I gasp, scream, and beg for more before he obliges and swirls his tongue around my clit quickly.
“I’m close,” I moan out.
His cold finger circles my entrance while his hot mouth continues to work my clit. Each sensation is the other’s polar opposite, and it’s exactly what I need to send me flying over the edge into sweet oblivion. All of my senses fire off at once, overloading my entire body as I ride out my orgasm.
“Fuck, you’re sexy,” he says, his voice clearly strained. “I can’t wait any longer. I have to have you. Now.” The sound of his belt buckle registers in my post orgasmic fog.
Looking into his dark eyes, I say, “Then take me.”
I don’t have to tell him twice. He slides me off the counter and turns me around, pulling my hips back. My bare ass collides into his hips along with his hard length. From the feel of it, he’s more than ready. There’s something empowering knowing you can turn on the person you love without even really touching him. He does that to me. I’m a wet mess when he just kisses me. It’s comforting and erotic all at the same time.
Austin’s palm goes to my lower back and pushes down. I bend at the waist and lay my upper body on the counter. With both hands on my hips, he grips me firmly and I can feel him trembling. He’s holding back, trying to take it slow.
“Give it to me, Austin,” I plead.
A low growl rumbles in the back of his throat before I feel him hit my entrance and slide into me in one quick thrust. I gasp at the welcomed intrusion as my body stretches to accommodate him. His movements are quick and relentless, a stark contrast to the gentle way he adored my body last night, but just as enjoyable. Turning my face to the side and laying it on the counter, I catch a glimpse of him. His jaw is tight and his muscles are flexed as he pumps into me over and over.
Reaching forward, his fingers touch my clit and massage them in quick strokes. I rise up on a moan, my upper back pressed against his chest. My hand moves up and wraps around the back of his neck. He bites my neck, causing me to yell out in bliss. His driving force nearly knocks the wind out of me while his expert touch makes me weak in the knees. It’s not long before he has me screaming his name while I collapse back down on the counter.
He slows down slightly, pulling every shudder from my body. I feel weightless and filled with lead, floating in euphoria but unable to move my body.
“Shit,” Austin grunts out. Seconds later, his hold on me tightens and he stiffens. He pushes in and out of me two more times excruciatingly slow, making me quiver again. He stills on a final groan before bending over and laying his chest over my back. We’re both panting, sweaty, and unwilling to move.
After several moments, he leans up, kissing the back of my neck. Once he’s standing up straight, he slowly pulls out of me, grabs me by the hips, and spins me around before lifting me back up onto the counter. A boyish grin hits me in full force when I lock eyes with him. If the butterflies in my stomach weren’t passed out from our recent activities, they would start swarming.
Placing himself between my legs, I feel his still hard dick pressing against my center. I jump slightly at the contact of my overly sensitive area.
“Sorry if I got a little carried away. I meant to take it slower, but once you came on my face, I couldn’t hold back anymore.” There’s a subtle hint of a bad boy hiding behind his good manners and gentlemanly behavior. With the motorcycle, tattoos, and the way he just thoroughly fucked me, I’d say I’d like to know this side of him a little better.
“Trust me when I say you have nothing to apologize for. Did it look like I didn’t enjoy it?”
Leaning down toward my face, his cocky grin sets in place. “No, it sounded like you enjoyed it a lot actually.” He closes the distance to kiss me. “So much so,” he continues, his breath fanning across my face. “I might have to show you round two.”
“You think you got that kind of stamina?” I taunt, hiding a cocky grin of my own.
“Do you doubt my abilities, Jillian?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t have much to base it on. You might—” My words are cut off with a squeal as he lifts me off the counter and carries me in a hurry to the bedroom. I’m thrown onto the bed and shown just how much stamina Austin has.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!” I say excitedly to my best friend, Janey. We hug before taking our seats across from each other at a little diner down the street.
“That’s because you were trapped playing wifey for your little show.”
“I know, it’s just so hard to go anywhere and do things when you have a camera crew in your face all the time. But enough about that,” I say with a wave of my hand. “What have you been up to lately?”
She fills me in on her latest hook ups and break ups. I swear this girl is a walking, real-life version of Days of Our Lives.
“I think I’m going through a lumberjack phase,” she informs me once the coffees we had ordered are placed in front of us.
“Lumberjack? Like a guy with a round belly who wears red flannel? Yuck.” Every bone in my fashion-loving body is cringing at the thought.
“No, dumbass. I’m talking about man buns and beards with hot ass bodies.”
I stare blankly at her for a while. “I’m not seein’ it.”
“Here, let me show you.” She pulls out her phone, taps it several times before turning the screen around to show me. “See? Lumberjack.”
I have to admit, this guy is hot as hell! “Well, damn. I’d climb that tree.”
“Let me see you swing your ax,” she says in a mock seductive tone.
“Forget the ax, just show me your wood.” We erupt into a fit of giggles and it feels nice. It feels normal, something I’ve been craving since the show started.
“Well, now that you’re a single lady, you can go find yourself a lumberjack of your own.” She lifts her drink to her lips but stops halfway when she takes in my expression. “You are single, right?”
