A shrink would’ve insisted she face her fears years ago. A counselor tried once at the orphanage when she was fourteen, but Sabrina had not wanted to release her fear and possibly forget what little she remembered of her parents. She scoffed and ignored all the counselor had told her. Today, she’d have to guard her emotions while facing her deepest life-long fears.
“You’re here early,” Murphy said, sneaking up behind her. Sabrina was proud of herself for not jumping into the air. She hadn’t heard him enter the office. She needed to calm down. Today would be difficult enough without jumping at every little thing.
“Yeah. I brought you coffee,” she added, pointing to the Styrofoam cup on his desk. He came around her, sat down at his desk, and stared at the coffee cup as though it were poison.
“What? I thought it was about time I brought you some java for a change. How many years have you been bringing me coffee?” she asked.
“Since we met.”
“Well, don’t get used to it. I was having a kind moment. I’m sure it won’t last.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, and sipped the coffee tentatively. “In the mean time, I’m glad to see your fireman boyfriend has softened you up some.”
Sabrina rolled her eyes and hurled a paperclip at him. “It’s going to be a tough day, Murphy. Don’t start on me this early,” she said quietly, and sipped her own cup for strength.
“I’ll be right here with you, Sabrina,” he responded. He didn’t look at her.
Murphy was a good partner. For all their teasing and torturing of each other, she knew she could count on him for anything. He knew a little about her past, probably more than most. Well, at least until her therapeutic babbling to Jake last night on his sofa. She and Murphy trusted their lives to each other on many occasions, but the words were always harder to convey.
“Hello, team,” Brian called from the doorway in a bright voice.
“Morning person alert,” Murphy said, smiling. Sabrina stood, handed him the third cup of coffee she’d brought and tried not to drop it on him.
Brian Donovan made her nervous for the first few seconds as she forced her brain to comprehend it wasn’t Jake.
“Thanks,” he said in a surprised voice.
“Don’t get used to it. She isn’t usually this nice to new people. You must know someone to get such special treatment,” Murphy said.
“Murphy!”
“I’m just saying…” Murphy laughed.
“Well, there is this rumor going around my family about you, and I imagine I’ll be seeing you at our family dinner tonight.”
“I suppose so,” she said, wondering if she could chicken out, run away, and join the foreign legion by dinnertime.
Sabrina chanced a look at her partner. Murphy smiled, but didn’t respond with an opinion either for or against dinner with Jake’s family. He’d probably wait until she least expected it before teasing her unmercifully. Then again, Murphy did seem very happy about her whatever-it-was with Jake, so perhaps he’d keep his thoughts to himself.
“I won’t let anyone give you grief,” Brian said, smiling. “I promise.” Sabrina looked up and into his smiling eyes. Yet another Donovan man with a promise.
Hennessey arrived and everyone lurched into pretend-to-work mode. He strode to his office, wrenching open the door as he did every morning, but halted in the doorway. Hennessey saw the coffee Sabrina had left for him on his desk. He looked back and winked at her, but didn’t say anything.
Shortly thereafter, a clerk from the files and records department delivered three boxes to them with all the information from the Fireside Inn explosion twenty-three years ago. Each of them took a box into the conference room they’d commandeered for the investigation. Quietly, they started going through all the evidence, comparing it to the information they had on the more recent explosions.
After an hour, Hennessey came in with the diary from Suzanne Forrester. It was water stained. The pages of the back half of the booklet were melded together from having gotten wet. What they could read revealed pretty much everything Suzanne had already told them. They sent it over to the lab for further analysis to see if the damaged pages could be separated and reviewed.
No one had been charged twenty-three years ago. No witnesses had come forward who had seen anything relevant. There had been no similar bombs set before or after that single event. None of the victims had any kind of a criminal past with the exception of the new busboy who had been arrested once for ‘borrowing’ a car from a friend without letting the friend know in advance. The charges had been dropped. Nor were there any known enemies of the owners of the restaurant hostile enough for a bomb.
