She struggled not to laugh. “Damn, Graeme, you don’t forget anything do you?”
“Not when it concerns me and Barley. I must know if we’re going to be adopted by someone who will love and take good care of us.”
“Well, I have good news,” she said, deciding to play along with him. This teasing, joking Graeme was someone she could get used to. “I got an e-mail earlier today to confirm it is final. I should get the official documents in the mail within the week.”
“That’s the best news I’ve heard since Barley came to live with me. This means we’ll have to celebrate in grand style.”
Kayana went completely still. “How grand are you talking about?’
“Dinner and drinks at a restaurant where someone other than you will do the cooking.”
Folding her body down to the padded bench seat at the foot of the bed, she stared at a collection of crystal perfume bottles on a corner table. “When and where?”
“I’ll leave that up to you.”
Kayana closed her eyes for several seconds. In all the years she’d dated and been married to James, he’d never left anything up to her. And to keep peace in the house, she usually went along with him because she didn’t want a repeat of her parents’ increasing hostility toward each other.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been to Carolina Beach, Oak Island, or Wilmington, so I’ll go online and see what I can come up with.”
“Just let me know where you want to go, and I’ll make it happen.”
She smiled. “You may come to regret saying that.”
Graeme chuckled. “I doubt that. I’m coming to the Café for dinner. Would you mind if we eat together?”
Kayana’s smile grew wider. “No, Graeme. I wouldn’t mind. But what if we eat together at your place?”
“Is that what you really want?”
“Yes. We can cook together. What do you feel like eating?”
“Spaghetti and meatballs.”
“That’s easy enough to make.”
“What time should I expect you?”
“Five.”
“I’ll be here.”
“Later.”
“Later, my love.”
Kayana hung up. It was the second time Graeme had referred to her as his love. She wanted to tell him she wasn’t his love, and she didn’t want him to love her because he’d made it possible for her to like him more than she wanted to. There was never a time when they were together that she’d felt uncomfortable with him. She’d lain across his bed with him in it, slept under his roof, albeit he was sick, and was completely relaxed. Perhaps it was because he was the first man she’d gotten close to since her divorce that she was able to be open with without censuring herself.
But a quiet voice in Kayana’s head reminded her that she wasn’t twenty-six or even thirty-six, but a forty-six-year-old divorcée who could date or sleep with whomever she pleased, while her only commitment was to her brother, whom she’d promised to help run the Seaside Café. Pushing to her feet, she walked out of the bedroom and into the library to boot up her laptop. She’d just pulled up the website for several restaurants in Kitty Hawk when her cellphone rang again.
Tapping the screen, she activated the SPEAKER feature. “Hi, Leah.”
“Hey, girl. I’m going online to order your vibrator. How long, and which color do you want?”
Kayana bit her lip to keep from laughing. She did not want to believe Leah was that serious about ordering a sex toy for her. “Forget it, Leah. I really don’t need a vibrator.”
“Are you getting some?”
“No,” she said, laughing, “I’m not getting some.”
“Are you sure, Kayana?”
“Yes.”
“May I ask you a very personal question?”
Kayana wanted to tell Leah she’d already asked her a very personal question when she asked if she was having sexual relations. She’d learned quickly that her book club friends were not reticent and did not hold back from saying what came to mind.
“Yes, you may.”
“You claim you haven’t slept with a man in more than two years. Do you ever get horny? I’m older than you and experiencing the onset of menopause, but there are times when I’m as horny as a mink, and that’s when I use my vibrator a couple of times a day.”
Kayana did not understand Leah. She claimed she hadn’t slept with her husband in years, was aware that he was sleeping with other women, yet she rationalized she didn’t want to or couldn’t divorce him because it would upset their boys. Was she aware that her boys weren’t children but grown men who had gone on with their own lives? Yes, they might be disappointed that their parents were splitting up after so many years, but they would get over it more easily than if they were young children.
“I still feel desire, but if it gets to the point where I’m figuratively climbing the walls, then I’ll do something about it.”
“And what’s that?”
She closed her eyes and groaned inwardly. “I’ll find a man to sleep with.”
“Are you talking about picking up a man?”
“No, Leah. That’s not my style.”
Kayana wanted to remind Leah that she wasn’t so demoralized by her divorce that she was turned off when it came to men. She’d never had a problem with self-esteem, even when married to James or even before when the Hudsons had made known their resentment and hostility when James introduced her to his family as his fiancée. And no matter what they’d said or implied, she refused to succumb to their intimidation. Kayana knew that if she could survive being married to an egotistical man for almost twenty years and emerge unscathed, then she had the confidence to deal with any man.
“There’s something else I’d like to ask you, Kayana.”
“Why do I feel as if I’ve been summoned to your office for some school infraction?” she teased.
Leah’s high-pitched laugh echoed from the speaker. “Not to worry, honey. I summon very few students to my office because I want to keep my position as headmistress. Kids will lie to their parents through their platinum-plated little asses, and yours truly will always come out looking like the villainess, so I ignore most stupid pranks unless one puts another student’s life or safety in jeopardy.”
