“No, Diane, it’s me, Danny – from the other night. You said to give you a call. I hope that was alright…” He scratched the back of his head as he waited for her to reply.
“That was two days ago, Danny. I was beginning to think you weren’t interested. Listen…” He could feel her smiling: it was in her voice.
“She’s such a tease, Danny.” Danny tried to ignore the insulting voice in his head, and drew himself back into the conversation Diane had continued; apparently unaware that Danny wasn’t listening.
“So, we can meet there at say, eight o’clock? Does that sound OK to you? Danny?”
“Yep, eight is great-“Danny’s conscience kicked him, “Eight is great, what are you: a poetic twelve year old?” Danny ran his fingers over the phone mount on the wall. “It’s fine. Where did you say you wanted to meet?”
“The pub from the other night: The Rose and Crown, just off of Spring Lane. Do you remember how to get there? I could swing by in a taxi if you like?”
Danny pictured the two of them in the back of a taxi together; legs touching, dips in the road making them jump. Her hand touches his leg… “That sounds perfect. Shall I give you my address?”
“Yes, that would help” Diane giggled down the phone. She sounded like a teenager, not a woman a good fifteen years older than he was. She sounds different from the other night…
“It’s 5 Winston Close-“
“Got it, my old gardener lived around there. I know the area pretty well actually, considering I’ve never lived on that side of town.”
Curiosity got the better of him, “How do you know where your old gardener lives?”
“He used to do more than preen the roses if you know my meaning.” She didn’t sound afraid to admit such information to a perfect stranger, but then again, she seemed as if she was trying to warn him. Diane had a distinct element of promiscuity about her, as if she instinctively drew you in to her arms: a praying mantis with a hidden agenda. Unfortunately, in his drunken state and with the night that followed, Danny could not remember much more than the smell of her perfume and the feeling that she was more than she let on.
“OK, I’ll see you tonight then, bye.”
“Bye.” Danny waited for the line to go dead before he put the phone back on the wall and walked into his room. He stopped in the doorway of his bedroom, “Fuck, I need to tidy up.” The room was a mess, a typical poor-man’s bachelor pad: noodle pots, dirty laundry, and dust. Everything had a layer of dust: as if the dust was trying to protect the room from Danny. He went downstairs and knocked on his neighbour’s door. A little girl answered. He bent down to talk to her.
“Oh, hi there Jenny, do you know if your mummy has any cleaning products I could use? I have a friend coming round today and my room isn’t very tidy.”
“I’ll go ask her.” The little girl beamed at him. Emily used to smile at me like that. The girl returned and asked him to come inside. “Mummy said they’re under the sink. She also said good luck, but I don’t know why. Is your friend a boy or a girl, Danny?”
Danny laughed at the child’s naivety. “It’s a girl. A lady called Diane.”
“Ooh, a grown-up, lady. Is she pretty, Danny, is she?”
“I don’t remember.” Danny mumbled as he searched under the sink for surface polish and a duster. Jenny grew bored of watching him and went off to the living room to play with her dolls. A voice startled Danny and he hit his head on the inside of the cupboard.
“So who’s the girl, eh, Dan?” Hannah stood leaning in the kitchen doorway.
“Ouch,” He rubbed his head, “err, she’s just a friend. Actually, I barely know her. Met her randomly the other day.” Because that doesn’t sound weird at all… Danny continued to search the cupboard.
“Ah, it’s a date then, right? Where you taking her?” Hannah shifted her arm free of the doorframe and put her hands in her pockets. Such tight jeans…
“I’m not, I mean – we are going to The Rose and Crown.” He placed the cleaning products on the counter and shut the cupboard door.
“Did you hear about the girl the other day?”
Danny’s entire body went rigid. He picked up the polish to stop his hands shaking. Oh my god. No. It can’t be in the news already. Hannah doesn’t even go to that part of town. Act causal. You have no idea what’s going on. Even though you do. Say something before she realizes you’re not talking. “No. What girl?”
“Derek, you know the barman there, well his sister’s little girl is in Jenny’s class at school, and she’s been telling everyone about a girl that went to the pub the other day, and the next morning they found her body frozen in the snow. Head smashed open. Apparently the police think she must have fallen over and hit her head or something. She wasn’t mugged or anything. Poor girl, underage drinking in the pub, the amount of alcohol in her system – no wonder the poor thing hit her head – she probably couldn’t see straight.”
