by Maggie Marr
She hugged me tighter and when she finally pulled away her eyes wandered over my face. She searched my expression trying to discern my mental state. After Mom died she’d become a pro at "reading" me, and she always knew if I was tired or upset or confused. Gayle’s lips flattened for an instant; I couldn’t hide my true feelings from her. She squeezed my arm and then she turned to Ryan. She appraised him from top to toe, and then she held out her hand to him. “Gayle Bliss,” she said. “Family friend.”
Family friend wasn’t an accurate description of what Gayle was to me, or to Sterling, or to my family. She was more like a family savior. Gayle was my mom’s best friend and her daughters, Rhiannon and Maeve, had been like sisters to me until they moved to Ireland to live with their dad several years ago.
Gayle was there for the entire horrible end of Mom’s life and then again, when Daddy fell into a bottle of Jack Daniels and didn’t emerge for a good long time. I don’t know what Sterling and I would have done without her.
“Come on,” Gayle said. “I just brewed some passion fruit tea. Plus I know two boys who’ll be awful pleased to see you.”
Both Oscar and Caribou trailed behind us as we headed into the kitchen. Ryan and I both admired Gayle’s art, which adorned the walls of her home. Caribou sniffed at Ryan. He must have gotten the scent of Ryan’s four-legged bedmates.
“Let’s go out back,” Gayle said. “I bet they already know you’re here.”
I walked through the kitchen and the family room to the back deck. The horse corral backed right up to the rail where Gayle sat and painted. Bronco and Torrence both stood with their heads hanging over the rail. Bronco was a paint with patches of chestnut brown splattered across his body. Torrence was a Morgan and a deep brown color. I scratched each of their heads. They jerked their heads and blew air through their lips.
“They’re yours?” Ryan asked. He stood beside me. He reached out his hand and scratched Torrence’s forehead.
“My mom gave them to me for my fourteenth birthday. I wanted a cell phone and she got me horses.”
“Some mom,” Ryan said.
“She was the best. She got me the horses and then got sick. My fourteenth year wasn’t a good one. Nor my fifteenth, or my sixteenth. Really, I don’t think I started to act like a semi-normal person until I went to college. And even then, I kind of kept to myself and hung out with Sterling and his friends.”
“What are you saying?” Ryan said. “Are you telling me that the beautiful and brilliant Amanda Legend wasn’t the hipster party animal I thought she was?”
“Afraid not. I spent almost all my weekends in high school right here.”
“And a whole lot of them in college, too,” Gayle walked out of the house holding a tray filled with iced tea and homemade ginger cookies.
“It’s so peaceful here,” I said.
I reached for two carrots that Gayle had put on the tray. I fed one to Bronco and one to Torrence. They nodded their heads in appreciation. I petted each and turned back to Ryan.
“I thought, with everything that is going on, that you might like the quiet. Everything seems less … less urgent when you’re here.” My eyes roamed over the open space. “And there is so much quiet. So much peace here, too.”
Gayle’s smile embraced me the way her arms had earlier. She poured me a glass of tea. I closed my eyes. This place was home. There was a warmth here that, to me, indicated my mother was not far away—spiritually, anyway. Before her death, my mom had tasked Gayle with making certain Sterling and I didn’t fall off the rails. Mom didn’t want either one of us to get caught up in the crazy Hollywood lifestyle, and Gayle Bliss was just the person to make sure that didn’t happen.
“You”—Gayle nodded her head toward Ryan as she settled onto the lounger—“were in a Steve Legend movie.”
Ryan’s famous smile spread over his face. The smile that caused millions of women to swoon. The smile that, at this very moment, caused heat to pool in my belly. Ryan was beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful.
“Guilty,” he said. He hooked his thumbs into the belt loops of his jeans and cocked his head toward Gayle.
My heart beat faster as I regarded that bad-boy stance and wicked smile. That face could melt the hardest of frozen hearts.
Gayle returned his smile. She leaned forward and took her glass of tea from the settee. “Then you must be the same boy who drove his Porsche off a cliff after Steve and Kiley’s wedding.”
Ryan’s smile evaporated and seriousness replaced the cocksure energy that had wafted off him a few seconds before.
