by Shani Krebs
Joan Sacks, my sister, who never judged nor questioned my actions, but remained loyal and made it her life’s mission to get me out of prison, putting her family and her own life aside and providing for my every need: I may not show you love, but please know that I’m eternally grateful for the love and caring you have shown me all my life. Thank you.
Vicky Klevansky (RIP), who was like the father I never had.
To Jeff Nathan, who was willing to give up his own freedom to see me free. Not many people I know have as much heart as you. Love you, brother.
Darren and Keri Sacks, my nephew and niece, whose lives were changed forever. Thank you for your support and for never giving up on me when I had almost given up on myself.
To Alison Lowry, my editor and now friend for life, 300 000 handwritten words later, you managed to put it all together and still maintain my voice throughout. Well done and thank you. I would like to dedicate the book to Alison’s daughter, Tiffany, who, like me, was a warrior, but tragically lost her life to an accidental drug overdose at the tender age of 18.
Ian and Pam Jacobson, you guys were amazing. You came into my life at a time when death was knocking at my door. I am grateful to both of you for making such a huge difference to my life in prison. Thank you.
Mark Cohen and his wife Sandi: I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you did for me. Words cannot express my gratitude.
Peter Hough, fellow Arcadian and brother: whenever I reached out you came through for me. Your kindness and generosity have touched me deep in my heart.
Abe (RIP) and Rosie Krok, and Solly Krok. What can I say? Knowing people such as yourselves has been more than an honour and a privilege. Thank you for coming through for me when you did.
Bertie Lubner, you were part of my journey from those initial years. When all hope seemed lost, you were one of the people who gave me strength to endure my suffering. I always said to Joan, ‘If anybody can get me out of here it’s Bertie Lubner.’ Thank you so much.
Doc and Edna Ralph, I am deeply indebted for your support and, more importantly, for helping me to renew my faith in Hashem (G-d).
Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela (RIP), a man loved and respected by all. You stood for equality and freedom and had the courage of your convictions. As a prisoner, I was inspired by everything you epitomised. Many a lesson I learnt from you. Thank you for your personal letter supporting my royal pardon application.
David Sandler, a fellow Arcadian and a brother who brought so many of us ex-Arcs together from different parts of the world. Your support and correspondence over the course of my incarceration were tremendously uplifting.
Angsana Yamakanon. When I think of the times we shared and your unconditional love, you were not only an inspiration, but an angel. You renewed my self-worth and taught me that no man is an island. Without you I could never have attained the standard I achieved in my artistic development. Kob kun krab.
Elisabeth Grimm. Our paths crossed for reasons I did not understand at first, but then with time I realised that you were another angel, whose extended love and friendship not only inspired me but carried me through in my darkest moments. You are always in my heart.
Rabbi Yosef Chaim Kantor. I would like to thank you not only for your friendship but for also being a spiritual mentor. Your visits were a source of strength on so many levels. May Hashem always be with you.
Morris Landsman (RIP), my best friend and brother, you were always there for me, no matter what. We brought out the worst and the best in each other. I miss you more than anything, although your spirit will always live on in those who had the privilege of having their lives touched by you. I’m so sorry that you aren’t here to enjoy my freedom with me.
Jackie Benjamin. We loved, we shared, we learnt – a time in my life I will never forget. Thank you for not only being an inspiration but also my number one fan.
To Jeremy Boraine and the team from Jonathan Ball Publishers, who had the foresight to approach me even before I had started writing my book. Thank you for having faith and believing in my story. Thank you Alfred LeMaitre, for your copyediting skills. It was great working with you, even though we only spoke on the telephone.
Thank you to Anne Brest, whose computer skills and assistance in putting the manuscript together were much appreciated.
To the following people, please know that the order of names does not diminish in any way the importance and gratitude I feel towards each and every one of you. I am touched in my heart beyond words. A big ‘Yasher Keach’ and sincere thanks: Adrian Rosenberg, Alik Dresner, Randy Shiff, Vicky Klevansky (RIP), Sandy Lipshitz, Rob and Sharon Nisbett, Beverly and Jon Davimes, Louise Fisher, Yvonne Ziegler, Gale Isobel Bailey, Bev Boulton, Rabbi Nechemya Wilhelm, Dr Henk van Staen, Leo and Jane Niedermayr, Alon Ossip, Tony Chaskelson, Adi Fredman, Monty Koppel, Brian Leftin, Shirley Roth, Joel Costa, Les Durbach, Sharon Friedman, Denis Rubenstein, Derek Rosmarin, Barry Aaron, Peter Aaron, Melvyn Gutkin, Neville Sacks, Peta Ann Cohen, Howard Sundy, Kelly and Marcia Schlesinger, Cato Pastoll, Grant Port, Mark John Sher, Gail Smith, Peter and Karen Hohenstein, Wendy Kirsch, Dr Dean Lutrin, Saul Colley and Susan Ruttenberg, Brett Schlesinger, Barbara Jochelson and Pam Burgess (RIP).
