but he wasn’t looking. He was sitting up with his eyes closed and his head rested back. This seemed to be something that relaxed him and I let him have a few more minutes before I interrupted. “Are there words to this surprisingly good humming?”
Zayden’s eyes open and his head spun down towards me. “What? I wasn’t humming.”
I laughed and slightly sat up like he was. “Yes, you were. I’ve been laying here listening to you for the last five minutes. You’re really quite good.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Why are you trying to hide from it?”
He still didn’t say anything but raised an eyebrow at me and I knew.
“Oh, I get it. Not seen as manly?”
“Something like that.”
“Well—I kind of like it.” It made him smile and I showed him mine while asking again. “So, are there words?”
“Ah, I don’t do that.”
“Oh, right. I almost forgot. I’m afraid I don’t have any wine.”
“They told you?”
I laughed again. “Do you honestly believe I couldn’t hear any of that conversation? I was only ten feet away and you all talked like I was passed out.”
He quietly laughed too but made a point not to say anything.
“I really do like it though.” I said. “They even knew that about me. It says you actually have a soul; that you’re not just some cold blooded killer or anything.”
“I’m glad that’s how you see it.”
“Have you ever done it without having to be drunk before?”
“Why?”
“Because I’d really like to hear it.”
He smiled and laid himself down completely. “We should really try to get some more sleep.”
“Come on.” I joined him lower but kept up with it. “I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
“Well, do you even know what time it is? It’s always hard to tell from underground.”
“Haven’t the slightest idea. I just woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.”
“Huh. I’ll check.” I removed the blanket from me and started to get up.
I crept as quickly as I could out of the room. Everyone else was thankfully still asleep so it still had to be somewhat early but I needed to know. I went up the stairs and was hit by the cold chill. It was morning but still before dawn. The sky was just light enough that I could see the tree line and I quickly headed back down the stairs. I was frozen just from being out there long enough to look and needed to get warm again.
I walked stiffly across the room and picked up Zayden’s shirt hanging on the chair and quickly rounded the corner back into my room. “Do you mind if I wear this? I don’t think my blood is flowing.”
Zayden smiled. “Of course I don’t mind.”
“Good.” I slipped his shirt on over my head and got back into bed.
“So, how’s it look outside?”
“We’ve got at least four hours before sunrise.” My voice was shuttered; lucky if he could even understand what I said as I faced the edge, curled up in a ball under the blanket. “I suggest we try to sleep until then. There’s a long day ahead of us.”
I was shaking from the cold uncontrollably and I felt Zayden lean closer. “Hey, Love, are you all right?”
My voice was broken, teeth chattering. “Just cold.”
“You need to get warm. You’re going to catch something if you keep this up.”
“Yeah, I’m working on it.”
“Not fast enough. Come here. It will help if you share my body heat.”
I turned and looked into his eyes. Images of us together flashed through my mind of our close night. A strange emotion came over me and I liked what I saw. I agreed but in my mind I knew it couldn’t go any further. “All right but how’s your mental state on this?”
“I’m all right. I haven’t let it get out of control so far. I can still control myself.”
I moved closer to him and he got his arms around me again. I was still shivering but it wasn’t all from the cold now. Just being in Zayden’s arms with my face up against the heat of his bare chest made me feel safe and warm. I was home.
“Thanks for this.”
Zayden looked down and we were locked into each other’s eyes. “Of course. I said I wouldn’t let anything happen to you; that even means protecting you from the little things like the cold.” He was still looking right in my eyes while he held me close to him and our noses were almost touching. “Can I kiss you now?”
I smiled, trying not to seem too foolish while doing so. “And here I thought we already got that out of the way.”
“No, you’re the one that kissed me. I should get a turn. It’s only fair. Can I now?”
I’m the one that laughed this time. “Zayden, you ask a lady if you can kiss her. With me, you just do it.”
He smiled and took my head in one hand. His thumb grazed the smooth skin around my eye like he was building up to the kiss. It was surely working. I tried my best not to be the one to fully lean into him and he brought his lips closer to mine. My eyes slowly started to close when I could feel his breath and our lips met.
A sudden arousal shot through me like it did before. Zayden kept one arm tight around my back and the other on my face while I had a grip around his neck.
