by Ruthi Kight
I heard her quiet release of breath and I braced myself for what was coming. “They’re...well, they’re my parents. They have been trying to convince me to go back to New York with them. And before you get your panties in a bunch, my answer was no then, and it will be no tomorrow.”
I needed to be selfless at that point, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “I’m really glad to hear that. You have no idea how glad.”
“Did you actually think I would leave? Damn Katy...”
“I didn’t think you would, but you can’t blame me for being worried. I mean, Betty is gone. You’re out of high school. What happens next?”
“Next? That’s a good question. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.” She let out a frustrated laugh, the sound barely audible. “I’ve still got some time, ya know?”
“Yeah, you do. But...if you’re planning on going to school...well, they won’t be taking applications forever.”
She was quiet again. I knew that I had hit a sore spot. That was probably one of the biggest reasons that her parents wanted her to go home. How could she take care of the farm and go to school at the same time? That was a huge responsibility, and one of those life changing decisions that couldn’t be made without time.
“I know. Damn...do I know.” I could hear her bed squeak as she spoke. “I’ll figure it out. Soon, hopefully.”
“Looks like we both have some sh-stuff to figure out.”
“You’ve been hanging out with Brian too much already.” She laughed out loud, causing me to smile. It had been too long since she had really laughed. “Okay, it’s time to put up or shut up. Are you going over there?”
I stared out the window, taking note of the once-green grass in the yard. It was turning a muted shade of yellow and brown since it had been a dry summer so far. I knew that I wanted to find out what was going on between Brian and myself, but did I have the courage to just show up at his house? I hoped so.
“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” I walked away from the window and grabbed my purse off my bed. “I’ll call you later and let you know how it goes.”
“You can do this. Just be the ball-busting sweetheart that we all know and love.”
I threw my phone into my purse and left my room. I knew I wouldn’t run into my mom at this time of day, but I had to be careful. The afternoons were her worst time of day, and the most common time for me to find her passed out somewhere random. As I made my way downstairs, I smelled something cooking. What in the hell could she be cooking? I rushed to the kitchen and there she was. Clothed in her ratty bathrobe, her hair piled in a heap on top of her head, she stood there in front of the stove.
“Mom, what are you doing?” I scrambled to her side and pulled her back from the open flame. Gas stoves and drunken mothers were never a good mix. “If you were hungry you could have asked me to make you something.”
I walked her over to the kitchen table and sat her down. She let out a grunt, but was otherwise quiet. I looked down at her, my hands on my hips. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to just walk away. Let her play with the stove. But then I remembered the last time...when she tried to burn the house down. A shudder ran through my body and I mentally kicked myself for even thinking about it.
“Okay Mom, what do you want to eat? I’ll make you something.” I looked at her glassy eyes and noticed deep, purple bruising under her eyes. She wasn’t sleeping again. Great. “Mom? You in there?”
She didn’t move. Her catatonic state worried me. Was there even enough liquor in the house to get her that drunk? There had only been one bottle in the house yesterday, which meant that she probably went out this morning before I got up. Shit.
“Okay, we need to get up to your room. Can you walk?” I grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet. I could smell the vodka seeping out of her pores at this distance. The smell alone made me want to gag, but mixed with her body odor...it was too much. She obviously hadn’t bathed in days and that scared me even more.
I struggled to get her up the stairs. She wasn’t helping herself, which meant I had to push and pull her the entire way. By the time I got her to her room, I was pouring sweat. I tucked her into bed and grabbed the empty bottles that littered her nightstand. The smell in her room wasn’t much better than her body, but at least some air freshener would help that issue. I looked back at her once I crossed to the door. She was already sleeping soundly and let out the breath I was holding.
I made my way back to the kitchen and threw the bottles away. In that moment, I knew that I had to do something drastic. My dad had let this go on too long, never confronting her about her problem. Well, not anymore. Something had to be done or she would end up killing herself, or someone else for that matter.
I ran back upstairs to my room and booted up my computer. When the internet was finally ready I typed in the name I was looking for. The information was quick to come up. I had heard about this center in Columbia before and they were my last hope. After dialing the number on the kitchen phone, I waited. The seemingly endless ringing finally stopped and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Thank you for calling New Beginnings Recovery Center. How may I help you?”
Chapter Twelve
Brian
I knew my goals for the day when I woke up this morning. I needed to get Jenn over here so I could talk to her, and then I planned on heading over to Katy’s house. I had to apologize for how much of a dip-shit I was the night before. We had gotten so close over the past week, but all of that was destroyed in less than an hour.
I called Jenn first thing and she seemed reluctant to come over, but I practically begged. I have never begged a woman to meet with me before. It was a surreal experience. When she finally acquiesced, I felt a weight lifting off of my shoulders. I was finally going to be able to let go of my security blanket and make the move towards the woman who had held my heart for so long. Damn. I was beginning to sound like a girl.
