Bitter Sweet Love

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  Danika arched a brow. “You haven’t talked to him yet. You don’t know why he left.”

  My eyes narrowed on her. “Like that matters? Whose side are you on anyway?”

  “Yours. Come on. Let’s get this over with then.” Pushing away from the bed, she herded me out of the room and into the long hall. “This is going to be so awkward. Glad it’s not me.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered. My heart was pounding like a big drum.

  “You look beautiful,” Danika said, giving me a not-so-gentle push toward the stairwell.

  Did I have time to run outside and shove my face in mud? The last thing I wanted was to look special for Dez. Nervousness caused my breath to catch as I gripped the banister. Or maybe it was the dress? I couldn’t breathe either way.

  Voices from the first floor floated up to us, and I strained to pick out who they belonged to as I made my way down the stairs. Blood roared in my ears, and my mouth dried as I reached the second-floor landing. I started to lean over, to take a peek, but Danika caught my arm and all but dragged me down the remaining stairs.

  I couldn’t even remember the last time the entire clan had gathered in one room together, especially at this time of the evening, when most would be preparing to leave for the nightly hunts. The crowd was enormous to me in that moment. The males tall and broad, dressed in dark leather pants. A few females were among them, trying to wrangle the children. One of them, a little boy no more than three, rushed across the atrium. Under the sky dome, he phased out of his human form. Halfway. Horns sprouted among his blond curls. Gray wings grew from his back, thin and uneven. One arched into the air and the other drooped to the side. He giggled as a large male stepped out and swooped him up into his arms.

  Danika elbowed me forward.

  I tripped, sending her a dark look.

  “There she is.” My father’s voice was like a clap of thunder, heavy with pride, and I felt as if I was trussed up for the auctioning block.

  An older Warden with gray hair and a heavily lined face grumbled, “It’s about time, Garrick. None of us are getting any younger.”

  Hands fisting once more, I kept my eyes trained on my father as I forced my legs to keep moving. The crowd parted as I walked in a numb daze. I couldn’t look at any of the faces I passed. My stomach twisted and ached.

  My dad said something and he was still smiling, but I couldn’t follow the conversation. Every muscle in my body locked up as he stepped aside. Against my will, my gaze moved to the spot he’d stood in.

  And there he was.

  My heart skipped a beat and then sped up.

  Dez stood before me, taller and broader than I remembered. He was the same in so many ways, but so much had changed. His hair was a deep auburn and when he’d been younger, it had been cropped short on the sides, the middle a spiky Mohawk. Not anymore. Now his hair fell in soft waves, barely brushing his shoulders. His eyes were the same—pale blue framed by heavy, thick lashes. The lack of the Mohawk wasn’t the only change. The rest of him? Nothing of the young man who’d left three years ago remained in the face that was both a stranger’s and familiar.

  The round boyishness of his face had been smoothed away in the last three years and replaced with hard lines. His jaw was cut, cheekbones broad and high. There was a slight hook in his nose, as if it had been broken and not set correctly. His brows formed graceful arches over his eyes and his lips appeared fuller than before. A traitorous thought seeped in: Were his lips as firm as they looked? Those lips weren’t pulled into a smile, and Dez had always smiled for me. They were parted now, and as I dragged my gaze to his, I realized he wasn’t the boy I’d fallen in love with.

  Dez stared back at me, pupils slightly dilated and starting to stretch vertically. Shock splashed over his striking face, and I couldn’t understand why he was so surprised. I hadn’t changed in the three years he’d been gone. Well, I wasn’t as naive as I’d been then and my breasts were most definitely bigger. So were my hips.

  His gaze dipped for a fraction of a second, and my eyes narrowed. Irritation pricked at my skin. Was he seriously standing here checking me out? But my annoyance warred with a sense of heightened awareness that I was unfamiliar with. Warmth flooded my veins as his gaze met mine. Electricity sparked in the air between us as our stares locked.

  Dez moved so quickly that I didn’t even have a chance to prepare myself. One second he was a foot from me, and the next, his hand cupped the back of my head, his fingers threading through my hair.

  My heart leaped into my throat when I realized what he was going to do. I opened my mouth to protest, but it was too late.

  Dez kissed me.

  Chapter Three

  Astonishment poured into me, shorting out my senses. Part of me was too taken aback to do anything but stand there. My fist burned to connect with his jaw. How dare he kiss me after all of this? Without even saying hello, for crying out loud? But the feather-light brush of his lips stunned me.

