by Harper Sloan
“That doesn’t mean I’m not scared, Lee. ”
“I know, but we’ll get there. Together. You just have to take my hand and let me take care of your heart. ”
I nod, not trusting my voice right now.
“Almost done. Can you handle more?”
“I’m okay, Lee. I really am. Last night was hard, but I feel free of that pain. It just stings a little. ”
“First, before we finish this up. You need to know that you never have to keep Jack from me. You shared a life with him and he’s a part of you and a part of Molly. I want you to be able to come to me and know that I will never, not once, turn you away. He gave you a good life, baby, and he should never be kept in the dark. ”
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My eyes fill with tears and I nod, my hands flexing against the skin on his chest. I move them around his back and hug myself to his body.
“Thank you for that,” I tell him.
“You don’t have to thank me, darlin’,” his voice rumbles against my ear. “I don’t want to bring this back up. It kills me, but I have to know so that I don’t fuck something up unintentionally. Is Jack on Molly’s birth certificate?”
“Uh, yeah. ” I tell him, confusion with the path this conversation has turned.
“I assume that means that you two decided before she was born there would be a certain amount of care when it comes to Molly’s knowledge of how she was conceived?”
“She will never know. Never, Lee. I don’t ever want that to darken her life. Ever. ”
He must have read the panic in my tone because his body moves until he’s sitting, back to the headboard, my legs spread wide framing his thighs, until he’s settled his arms back around me. His hands squeeze my hips before moving up to curl around my neck.
“She can’t know,” I gasp.
“And she won’t, Megan. You trusted me with that last night and I will never betray that. I needed to know so that I could proceed with a full deck. She was and will always be Jack’s, okay?”
I study his face. Those eyes giving me nothing but understanding and I nod.
“You’re mine now, darlin’, and with that comes Molly. It’s a package deal that I want more than you’ll ever know. This is up to you on how we play this, but she knows me. That little girl stole my heart the first time she put hot pink lipstick on me, so it isn’t going to be a hardship for me here, but I need to know how you want to introduce us to her. ”
This is it. This step will be me giving myself over to him completely and with a newfound strength, I give it to him.
“She’s young, but not stupid. I’ll talk to her when I pick her up. Give her some time to hear it from me before. I saw her with you, Lee, I know this will not be news that isn’t exciting for her. But I don’t want to throw us in her face. We start with dinner. Then we take it as it comes. Together. ”
“I like that, darlin’. ”
His lips hit mine in a deep kiss that holds the promise of more before he pulls back.
“Thank you,” he tells me.
“For what?”
“Everything. ”
Then I get his lips.
And then he gives me everything.
I LOOK OVER AT MEGAN as we drive toward her house. She called to check on Molly right before we left, letting Izzy know that she would be there to get her shortly after lunch. That gave us two hours to fill and I used every second of our time until we had to leave. After last night I’ve been worried that she would be having a hard time, but she’s shown no signs that the pain she held onto for so long is haunting her.
She’s lighter.
Her laughter coming easier and her lips have been curved up since I pulled her from the bed and into the shower.
I can tell she’s holding back a little, that fear of starting something new won’t go away overnight, but she’s ready.
And she’s finally mine.
“How do you think this is going to go?”
She turns her gaze from the window and gives me her eyes. I get a smile before turning my focus back to the road ahead of us.
“Molly?” she asks.
“Yeah, darlin’. ”
That smile grows. I can’t see it fully, but even while my eyes are on the road I can hear it in her voice.
“She won’t even blink. ”
I laugh, “Meaning?”
“Molly loves easy and hard. She is happy when I’m happy. She enjoys life with a full speed ahead attitude. My guess is that she’s going to be riding the high of me telling her you’re going to be around, a lot, for a long while to come. ”
“She’s a great kid,” I voice honestly.
“Yeah,” she sighs.
I reach over and pull her hand over the console and hold it against my lap.
“I won’t make you regret this, giving us a chance. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to drive the three of us on this new path. ”
Her hand squeezes mine.
“I know, Lee. For the first time in a really, really long time I’m excited to see what happens next. ”
We continue the drive in silence as I hold her hand in my lap.
When I pull up to her house and I watch as she hesitates to leave my truck, I grin and climb out to walk over to her door. She gets down and I laugh to myself as she visibly has to force herself to leave me.
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When we get to her door, I pull her into my arms. She doesn’t hesitate to wrap her arms tightly around my back.
“I’ll be back tonight, darlin’. If you think that Molly isn’t ready for that, you call and we will try tomorrow. ”
“Okay. ”
“You’re going to have to walk through that door, baby. If I had my way I wouldn’t let you go, but one step at a time. ”
“Okay,” she says into my chest.
“Give me a kiss,” I demand.
Her head comes up, “Okay, Lee. ”
When her lips touch mine, that smile never slips.
“See you tonight. ”
She nods and I wait for her to unlock her door, getting another grin before she shuts the door. I stand there for a second before I walk back to my truck and pull out of her driveway.