“That’d be me too,” he confessed. He stepped toward Gayle and sat in the chair across from her. He peered at her as though he was giving her permission to ask anything she wanted, or maybe he was simply letting her know that he wasn’t running away from his past. He took a long breath, so deep it rattled through his lungs. “I’m lucky to be alive,” he said.
My heart clamped tight in my chest. Ryan had been lucky to survive the accident, but I hadn’t been sure until this very moment that Ryan realized how lucky he was.
“Knowing you’re lucky is half the battle,” Gayle said. She leaned back against the cushions. Bronco dipped his head over the rail and whinnied for Gayle. “Seems like these two would like a little action,” Gayle said.
I set my tea on the table and stood. “You ready?” I asked Ryan.
He grinned. I was certain he fought the urge to make a smart comment about just how ready he was, but instead he merely nodded and gestured for me to lead the way.
“Thank you for the tea,” Ryan said.
“My pleasure,” Gayle said. “I’ll expect the two of you for supper tonight once you’re finished with that ride.”
Ryan
I might have been raised in Philly, but I’d done a couple westerns and I knew enough to know that a woman astride a horse was a pretty sexy thing, and a woman who looked like Amanda Legend astride a horse made it damn uncomfortable for a man to ride. Seeing her ass in the saddle in front of me made me wish that I were a four-legged creature with a tail.
Damn.
Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.
Torrence and I followed Amanda and Bronco along the trail and up the side of the hill toward the top. The sun blistered down, giving off that final blast of heat for the day. A cluster of trees up ahead offered some shade. Amanda headed Bronco toward the cool spot. Once she got into the shade she slipped from Bronco’s back, took his reins, and walked him forward. I did the same with Torrence. When Amanda stopped I stopped beside her.
My breath caught in my chest. The view was long and clear and went out over the hills to the ocean below. The sky bled into the blue of the ocean.
Dizziness swept through my body. A sense of falling hit my stomach, as if I were floating in free fall over the edge and into the ravine below. A chill raced through me and panic clutched in my chest. I took a deep breath and two steps back.
“Are you okay?” Amanda asked. A tiny trace of fear crept into her tone.
“No worries,” I said. I turned away from the view and from the drop-off. I’d always believed that I’d been completely unconscious—actually blacked out—when I veered off of Malibu Canyon Road and careened over the edge of the ravine. The sudden clutch in my belly and the cold sweat that dripped down my back made me wonder if maybe I had been conscious, after all. A memory of crashing over the edge that night might be stored in my brain. I caught Amanda’s gaze. Would I find a memory of being with her too?
“Let’s go back,” Amanda said. She turned Bronco away from the edge. “It’ll be dark soon.”
I took one final look over my shoulder where the giant orange orb hovered over the brilliant blue Pacific. My face focused on the pink and the orange that streaked through the sky above the ocean, instead of the death-fall over the edge of the hill. Instead of a clutching panic, a peacefulness settled through my body.
“It’s beautiful,” I said to Amanda.
She turned back toward the view
. A smile spread over her face. A giant unhesitating smile. “It is.”
I’d endure twelve more panic attacks on the edge of this cliff to see Amanda’s smile. That smile on Amanda’s face made the feelings in my heart untangle. Her happiness grabbed me and pulled me. I couldn’t look away from the joy that shone from her face. Her smile was ten times more beautiful than the sunset in front of me.
Her face was beautiful. I took four steps closer. She was right next to me. Heat licked between us. Torrence stomped his hoof and settled. Amanda gazed up at me through those long eyelashes.
The urge to reach my arms out to her and to gather her up and pull her close to me pulsed within me. To feel her body pressed into mine, to run my hand up under her shirt and kiss her lips. I wanted to make Amanda moan my name.
She tugged a strand of that luxurious black hair behind her ear and tilted her head. She seemed embarrassed under the weight of my gaze, but I couldn’t pull my eyes from her. That upturned nose. Those bright blue eyes. The fair skin. When she looked at me it was like an arrow to the heart. My knees wobbled—that shit actually happened. The experience was overwhelming and it all hit me—her beauty actually hit me in the chest.
