Patty was well received. She actually knew two of the women from around town, and once in with those two, it was like a gossip festival. During the lunch we shared the girls just chattered on like squirrels sharing their best nut hideouts. They were talking so fast I could barely make out what they were saying. Prada this, zombie that. Tuned 'em right the hell out.
Mike and I laughed. I met a lot of folks today, and to a one, they were nice people. I saw that Chad guy again too. He kinda sat all by himself in the corner. I think he’s fruits of the poisonous tree if you know what I mean. Being Sean’s flunky is no longer cool or beneficial for him. I think he was also one of those guys who had a job that’s entirely useless now. Didn’t seem to me like anyone even spoke to him the whole time I was there. I actually took the time to point out to Mike that he could be a problem if he was kept ostracized from the group.
Social outcasts often lash out, and the last thing a place like this needs is an unhappy person with access to weapons. God forbid he got to their fuel or food supply and decided to exact some kind of vengeance. I suggested Mike or someone actively try and get him involved with their culture. No sense holding a grudge against him because he played the cards he was given. Not sure if Mike agreed with me or not, but at least I said my peace.
I was thanked a lot. I think they all really wanted to get rid of Sean. I seriously mean ALL when I say it too. Everyone there seemed to hate the guy. I guess sometimes all it takes is a pebble to move a mountain I guess. I’m glad no one seemed hostile towards us. Lots of talk as well rotated around their election tomorrow. It seemed like Mike was the hands down favorite to win it all, but a few folks suggested that Goldman (the doctor) take on the job. She’s pretty smart (no shit, right?) and personable as well. I think she’d do just fine.
Gavin, to his credit, hung on Patty’s ass the whole time asking about Abby. It’s cute. He obviously likes her. He’s also taken the initiative and is talking to Patty directly, which is pretty ballsy. I think some of the girls in the school went to bat for him as well, saying he really is a nice kid. Patty’s stance on the cockblocking might be softening. We’ll see when we meet them again.
Mike gave me the tour of the first floor, and most of the second floor as well. He pointed out all their housing areas, communal areas, and general resources. He said their food and weaponry were mostly stashed in the basement under lock and key, and that I wasn’t “that good a friend” yet. I had to laugh at him. I like Mike a lot.
We concluded our day with the trade. Patty was our chief negotiator. She’s really good at it, especially when it comes to selling the women the stuff they want. They were mega-moist over the clothes and perfume. The laundry detergent went over well too.
When it was all said and done, Patty managed to score a crank radio for us to use, ten gallons of gasoline, two more bottles of milk, another dozen eggs, and a chicken. Luckily it was a dead chicken, otherwise I’d have to kill it, and I really wasn’t in the mood to kill a chicken. Don’t get me wrong though, I’ll kill the shit out of a chicken right now if I have to. We’re going to eat it tomorrow for dinner.
When we left we agreed that we would meet again on the 7th at our place, at about noon. Being able to sit down and share a meal I think is really nice. Eating together is a bonding experience. Plus it allows us to shoot the shit about whatever before we get down to business.
We stopped at Patty’s family home on the way out. The roads weren’t plowed so I dropped the plow on our truck and cleared the way. Patty got pretty emotional as we got out of the truck. I had to be on guard doubly because we’d driven by undead to get there, and Patty was just checked out entirely. She was on auto-pilot hardcore.
I had to give her a hug and just hold her a couple of times when we were inside because she just couldn’t handle the memories. The house had been emptied of most of the usable stuff by other people, but she was able to get some pictures, and mementos that meant something to her and Abby. Seeing pictures of Randy and Charles was sort of painful for me, and I can’t even imagine what it was like for her. To lose them so suddenly and painfully like that? Awful shit Mr. Journal.
I lost myself there for a minute. Wasn’t sure what else to say. It’s tough talking about this stuff.
I can deal with violence, I can deal with physical pain, and I can deal with gore, but when the emotional stuff is put on me, I can feel cracks forming in the great wall of Adrian. Maybe that’s the part of me that’s still human? Maybe that’s the part of me I need to foster instead of hide? I don’t know anymore. It is funny that I have these weird retrospective moments every now and then. Maybe that’s just normal? I wish I had this life figured out.
I want to so badly to earn whatever time I have left, but it’s like I am being tested over and over. I try to do the right thing, but at every turn it seems like I am either forced into making a decision that no matter what, I feel terrible about after. Maybe that’s exactly what’s happening? This is all just a big fucking test.
I should’ve gone to church as a kid. Bottom line.
After Patty gathered what she could from her empty home, we left. I had to kill a shambler in the yard which was sort of ugly. It was a huge bastard, and Patty sort of freaked because it was one of her co-workers before everything. She was so out of it from crying and whatnot she actually greeted the guy before she realized what was going on. I didn’t want to mess around with the hatchet, so I just capped him with the Glock. Patty stood there in complete shock as he bled out into the driveway. We were off after that.