  The roar of many voices swirled through the atrium, deafening me to everything except the sound of my own heartbeat. In the back of my head, I knew that was also a part of the tradition. A kiss to seal the claim before the entire clan, but the last time I checked, I hadn’t accepted crap. That snapped me back to reality.

  Dez tightened his hold around the back of my head and snaked an arm around my waist as I started to pull away. The pressure on my lips increased when he pulled me against him. Every thought scattered. His chest was rock hard and broad against mine, his arm a steel band even I couldn’t break. Heat pooled low in my stomach at the profound sound rumbling up his chest. My pulse thrummed when the kiss deepened. Somehow my hands ended up on his shoulders and I wasn’t pushing him away.

  My first kiss...and it was everything I’d imagined it to be, with the exception of there being an audience for it. But it was hard to acknowledge them or their cheering and whistles. Flames scorched my already heated skin. Dez’s lips moved against mine, working the tight seam open. I gasped, wondering where in the world he’d learned to kiss like that. Jealousy flared like a beacon on the heels of that thought. Okay. I didn’t want to know how he’d learned.

  Someone cleared his throat loudly. “As thrilled as I am that you are happy to see my daughter, I do believe you can stop now.”

  Dez slowly lifted his mouth, breathing heavily as he tipped his forehead against mine. The quick glimpse of his eyes showed the pupils dilated, and the irises were a deeper blue, like a pair of shimmery lapis lazuli. He closed them, exhaling raggedly. “Jasmine.”

  At the sound of his deep voice, so different than I remembered, I broke his hold and jerked away. Stepping back, I placed my hands against my flaming cheeks and then lowered them, folding my arms over my breasts. Confusion swelled in the wake of conflicting emotions. Happiness. Fury. Excitement. A whole lot of lust. And then another heaping of anger. Added to the fact that his reappearance was so sudden, I didn’t know what to make of it all.

  Dez’s eyes never left my face. Not for one second since we parted. The stare was as intense as the sensation of being pressed against him, as searing as his kiss. The door to the front lawn loomed beyond him and I had an urge to make a run for it.

  I was slow to pick up on the chatter around me, but it was my father’s words that cleared my thoughts of the haze.

  “So it’s settled,” he said, causing my jaw to hit the floor. “The ceremony will take—”

  “Wait!” I spun toward my father. “Nothing is settled.”

  “Excuse me?” Dez said, speaking two words for the first time.

  I ignored him. “Nothing is settled. I have not accepted the claim.”

  A hush fell over the gathering clan. Needless to say, this was about to get a whole lot more awkward.

  My father’s brows furrowed, and I was acutely aware of Dez moving to stand beside me. “It didn’t look like you were going to say no a few seconds ago.”

  Dez touched my arm. “Jas—”

  A sick feeling bloomed in
my stomach at the use of his old nickname for me. Stepping away from him, I met his stare. “No. You do not get to call me that.” I kept my voice low, but I knew we were being overheard. The clan, mostly male, was worse than old ladies when it came to gossip and drama. “You do not get to walk back into my life and—”

  “Okay,” my dad said diplomatically. “I think you two need to talk.”

  I tipped my chin up. “I’m not sure there’s anything to talk about.”

  Dez held my stare for a moment and then looked away, a muscle thrumming along his jaw.

  “Jasmine, the pair of you need to come to terms. You have seven days to make a decision. No reason to make a hasty choice.”

  “My decision isn’t—”

  “We’ll talk,” Dez interrupted, grabbing hold of my arm in a firm but gentle grip. “And we won’t need the full seven days.”

  I glared up at him. I was tall, but Dez towered over me now. “Oh, it’s so good to see that your arrogance hasn’t changed.”

  Dez’s lips tipped up in one corner. “I think you’ll find that a lot hasn’t changed.”

  “I don’t think I really care.” I tried to pull away, but he held on, his grin going up a notch. “Seriously.”

  His eyes glittered with challenge and something else I couldn’t put a name to. “We’ll see about that.”

  Finding privacy inside a houseful of people who obviously had nothing better to do with their time than eavesdrop proved difficult. We could’ve gone upstairs to my room or the one that used to be his, but that seemed too intimate and would’ve been too much for me right then. I was already off kilter enough.