A quick shower, a bowl of cereal, and I was ready to face the day. I sat at the kitchen table and stared down at my hands. I had never been the patient type. The kind of person who sat idly by, watching the world pass by. I kept glancing at the clock on the wall, watching the seconds tick slowly by. The ticks became louder with each passing second. The sound was beginning to grate on my nerves, but luckily I was saved by the ding of the doorbell. At least it was a different kind of noise.
I rose from the table and made my way to the front door. I checked my reflection in the mirror in the hall as I passed. I looked like hell from a lack of sleep and continuous stress. Maybe once this conversation was over I could get back to life. Whether or not it was the life I wanted mattered very little. Life wouldn’t be over if Katy never wanted to see me again, but it would be a new kind of torture if I had to watch her hook up with someone else.
I grabbed the door handle and braced myself, mentally and physically. I pulled it open to find Jenn standing there, looking beautiful as always. Her looks had been what attracted me to her at first, but our shared experiences in life is what kept her in my life. She didn’t share her past with many people, so to be in that inner circle meant more to me than most would ever know. I knew one day she would find someone who was perfect for her. Unfortunately, that wasn’t me.
She walked through the door without a word, her hips swinging as she made her way into the living room. I shook my head and let out a small laugh. I closed the door and followed behind her, my eyes never wavering from the back of her head. I wanted to watch her ass move in those jeans, but the brain in my head was mentally slapping me every time the thought crossed my mind. I had to be unattached in every way if this was going to work.
She sat down on the worn out couch and tucked her legs underneath her. I walked to the loveseat across from her and sat down. I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees. I had yet to make eye contact with her, but I knew her well enough to know that she was staring me down.
“Okay Brian. Let’s have it. I haven’t got
all day.” I finally looked up, her face a mask of calm.
“Never one to beat around the bush, are you?” I gave her a sardonic smile and sat back on the couch. “Here’s the deal. This,” I pointed between us, “has to end. I know we agreed that we were casual-“
Her sudden laugh cut me off. “This? There is no this, Bri. We’re friends with benefits. Nothing else. If that’s what you wanted me to come here for, fine. But let’s not pretend that we’re anything other than that.” She stood up and smoothed her shirt down, her hands running up and down her torso.
“Jenn, please. Don’t do this. Don’t try to brush this off like it’s nothing. I know you,” I shot her an intense glare, “and I know what we are. I’m not doing this to hurt you. I’m doing this because...I’ve met someone.”
Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline, but she quickly concealed her surprise. “I’m happy for you. I really am. Who is it?”
I didn’t want to tell her. She would laugh at me for falling for Katy and her wholesome ways. “I’d rather not say...”
“Ah. Ashamed?”
“No. Just don’t want to say who it is.”
“You can tell me. No judgment. Promise,” she said as she smiled at me. That sweet smile was so disarming. In that moment, I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to pour my heart out, but I knew that she wouldn’t understand.
“Just a girl I met.”
“You’re breaking our arrangement for ‘some girl’?” The panic on my face must have tipped her off. She sneered at me, her lip curled up in disgust. “It’s Katy, isn’t it?”
“Does it matter?” Of course it did. I knew that.
“Wait. You’re ditching me for...her?” She let out a growl, the sound echoing off of the bare walls surrounding us. “For fuck’s sake Brian. You could have at least picked someone better looking than me. I mean, shit. You’re going for a serious downgrade.”
My blood was boiling as I rose from my seat. We were less than a foot away from each other, our eyes locked in a heated battle. “Watch it. I won’t put up with that shit in my house. Katy is...she’s...dammit. I care about her.” I caught the look of disappointment flicker across her face, but it was gone so quickly that I probably imagined it. “I care about you too, but this is different. She’s different.”
She shook her head; her eyes glassing over as her emotions overtook her. “You know she’ll never understand you like I do. You’ll never be good enough for Ms. Priss. You know that, right?” she whispered. Her voice was haunting, as if it was being drug from the bottom of her body.
I lifted my hands to her face, cradling her while rubbing my thumb over her cheeks. “I know. She deserves better than me. But I hope to one day be worthy. And I hope that you can understand that. Maybe not right now, but one day.”
She took a quick step back, her movements jerky and stiff. She rubbed her hands over her face, wiping away the look of pain that clouded her features. “Don’t count on it. But if you want to delude yourself, go right ahead. But I won’t be here to pick up the pieces when she proves me right.” She turned quickly and left the room, the sound of the front door slamming moments later.
The chirping of my cell phone was a welcome distraction from the shit storm that had just walked out of my house. I looked down and found Katy’s smiling face staring back at me. I answered quickly, tucking the phone between my ear and shoulder.
“Hey, I was just-“
“I need your help.” Her voice was shaking and her breath was coming in spurts.
“Where are you?” I grabbed my keys off the coffee table and stormed out of the house.
“I’m at home. Mom’s...she’s...shit. She’s drunk out of her mind, again. I found her in the kitchen, playing with the damn stove. Can you come? I mean, I understand if you’re-“
“I’m on my way. Keep an eye on her. And don’t leave the house.”