Our trip home was uneventful, though we did hit five more undead on Route 18 and Auburn Lake Road. I feel more confident using the plow to hit them now that I’ve done it a bit. I can set the plow to the correct height and I know about what speed I should be at to do it safely. It’s still gross as balls, and I think we need to take the time to clear the bodies out of the road shortly. It’s starting to feel like a morbid four mile long string of juicy speed bumps.
Abby as you’d expect got really emotional when we got back and saw all the stuff. All of her stuff. She got really angry too at one point. She’s definitely got a temper that one. I guess her beef was about the fact that her mom essentially “disturbed” the sanctity of their old house. Almost like Patty was a tomb-robber or something. I can see that actually. Some things are best left as memories I suppose. Makes me start evaluate whether or not forgetting might actually be an effective coping mechanism.
Bah. Forgetting isn’t an option. My dreams will see to that.
Next couple of days I think I’m going to beat some snowmobile paths into the woods around here. I’m betting that’ll draw more of the undead into the area, which might not be a bad thing. If they continue to meander towards campus at this rate, they’re just making it easy for us to kill them. If I’m a little lucky, I’ll get some additional time behind the bow and maybe get a deer or five.
I bid you adieu Mr. Journal! Godspeed.
-Adrian
March 3rd
Something is wrong.
Something is very wrong.
I always knew there was something going on just behind stage left, and somewhere up above in this grand theatre of life, someone has started turning on lights, and I tell you what... this isn’t Romeo and Juliet, it isn’t Cats either, it’s a fucking freak show.
Campus has been sliding downhill since the explosion at STIG, and between last night and tonight, things have gotten much fucking worse. We can’t leave Hall E right now. There are too many undead outside on campus.
At about three am last night I woke up from an exceptionally fucking strange dream. In the dream I was sitting in a fairly small white room with two other people in it with me. We were arranged around a small, white round table, and in the center of that table there were three items. The first item was a gleaming silver sword. The second item was a small book. The third item was some kind of religious symbol. I think it was either a cross, or maybe a Star of David. But it could’ve been a stat
ue of Buddha too. I don’t remember now. I just remember it was religious or something.
I remember looking at the two other people sitting at the table with me, but I can’t remember who they were. I remember now that they looked very familiar, but for the life of me I simply cannot place their names or faces. We couldn’t have been more than three feet from one another, but no matter how loud I shouted, they couldn’t hear me. It was like there was a whole world between us instead of just an arm’s reach.
At some point, and it felt like forever to be honest, the table slowly started spinning, and after a million slow revolutions, the table came to a stop with the three items arranged directly in front of us. The person to my left had the cross, or the crescent, or whatever it was in front of them, and the person to my right had the sword. In front of me was the book.
The items slid all on their own a few inches until they were almost touching us, and then I woke up. When I woke up, I was here in Hall E, but things were different. The room I was sleeping in was larger than normal, and I was in a double bed instead of a single. In the bed with me was Cassie. When I woke up, I sat up like a bolt, and she rested her hand on my thigh, and I just knew instantly I was safe. I sat back and rested my head on the pillow and she rolled over to face me.
I’m crying. Thinking about seeing her face just a breath away is breaking my fucking heart right now. I don’t know if I can handle this. I don’t think there’s enough man left in me anymore to deal with this shit. I’m just not strong enough.
She leaned in and kissed my forehead, and rested against me, pressing her warm body against mine. I can still feel her right now. My skin is still tingling with her warmth, and I have the scent of her hair fixated in my mind. I wasn’t quite aware I was still dreaming, and for a moment, I forgot about the way things really are. I know in my dream we sat there for what seemed like hours, but when she finally spoke again, it was all taken away from me in an instant.
“Adrian, it’s almost time to wake up.” Her voice was like a spring breeze in the morning. Right after the weather turns warm for the first time, and you know summer is really coming.
I said back, “No, there’s still plenty of time left to be together.”
She let out the longest sigh I’d ever heard, and said back to me, “Our time is over baby. There’s someone else out there for you.”
I remember opening my eyes in the dream, and looking at her. I couldn’t stop wondering why she would say that to me. We loved each other? I looked long and hard at her, and there was no anger, no malice, and no sense of disappointment. She looked at me with love and affection and…..
jesus I can’t do this…
And she looked at me, and I knew she was dead. I know it more than I know how to breathe. I know it more than I feel the guilt in my heart over not having gone for her that day. It’s my burden to bear for the rest of my days, and I don’t need to see her body to know it. When I looked at her again in the dream I had tears rolling down my cheek into my pillow.
She nodded at me. She knew what I was thinking. I broke down sobbing. She pushed herself against me firmly, and draped an arm around me. If I think about it now, I can still feel it on me. That welcome pressure that tells you someone is there, and everything will be okay. You’re safe, I have you…..
The last thing she said before I snapped awake was this; “You must prepare yourself. Trials and tribulations are the way of the world now, resting is not part of what judges our worth. Everything happens for a reason Adrian. Sometimes we don’t understand when things happen, and sometimes we never understand. Just understand I always loved you, will always love you, and that you are needed by more than just me now. Someone must be the memory.”
I woke up to Patty and Abby standing above me, trying to wake me. They tell me I was screaming bloody murder. They said I was screaming Cassie’s name over and over, and crying. I don’t recall much of that because the girls got me sleeping again, and I woke up with the dawn.