Our kissing became more intense as our tongues curled around each other’s and I lost it. I pushed him over onto his back, rolling on top of him. He had his hands on my body under the shirt I was wearing and I tangled my fingers in his hair.
What was I doing?! This wasn’t right! I backed off with a heavy intake of air.
“What? Was that too good?”
I shook
my head and moved off him completely to my side of the bed. “You’re not controlling yourself very well.”
“But you were doing all the work.”
“Well, I’m sorry but that didn’t mean anything either. There can’t be anything between us.”
“What if there already is? You know there is.”
No. There couldn’t be. He was wrong. He had to be wrong. I turned my heavy head and looked at the expression on his face. He didn’t think he was wrong and I had to tell him. “But there can’t because I’m me and you’re you.”
“I don’t care about any of that, Love. You should know that already.”
“Well, I’m sorry but I do!” I turned from him and faced the edge. I didn’t want this. “Love is not written in my future. I can’t go through that failure again. I just can’t.”
“You’ve been in love? You never mentioned that.”
I kept back my tears. I couldn’t fully tell him about my crazy obsession but I couldn’t exactly not say anything either. He would never have let me leave it at that so I told him but not fully. “It was a long time ago.”
“What happened? Was it the Ryon you spoke of last night?”
“No. It was—someone else. I was young and fell in love with someone that I didn’t really know. It was a mistake. We were sent on another mission and he ended up being the target.”
“You killed him?”
I wanted to cry so badly but I kept every bit of it in that I could. “I didn’t have a choice but I’ll always live with it. I don’t want that to happen again so you should just stay away from me because you don’t know me and you don’t want to. I’m a horrible person that’s done horrible things and I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be anywhere near you.”
“I don’t believe that.” Zayden leaned into me from behind, kissing the back of my left shoulder with just the lightest touch.
A tear came out of my eye and hit the pillow when they closed. This is how it had to be and I kept reminding myself that, letting out a harsh voice with my words. “Then you should start.”
I moved away from him closer to the edge and Zayden rolled away with a sigh. “All right.” He started getting out of bed, not what I thought would happen. “If you want to stay miserable so badly, fine. Enjoy it.”
He walked out of the room and left me here. I wanted to scream out to him so he would just stay with me but the Assassin side of me told me to suck it up and let him go.
I knew the moment he was gone and my soft side came back. More tears came to my eyes in an instant. I turned, burying my face in the pillow to muffle the sound of my crying and closed the open doorway to the room so I was left completely alone and he couldn’t come back.
I spent the next four hours laying in a depressed state, awaiting sunrise, not knowing what was going through Zayden’s mind. I feared he was taking it as rejection but that wasn’t the case at all. If he could only know how I really felt, what I was really thinking, everything would be different.
I thought about telling him so many times. Just going up there and telling him the truth behind my reasons but I just couldn’t. My heart couldn’t take a counter rejection just because of the words I used only hours ago. So that was it. I’d just do nothing.
I laid alone full with sorrow just dreading when I would have to see the expression on his face. It would be like the past all over again. I didn’t want to hurt him but I must have—again.
Chapter 38
Ruby
I woke but didn’t want to get up. I only planned to when someone would make me. I didn’t know if anyone else was awake until I heard Jaylyn and Troy across the room.
“Morning.” Jaylyn said. “Sleep well?”
“Well enough. I enjoy being awake with you much more.”
“Me too. Any others awake?”
“I was too occupied to care.”
“It’s probably early at least. I’m usually the first to wake.”
“I’ve noticed but you’ll be happy to know I’m the same way.”
“I am happy. I could just stay like this with you forever.”
“I wish we could but we should probably wake the others. The earlier we reach the city, the better.”
“All right.” Jaylyn groaned heavily. She was probably getting up and I acted like I was still sleeping. “Oh, no.”
“What?”
I heard her footsteps but stayed still.
She came right to me and stood by the bed. “Ruby?” She tapped me, trying to get me to wake up, not knowing I already was and I played along. “Ruby?”
“What? Are we leaving already?”
“I hate to ask but I’m going to. Why are you naked?”
I opened my eyes after rubbing them and looked around. I had to hold the blanket up to my chest to prevent exposing myself and acted like I was still trying to wake up. “Why what?”
“You heard me.”
“Oh. Hang on.” I turned to Muscles while yawning. “Hey, Muscles. Wake up.”