They think it was an accident. “Have the police looked in to it?”
“Well, not as far as Derek’s sister knows. But, it’s been really bad for business because now all the kids are afraid to go there just in case it wasn’t an accident, and it’s some freak after pretty girls. Not that they should be drinking in a pub anyway. I mean, it’s all well and good drinking in the privacy of your own home, but fake I.D’s and all that.”
“Yes, well, at least no one else has been hurt or anything.”
“Yeah…” Hannah lost interest in the conversation. Like mother like daughter. “Did you get everything you needed?”
“Oh, yeah, cheers, Han. I better go clean now; don’t want to be caught dusting, do I?” He forced a laugh and walked out of the kitchen. “I’ll just bring these down when I’m finished.”
“Don’t worry about it. You never know – you might need to keep the place clean now there’s a girl in the picture.” Hannah put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s great to see you socializing, Dan.”
“Thanks.” He walked in to the corridor, and gave a shy wave goodbye, then headed up to his room to start cleaning.
“She’s pretty. And Jenny’s sweet isn’t she?”
Mr. Conscience is back again, I see. You know, you’re not very good at your job, pointing out the obvious. I have eyes.
“Yes you do and my do they wonder. Do you think she always wears such tight jeans?”
Shut up. I need to clean. Now, where did I put the hoover?
Chapter Five
Diane knocked on Danny Fores’ front door, and felt nervous. Don’t be silly, Diane. He’s far too young. It’s just a quiet drink with a new friend. He isn’t Jamie. Jamie isn’t even Jamie anymore. She looked back to the taxi driver, who was tapping on the steering wheel to a song stolen by the breeze. Hearing the door click, she turned around. The man that opened the door wasn’t the same boy he had been just two days before. He was pale, and the bags under his eyes confirmed what his voice tried to hide. “Hi, Diane, it’s great to see you. Come on in.” He looks taller, I definitely remember him seeming short the other day…
“What about the taxi?” Diane asked, and he walked out the door and straight past her towards the taxi. Once Danny paid off the cab driver, he drove off.
Danny walked back to the door step, where Diane stood bewildered, and replied “We can call another one later.” Is he flirting with me? I think he’s flirting with me. Diane smiled. Don’t smile, silly. You’ll only encourage him. Don’t encourage him. He’s just a friend.
Danny gestured for her to come inside, and swiftly shut the door behind them to halt the frozen air. He led her upstairs and entered his hallway/kitchen. “Do you want a drink? I’ve got wine?” Mental note: buy more wine next time. “Oh, so there’s going to be a next time, is there Danny-boy?” Shut up, she’s talking.
“Wine’s fine, thank you.” What are you, twelve?
Danny poured two glasses of wine, and handed one to Diane. As she sipped from the glass, she realized he’s looking at me. Her pride kicked in and she stra
ightened up a little. Danny leant against the sink as they made small chat, neither one listening to the other. He looked down at her legs, thin and long, covered by black tights. She wore a scarlet dress which made her skin seem white. Why did I think she was orange? She’s as pale as I am. She didn’t look like this the other night. Is she trying to impress me?
Is he trying to impress me? An ironed shirt – who knew he owned an iron? He was a scruffy pup the other day, but now…. She stared at Danny’s blue long-sleeved shirt. It’s so tight… when was the last time this guy went clothes shopping? The jeans look as old as he does. And those shoes… I should take him shop- Diane stopped herself. Stop making plans. You can’t buy him clothes. He isn’t Jamie. He can’t be Jamie. Shit, he’s talking-
“Diane, I have to ask. The other night, you, um, well: you didn’t look like that.” “She knows what she looked like, moron.”
“Speak for yourself, sweetheart.” She put on the voice again. It makes him nervous when I do that, she thought.
“Yes – that’s how you sounded the other night. But today and then phone, and a minute ago: you are so refined. But the other day… what’s going on?”
“Does it bother you, Daniel? That I’m so different from when we met?” You make it sound like you’ve known him for months. It’s been two days for Christ sake and it’s the only thing you can think about.
