by R. L. Stine
This is horrible! Evan thought. One more laugh—and Conan could explode!
Evan let out a long hyena laugh.
“I really go ballistic when people laugh at me,” Conan warned.
Evan and Andy laughed some more.
“I have to hurt people who laugh at me,” Conan threatened.
Evan and Andy laughed in reply.
Conan turned to Kermit. “Why are they laughing like that?”
Kermit shrugged. “Beats me. I guess they think you’re funny.”
“Oh, is that right?” Conan shouted angrily, turning back to Evan and Andy. “You two think I’m funny?”
Evan and Andy held their sides and laughed.
“Give me my Frisbee!” Kermit shouted.
“Okay. Go chase it.” Conan flung the Frisbee across the hedges. It sailed over two yards and disappeared in a clump of evergreen shrubs.
Kermit went running after it.
Conan scowled at Evan and Andy. “I’m going to count to three,” he growled. “And if you don’t stop laughing by the count of three, I’ll make you stop!” He raised both fists to show them how he would make them stop.
“One…” Conan said.
Evan laughed. Andy pressed her hand over mouth, but couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping.
“Two…” Conan counted, his face twisted in anger.
I’ve got to stop laughing! Evan told himself. I’m in serious trouble here. Serious.
He opened his mouth, and a booming “Hahahahaha!” burst out.
Andy had both hands pressed over her mouth. But it didn’t stop the snickers and guffaws from pouring out her nose.
Kermit came jogging back into the backyard. “I can’t find the Frisbee,” he complained. “Somebody has to help me. I can’t find it anywhere.”
Conan turned to him. “You sure you don’t know why they’re laughing like that?” he asked.
Kermit shook his head. “They told me they think you’re funny-looking,” he told Conan. “I guess that’s why they’re laughing.”
I don’t believe this! Evan thought, so angry he wanted to explode. That little creep! How can he do this to us?
Conan turned back to Andy and Evan. “Last chance to stop,” he said. He took a deep breath, stretching out his big, powerful chest. “Three!”
Andy laughed.
Evan laughed even harder.
“I warned you,” Conan growled.
12
Andy phoned Evan that night to see how he was feeling. Evan had to hold the phone away from his ear. His head hurt too much to press a phone against it.
“I guess I’ll survive,” Evan groaned. “I’m getting used to looking in the mirror and seeing a pile of coleslaw where my head used to be.”
Andy sighed. “Your cousin is such a creep,” she said.
“How are you feeling?” Evan asked. “How long did it take you to climb down from the tree?”
“Not too many hours,” Andy replied weakly.
Conan had said he never hit girls. So he picked Andy up and stuck her onto a high tree branch.
“At least Conan stopped us from laughing,” Evan said. “My stomach still hurts from laughing so hard.”
“Mine, too,” Andy told him. “I’m never going to laugh again. Never. If someone tells me the funniest joke in the world, I’ll just smile and say, ‘Very funny.’”
“I can’t believe Kermit did that to us,” Evan moaned.
“I believe it,” Andy replied dryly. “Kermit will do anything to get us into trouble. That’s what he lives for—getting us into major trouble.”
“Did you hear that little mouse laughing while Conan pounded me into the ground?” Evan asked.
“I was up in the tree, remember? I could see him laughing!” Andy declared.
There was a long silence at the other end. And then Andy spoke in a hushed voice, just above a whisper, “Evan—are you ready to use the Monster Blood on Kermit?”
“Yeah,” Evan replied without having to think about it even for a second. “I’m ready.”
13
After school the next afternoon, Evan and Andy found Kermit behind his lab table as usual. “Hi, Kermit,” Evan called, tossing his backpack down and stepping up to the table.
Kermit didn’t glance up. He was busy stirring ingredients in a large mixing bowl, using a large wooden spoon.
Evan peered into the bowl. It looked like pie dough in there. It was thick and gooey and yellowish.
Kermit hummed to himself as he stirred.
Andy was wearing a sleeveless, hot pink T-shirt over bright yellow shorts and matching yellow sneakers. She stepped up beside Evan and peeked into the bowl. “Making a pie?” she asked.