“About that . . .” I trail off, avoiding eye contact by picking at my napkin on the table.
“You’ve got to be shitting me, Jillian. How could you be so fucking stupid?” Her voice is rising and people are starting to stare.
“Can you keep your voice down? It’s complicated, alright? I just couldn’t do it.”
Her arms fold over her chest. “And what happens when he finds out who you really are?”
I swallow hard. No matter how hard I try, the thought lingers in the back of my head. “He won’t.” I know my voice lacks the conviction I desperately want to feel.
“Unbelievable,” she mutters, shaking her head.
Her negative attitude turns my guilt and worry into anger. I’m so sick of her shit. “Why does it matter to you? I don’t understand why you’re getting so bent out of shape over this.”
“Because you’re living a lie! You’re a fraud!”
Fraud.
It’s the exact thing I’ve felt since I went out on my own at the age of eighteen. It’s the one thing I’m terrified everyone can see. Almost like a scarlet letter stamped on the front of me for all to judge. I am a fraud. I’ve faked my way into almost everything until I became more established. Having her throw it in my face twists my gut and makes me shrink back from her.
My face drops as does my posture. All the life and energy I carried in with me has been sucked out by the woman across from me. “Real nice, Jay. I thought you’d understand a little on where I’m coming from,” I say as I dig through my purse for my wallet. “I figured you’d at least hear me out.” I pull out a few bills and toss them onto the table. “But I guess that’s just too much to ask from you, huh?”
I stand up while Janey starts to protest. “Oh, come on. Sit back down. You know I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m only looking out for you so this doesn’t blow up in your face and embarrass you.”
“Well, I’ll take your advice into consideration,” I reply flatly. Turning on my heels, I exit the diner feeling completely deflated.<
br />
MONDAYS ARE SLIGHTLY more bearable with Austin in my life. It’s evident by the silly smile gracing my face whenever I look at the flowers on my desk. As promised, he still has them delivered to me at the beginning of every week. While the fragrance is heavenly and the sight of them brightens the room, I look forward to the note attached the most. He has no problems expressing how he feels about me, and it’s one of the things I love about him. His words make me feel secure in not only our relationship, but in myself as well. The best decision I’ve ever made was to stay with him. With one last glance back at the vibrant display, I walk out of my office to make my way back home.
Austin said he’d be home a little later than usual tonight due to some meeting he has to attend, which is actually kind of perfect for me. I’ve been wanting to surprise him with a nice, home cooked meal, but that’s kind of hard to do when I always arrive after him. I’m not much of a chef, but I hope the recipe I found online won’t fail me.
Walking a few blocks down, I go into a small market that’s not too far from the apartment. I grab a basket and think about our time together as I gather the things I need for tonight. Sure, we’ve had our bumps here and there, but it’s mostly over stupid stuff. I can’t stand that he takes his shoes off in front of the door and leaves them there. Every time I see them laying there, I have a small urge to throw them in the tub and light them on fire TLC-style. Austin hates that I don’t scrape my plate off into the trash can when I’m done. It annoys the living hell out of me that he leaves cabinet doors open. And he grumbles about my cosmetics all over the counter.
Austin calls it growing pains, but we’ve managed, adjusting and compromising with each other. For all the little shit that drives me nuts, his good qualities make up for it tenfold. He’s funny, attentive, smart, and sexy as hell. There’s still so much we have to learn about each other, but I’m optimistic about our future.
I haven’t spoken to Janey since I left the diner two weeks ago. Just thinking about the things she said to me makes my blood boil. It’s not that I don’t understand what she’s saying. Trust me, I do. I’ve tortured myself over it since I walked down the aisle. But where does she get off judging me? Shouldn’t she be supportive and want me to be happy?
I unlock the door, barely managing not to drop the bags of groceries in my arms. Silence meets my ears as I walk in and set the bags on the kitchen counter. Humming along to a song that’s trapped in my head, I pull all the ingredients out of the sacks, placing them on the counter. Since I’ll need everything for the dinner I’m making, there’s no sense in putting it all away.
“Cassandra.” I’m startled by his unexpected presence, but it’s his dead tone that sends a chill up my spine. My eyes widen as my whole body freezes and I forget how to breathe.
Oh, God.
No.
This can’t be happening.
“That is your real name, right?” he sneers. The hate in his words bounces off the quiet walls, hitting me square in the chest.
I don’t answer. I don’t move. I’m absolutely terrified to turn around and see his expression.
“Answer me!” he yells, causing me to jump.
My body trembles from head to toe as I swallow hard, garnering every ounce of strength I possess to force myself to face him. When I do, I gasp for air, my lungs refusing to function as I take in the Austin standing in front of me.
His eyes have dark circles under them that are accentuated by his ashen skin, giving him a sickly look. His hair is in utter disarray, and his shirt is wrinkled and half tucked. But it’s his eyes that make me feel hollow inside. They’re vacant, completely dead and void of any emotion. The exuberant man I fell in love with is gone, replaced by a shell of a man who looks completely broken.
And I’m to blame.
My eyes well up with tears and my throat tightens with clogged emotion.