Kevin Port, Ilan Saffer, Larry Miller, Wendy Rosenberg, Riekie Robinson, Rabbi Shain, Ian and Lana Meltzer, Anke van Niekerk, Laurie Fineberg, Jules Gordon, Michele and Hans Roelofsen, Leanne and Ty Micinilio, Carmen Upiter, Barbara Gavin, Robyn Woolf, Malcolm Spence (RIP), Anna Marie de Ridder, Gavin Cohen, Benji Schleider, Gabriel Schleider, Carol Kirshon, Trevor Pearlman, Philippa Sklaar, Norma Payne, Douglas Cohen, Lauren Witkin, Roy Levin, Ellen Levy, Tony Mark, Sandy Meltz, Jenny Arkles, Christine Read, Ekie Litvin, Roy Lotkin, Florentina Savedra, Zsuzsi and Kristi Gurics, Zelda van Rooyen, Karen Lotis (RIP) and Katherine Sprietzer.
Hazel Friedman, Debora Patta, Dormer Csaba, Jane Abbott, Mark Franz, Laura Sher, Colleen Kanowitz, Sergio Nocera, Erwin Verhoeven, Bernadine Stein, Hilary Vogel, Selma Richter Habecker, Sue Wyche, Hilary Shill, Melanie Rosen, Elize Aimes, Derick Berold, Patricia Gerber, Belinda West, Lucy McDermid, Anton Schutte, Errol and Dianne Ballen, Paul Marc Ephron, Mike Leeb, Larry Wainstein, David Cato, Mandy Harnoy, Shelley van der Hoven, Juliana Sanviso, Denis Goffinet, Raven Randall, Trevor Romain, Karl and Anna-Marie Lechky, Levana Mizrachi, Salomie Green, Charlene Lewison, Robynne Pozniak, Carole Herson, Debbie Stein, Janine Goodson, Melanie Scheepers, Chris and Jackie Burgess, Charmaine Chatkin, Gil Lang, Stephen Sacks, Barbara Jochelson, Karen Page, Somchai, Alan Deshowitz, Athena Botolous, Danya Medow, Seline Kasner, Michelle Levenstein, Gisele and Beverley Winick, Aubrey and Heather Scheider, Myra Woolf, Howard and Gail Rybko, Coreen Lourens, Tanya Shenfield Schwartz, Anthony Mark, David Givechy, Nanda and Vidia Govender, Delene Kleyn, Irwin and Janice Schaffer, Salome Green, Sharon Bennet.
Special thanks to the following: FW de Klerk, Pik Botha, Desmond Tutu, Tony Leon, Robert McBride, Aziz Pahad, Professor Harry Reicher, Harut Lapid (RIP), Ambassador Goris, Ambassador Douglas Gibson, Ambassador Pheto, Anna Mokoko and Jan Putter.
To all those people who took the time to write to me, I want to thank you. Your words of encouragement gave me the strength to endure those long lonely days that almost swallowed me alive. Sadly, it was impossible to reply to all of you who wrote to me – please forgive me.
Lastly, to all my friends in prison, keep your minds occupied, stay fit and know that dreams come true. Another day in paradise.
Shani Krebs
February 2014
Photographs
At my most lovable age, surveying the world, around 1960. If I’d known what awaited me, perhaps I would have opted for another life.
My sister Joan’s controlling instincts surfaced early. What the hell’s she on about? Give me a break, sister.
My mother, Katalin, at the age of 16. This photo was taken in Budapest in 1940.
A happy moment for the Krebs clan. From left are my half-sister Marika, my father Fritz and Mom (holding me), with Joan in the foreground.
The smiles hid the grim reality of our dysfunctional family, and my parents soon separated.
Katalin and Janos on holiday in Durban, early 1960s.
Early days at Arcadia: Joan and me with Zsuzsika (Zsuzsi), my niece, in the centre. This was taken during a family visit in early 1972.
At the annual Arcadia picnic, hosted by the Roth family, held in Vereeniging.
The original wild bunch: my Arcadia brothers, with me in the centre. This photo, which was used in a book called 100 Years of Arc Memories, was taken on the Arcadia soccer field.
A friend and I with the young son of one of the household staff at Arcadia. This was taken when I was in Standard 9.
I matriculated from King David Victory Park in 1977. That’s me on the right.