Kermit ignored her, too. He kept stirring and humming, stirring and humming.
Finally he stopped and glanced up at Evan. “I told my mom you lost my Frisbee,” he said, sneering. “She says you have to get me a new one.”
“Huh? Me?” Evan cried.
Andy walked around to Kermit’s side of the table. She lowered her head to the bowl. “Smells lemony,” she said. “What is it, Kermit? Is it some kind of dough?”
“It was your fault my Frisbee got lost,” Kermit told Evan, ignoring Andy’s questions. “Mom says you’re a very bad baby-sitter.”
Evan let out an angry cry. He balled his hands into fists. He struggled to keep himself from strangling Kermit.
It was a real struggle.
“Mom wanted to know who drank up all the orange soda,” Kermit continued. “I told her you and Andy drank it.”
“Kermit!” Evan shrieked. “You played a horrible trick on us yesterday! You put chemicals in our orange soda! You made us laugh and laugh and laugh—until it hurt. Then you got us in major trouble with Conan! Did you tell your mom that? Did you? Did you?”
Kermit put his hands over his ears. “Don’t shout, Evan,” he whined. “You know I have very sensitive ears.”
Another angry growl escaped Evan’s throat. He felt about to explode with rage.
“I told my mom that you shout at me all the time,” Kermit continued. “Mom says you’re just immature. She thinks you’re very babyish. She only lets you stay with me because you’re my cousin.”
Kermit picked up the wooden spoon and started to stir the doughy mixture again.
Evan spun away, trying to control his anger.
I’m glad Andy and I are going to do what we’re going to do, he thought. I’m glad we’re going to give Kermit a little scare. He’s been asking for it. He really has. And now he’s going to get it.
Evan walked over to his backpack. He unzipped it and pulled out a candy bar. “Mmmm. A Choc-O-Lik Bar,” he murmured. He crossed back to the lab table, unwrapping the candy bar as he walked.
Standing in front of Kermit, Evan took a big bite of the chocolate bar. It made a loud crunch as his teeth sank into it. “Mmmmmm!” he proclaimed. “Choc-O-Lik Bars are cool.”
The candy bar was part of the plot.
Evan knew that the Choc-O-Lik Bar was Kermit’s favorite.
The candy bar was supposed to distract Kermit. While Kermit stared at the candy and pleaded with Evan to give him a bite, Andy would slip a tiny chunk of Monster Blood into Kermit’s mixture.
Evan crunched the candy bar loudly, making lip-smacking sounds as he chewed.
Kermit glanced up. He stopped stirring the yellowish dough. “Is that really a Choc-O-Lik Bar?” he asked.
Evan nodded. “Yeah. Sure is.”
“My favorite,” Kermit said.
“I know,” Evan replied. He took another crunchy bite.
Kermit stared at the candy bar.
Andy stood beside Kermit. Evan saw the blue container of Monster Blood in her hand. Just seeing the can made Evan shiver.
So many bad memories. So many nightmares.
The green gunk inside the can was so dangerous.
“Can I have a piece of the Choc-O-Lik Bar?” Kermit asked Evan.
Andy lifted off the t
op of the Monster Blood container.
“Maybe. Maybe not,” Evan told Kermit.
Andy stuck two fingers in the container. She pulled out a gooey green hunk of Monster Blood.
“Please? Pretty please?” Kermit begged Evan.
Andy dropped the chunk of Monster Blood into Kermit’s big bowl of dough. Then she quietly snapped the cap back on the container and slid it back into her bag.
Evan took another bite of the candy bar.
“You shouldn’t eat a candy bar unless you have enough to share with everyone,” Kermit scolded.
“You haven’t been very nice to me,” Evan told him. “So I’m not going to share.”
Kermit started stirring the dough again. He stared angrily at Evan as he stirred. He didn’t see the green Monster Blood being stirred up in the yellow dough.
Evan took another bite of the Choc-O-Lik Bar. Only a few bites left.
“I’m going to tell Mom you were mean to me,” Kermit threatened. “I’m going to tell her you wouldn’t share.”