The puzzling case had quickly become a cold case. Every bomb scare since had required these old crime evidence boxes for cross-reference, but no connection had ever been found. Much like this time, Sabrina thought. The three of them spent the day slogging through every file, police report, and witness account with little reward for their efforts.
“The bomb was sophisticated for twenty-three years ago, but not by today’s standards,” Sabrina read from a chemical composition report. “There are some pieces of the bomb container which were collected and placed in a separate evidence locker. We can have it sent up if the need arises.”
“There were fifteen deaths, thirty-two injured, none of them were named Elliot or anything close to it. Although there was a Margaret, a Maggie, a Maria, a Megan, and a Mary among the forty-seven victims,” Brian said.
Sabrina tensed at the mention of Maggie. She knew her mother’s name was Maggie, especially after her nightmare from last night, though in her child’s memory, Sabrina had just called her, “Mommy.”
“No one claimed responsibility at the time. There was speculation towards the end of the investigation that one of the victims must have been the bomber, and perished in the explosion, taking his reasons with him. One of the cooks at the restaurant had a mysterious past. No one knew where he came from, with the exception of the owners, who also perished in the explosion.” Murphy read from a dusty beat-up manila file folder he held one-handed. His other hand rubbed back and forth across his neck impatiently. Sabrina knew he did this when he got antsy over lack of progress in whatever case they worked on.
“Is there absolutely nothing here, or am I just tired?” Sabrina asked at the end of eight long hours.
“I think Suzanne Forrester being at both sites the other day is a coincidence. Just one of those weird things,” Murphy concluded. He dropped the file on the table and the neck rubbing stopped.
Hennessey entered the room to get a progress report. “Find anything relevant?”
The three shook their heads. They had made zero progress.
“Have the lab call you if anything significant comes out of the diary; until then, go home. You can tackle it again tomorrow.”
“I’ll have them call me,” Murphy said.
“Why?”
“Sabrina and Brian are busy tonight at a big dinner with the family. I’m just watching a baseball game,” Murphy said, grinning. Sabrina gave him a blatant I’ll-get-you-later face. She knew he’d bring the family dinner up when she least expected it. Brian smiled too.
“Whatever. As long as someone’s available,” Hennessey said, but he winked at Sabrina again before he left. Great, did Hennessey know all about her love life, too?
* * * *
Sabrina thought she was prepared for dinner at the Donovan’s. She was mistaken. The last family dinner she’d attended had been at Murphy’s house last Christmas. He always made her come over. It was nice and fairly quiet evening, with the exception of his four kids whooping around the house, sugared up on all the holiday treats they consumed. It was amusing.
The Murphy’s Christmas dinner was a small, quiet affair. Occasionally, Murphy’s uncle would show up, or there would be a new, single bomb tech that Murphy would invite over for the holidays. It was nice. It was quiet. There were less than ten guests at any one time. The bulk
of Murphy’s extended family all lived in Boston and their annual reunion was a big New Year’s Day event with all his brothers and sisters. Sabrina enjoyed the quiet annual Christmas at Murphy’s house.
In contrast, family dinner at the Donovan’s was like the social event of the season. Because there were so many cars in the driveway and along the road, Jake parked a half a block away from the house.
Sabrina walked hand in hand with Jake along an uneven sidewalk to a white, three-story wooden house. It sported crisply painted black shutters, and with every single light burning from inside, surely NASA could pick it up on satellite. They approached the walkway leading to the sweep of brick stairs, which led up to the big front porch.
Sabrina heard the music of loud laughing voices coming from inside the house. Each time the door opened to admit another guest the sound spilled out and drew her closer. Although the sheer volume of people and the associated noise was daunting, she took comfort in the fact that since there were so many people there, how would anyone ever notice her?
Mistake number two.
