‘I came to see you off.’
‘Make sure I was really leaving, you mean?’ His brows lowered, and she saw the light disappear from his blue eyes. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t be back.’
‘That’s not why I’m here. I came to ask you a question.’
‘Oh, yes? And what’s that?’
‘Did you go and see Kit after we came back from the coast?’
His brows drew together again, and for a moment it looked as if he might deny it. Then his shoulders slumped in defeat.
‘I might have known the little weasel would go running to you,’ he muttered, his voice full of contempt.
‘Why did you do it?’
Colour rose in Connor’s face. ‘Because I wanted to make sure he treated you right.’
Kit had been telling the truth: Connor cared about her, Effie realised.
‘And what about what you want?’ she asked softly.
He flicked her a quick look. ‘What do you mean?’
She looked down at her hands, suddenly unable to meet his eye. ‘I just wondered why you’d try to push me to be with someone else when you want me for yourself?’
A stunned silence followed her words, and for a dreadful moment Effie wondered if she’d got it horribly wrong. What if he laughed at her? She didn’t think she could bear the humiliation.
‘Where did you get that idea?’ he said gruffly.
‘I’m right, aren’t I? That’s the real reason you came over to England looking for me.’
She forced herself to look up at him, and almost immediately Connor turned away from her. ‘Your mother sent me to find you,’ he insisted stubbornly, but she knew he was lying.
‘Why didn’t she send my father, or one of my sisters, or my cousins, or—’
‘All right,’ he cut her off impatiently. ‘You’re right, I asked to come.’
‘Because you like me,’ Effie said.
Connor glared at her. ‘What do you want me to say?’ he snarled. ‘Yes, I like you. Is that what you want to hear? Jesus, Effie, why are you doing this to me?’ There was a pleading note in his voice. ‘You’ve got the man you want. Now just leave me alone, all right?’
The train was approaching. People started to gather up their belongings.
‘Don’t go,’ Effie said.
Connor’s mouth twisted. ‘Why? So you can use me to make your fiancé jealous whenever you feel like it?’ He shook his head. ‘Sorry, Effie, I’m not interested in playing those games.’
‘I’m not playing games.’
‘Effie O’Hara, you’ve been playing games with me since the day you were born.’
The train was drawing closer, emerging from a cloud of dirty steam as it rolled into the station. Effie’s heart rate speeded up; she knew she didn’t have much time left.
‘I honestly didn’t realise you cared for me,’ she blurted out.
‘So why else did you think I came all the way over from Ireland? Why do you think I’ve been hanging around for weeks?’
‘I don’t know … I thought you wanted to torment me. It’s what you’ve always done.’
‘You mean I didn’t fall under your spell the way every other boy in Kilkenny did?’ He shook his head. ‘Well, I’ve got news for you, Effie. I did. Only I had too much pride to tell you, because I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere.’
‘What makes you say that?’ she asked.
‘Because I know you. No one in Kilkenny would ever be good enough for you, you made that clear. You didn’t want to stay in a sleepy corner of Ireland. You wanted to follow your sisters to London and make something of your life. Don’t you remember, you were constantly telling us about all the big plans and dreams you had? Kilkenny was never going to be good enough for you, and neither was anyone in it. I didn’t want to be trampled under your feet in your rush to get away.’
The train came to a halt and doors started opening and closing as people got on. Connor froze for a moment, not moving, his eyes searching her face. Effie tried desperately to read his expression.
‘Why did you come here, if you felt like that?’ she asked.
‘Because I had to see you. Poor simple fool that I am, I couldn’t stop myself.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘But from the minute I got here, I realised I’d made a mistake. I’ve spent the last few months torturing myself, but I can’t do it any more.’
He picked up his bags and started moving down the platform towards his carriage. Effie followed him.
‘I don’t want you to go,’ she pleaded.
‘Sorry, Effie. You can’t twist me round your little finger for ever.’ He jerked his head down the platform. ‘Go home. Your fiancé will be waiting for you.’