I’ve been ready for this moment for what seems like a lifetime and now that I have it, I’m nervous as hell. Not for what I’m building with Megan, but with the unknown that Molly is. She’s been through so much in her short life that I don’t want to rush my presence in her life. I don’t want her to feel like I’m taking her father’s place either. In all the times that I’ve been around her while Dani was watching her, she didn’t even blink around the men that came around. Nate and Zac had often sat in on our tea parties and she ate that attention up.
But, there’s a big difference between playtime while she’s with Dani and a man being in her everyday life.
In all my plans to make Megan mine, I never doubted a single step. I never feared that it wouldn’t work and I was never nervous.
Funny that all it takes is one five-year-old girl to have me breaking out in a sweat.
My thoughts are interrupted when my phone’s ringer starts coming through the truck speakers. Looking at the display in my dash, I see Dani’s name come up.
“Hey,” I answer.
“She just called Mom to tell her she would be there in thirty minutes to get Molly. Mom called me to let me know that. Now I know she isn’t with you . . . so spill!”
“You get that I have a dick and gossip sessions don’t apply to me, right?”
“Shut the hell up and tell me!” she huffs.
I flick my blinker and head toward my house while I process my thoughts and for the first time, I don’t tell Dani everything. My promise to Megan and the relationship we’re building means more to me than anything else in my life. Even the best friend that knows every single thing about me.
“I’m having dinner w
ith her and Molly tonight. ”
“Uh,” she falters. “Is that it?”
“That’s all you’re going to get. ”
“Seriously?” she gasps.
“Love you, Dani, but last night Megan finally, thank Christ, broke through the chains that have been holding her captive and those moments are for her and me alone. ”
“Oh my God,” she wheezes. “That is so beautiful. ”
I roll my eyes.
“If she lets you in, then good. I’ll be happy with the outcome either way because right now I know she’s moving on and we’re going to do that together. It’s good, Dani. Really good. ”
“I’m so happy for you, Lee. ”
“Thanks, babe. ”
“How do you feel about tonight? Nervous? You are, aren’t you?”
“Dani, I’m out of my mind, could puke, nervous. ”
She laughs and proceeds to spend the rest of my ride home talking my nerves down.
I’M GOING TO PUKE.
Maybe.
Probably.
“Is he here yet, Mommy?”
“Not yet, little bird,” I tell Molly and laugh when her little lips pull into a frown.
To say my daughter is excited would be a great understatement.
“Come here, baby. He’ll be here soon and then you can tell him all about our day. ”
She climbs into my lap and settles in to wait. Sofia the First fills the room and I settle back with her curled against me and think about how the morning went.
It wasn’t the same madness that had met me the last time I picked her up from the Reid’s. Since I didn’t arrive until well after lunch—thanks to a very long shower with Lee—Axel had already left for work, dragging Nate with him to ‘learn the ropes,’ according to a laughing Izzy. I think Izzy could tell my nerves were sparked bright. Her knowing eyes spoke volumes. Of course, she also knew that I spent the night with Lee since the first words I stuttered were just that.
“I think Lee is my boyfriend,” I told her with my cheeks flaming.
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Izzy had barked out a laugh and pulled me into a tight hug.
“That’s just their way, honey. His father was the same way with Dee. Axel the same with me. Greg and Melissa. Maddox and Emmy. Asher and Chelcie. My sweet Dani with Cohen. Heck, even Davey had his moment with Sway. These men, it’s just how they are. When they set their minds to something there is nothing and no one that will hold them back. And sweetheart, before you even let this thought take root in your mind, when they know, they know and they know in a way that sticks forever. ”
Of course that did nothing but make me freak out even further, causing Izzy to laugh harder, and Molly to join in while dancing in circles around us. I came down from my freak out . . . until I got my little bird home and while I watched her pick and peck at her snack, my nerves climbed once again.
I should have known better. With Molly, there needed to be no doubt.
Leaning my head back, I settle in for our wait and playback my conversation with Molly.
“Mommy, what did Mrs. Izzy mean? About being sticky forever?”
I turn my head from the counter I had been wiping—the same spot for the last five minutes—while staring off into space. Her brown eyes full of curiosity smile up at me from the table.
“Not sticky forever, little bird. She was talking about a feeling, kind of. She meant it like how I love you will be a feeling that sticks to me like yummy, chewed up bubble gum. ”
Her nose crinkles and her lips twist in a way that I know she’s holding in a giggle. “That’s gross, Mommy!” she tells me seconds before peals of laughter come bubbling out of her mouth. “I don’t want to stick to you with chewy bubblegum!”
Smiling, I move from the counter and over to sit next to my sweet, full-of-love, daughter.
“It’s a little different than that, sweets, that’s just the best way to explain it. ”
She stops laughing out loud, but those eyes of hers are still burning with amusement. I watch her expressive face as she thinks about what Izzy told me and what I just told her. And then I watch as all of it plugs into the right plugs and the connection is made.
“Who do you want to stick to with chewy bubblegum, Mommy?”
Ah, my smart little bird. She’s always been so wise beyond her five small years.
“I don’t want to stick to anyone with yucky, chewy bubblegum,” I laugh.