Kayana knew what Leah was talking about. She knew social workers and psychologists who’d boasted they’d made enough money from helping their wealthy clients grapple with ongoing unresolved issues to pay for their children’s college education without applying for student loans.
“What do you want to know?”
“Do you like men?”
A beat passed as she processed Leah’s question. “You’re joking, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Why would you ask me that, Leah?”
“I asked because I’ve seen the way men stare at you at the restaurant, and you look past them as if they don’t exist.”
“That’s because I have a strict rule that I don’t play in my own sandbox.”
“In other words, you don’t shit where you eat,” Leah said.
“Exactly.” She’d told Leah a half-truth because of her involvement with a man who was a customer at the Café.
“I really envy you, Kayana.”
Shaking her head, Kayana did not want to believe what she’d just heard. Why would Leah envy her when she appeared to be content with her life? “Why do you envy me?”
“You can come and go whenever you want and see whatever man you want.”
She bit her lip to keep from screaming at Leah. If she was unhappy with her so-called perfect life, then there was nothing stopping her from walking away. “And you can’t, Leah? You and your husband have separate bedrooms, your sons are living their own lives, and if you lose your position at the school, you can always get another. So why can’t you come and go and see whomever you want?”
“I don’t want my boys . . .”
“Stop it right there, Leah,” Kayana said, cutting her off. “How ol
d do your sons have to be before they’re no longer boys or your babies? They are men, Leah. Grown-ass men, and you have to stop using them as an excuse not to change your life.”
“I think it’s time I hang up. Good-bye.”
Kayana did not want to believe that Leah had hung up on her because she didn’t want to hear or face the truth. Well, she wasn’t the woman’s therapist, didn’t want to be, and for that she was grateful. She’d counseled more women like Leah who had an excuse for everything to ensure they would not take control of their lives.
She forgot about her conversation with Leah as she searched for restaurants where she and Graeme could celebrate what had become a running joke between them. She had symbolically adopted him and his dog, and that would establish a bond for the rest of the summer season.
* * *
Graeme came out of the house and opened the driver’s-side door when Kayana shut off the engine to her SUV. Since moving back to Coates Island, she rarely drove the vehicle, which was a welcome respite from the hour-long—sometimes longer, depending on traffic—daily commute to and from downtown Atlanta.
She smiled up at him when he helped her out, and she had to admit he looked a lot better than he had the last time she’d seen him. His face wasn’t as gaunt, and it was apparent he’d sat in the sun because his former pallor was gone. The most noticeable difference was his longer, gray-flecked, light brown hair. The military cut had grown out, and she realized the texture wasn’t straight, but curly.
Kayana did not want to believe she’d spent several days with Graeme at his house. It was as if she refused to acknowledge things about him she’d found attractive because she still wasn’t ready to admit to herself that she was a normal woman with physical needs that only a man could satisfy. And despite admitting to Leah and Cherie that she at one time had resorted to using a sex toy, it wasn’t something she wanted or needed as a substitute for foreplay and intercourse.
Unlike Mariah, she did not have a particular type when it came to a man. She’d gone out with men from different races and ethnic groups and had slept with one or two. But for Kayana, it was always about how she’d related to them and in turn how they’d treated her. However, she did have standards for behavior. She refused to date men who smoked, drank too much, or dabbled in illegal drugs. She’d had a hard-and-fast rule not to sleep with a man until they’d gone out for at least two months, because it would give her time to assess whether they would remain friends or take their relationship to the next level.
“You’re looking well.”
He smiled, and fine lines fanned out around his eyes. “Thanks to you, I feel wonderful.”
She patted his arm. “All you needed was over-the-counter medication, chicken soup, and lots of rest.”
Graeme looked at her under lowered lids. “I’ll remember that the next time I run myself into the ground.”
Kayana reached behind the driver’s seat to pick up a large canvas tote. “What were you doing so you were that run-down?”
“Writing.”
She handed Graeme the tote. “Books don’t become best-sellers because the author writes nonstop until they exhaust their creativity. Why don’t you complete a draft, and then go back and revise it?”
“What if I don’t want to revise it?”
“Well, I don’t have an answer for that. But at least you know what to expect if you decide to embark on another writing marathon.”
Resting his hand at the small of her back, Graeme directed her to the door, where Barley stood, his tail wagging like a metronome. “Can I count on you to take care of me if I get sick again?”
Kayana slowly shook her head. “No. If you’re intent on ruining your health, then don’t look for me to take care of you.”
“I thought we were family.”
She patted Barley’s head when he sniffed her leg. “We are not family, Graeme Ogden.”
“What happened to you adopting me and Barley?”
Kayana stopped suddenly, causing Graeme to bump into her, and she would’ve lost her balance if he hadn’t caught her upper arm to steady her. “You have to know I was just joking.”
Steely gray eyes met a dark brown pair. “Really?”
She blinked once. “Yes, really. We’re not a couple of kids playing jokes on each other. And you have to know that adoptions are a legal procedure that have to be finalized with a court proceeding.”