Effie watched him loading his cases on to the train. The guard was moving down the platform closing the doors. She could feel her chance of happiness slipping away.
‘He’s not my fiancé,’ she said.
Connor pushed down the window. ‘What?’
At the far end of the platform the guard blew his whistle. ‘I’ve left Kit. I broke off our engagement.’ Such as it was, she thought bitterly.
‘Why?’
The train belched steam, enveloping Effie in a choking, bitter cloud that stung her throat.
‘Because I love you, you eejit!’ she shouted, her voice lost in the hiss and grind of the train’s engine. Someone had to say it, and she didn’t think Connor would ever admit it.
But it was too late. The train was already pulling out of the platform, disappearing into a cloud of steam. Effie watched it go, and could almost feel the pull in her chest as it took her heart with her.
Why had she been so stupid? As usual, she’d been so wrapped up in chasing her own silly dreams, she hadn’t seen that what she really wanted was right under her nose, waiting for her.
But now it was too late.
She set off down the platform dejectedly. But she hadn’t reached the gate before she heard a voice behind her.
‘Effie O’Hara?’
She swung round to see Connor’s tall figure emerging from the fading steam. Effie ran to him and launched herself into his arms, feeling herself being whisked up into the air effortlessly.
‘You’d better not be messing with me, Euphemia O’Hara, because I’ve left half my worldly possessions on that train!’ he warned sternly, when he’d set her down again.
‘Oh, no!’ Effie stared at the train, receding into the distance. ‘We must get your case back.’
‘No need.’ Connor reached for her hand. ‘I’ve got everything I need right here.’
Chapter Fifty-Three
ON THE DAY Lady Amelia Rushton was marrying Lord Edward Teasdale at Billinghurst chapel, William was surprised to receive a visit from the Dowager Countess.
He couldn’t quite believe it when the elderly lady swept into his office, tall and ramrod straight, her iron-grey curls perfectly set around her unsmiling face.
‘Lady Rettingham, what a pleasant surprise.’ He rose from behind his desk to greet her. ‘I must say, I didn’t expect to see you’
‘I don’t have all day, Squadron Leader,’ she cut briskly through his pleasantries. ‘There’s something I would like you to do.’
‘Oh, yes? And what’s that?’
‘I want you to stop my granddaughter’s wedding.’
William froze, still halfway up from his seat. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘You heard me, I want you to stop the wedding.’
He straightened up. ‘You want me to ruin the happiest day of your granddaughter’s life?’
‘Oh, please!’ Lady Rettingham dismissed. ‘If it was the happiest day of her life, do you really think I would be here? You and I both know Millie is making a terrible mistake. I’d speak to her myself about it, but I know she won’t listen to me.’
‘And what makes you think she’ll listen to me?’
‘Because she loves you. And you love her, if my eyes don’t deceive me,’ she added.
Lady Rettingham faced him squarely.
‘Do you want to see Amelia throw her life away?’ she asked bluntly.
‘She won’t,’ William said. ‘She’s made her choice and I happen to think it’s a good one. Teddy Teasdale will make her far happier than I ever could.’
‘If you believe that then you’re a fool!’ Lady Rettingham snapped. ‘I’m not saying Teddy isn’t delightful in his way, and I’ll admit he’s tried very hard to make Millie content, and will continue to do so to the best of his ability. But he’ll never make her truly happy. Only you can do that.’
William sank back down behind his desk. This was all a dream, he decided. It wasn’t possible that he and the austere Dowager Countess could really be in his office discussing the intricacies of the heart.
‘Well?’ Lady Rettingham’s gaze fixed on him. ‘Will you talk to her, make her see sense?’
William shook his head. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘but unlike you I won’t interfere in Millie’s life.’
Lady Rettingham sighed impatiently. ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, why does everyone keep going on about interfering as if it’s a bad thing? It’s only by interfering that we get anything done in this world!’