Joan and I keeping up with the trends, mid-1977. I’m doing my Roger Daltrey impression, while Joan is channelling Joanna Lumley in The New Avengers, which was a popular TV show in those days.
At Bikkur Cholim camp in Muizenberg, summer 1975, with my arms around Carol (left) and Babette (right).
In the early 1980s, during one of my wild road trips, I returned to Muizenberg. Here I’m showing my friend Steve who’s boss.
My 24th birthday celebration with my girlfriend Dana, at the Turn ’n Tender steakhouse, Greenside, 1984.
After my motorbike accident, while I was AWOL from the army, at Joan’s place in Vereeniging, December 1979.
Raving out of my head on LSD during that notorious holiday in the Transkei in the early 1980s. Those were crazy times!
Although my mom put us in Arcadia, she never abandoned us. Even when she went back to Hungary, she kept in touch and made a point of visiting us every few years. Life had been cruel to her, but she always showed us as much love as she could.
Joan and Malcolm on the beach in Cape Town, 1978. They got married in December 1980.
My father Fritz had seen better days when this picture was taken in Vanderbijlpark, in the early 1980s. Over the years, I had some contact with him, but I never felt any affection for the man. When he died, on 22 April 1989, I refused to attend his funeral. Twenty-three years later, to the day, I was released from prison.
Around four years into my sentence, circa 1998.
Soon after my first six-month stint in solitary, 1999.
One of many articles highlighting my predicament that appeared in South African media. This one was published in the Tribune in 1999.
The perimeter wall of Bangkwang prison was studded with guard towers like this. Although manned by armed commodores, duty in the towers was actually a punishment for the guards.
The dragon emerges, circa 2001–2002. Having received a 100-year sentence, I intended to have a new tattoo done each year.
Preparing for a volleyball competition on the tennis court of Building 1, circa 1998. I had shaved my head not long before this, and my hair was just beginning to grow back.
Manslaughter United, the B team of Building 2 for the annual inter-building football tournament, January 1996. The design of our kit was based on the Bafana Bafana uniform of that time.
Relaxing after a tough football practice with my Nigerian brother Jaap.
Keeping fit and healthy, 2005.
In prison, cultural barriers didn’t really exist. when I moved to Building 6, in 2010, I joined my new band of friends in their Christmas celebration – my first. This photo was taken in Danny’s house.
With my Chinese friend Lim, who cooked for me for ten years. This picture was taken in the garden of Building 4 during an indoor football competition.
Even during my second stint in solitary, I remained serious about my prayers and Torah study. Although I was locked up for 24 hours a day, with nothing but a towel for my bed and my siddur for a pillow, I also understood that Hashem was preparing me spiritually and psychologically for my imminent freedom.
Over the years, Joan worked tirelessly to secure my release or a transfer to a South African prison. This picture is from 1997 or 1998.
‘Nelson Mandela’ (ballpoint pen, 1996). This was part of my ‘black period’ series.
‘Freedom of the spirit’ (oil pastel, 2000). I created this artwork soon after my first stint in solitary.
‘Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson’ (handpainted in carbon powder – fine granules of charcoal – with Chinese brushes, 2003). I had a very spiritual experience when I completed this painting. Much later, when I exhibited it in a gallery, some people even asked who the photographer was!
‘King Bhumibol Adulyadej’ (handpainted in carbon powder, 2002).
‘Reflection on still water’ (handpainted in carbon powder, circa 2006).
‘Lona Misa’ (handpainted in carbon powder, circa 2007).
‘Fine line this madness’ (oil pastel, 2009).
‘Joan’ (mixed media – charcoal and poster paint – circa 2007). All of Joan’s cares and suffering seem to be weighing on her in this picture.
With my nephew Darren and niece Keri during a contact visit, September 2005. Apart from photos, this was the first time I had seen them in 11 years.
With Malcolm and Joan during the September 2005 contact visit.
I was a complete wreck after my five-day ordeal in IDC, but I was free. Elisabeth saw me off at Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi International Airport before my flight back to South Africa.
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without prior permission from the publisher or copyright holders.
© Alexander Shani Krebs, 2014
First published in 2014 by
JONATHAN BALL PUBLISHERS
a division of Media24 Limited
PO Box 33977
Jeppestown
2043
Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-86842-575-4
This ebook edition published in 2014.
eBook ISBN: 978-1-86842-576-1
EPUB Edition
Design by Triple M Design, Johannesburg
Cover design by Publicide
All photographs are reproduced by kind permission of the author.
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Blog: http://jonathanball.bookslive.co.za/
To view examples of the author’s artwork, visit www.shanikrebs.com.