Evan shook his head. “See what I mean? You’re not nice to me, Kermit. If you were nice to me, I’d share all my candy bars with you.”
Andy winked at Evan. Then she peered into the bowl.
Kermit stirred and stirred.
Andy’s expression became tense. She gripped the edge of the table with both hands. Evan saw her nibble her bottom lip.
Watching Kermit stir the Monster Blood, Evan suddenly had a heavy feeling in his stomach.
We’ve done it, he thought.
We’ve opened another can of Monster Blood.
He stared at the yellow dough in the bowl. It made a soft plopping sound as Kermit pushed the wooden spoon through it.
Now what? Evan wondered.
Now what’s going to happen?
14
Kermit stirred the yellow dough. The big wooden spoon scraped the bowl. The doughy mixture plopped softly, tumbling and swirling as Kermit worked.
Andy kept nibbling her lower lip, her eyes locked on the bowl. Her brown hair fell over her face. But she made no move to push it back.
Evan watched from the other side of the table. His heart began doing flip-flops in his chest. He took another bite of the chocolate bar.
He chewed as quietly as possible. He didn’t want to disturb Kermit. As he chewed, he stared at the bowl.
He and Andy were waiting. Waiting to see what the little hunk of Monster Blood would do to Kermit’s mixture.
Waiting to see the look of horror on Kermit’s face.
Waiting to pay him back for being such a little monster.
Kermit didn’t seem to notice how quiet it had become in the basement. Dogface came lumbering in, panting loudly, his paws thudding on the tile floor.
No one turned to look at him.
The dog hiccupped, turned, and padded out of the room.
Evan bit off another chunk of the candy bar.
Kermit stirred, humming to himself. The spoon scraped the side of the bowl. The dough slapped against the edge.
And spilled over.
Kermit stopped stirring. “Weird,” he muttered.
Evan’s heart did a flip-flop up to his throat. “What’s weird?” he asked.
“It grew,” Kermit replied, scratching his white-blond hair. “Look.”
Kermit pointed to the yellow dough with the wooden spoon. It plopped up over the top of the bowl.
“It—it’s growing really fast!” Kermit declared.
Evan took a few steps closer. Andy leaned down to get a better look.
The dough rose up, shimmering and quivering.
“Wow!” Kermit cried. “It wasn’t supposed to do this! It was supposed to turn sticky and black!”
Andy winked at Evan. Her brown eyes lit up excitedly. A smile spread across her face.
The yellow blob quivered up over the top of the bowl, as big as a beach ball.
How big was it going to get?
“Oh, wow! This is awesome!” Kermit declared.
The dough shimmered higher. Wider.
It rose up high over the bowl. It overflowed the sides.
Bigger. Bigger. It started to look like an enormous hot air balloon.
“It’s taller than me!” Kermit declared. His voice had changed. He didn’t sound excited now. He was beginning to sound frightened.
“We’d better stop it, I think,” he murmured.
“How?” Andy asked. She stepped out from behind the lab table and joined Evan on the other side.
Andy grinned at Evan. She was enjoying the expression of fear on Kermit’s face. Evan had to admit he enjoyed it, too.
The ball of yellow dough shimmered and shook, growing bigger every second. It bubbled up faster and faster, pressing Kermit back against the basement wall.
“Hey—help!” he sputtered.
Andy’s grin grew wider. “He’s terrified now,” she whispered to Evan.
Evan nodded. He knew he was supposed to enjoy this. It was supposed to be sweet revenge.
But Evan was terrified, too.
How much bigger would the huge yellow blob grow? Could they stop it? Or would it grow and grow and grow until it filled the entire basement?
“Evan—help me!” Kermit cried. “I’m trapped back here!”
The dough began to shake harder. It bobbed up against the basement ceiling.
Evan glanced down and realized he was still holding a chunk of candy bar in his hand. The chocolate had started to melt.
Evan started to pop the candy into his mouth—just as the giant dough ball exploded with a deafening roar.
15
“ULP!”
Evan swallowed hard as the doughy goop exploded. The force of the blast sent the candy chunk flying down his throat.
He started to cough and choke.