‘I’m sorry, but I won’t help you.’
She regarded William consideringly. ‘You know, I disliked you from the moment I saw you,’ she said.
‘Thank you.’ The feeling was mutual, he thought.
‘I disliked you, but I also respected you. I could see you were committed and passionate, that you were someone who would fight for what he believed in. You took me on, and there are not many people who would do that.’ She tilted her head questioningly. ‘So let me ask you this, Squadron Leader. Is my granddaughter not worth fighting for too?’
*
Billinghurst chapel was decorated prettily for a country wedding. But the cloying scent of the freesias that bedecked it made Millie feel sick.
Was it natural to feel this nervous, she wondered as she prepared to walk down the aisle. She couldn’t remember feeling so many butterflies in her stomach before she’d married Sebastian. But she was younger then, and carefree. She’d had the confidence of youth, that nothing could possibly go wrong. Now she was older, and wiser, and it was surely only right that she should be having doubts …
The pews were packed. Millie’s glance picked out Teddy’s parents, her in-laws the Duke and Duchess of Claremont, and Mrs Huntley-Osborne. Her grandmother sat in the front row, looking solemn in stiff pewter silk.
And there, at the front, stood Teddy, waiting for her.
Everyone was watching her, all faces turned expectantly. She couldn’t let them down, even though every fibre of her being was suddenly telling her to turn tail and run.
You’re doing the right thing, she repeated over and over again in her head. You love Teddy. He’ll look after you and Henry, and keep you safe for ever.
It was such a short walk down the tiny aisle, but it seemed to take for ever as she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other. Somehow she reached the altar and there was Teddy, beside her.
‘You look beautiful,’ he whispered.
‘Thank you.’ Millie’s smile was pinched. Don’t do this, she kept telling herself. If you run away now, you’ll ruin everything. Poor Teddy would be utterly humiliated, and he didn’t deserve that. And her grandmother would probably never speak to her again.
The vicar started the ceremony. Millie tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but she could hardly hear him over the clamour of voices in her head. She didn’t know what was happening until a silence fell and she realised all eyes had turned to her expectantly.
‘I’m so sorry, could you repeat that?’ she whispered.
The vicar sent her a frowning look. ‘Will you, Amelia Charlotte, take this man, Edward Charles, to be your lawful wedded husband?’
A ripple ran through the congregation, and Millie realised she had hesitated a fraction too long. ‘I will,’ she said finally, and heard the collective sigh of relief.
The vicar turned to Teddy. ‘And will you, Edward Charles, take this woman, Amelia Charlotte, to be your lawful wedded wife?’ he intoned.
Millie smiled up into Teddy’s face. His lovely, sweet face. How could she ever think she didn’t love him?
‘No,’ he said.
A tide of shocked whispers broke out behind them. Millie stared at him in disbelief.
‘Teddy?’ she said.
‘I’m sorry,’ he shook his head. ‘I can’t.’
On the front row, Teddy’s parents were shifting in their seats. It seemed to be all his mother could do to stop his father storming the altar.
Millie couldn’t take her eyes off Teddy’s face. ‘But I don’t understand … I thought you loved me?’
‘I do, darling girl, with all my heart. That’s why I can’t marry you.’
As Millie stood there, rooted to the spot with mortification, Teddy turned to the congregation. ‘I’m terribly sorry, but there isn’t going to be a wedding today,’ he said. Then he turned to the vicar and said, ‘Would you excuse us for a moment? I need a quiet word with Lady Amelia outside.’
Millie still didn’t know what was going on as he pulled her from the church into the cold, fresh spring air. This all seemed so unreal, like a terrible dream.
‘Teddy, what’s going on?’ she begged. ‘None of this makes any sense …’
He held on to her hands. ‘Millie, I love you,’ he said. ‘But I know you don’t love me. That’s why I can’t marry you.’
‘I do love you!’ she protested.
‘Darling, I could see it in your face as you came down the aisle. You looked like a lamb going to the slaughter.’