My pillow was still damp from the crying, and unless I’ve gone completely insane, my pillow smells like her. For a moment I sat there on the side of my bed, cradling my pillow in my arms inhaling deeply, trying to absorb her smell.
Maybe I have gone insane.
Patty and Abby couldn’t sleep that night after waking me. They were too shaken by the sight of me screaming to get back to sleep. When I made my way downstairs to eat something, they looked at me as if I’d been stabbed. I guess I looked horrible.
Patty gave me a glass of juice, and cooked me an egg. I vaguely remember eating it. I think I enjoyed it. I don’t remember to be honest. At some point this morning after I finished eating I realized that Patty and Abby were sitting at the table with me. I guess I was so out of it I didn’t notice they were there.
Patty slid around the table to me and for a moment I had a flashback to my dream. Three people sitting at a round table, right? But something was off, this wasn’t what I was dreaming about. Mother Williams put her hand on top of mine, and we sat there for a minute in silence. Finally she asked me the million dollar question.
“Adrian, what did you dream about last night?” Her voice was quiet. Abby leaned in closer and rested her elbows on the table.
I told them everything. Just like I wrote it above Mr. Journal. While I was talking they sat listening, and when I started to cry, they joined me. It wasn’t pretty. Today was the first time I let everything out to someone about Cassie. The women were just wrecked. Cassie always used to say that the one thing she couldn’t handle was watching a man cry. I think the Williams ladies might be in the same boat.
I can only hope they don’t judge me as I judge myself. I am my worst critic. The hero revealed for his true nature. The coward. The sheep in wolf’s clothing.
Once we gathered ourselves, and I’d purged the glut of emotions running through me, Patty took my hand in both of hers, and got my attention. “Adrian, there’s something we need to tell you.”
I perked up and my head cleared. Usually when someone says something like that to me, there’s danger involved. What Patty said broke my heart. Shattered it like glass really.
“Before Charles died he and I were having very strange dreams about people.” She looked over at Abby, and then Abby spoke up.
“I’ve had some strange dreams as well. Not just, like, weird dreams, but like, WEIRD dreams.” Abby looked very small and scared when she said that.
Patty continued, “Charles and I talked about them, and eventually we figured out that we were only dreaming about people we knew that had died.”
I didn’t get it right at first, and I guess my expression told her I was lost.
“Adrian have you had a dream about me at all?”
“No.”
“Have you dreamt about Abby?”
“No.”
Abby chimed in then, “What about Gilbert? Have you dreamt about Gilbert?”
“I don’t think so.” It was starting to make some sense.
“Adrian I didn’t have a dream about Randy or Charles until after they were killed downtown.” Patty let go with one hand to wipe her eyes. She was crying again. I can remember how red her eyes were.
I started to nod, and before you know it, I was sobbing again. What a tough guy huh?
I don’t think I can say this any more bluntly, but the living only dreaming of the dead. We sat at the table and cried, and discussed it, and cried some more. None of us have had a single dream about someone still alive in recent memory. It would seem as if though our dreams made this switch right about the end of June, when this all started.
Are we dreaming of ghosts?
I can handle zombies. I can handle murderous survivors. I think, given enough time, I can even handle my guilt. I don’t know if I can wrap what’s left of my sanity around the idea that ghosts are in my head at night. I just don’t think I can handle that. There’s no real choice in the matter though is there? I either find a way to cope, I go insane, or I die.
After our talk we decided that there was no more that could be achieved on the subject. Now that it was out in the open, we could at least have dialogue about it. I geared myself up for a campus patrol, and just as I was about to leave my bedroom, I caught sight of something moving outside.
I hunkered down, and went to the window slowly. Zombies in the middle of campus. Dozens. More than dozens. Maybe a hundred of them. Shambling, meandering, staggering, and looking directly at Hall E. I pulled my curtain aside to get a better look, and Abby burst into my doorway. She started to tell me what I already knew, but stopped when she saw me looking out the window.
I grabbed my radio and called for Gilbert. He didn’t realize it until he looked out a window, but his house was surrounded as well. I went down to the living room and looked out the windows over my barricades. I did a quick count and just in the street and yard areas I counted fifty. I could see more down the way towards the bridge.
The three of us all watched them out of the windows for what seemed like eternity. I don’t know what to do. We need to kill them, but I’m not sure how we do that without leading all of them to our front door. I know Hall E is strong, but is it strong enough to hold back a few hundred hungry, lost souls?
One way or the other, I think we will find out tomorrow. I’m very worried though. Mike is coming here to visit us for another trade meeting the day after next. I don’t want them to roll onto campus and straight into the fucking maw of doom. If they get killed now, after all we’ve just achieved, I’ll be very, very unhappy.
We’ve been devising plans all evening in the dark. There’s enough of a charge in the batteries from the solar panels to keep the furnace going tonight. We were worried letting the gas generator run would attract them to us, but I think that’s silly. They’re all standing still, looking straight at this building.
Midnight (Adrian's Undead Diary) Page 42