Jake ushered Sabrina into the front hallway. He stayed behind her, his hands on her shoulders, as if he knew she’d make a run for it given half a chance. She saw lots of happy people lingering in the long hallway next to the stairs on the right. Everyone talked at the same time. Sabrina couldn’t focus in on any specific words, but the mood was exuberant. She was soon swept up in the joy around her.
Jake took her hand and led her into the throng of people. They got halfway to the stairs when Colleen spotted them as she descended, or perhaps she had been lying in wait for them to make an appearance. “Jake! You made it!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. She ran down the remainder of stairs, launching into his arms from the third step. She released him and turned her affection to Sabrina. Throwing her arms around her in a greeting worthy of long lost friends separated for years.
“Sabrina,” she squealed, “I’m so glad you made it. This is going to be a great night. Wait and see.”
“Down girl,” Jake said to his sister as she released Sabrina. There were several speculative looks all around them and the loud voices had quieted to a dull roar. Sabrina heard Jake’s name whispered a time or two.
“Oh, Jake. Relax. Come on. Mom is in the kitchen.” She ignored the others watching, grabbed Sabrina’s other hand, and led them further into the house.
The next doorway led to the large country kitchen complete with an impressive island in the center. Several women were stationed all around the room and every inch of counter space was involved in various food preparation tasks. Sabrina had personally seen the kitchens of four-star restaurants that were less organized. She entered behind Colleen and a veritable hush came over the room. A smiling woman who looked remarkably like Jake, Brian, and Colleen turned as they entered.
“Colleen Donovan. I told you to let them come in themselves, not drag them along,” she scolded her daughter with a wink.
Sabrina loved Jake’s mother the instant she laid eyes on her. She had graying reddish hair and smiling blue eyes. Her lovely open face made Sabrina want to throw her arms around her and tell her every girlhood dream she’d ever had. This was the kind of mom she’d always dreamed of having while living in the orphanage.
“Mom.” Sabrina heard Jake say from behind her quietly, “I want you to meet Sabrina Morgan. Sabrina, this is my mom, Mary.”
“Well, Sabrina,” she said with a twinkle in her smiling eyes, “I have to warn you I’m a hugger.” With that she opened her arms wide for Sabrina.
Sabrina, who had never been a hugger, lifted her arms and stepped into her embrace as though she were a lifeline. She was immediately assaulted by the memory of her own mother’s fragrance. Vanderbilt.
Jake’s mother wore the same perfume Sabrina remembered from so long ago. She knew she held on too long and her eyes were watering up for some unexplained reason. She finally shook herself, not wanting her girly emotional side to make an unsightly appearance.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sabrina,” his mom said, and gave her an extra squeeze. “I hope you brought your appetite, hon, we always make enough food for a small nation.” She stepped back.
If she noticed Sabrina’s almost tears Mary Donovan was gracious enough not to say a word. Sabrina smiled and nodded at her, stepped back and felt for Jake.
“Thanks for having me over,” Sabrina managed to say without breaking down into tears.
“Now Jake, take Sabrina out and get her something to drink on the back porch. We’re eating in a few minutes.”
“Sure, Mom. Thanks.” Jake kissed his Mom as he passed her. He took Sabrina’s hand and led her out to the backyard where, amazingly enough, there were even more people, the majority of them children of varying ages. They were running around screaming and playing loud games together in the large, fenced backyard.
Sabrina stepped through a screen door and stepped down to another porch. She spotted Brian leaning on the porch railing, chatting with two other men who also looked a little like Jake when they turned. “Jake, Sabrina,” Brian said, and lifted his can of soda in salute.
“Hey Brian. How’s life?” Jake asked, his warm hand in the small of her back leading her over.
“Can’t complain,” he said, smiling at Sabrina. “Hi, Sabrina. I see you made it through the gauntlet.”
“Hi Brian,” she said. “Yeah, Colleen and Jake ran interference for me.”
“Sabrina, this is Adam and Kane, my oldest brothers. This is Sabrina. I know you already met Brian. By the way, he’s a morning person. It’s annoying,” Jake said, introducing his brothers.