“I asked you a fucking question!” The empty expression is quickly replaced by anger, his face becoming red the longer I stand here in silence.
I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. With my vocal chords failing me, the only thing I can do is nod with my eyes downcast. I don’t want to see the look of disgust and hatred on his face now that I’ve confirmed what he already knows. Tears run down my face as my eyes close, but I quickly dash them away with the back of my hand.
“You bitch,” he spits at me, taking me off guard. My head snaps up, making eye contact with two, dark pools of rage. “Did you know?” I stare back at him pleadingly. “Did you know!” His fist slams onto the kitchen island as he yells at me. The impact startles me, causing me to gasp.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“How long?” he asks through a clenched jaw.
I swallow hard again in an effort to relax the tightness in my throat. “S-since the w-wedding,” I stutter unable to hide the fear in my voice. I see the love of my life slipping away, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. Worse, it’s all my fault.
Within seconds, I see realization hit. “That’s why you stopped halfway down the aisle, isn’t it?” His eyes are wide with disbelief, my deceit rearing its ugly, poisonous head. Pressing my lips together, a single tear rolls down my face as I nod.
His hands push through his hair and slide down his face. He looks up at the ceiling and shakes his head as he lets out a humorless laugh. “Wow, it all makes sense now. Always changing the subject when our families got brought up. How you’d get uncomfortable when I’d talk about my parents and their death. Here I thought your parents were dead, and that’s why you didn’t want to talk about them.”
“They’re dead to me!” I shout, my emotions getting the better of me as I point to my chest.
“No!” He rushes toward me, the deadly look on his face terrifying me. I retreat on shaky legs until my back hits the pantry door. His palm slams up against the door next to my head. The sound echoing in my eardrum. I bite my lip to suppress the cry that threatens to come out. “They’re not! My whole fucking family is dead.” He’s in my face, spit hitting me as he screams until his voice cracks. “Yours are very much alive. They’re just in prison.” He pulls back, looking at me like I’d imagine he’d look at my mom and dad. There’s nothing but loathing and repulsion in his eyes. “But they belong in hell.” His hoarse tone pierces my heart.
The walls are closing in on me. My body is cold and clammy and I can’t catch my breath. My vision blurs as the room spins. I hold onto the doorknob of the pantry to steady myself.
“What was this then? Some sick joke? Were you just going to lead me on to see how far you could take this?”
He might as well have slapped me across the face. I’ve lied, yes, but how could he ever doubt my feelings for him? “No. You know we were contractually obligated to follow through with the marriage and the show. I thought I could get through it and we’d go our separate ways, but I couldn’t walk away. I love you.” I whisper the last part as my voice breaks.
He visible cringes at my admission. “You don’t have to worry about walking away because I’m out. My lawyer will be in touch.” He moves toward the front door and I spring into action as panic grips me.
“No, please!” I manage to block his path to the door and grab his hand. Austin yanks it away from me, causing me to lose my balance. I fall to my knees at his feet with a harsh bang. The cold, hard tile is unforgiving as pain travels up my whole leg. I make no attempts to stand, no longer having the strength to hold myself up as I watch my world fall apart. “I’m so sorry, Austin. You have to believe that, but please don’t leave. I’m begging you. Just let me explain!”
“I don’t even know you.” His monotone voice is back, crushing me even more. I’d rather him be angry than indifferent.
“Yes, you do. I’m still—”
“No,” he says, cutting me off. Looking down at me with glassy eyes, he continues. “All I know is when I was ten, I walked into my home to find my mom, dad, and sister murdered. And your parents did it.” He looks back toward the
front door, his need to leave evident. “I wish I’d never met you,” he says quietly, anger replaced by defeat. With that, he walks past my slumped over body and leaves. The door slams shut behind him, giving finality to not only this conversation, but to our relationship as well.
The most gut wrenching sob rips from my body while I start to hyperventilate. Curling into the fetal position on the floor as my body shakes violently, I’m transported back to the day that would change my life forever.
The sound of my stomach growling is nothing new. Mommy and Daddy forget to feed me a lot. Probably because they’re never home. When they are, they spend most of their time sleeping. Honestly, I like it that way because when Daddy is awake, he’s always angry. I try really hard to be on my best behavior and not complain, but it doesn’t matter. He finds something to be upset about and uses his fists to deal with it.
Neither one of them are home right now. I think it’s been two days since I’ve seen them. The small apartment we live in is starting to smell, and we ran out of toilet paper last night. Picking through the garbage can, I look for any scrap of food to hold off my hunger. But I know I won’t find anything in there. When I do get to eat, there are no leftovers. I should really try to save some for later next time.
I jump up when the front door swings open so hard, it hits the back wall and makes the whole place shake.
“Shit! What are we going to do?” Daddy paces back and forth, clutching his hair in his hands.
“We have to make a run for it. No one knows they’re dead yet. We can still make it.”
Dead? What are they talking about?
“Mommy?” I walk slowly around the corner, coming into view. When I can finally see her, I’m shocked. She looks dirtier than usual, her hair is matted and dark spots are smeared all over her clothes.
Hopeless Vows Page 15