I nudged him enough that he actually did wake up without me having to kiss him. Darn. “Huh?”
“Tell them why I’m naked.”
His eyes shot open and he sat up with quick coming words. “Zayden, I swear, we didn’t—”
“It’s just us.” Troy laughed.
“Shit. Don’t scare me like that.”
“Well, what did you do last night?”
“I’m not naked.”
“That doesn’t answer anything.”
I smiled and hung my arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. “He pleasured me in a way you’d never imagine. Happy?”
“No.” Troy sighed. “Zayden is going to kill you.”
“Not if no one tells him. Are they up?”
“No.” Jaylyn said. “We haven’t checked yet.”
“Well, let’s check now.”
I was first to get completely out of bed after slipping my clothes back on under the blanket through the talk and walked back towards the corner. When I noticed there was no door, I smiled brightly and looked back.
“What?” Muscles asked.
“Wonder what they did last night? I bet it was worse than what we did.”
“What do you mean?” Jaylyn asked.
“She sealed the door.”
The three of them rushed over to see for themselves.
“No way.” Troy muttered.
“Shh!” We stood by the closed door while Jaylyn put her ear up against it. “Adele?”
The doorway quickly fell and Adele was laying completely alone. “What?”
“Where’s Zayden?” I asked, looking around the room.
Adele let out an aggravated sigh and turned the other way. “Don’t say that name around me.”
“Well, where is he?” Muscles asked.
“How the fuck should I know? Not in here.” She slammed the entry shut, startling us.
“Was that his shirt she was wearing?” Jaylyn asked.
The entry opened again and Adele tossed it to us. “He might want that back.”
She closed it again and Jaylyn handed it off to Troy. “Okay! We’re just going to go find him! Don’t go anywhere!”
“I really don’t think she will.” I whispered.
Jaylyn rolled her eyes and turned me so we would leave. I was curious. I guess I just hoped too much after thinking they kissed last night and then thinking they went further. I still wanted to know and was the first to reach topside.
The sun was shining with blue skies as far as the eye could see and Zayden was laying flat on his back in the dirt with his arms held out straight to his sides.
“Must have had a rough night.” Muscles sighed.
“What do you mean?” Jaylyn asked.
“He’s meditating.” Troy said. “It relieves stress and anger quietly without the effects of making a scene.”
“Well, let’s snap him out of it.” I took Zayden’s shirt out of Troy’s hands and started walking over to him. “I want to know what
happened and I don’t think Adele would have talked about it.” They followed me and I tossed Zayden’s shirt right to his bare chest. “Hey, Adele says you might want this back.”
His eyes open and he caught it at the same time, immediately tossing it behind him back at us. “No, I don’t. Now it smells like her.”
“Is that necessarily a bad thing?”
“Yes, it is.” His voice was stern and unhesitant as he got to his feet. “I don’t want to be smelling her all day, I don’t want to look at her and I don’t want to be anywhere near her.”
What happened?! Things seemed worse if Zayden was the one pissed off now.
“What happened last night?” Troy asked. “Have a bad talk out here?”
“It wasn’t last night. That part was fine. It was this morning, hours before sunrise. She chose things to be this way and this is exactly how I’m going to let them be. I’m going to give her everything she thinks she deserves which is miles between us.”
He started to turn and walk east and Jaylyn and I hurried to get in front of him.
“Zayden, wait.” Jaylyn said. “You don’t know everything. That’s not what she wants at all.”
“She said it herself. What kind of person says stuff they don’t really mean?”
I laughed. “Ah, Adele, actually. She won’t tell you what she wants. She expects you to just know. You’ve always been a really emotional topic for her.”
“Always been? What the fuck does that even mean?”
“She knew you before all this.” Jaylyn explained.
“Knew me? You mean the dream thing?”
“No, maybe I worded that wrong. She knew of you?”
“No. Everyone knows of him. More like seen you once several years ago and couldn’t get you off her mind since then. It’s your eyes. They’re like glowing. I don’t think I’ll be able to forget.”
“That’s crazy.”
He started to walk off again but Jaylyn hurried to get in front of him first. “Yes, it is actually but you’re the real reason she hasn’t let anyone in.”
Aligning Stars (Fate's Intent Book 1) Page 21