Danny’s mouth went dry. Mum used to call me Daniel… “No, Diane. Actually, I think you look incredible.” “Incredible? Of all the adjectives in the English language, you choose incredible?” Yeah, but I think it worked… She’s smiling.
He’s blushing.
Don’t look at her. Don’t look at her at all. Danny looked down at his near empty wine glass. “Say something other than compliments, you idiot. You look like a fool, Daniel.” “Another drink, Diane?”
“Sure, why not?” Diane grinned at him. Da Dum. Da Dum. Da Dum. Da Dum.
He poured each of them another glass, and gestured to his sofa in the next room. “Why don’t we sit down?” “Ooh, getting close and personal are we, Daniel? Think she’ll love you, Daniel?” Shut up.
“Yeah, okay, kid.” She’s using that voice again, from the other night. The common one. She sounds a little bit like Hannah. Don’t think about Hannah or her jeans. “She’s trying to seduce you, Daniel.” Who, Hannah? “No, Diane -the hot cougar in front of you.” No she isn’t. She’s a friend, not even that. She’s an acquaintance. “Oi, Danny-boy, you’ve been quiet for a minute – speak.”
“So, why do you do that? Use a different voice, I mean?” He looked at her face, for the first time since she had arrived on his door step. Danny shifted in his seat to try and keep himself away from her. Keep away from her. Keep away from her…and away from her legs, and her hands, and her face, and her lips. Don’t think about her lips. Or her mouth.
“To make me different, to make myself happy, I think.” Diane’s skin paled as she spoke. She didn’t seem to agree with what she said, as if she knew she was lying. “She’s a liar; you know she is. What is she hiding from you? Everyone lies to you. Even Hannah, she lies: oh god, such green eyes. She’s lying to you. You aren’t friends. She hates you. She thinks you are pathetic. You are pathetic.”
Danny cleared his throat, “So, how do you do it? It makes you sound so…”
“Common?” She grinned again and watched him nod reluctantly. “Choose a topic.”
“What?”
“I said choose a topic, something for me to talk about.” She reiterated.
I have no idea what to say. “Well, where have you been recently?” I don’t know: Canterbury cathedral? “What were you doing in a cathedral?” Praying nobody finds the girl. “Well it didn’t work did it? Stupid boy, stupid Danny. Well – answer her then.” “Um, the cathedral?”
Diane smirked; slouched back in her seat put her arm on the side of the sofa. She’s an actress preparing themselves for a scene, sniffed and said, “Yeah, I ‘aven’t even bin in ta da cafedral before. I ‘spose it’s, like, ol’ an’ stuff. What d’ya think sweetheart?”
“That, is the freakiest thing I’ve ever heard. Where did you hear people talk like that?” He laughed, but was mostly shocked at how convincing she was. It’s so relaxing to know other people are weird.
“EastEnders.” She sat up neatly, and tugged her dress towards her knees. Modesty is the key, Diane. He won’t be interested in the real you, so don’t be the real you.
“Well, I’ll give you props for that, but you weren’t like that the other night. Although you certainly looked the part.” Danny went to push her leg, but rejected the idea; leaving his hand hovering awkwardly between them. Relax. “I think I prefer the real you.” “Oh, come on. The real you. All you want to do is grab her.”
“You don’t know the real me.” She was harsh with him. She sounds like Mum. She isn’t Mum. Don’t look at her boobs. Da Dum. Da Dum. Da Dum.
“Oh.” I wish she would stop sounding like a mother. I don’t want her to be my mother. I want to fuck her. Don’t think about Mum when you’re looking at her, that’s weird! Am I weird? I need to tell someone about that girl. I need to tell her about the girl. If Hannah knows through idle gossip and Diane goes there all the time… “Oh, is your new bird an alcoholic? Nice catch, Daniel.” Shut up - she saw the girl. She saw me argue with her in the pub. What if she figures it out? What if she already knows?
“Are you OK, honey?” Diane looked at his hand. Did I do something wrong?
He stood up, “Yep. Totally fine. Shall we go? I’ll call a cab.” “We need to get out of here before you go and do something stupid and tell her about the girl.”