I hung up as I opened the door to my truck. I climbed in and cranked the engine, quickly throwing the gear-shift in reverse. The panic in her voice was enough to light a fire under my ass. The beater hadn’t been pushed this hard in a long time, but for Katy, I was willing to push it to the brink. This was my chance. If I blew it...who knew where I would end up.
Chapter Thirteen
Katy
Why had I called him? Suddenly he was the first, and only, person I wanted to call. I wanted to question it more. Dissect it under a microscope. But that would have to wait. I had bigger shit to deal with at that moment. Like the phone call I made before I called Brian. Could I really send my mother to rehab? Would I?
As I sat on our faded couch, I surveyed the room. It had been a long time since I had taken a close look at our home. When had things started to fall apart? When I was a child, the house had always sparkled. There had been no dirt on the floor, no stains on the stairs, no dents in the walls. But now? The house was falling down around us and I hadn’t even bothered to notice. It was depressing.
It was a sign.
Our downhill spiral had started slowly, eventually picking up its pace and slamming us down. Here we found ourselves. Our house no longer a home, only a shell. I wondered if Dad had even noticed. I doubted it. He had been around even less lately, almost never coming home after work. I had a feeling that he was only sticking around for me, which made me question whether or not he would be here once I left. Who would take care of Mom? A chill ran through my body as I thought about what could have happened if I hadn’t been there earlier. It was frightening, but also eye-opening.
I heard the crunch of the gravel before I heard the roar of his engine. Brian. It hadn’t taken him long to get here, which brought a small smile to my face. Roxie was right. He did care about me. Would he feel the same way once he saw the life that I led? The constant bullshit I had to deal with on a daily basis? He had called me Ms. Perfect, but he had no clue just how screwed up my home life was. We were two peas in a pod.
There was no knock, only the sound of the front door opening and slamming shut. My body jumped at the sound as it disturbed the quiet that had settled around the house. He stormed in, his hair tousled and his eyes wild. When he saw me on the couch, he ran over and scooped me up in his arms, squeezing my body to his. I nestled my face in his neck, breathing in his scent. It was a smell that would be forever seared into my brain. Always reminding me of the comfort and security he offered.
He pulled back, keeping his arms around me, and looked down at my face. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head and pulled us together once again. I didn’t want the feeling to end. He made me feel safe, secure. Something that I hadn’t felt in too long. After what felt like an eternity, we finally pulled apart. He entwined his fingers with mine and pulled me down to the couch, our bodies touching as he kept me close.
“What happened? You scared the shit out of me Kitty.”
I started from the beginning. I told him about my mother’s drinking problem, my father’s disappearing act, and what had finally broken my silence. I stayed stoic and calm as I spoke, but by the end I was a blubbering mess. It was hard to be strong for so long. Sometimes it just felt nice to be vulnerable.
“Oh, Kitty.” He pulled me close, stroking my hair as I let my body melt into his. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? We...I...something could have been done.”
I looked up into his eyes, finding his pain mirrored there, as tears threatened to pour down his face. “I was so ashamed. I mean, even you thought my life was perfect. Could you imagine the gossip if people found out what was going on around here?” I shook my head and closed my eyes. When I opened them I found his closed as well. “I just couldn’t. I couldn’t handle the stares. The talk. The backlash. It just wasn’t...worth it.”
“Screw everyone else. Who gives a shit what the hypocrites in this town think? This is serious Kitty. What are you going to do?”
“I called a rehab center in Columbia. I talked to them about what would need to be done...but I’m worried. I don’t know if Dad would be will
ing to send her.” I was shaking, my body no longer my own. My stomach was in knots as I thought about telling my dad. He wouldn’t be happy about paying for something so expensive.
“Well, guess that means we need to talk to him then, right? Where is he?”
“Out of town. He’ll be gone until tomorrow night.”
“So...you’re here...by yourself? With a mother who drinks herself into a near coma?” He shook his head as a grimace twisted his mouth. “Know what that means, right?” I shook my head, utterly confused. “It means you’ve got a new roommate until he comes back.”
I stared at him as the smile split his face, lighting up his features in true Brian fashion. “You’re going to stay here?” He kept smiling and nodding his head enthusiastically. He was beginning to remind me of one of those Chihuahuas that were so common on people’s dashboards. “How will I explain that to Mom when she wakes up tomorrow? She’s not going to be happy about it.”
“To be honest, I don’t give a shit what she thinks. If her safety wasn’t an issue, I would whisk you away right now. But she can’t be left alone. And you don’t deserve to deal with this by yourself. So here I am.” He stood up and looked around. “Now, let’s have some fun. Want to prank call Roxie and Chase?”
The mischievous grin on his face set me off, sending me into a spurt of giggles. His presence was not only reassuring, but he kept my mind off of reality. He was just the medicine that my wounded soul needed. In that moment, I was almost thankful that my mom couldn’t keep her hands off of the hard liquor. In the dark recesses of my mind, where the constant doubt lived, questions began to find their way to the forefront of my mind. Where would we stand once this was dealt with? Would there be anything left to tether us to each other?
Chapter Fourteen
Brian