“Amanda,” I said. I didn’t pull my gaze from her. “I want to apologize.”
She tugged her bottom lip under her top teeth. Her eyelids fluttered and she started to shake her head to try to stop me but I had to say what I needed to say.
“No, please,” I said, “let me finish. Part of my program is making amends. I have to make amends when I know I’ve done something wrong.”
She dropped her head for a moment and then her gaze flickered back up to meet mine.
“I’m sorry for what happened at the wedding.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Amanda said. “It was my decision what I did—”
“I know, I mean, I hoped of course it was your decision.”
Her eyebrow plucked upward.
“I’m sorry about what happened between us at the wedding. I’m pretty sure that you and I being together is what made Kiley and your dad think you had some sort of pill problem and—”
“What are you talking about?” Amanda’s jaw jutted forward.
My stomach churned. The memories weren’t completely there, but something completely inappropriate had happened at the Legend/Kepner wedding. The rumors that swirled around Amanda now had to have come from somewhere. I’d heard rumors that Amanda and I were caught together at the wedding. “I don’t remember much before the accident, and I’m sorry I definitely don’t remember sleeping with you at the wedding, but I do know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was drunk and that I embarrassed you. Look, I’m certain it was great, and if I remembered—”
“Oh. My. God.” Amanda’s jaw dropped open and her bright blue eyes grew wide. She covered her open mouth with four fingertips.
“I’m sorry it’s my fault you got cut off by your father, and I’m sorry it’s my fault that you aren’t getting along with your family right now.”
Amanda placed her hands on her hips. Bronco’s reins hung from her hand. She sucked in her cheeks and gave me a long cold stare. Then, without a word, she turned to Bronco. She placed her left foot into the stirrup and in one fluid motion swung herself up and into the saddle.
I watched her. I waited. Where was her response? Some sort of acknowledgement. I was making myself vulnerable. I was making amends. I was trying to tell her that I was sorry if I’d taken advantage of her at the wedding. Amanda pulled Bronco to a stop in front of me. She leaned forward and her black hair swung out and draped around the side of her face.
“You… you…”
Amanda clamped closed her mouth and her eyes widened. There were more words she wanted to let loose. I dropped my head to the side, unsure of what I’d done wrong. Why had my apology made Amanda mad? I thought everything had been going well today. She remained silent, then nudged Bronco in the ribs, and took off in a bolt down the path toward the house.
Chapter 14
Amanda
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Lane said. “Slow down. What did you just say?” After the crazy conversation with Ryan I knew I needed to call my BFF Lane and get her to talk me down.
“I said, Ryan thinks he slept with me at my father’s wedding.” With a tug, Bronco’s saddle slid off his back and into my arms.
“Why does he think he slept with you? How did he get that idea?”
“Who the hell knows?” Inside the barn, a shiver chased up my spine. The earthy scent of hay and horses mixed with the sharp clean scent of saddle soap. In the tack room, I slung the saddle over a rack. “He was out-of-his-mind drunk when I walked into Dad’s bedroom. He drove his car off a cliff that same night. I’m guessing he doesn’t remember much, but I still don’t know how he ever got the idea that he slept with me that night. Maybe me with Ryan is a part of the lies that Kiley is spewing.”
Heat raced from my belly to my chest and flooded my face. Whatever memory Ryan had of his adventure with Kiley had been forgotten. Now I was the star of his little fantasy. What a mess.
“I can’t believe that I actually blew up my life, my relationship with Daddy, my everything because I wanted to do the right thing.” Out the tack room window, the hill rose from the paddock toward the Malibu cliff. Ryan ambled down the path on Torrence. “You’d think I’d learn that the truth can cause just as much trouble as a lie.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Now I’m stuck babysitting Ryan and dealing with this, this … I don’t even know what this attraction is. He thinks I slept with him and he doesn’t remember? I can guarantee to you that if I decide to sleep with someone they will remember. As if I’d have slept with Ryan Sinclair when he was a coked-up whore of a man? Come on? I have more self-respect than that.”
“Wait!” Lane said. “Back up, did you just say you’re attracted to Ryan?”