“Jake’s a night owl, goes perfectly with his job. Don’t let him keep you up too late,” Brian said laughing.
Sabrina took turns shaking hands with two more brothers, marveling at the idea of siblings. Another dream she’d had in the orphanage growing up.
“Where’s Joe?” Jake asked. Sabrina surmised that Joe was yet another brother.
“Haven’t seen him yet. He may be working late. Ask Kathleen, she’s here somewhere with the baby,” Brian said.
A beautiful redhead entered their circle and threw her arms around Brian’s neck. “Hey, what are you hiding up here for? You were supposed to help me with the boys. They’re running wild.”
“They’re boys, honey, they’re suppose to run wild,” he answered with a chuckle. “Emma, this is Sabrina. She’s with Jake,” his tone suggesting that Jake bringing a girl was a significant event.
Emma’s clear blue eyes widened as she gazed at Sabrina. “Nice to meet you, Sabrina.”
Sabrina had figured Jake had brought any number of women home over the years, but everyone seemed to regard her as some sort of fascinating lab experiment when they learned she was with him.
Colleen joined the circle with sodas in hand for both Jake and Sabrina as a dinner bell of sorts rang and the din of the party got even louder. There were tables and chairs set up all over the backyard under a canopy and a large buffet table filled with food on the back porch. When Sabrina stepped up to it, she had no doubt it would feed a small nation.
“Do you do this every week?” Sabrina asked in wonder.
“No. About once a month or so. The family likes to get together and gossip,” Jake answered as he handed her a paper plate.
A line formed and they each got a plate of food and found a table of eight. She sat with Jake and Colleen. Brian and Emma and their three boys joined them. The kids were adorable, tugging at her heart when they talked to ‘Uncle Jake’ asking him everything but why the sky was blue and why the grass was green? Jake answered their endless questions with the patience born of a man who loved them dearly.
Sabrina lost herself in the heady emotions of a family coming together to share each other’s company as they ate. She loved all of it. The sounds, the smells, the mock arguments, the delicious taste of a slice of life…all of it was foreign to her. She had dreamed of this, in her lonely bed at the orphanage growing up. Sh
e had known it would be wonderful, and it was.
Sabrina was looking around, soaking up the atmosphere of engaging and wonderful, family life when she realized something important for the first time. Her next thought stabbed her heart and made her wince.
Jake’s brother Joe, who was at work tonight along with Jake’s father, had a six-month-old baby. Sabrina had met his wife Kathleen in line to get food.
Brian and Emma had three darling little boys and announced at dinner they were expecting a fourth in another six months as a rousing cheer went up over the crowd. Jake’s other two brothers Adam and Kane had four kids each—and that was just the immediate family.
There were countless cousins, aunts and uncles all with several children each. This little family dinner was like a cast party for My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Amidst all this family mayhem the horrible thought grew in her mind. Jake was used to this. This was the life he would expect. He was going to want children. He would make a wonderful father. She saw it in his eyes when he talked to Brian’s boys.
Sabrina couldn’t give him any. She was damaged goods. A wrenching sensation squeezed her heart. She wanted to escape. She should leave right now, before she got in too deep, but knew it was already far too late. She was up to her eyeballs.
Sabrina sucked in a small audible breath and turned towards Jake, eyes wide, blinking back the sudden moisture accumulating there. He misread the reason for her panic, but tried to comfort her anyway. He leaned over and kissed her face as if he’d done it a hundred times before, right in front of his family.
It was a sweet platonic touch of his lips to hers. His kiss said, “Relax, they like you. Or maybe, don’t worry, I like you and that’s all that matters.” All around her she heard people sigh and murmur, “Isn’t that sweet?”
Jake broke the kiss, smiling as if they were the only two people there. Sabrina wanted to dive in and share this life with him more than she wanted to take her next breath. A sudden melancholy tried to creep up and ruin the moment, but she pushed it away. Instead, she threw her arms around him in gratitude for bringing her to share this evening.
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