“Sit down, Daniel.” She patted the sofa cushion. If I drink any more alcohol, I’m going to bed him. Stay sober. No vodka for you tonight. He looked at her thighs. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. Danny bent down and pretended to fix his shoe lace. He stood up again. She’s still looking at me. Fuck. I can’t take much more of this. Da Dum. Da Dum. Da Dum.
“OK, I’ll sit down.” He sat at the edge of the seat, holding the glass with two hands, elbows on his knees. “So, be honest, what do you think of the place?” Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. “I said breathe, not panic.” He nodded towards the rest of the room. It was a scarce room: bed pushed up against the wall, a picture frame on the bedside table, leaning against a blue lamp. A wooden desk supported the broken wardrobe in the corner.
“No rug? No cushions? I like cushions. You could make it a little more…homey.” She smiled with him as the stared across the room, taking in the box that called itself a bedroom. It’s so dull in here. I should buy him a throw rug or something, just to spruce the place up a bit.
“I never bothered to redecorate or anything. I didn’t see the point: it’s only ever me here, anyway.” Danny shrugged and sat back. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t look at her legs. Don’t look at her thighs. Don’t look at anything. Look at her shoes, the black shiny things on her feet, that lead up to her legs… Stop looking at her legs. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Quick, ask him a question: “No girlfriend?” Don’t look at his eyes. Don’t look at his hands. Diane shifted her body around to face him more. I need to be closer, but I can’t be. I can’t get close to him, it’s not right.
“No, I’m not much company these days. Not since… I’m just not much company.” Fuck, I looked at her legs. “Move away from Diane’s legs.” Da Dum. Da Dum. Da Dum.
“Why’s that?” If he moves any further away from me, he’s going to fall on the floor. I need to do something.
“Oh, nothing. It was a few years ago now. I should be over it.” Don’t look at her legs again. You looked once, that’s enough. Da Dum. Da Dum. Da Dum.
“Did, did a girlfriend, um, well…? “ Diane felt uncomfortable asking, I need to know where I stand with this guy.
Sensing the question he was being asked, he interr
upted her, “Oh, no. Not a girlfriend, no. It was my sister, Emily, and my mother. They died in a car crash two and half years ago.” Fuck. Oh my god. I can’t believe I told her. What was I thinking? She doesn’t need to know about this shit. Pump. Pump. Pump.
Fuck, the poor boy. Comfort him. “Oh I’m so sorry, Danny. Were you close?” Diane grasped his left hand in her right, and Danny’s world melted. Fuck, she’s touching me. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe-
HELP ME, BRAIN. I need to tell her. I need to tell her, now. “Diane, listen. I wanted to talk you about something, if that’s OK?” If I don’t tell her now, I never will. “Good. You shouldn’t tell anyone. It’s our little secret. Just the one of us.”
“Of course it is, Danny.” She put her other hand on his thigh. Don’t touch him, Di. You mustn’t touch him. He’s not Jamie. “You can tell me anything.” Diane pulled herself closer to him and leant forward. Stop touching him, you won’t let go if you carry on. You’ll only regret it when the pup loves you and you leave him. Don’t touch him. Don’t look at him. Definitely don’t kiss him.
Don’t kiss her. “Oh, go on, make a fool of yourself. I need a laugh.” “Well uh, it was just about the other night…” Concentrate. Don’t look at her eyes. They can’t be that beautiful, it’s just the light reflecting in them. Danny looked up to confirm the light was on. We’re sitting in the dark. Well there goes that theory, Einstein. “Uh, should I turn the light on?” He went to move, but Diane just tightened her grip on his leg, sliding her hand south slightly.
“Can you wait a moment, I like the dark. What were you saying, Daniel?”
He cleared his throat. “Um, yes. Well, the, uh, the other night. I-“Danny stopped. “Why are you stopping?”
I wish he would stop talking; all I can think about is his tongue on my skin. “What’s wrong, Danny?” Her voice was soft in the dark. Her voice was as soft in the dark as her grip on his leg was strong. Everything about her contradicted everything else: she made him feel strong and weak at the same time. “You can tell me.” Please don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know you. I just want to love you, you strange boy. Shut up and kiss me, please.
The Snow Killer Page 3