My eyelids closed. Air rushed from my lungs. “That’s what you latch onto? Everything I just said and me being attracted to Ryan is the part of the conversation you remember?”
“I caught all of it, but that’s the one part I didn’t already know. I know that you’re angry, and you should be. I know you would never sleep with Ryan when he was a hot mess of a man. I know all about your family and you doing the right thing. But, sweetie, what I didn’t know, for certain, is that you’re attracted to Ryan.”
Outside the tack room window Bronco stood tied up, waiting for his bath and a rub down.
“Yeah,” I said. “I mean, I don’t know. He’s like one of the hottest men on the planet, so why wouldn’t I be attracted to him?” I flushed with the memory of Ryan shirtless and sweaty and in his running shorts, or the sight of that cocksure grin he flashed to me, or that deep voice that rumbled up from his chest and scraped out of his throat.
“I … I don’t want to think about those feelings, and I don’t want him to know.”
“I won’t tell him,” Lane said. “But I think the feelings are mutual.”
Mutual and inconvenient. When we were together heat flashed between us, and the fire was too hot to be one-sided. Torrence and Ryan trotted into the paddock. Ryan slipped from Torrence’s back then led Torrence toward where Bronco stood. Bronco whinnied.
“Where are you right now? You’re usually home by now.”
I paused, then just decided to tell the truth. “We’re up at Gayle’s. We went for a ride.”
“You took him to Gayle’s?” Lane asked. Surprise flashed in her voice.
“I thought the outdoors and the sunshine would be helpful,” I said.
“I’m sure it was. Did you let him ride Bronco?”
I scraped my shoe through the straw that lined the tack room floor. “Bronco is too wild for anyone to ride,” I said. “I always let my friends ride Torrence.”
“Riiiiight,” Lane said.
I understood what Lane was trying to say without saying it. Very few people went out to Gayle’s with me. I only brought people who I trusted and who were importa
nt to me. Gayle’s was a very safe and very private place in my life. Gayle’s was my sanctuary. A place where I didn’t have to think about being Steve Legend’s daughter … and a place I didn’t share with just anyone.
“It was probably really great for him,” Lane said. “That was super nice of you.”
“Yeah, it was. And now I’m pissed.”
“Tell him,” Lane said. “Tell him you’re pissed and tell him why.”
“That’s not what we do,” I said.
One of the rules of being a Legend was, don’t piss people off. Especially people you might want, or need, to work with. Ryan was going through a tough patch in his career now, but eventually he would rise. He had the skills and the ability as an actor to make a comeback if he really wanted. I couldn’t piss off Ryan by telling him I was mad, by telling him the truth. Better to keep my mouth shut and pretend what he’d said didn’t bother me. Besides, I wanted to keep my job.
I watched through the window as Ryan pulled the saddle from Torrence’s back and walked toward the barn.
“I gotta go,” I whispered. “He’s here.”
“Good luck,” Lane said. “Tell him the truth. He deserves to know why he’s an idiot.”
We said good-bye and then I pressed the end button on my phone and plucked my earphones from my ears. While Ryan did deserve to know why he was an idiot, I definitely didn’t want to be the girl who was going to tell him.
Ryan
Once we’d washed the horses, fed them, and let them loose in the pasture, dusk had settled around us. Amanda said next to nothing. She smiled, but it wasn’t a real smile. This smile was tightlipped and it didn’t reach her eyes and was not even a poor relative of the smile I’d seen earlier in the day. I followed her into Gayle’s house. The warm scent of freshly baked bread mixed with a garlicky meaty smell greeted us. My stomach rumbled.
“Dinner is nearly ready,” Gayle said. “Go wash up.” Her eyes traveled from Amanda to me, and back to Amanda. She looked back at me. Gayle, too, knew something was wrong, that something had changed. I knew she could see the distance in Amanda’s eyes. I shrugged and turned my palms up toward the ceiling. Why was Amanda irritated? I was trying to do the right thing and apologize for being an addicted ass. Making amends for what I did would help me to stay solid in my sobriety. But my attempt to apologize to Amanda caused her to ride away. The friendly look in her eyes had been replaced with a gaze empty of emotion.