With a hard splat, globs of sticky dough hit him in the face. The yellow goo spread over his hair and covered his eyes.
“Hey!” Evan choked out. He frantically wiped the dough from his eyes, blinking hard.
He could taste it on his tongue. “Yuck!” He spit it out and rubbed the sticky stuff off his lips. Then he pulled thick wads of goo off his face.
“It’s stuck to my hair!” Andy wailed.
“Help me! Help me!” Kermit’s cries sounded as if they were coming from far away. Evan quickly saw why. Kermit was buried under a big heap of yellow goop.
Pulling dough from his hair, Evan hurried behind the lab table. He reached down with both hands and tugged Kermit up from under the dough.
“Wow. I’m kind of dizzy!” Kermit cried. He leaned heavily against the lab table. His hands slid in the yellow goo that covered the table.
“I’ll never get it out of my hair!” Andy wailed, tugging at her hair with both hands. “Never!” She turned to Evan. “It wasn’t supposed to explode. Just get big. I guess something in the dough made it blow up.”
Wiping dough off the front of his T-shirt, Evan gazed around the basement. The yellow dough had splattered over everything. Now it dripped down the walls, making soft plopping sounds as it hit the floor.
“That was an awesome explosion!” Kermit declared. His eyeglasses were covered with yellow goop. He pulled them off and squinted around the room.
He turned to Andy. “Did you put something in the bowl?”
“Never mind,” Andy replied, still pulling sticky yellow globs from her hair.
Kermit tugged her arm. “What was it? What did you put in my mixture?”
“Why do you want to know?” Andy demanded.
“So we can do that again!” Kermit declared gleefully. “It was so awesome!”
“No way we’re doing it again!” Evan moaned.
Their revenge on Kermit hadn’t exactly worked out, Evan realized bitterly. Kermit should be in tears by now. Or he should be quivering in fear and terror.
Instead, his eyes were dancing with excitement and he was grinning from ear to ear.
We were total jerks! Evan thought sadly. Kermit
is loving this!
Kermit pulled out a cloth and cleaned his glasses. “What a mess!” he declared, gazing around the room. “Evan, you’re going to be in major trouble when Mom gets home.”
Evan swallowed hard. He had forgotten about Kermit’s mom.
She had given him one last chance to prove that he was a good baby-sitter.
Now she was going to come home to a basement splattered with sticky yellow goop from floor to ceiling. And Kermit was sure to tell her the whole thing was Evan’s fault.
Aunt Dee will tell everyone in the world why she had to take the job away from me, Evan thought unhappily. And I’ll never get another baby-sitting job as long as I live.
Bye-bye, Walkman, he thought grimly. No way he’d ever earn the money for one now.
“This is your fault!” he snapped at Andy, pointing an accusing finger at her. A spot of yellow dough stuck to his fingernail.
“My fault?” Andy shrieked. “You’re the one who wanted to teach Kermit a lesson!”
“But you’re the one who wanted to use the Monster Blood!” Evan cried.
“Look at my hair!” Andy wailed. “It’s solid goop! It looks like I’m wearing a helmet! It’s ruined! Ruined!” She uttered an angry growl.
Kermit giggled. He bent down and picked up a chunk of the sticky yellow dough. “Think fast!” he shouted—and heaved it at Evan.
The dough ball hit the front of Evan’s T-shirt and stuck there. “Stop it, Kermit!” he shouted angrily.
“Let’s have a dough fight!” Kermit suggested, grinning. He scooped up another handful of the stuff.
“No! No way! Stop it!” Evan cried. He pulled the dough ball off his T-shirt. “This is dangerous! We’ve got to clean this up!”
Kermit flung another big chunk of yellow goo at Evan.
Evan tried to dodge out of the way. But his sneakers slipped on a big, slimy puddle of goop, and he hit the floor hard. He landed on his side with a loud “OOF!”
Kermit let out a gleeful laugh. “That was awesome!” he declared. “What a shot!”
Andy hurried over and helped tug Evan to his feet. “Maybe we can vacuum it all up,” she suggested. She turned to Kermit. “Where does your mom keep the vacuum cleaner?”