Her small hand comes out and falls on top of where I have mine placed on the table. Small thumb rubbing and little pink tipped nails going up and down in a thoughtful wave as she looks at me.
“Yes you do. ”
“No, baby. Just you. ”
“You’re silly, mommy bird!”
“And you’re sillier, little bird. ”
Her fingers continue their light thumping against my skin and I watch her eyes get soft and full of love, all for me.
“You told Mrs. Izzy that Leelee is your boyfriend. Is he the one you want to stick to with chewy bubblegum?”
Ah.
There it is.
My opening to tell her.
And my opening for a spiked up, nerve filled, freak out.
I went over this a million times since Lee left and I picked up Molly. How much to tell her. How to tell her. Is it too soon? How she would feel. Every possible thought of fear, followed by excitement, and then back to fear mixed with worry.
But my little bird is smart. Smart and knowing. And more importantly, I owe it to her to be honest about our future.
A future that I hope to God will be filled with Lee.
“I wouldn’t want to be stuck to him with chewy bubblegum, but yes, sweets, I would very much love to be stuck with him. ”
“Like that time my arms got stuck in my swim wings? When you couldn’t get them off?”
My smile grew as some of those nerves let go of their strong hold. “Something like that, little bird. ”
“Will Leelee come over for tea parties now?”
“Yeah, baby, I think so. ”
“Will Leelee make you smile all the time?”
Oh. My. God.
“You make me smile all the time. ”
Her head tilts and she smiles a smile that is so small you almost can’t tell it’s there. It’s a sad smile. One that I know—and hate—that I’ve put on her face.
“Not all the time. You don’t smile all the time. ”
“Oh, baby. Come here. ”
She makes quick work of pulling out from the table and into my lap. I wrap my arms around her and hold her as tight as she’s holding me.
“Mommy was sad for a long time, little bird. I’m so sorry for that. For not smiling all the time. I missed your daddy a lot and for a long time my missing him was too hard to smile. ”
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“You smile a lot now,” she mumbles into my chest.
“Yeah, sweets, I do. ”
“Does that mean you don’t miss Daddy?”
I tighten my embrace before moving my hands under her arms and moving her body so that she can see my eyes.
“No, honey. I miss your daddy a lot and I always will, but the way I miss him is different than it was then. When he went to heaven, I missed him so much that all I could see was how much I missed him. I got lost for a while, baby, and I couldn’t remember the way. You gave me my smiles, smiles so bright that you helped me light up the way then and you still do, but for a long time all I could see was your smiles but not the way they wanted me to go. Those smiles made me happy even though I missed your daddy and because I missed your daddy so much, I thought a lot of sad things for a long time. But, now Mommy can see again. I can see my way that I had lost for a little while and, little bird, it’s a beautiful path, so full of beautiful flowers, rainbows, and blue skies forever and ever. Now I can hold your hand and we can run through the flowers together. But, even while we ru
n we can still miss Daddy. We just miss him in a different way. ”
“That sounds nice, Mommy. ”
“Yeah, honey, really nice. ”
“Will Leelee be with us when we run through flowers?”
My smile grows and I look into her very hopeful gaze and with a lightness I haven’t ever felt in all of my years, I tell her, “Yes, Molly. He’s going to come and run with us through the flowers and we’re going to chew bubblegum and be stuck forever. ”
Her eyes light up and her face is the picture of joy.
“And we can have lots and lots of tea parties and makeupovers when we run in the flowers!”
After our talk, she went back to her snack and talked about Lee all afternoon. I let her know that he would be over for dinner later and I didn’t think she would ever come down from that high.
Which brings us to now. My daughter, so full of eagerness over the night, that even with her favorite show on television, her eyes are glued to the hallway that leads to the front door.
I look at the clock, for the hundredth time in seconds, just as the front door thumps and the bell echoes through the house.
Molly’s head snaps up and with wide, happy, eyes whispers, “He’s here,” before scampering off my lap, elbowing me—twice—in the ribs, and running as fast as her little legs will take her to the door.
“Molly, don’t open that door until I’m there!” I yell, coming off the couch quickly.
“Too late,” I hear and my nerves flutter like a million butterflies in my gut, rooting me in place.
“Mommy! Mommy! Leelee is here . . . and, and . . . and HE HAS FLOWERS!”
A head to toe tingle starts taking over my body. My lips curve and I move forward with the largest beaming grin on my face.
I walk forward and around the wall that separates the living room from the front door and stop dead at the sight that meets me.
Lee is holding my daughter in his strong arms while her face—bright with the happiness she is feeling—is stuffed into a small bundle of light pink roses. I look from her with wonderment to Lee’s arm that isn’t holding her tight to see another bundle—this one much larger—of more roses.
I don’t move.
His brow tips up and I know he’s wondering if he overstepped. This big, confident man that has gone after me with steadfast determination, is actually unsure and that has my feet moving before I can even process a single move I make. When my body hits his, the force of which I clearly didn’t process, he rocks back slightly before his arm comes up and wraps around my shoulders. I reach out and pull my arms around both him and Molly, then shove my head into his neck.