* * *
Graeme continued to stare at Kayana, wondering if she was aware of how much he had come to depend on her, if only to remind him that he could perhaps have a normal relationship with a woman for the first time in his adult life. She made him smile—something he rarely did. And she made him laugh—something he hadn’t done in a long time. There was something about her that was so natural and refreshing that he was allowed to be himself.
And he admired her maturity and independence. She wasn’t needy and constantly seeking attention and/or compliments. He also had told her things about himself and his past that he hadn’t revealed to anyone except his therapist. He’d trusted her just that much. There were other things he wanted to tell her, but he wanted to wait until he was certain he could share a future with her.
It had been four days since they had been together, and during that time Graeme had gone through mental and emotional calisthenics when he thought about Kayana. He’d carried on so many lengthy monologues with Barley that the dog had begun hiding under a chair on the porch as if to escape the sound of his voice. Their separation had allowed him to assess his life and what he wanted to do.
Graeme considered himself blessed that he’d been adopted by two people who’d not only wanted him, but also had loved him and given him a life most kids would fantasize about. They’d passed away within months of each other, his mother purportedly dying of a broken heart after his father lost his battle with colon cancer. At the age of twenty-six, and as their sole heir, he had become a wealthy young man.
Graeme had given up teaching after a twenty-year stint to concentrate on a second career as a fiction writer and had bought a house on an island off the coast of North Carolina to use as a vacation retreat, but he could not have anticipated falling in love with a woman whose presence afforded him the inner peace that had always eluded him. Talking to Kayana had allowed him to see his life differently. And when she’d said, “You have to let it go, Graeme, and go on living,” he’d repeated that statement to himself until her words had become a permanent tattoo on his brain. He had let go and was looking forward to going on living—with her.
“What if we make it real?” Graeme knew he’d shocked Kayana when her jaw dropped. Seeing her indecision, he decided to press his point. “You have to know how I feel about you. And you know how I feel about playing head games.”
Kayana recovered enough to ask, “What exactly do you want?”
“I want you to come and live with me. I promise not to put any pressure on you to sleep with me.”
“Sleep with you or have sex with you?”
He flashed a sheepish smile. “Perhaps I should’ve said make love with each other.”
“Do you actually believe we can share a bed and not make love?”
“Yes.”
She gave him a look that said she didn’t believe him. “Do you have ED?”
Graeme successfully curbed the urge to laugh in her face. “Not yet.” A frown creased his forehead when she laughed until her eyes filled with tears.
“Do you actually expect me to share a bed with you and not ask you to make love to me whenever you wake up with a hard-on.”
His eyebrows shot up. “So you’re not opposed to letting me make love to you?”
Kayana gave him a smile he’d witnessed mothers giving his students when they attempted to placate them. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I need to see you a lot more often before I decide on anything. And if we run out of time before you leave to go back to Massachusetts, then we can always continue this next summer.”
Gra
eme opened his mouth to tell Kayana that he did not plan to leave at the end of the summer but changed his mind. He had time to prove to her that they could have a mature, ongoing relationship without the angst both had experienced with their exes.
He lowered his head and brushed a light kiss over her parted lips. “That sounds like a plan.”
Chapter 15
Kayana felt as if she’d won a small victory when she got Graeme to agree not to fast-forward their relationship. She liked his gentleness, intellect, generosity, and dedication to a profession that did not get the respect it deserved. She was never able to reconcile why a professional athlete earned eight or nine figures for hitting, tossing, or kicking a ball, while teachers all over the country were striking for better wages.
Although she wanted to take her time to get to know him better, Kayana realized Graeme did not have that luxury. Most teachers left the island in August, depending upon when their district’s school year was scheduled to begin. Others waited until just before the Labor Day weekend to depart.
And spending most of her free time with Graeme away from the restaurant would curtail gossip if he were seen leaving her apartment above the restaurant after closing hours. Coates Island was only two miles long but with the influx of vacationers, many of the locals were too distracted by the newcomers to pay much attention to their neighbors. The exception was Miss Donaldson, who could occasionally be seen sitting on her front porch or peering through her curtains to discern outside activity.
“Are you ready to learn how to make authentic Italian meatballs?” she asked Graeme.
“Lay on, Macduff.”
Kayana glanced at him over her shoulder as she walked into the kitchen. “Should I assume you like the Bard?”
“I love Shakespeare. I have his complete works upstairs in the study.”
“Your study reminded me of a man cave. In order words, enter at your own risk.”
Graeme set the tote on a stool at the cooking island. “Nothing in the house is off-limits to you.”
Anything connected to his writing was on thumb drives and stored in a fireproof safe on a shelf in the supply closet. One hardcover copy of each of his published novels was stacked on built-in shelves along with dozens of other books. Once the renovations to the bungalow were completed and he’d conferred with the decorator, Graeme had insisted she focus on simplicity when ordering tables, chairs, and accessories. Unlike the Newburyport mansion, there were no priceless Turkish and Aubusson carpets, porcelain vases, Baccarat chandeliers, Tiffany lamps, and vast collections of fragile bone china, silver, and crystal. He felt more at home on the island than in the house that was his permanent residence.
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