‘I – I was just nervous, that’s all.’ She reached desperately for his hands. He took them, wrapping his warm fingers around her cold, stiff ones.
‘Nervous because you knew you were doing the wrong thing. Because you’re in love with someone else. It’s true, isn’t it?’ he prompted her. ‘You’re still in love with William Tremayne.’
She opened her mouth to deny it, then closed it again.
‘I don’t ask for much in a wife,’ Teddy said. ‘But I do think it’s fair to expect her to put me first. I think I deserve that, don’t you?’
‘I would put you first.’
‘Not in here.’ He pressed his finger to her heart. ‘Not where it counts.’
He was right, she realised. No matter how much she might wish things to be different.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said.
‘Darling, you have nothing to apologise for. I’m the one who jilted you, remember?’
She smiled shakily up at him. Now her shock had abated, she could see he was right. ‘And I think that might be the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.’
He grimaced. ‘I hope you get the chance to tell that to my parents. I suspect my father is in there organising a lynch mob as we speak.’
They both looked round at the sound of pounding footsteps and a moment later William appeared, running up the path towards them.
He stopped dead when he saw them standing there, holding hands.
‘Am I too late?’ he said.
‘No, old man, you’re not too late.’ Teddy looked from him to Millie with amusement. ‘Typical RAF, cutting it fine,’ he said dryly.
Chapter Fifty-Four
THE BOMBER SQUADRON was being relocated to an airfield in Lincolnshire, which meant the RAF was moving out of Billinghurst. Perverse as ever, the Dowager Countess wasn’t pleased about it.
‘After all the fuss they made about moving in, they only stay for a matter of months,’ she complained. ‘Was it worth all the disruption, I wonder?’
Millie looked at William. ‘I think so,’ she smiled.
‘Hmm.’ Her grandmother glanced at Millie’s wedding ring, but said nothing. She had been very tight-lipped since Millie and William had insisted on getting married quietly in the register office in Tunbridge Wells. ‘Although I suppose it was for the best, since we’re all s
till trying to live down your last wedding,’ she had said.
‘So what will happen now?’ Lady Rettingham wanted to know. ‘Will we finally be allowed to move back into our own home, do you suppose? And what on earth will we do with that runway at the bottom of the garden?’
‘I expect it will come in useful when the Americans arrive,’ Millie said casually.
Her grandmother turned pale. ‘Americans?’
‘Oh, didn’t I mention it? We’ve had another letter from the Ministry. A squadron from the American Air Force is looking for a base, and they think Billinghurst will be ideal.’
‘Do they indeed?’ Lady Rettingham’s brows arched. ‘We shall see about that.’
‘I think it sounds like an excellent idea,’ William said. ‘Think of the advantages, Lady Rettingham. You’ll never want for a pair of nylons or a stick of chewing gum again.’
Millie stifled a laugh by pretending to blow her nose. Her grandmother sent William a withering look.
‘Of course,’ Millie said, ‘there might be a way to prevent it …’
‘What’s that?’ Lady Rettingham pounced eagerly.
‘I’ve been thinking of opening up the house as a military hospital. I’ve realised from working at the Nightingale that they need more specialist hospitals. I’m sure the Red Cross would be willing to supply nurses, if we can offer them a suitable base.’
‘And who would run it?’ her grandmother asked.
‘I would.’ Millie met her gaze steadily, bracing herself for the stinging retort.
Lady Rettingham paused. ‘I think that would be a splendid idea,’ she said. Millie stared at her. She had expected to have a fight on her hands.
‘Really?’
‘Why not? You’re a very resourceful and capable young woman, Amelia. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.’ Then, just as Millie was beginning to swell with pride, her grandmother added, ‘At any rate, I imagine anything would be preferable to Americans.’
‘You know, she’s right,’ William said later, when they were in the bedroom changing for dinner. ‘You are a very capable young woman. Capable of great deceit, that is.’
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