  We ended up outside, in the garden along the back of the mansion. The moon glinted off the stone walls built around the peaceful patch of land. On any given night, you could find a couple sneaking off among the thorny rosebushes and juniper trees. Not that anyone needed to sneak. Wardens were almost always in the way of making babies, but perhaps it was the appeal of doing something seemingly naughty. I honestly didn’t know.

  “You look beautiful.”

  I stared at the roses. At night, their petals looked like black velvet. “Do you really think that’s going to get you anywhere?”

  “I’m not trying to get anywhere.” His voice was closer, and a tingle of awareness skimmed down my spine. “It’s the truth. You were always something to look at, but damn, you’re beautiful, Jasmine.”

  My heart jumped at his words no matter how badly I wanted to remain unaffected. A cool breeze stirred my hair and caused the hem of the stupid gown to float around my calves.

  “Look at me,” he cajoled, tone gentle, even a little bit teasing.

  I rolled my eyes. “I was serious inside, Dez. There’s nothing we need to talk about.”

  “Are you sure about that?” His heat warmed my back, warning that he was closer still. “Because the way you kissed me tells me something totally different.”

  “The way I kissed you?” I spun around and had to take a step back. He was right there. “I didn’t kiss you, you jerk. You kissed me.”

  “Technicalities,” he murmured, and in a flash of a heartbeat, he was so close we were breathing the same air again. “You kissed me back.”

  Although that might be true, I’d be damned before I admitted it. “I was too shocked to think clearly. Trust me, it won’t be happening again.”

  “Is that so?”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yes.”

  He dipped his head so we were eye level. “I’m going to have to disagree, Jas. That was only our first kiss—and it wasn’t even a real kiss.”

  If that wasn’t a real kiss, what the hell kind of kiss did he consider real then? I pivoted on my heel, stalking off down the path.

  Dez followed silently for a few seconds. “This wasn’t how I expected you to greet me.”

  My mouth dropped open as I stopped in front of a stone bench. I turned around slowly. “Are you serious?”

  He stared at me in a way that made me wonder if he’d lost brain cells during his absence. Dez wasn’t stupid. He was very much the opposite, so how could my reaction to him be a surprise?

  Staring at him, it was hard to reconcile the young man I’d once known with the male standing before me. Tears burned the back of my eyes, and when I spoke, my voice was hoarse. “I had no idea what happened to you.”

  He closed his eyes, tensing. “Jasmine—”

  “For three years, I didn’t know if you were alive or dead!” A knot rose in my throat. “No phone calls. Not even an email or a text. Nothing. How could―” My voice cracked and I turned my head, inhaling deeply. “I didn’t know what to think.”

  He cupped my cheek, his thumb smoothing down my face, chasing something suspiciously wet. “Please don’t cry.”

  “I’m not crying.” Stepping sideways, I hastily wiped at my cheeks. “It must be sprinkling. I think the weather was calling for showers.”

  Fondness seeped into his striking face, and I didn’t want to see it. “You’re still a terrible liar.”

  “Shut up,” I muttered, clearing my throat. “And you have nothing to say for yourself?”

  His brows pinched. “I’m sorry.”

  I gaped. “That’s it?”

  “You wouldn’t understand, Jas.”

  I crossed my arms. “Oh, I don’t know, I might be able to grasp an explanation if you speak slowly and use small words.”

  Dez’s eyes flared bright for an instant and then dulled. “I know you’re not stupid.”

  “Doesn’t seem that way.”

  “Look, I’m not entirely proud of why I left and it’s not something I really want to get into right now.” He thrust his hands through his hair, causing strands to stick straight up between his fingers. “Can we put that to the side, at least for the moment?”

  I started to tell him no, but a look of vulnerability had crept into his eyes and as much as I wanted to hold him down and make him tell me everything, I couldn’t hurt him. He’d deserve it if I did, but the memory of him crying on my shoulder, holding on to me like I was the only anchor in his world, was too fresh.

  “I’ve missed you, Jas. You have no idea,” he continued, reaching toward me again but stopping short of touching me. “I thought about you every damn day. All I wanted was to get back to you and the clan. But mostly you. Always you.”

  Shaking my head, I held my arms more tightly around myself, as if I could keep my heart from getting outside my chest and doing something stupid. “I don’t think you understand. I can’t forget these three years. I can’t forget that you left because my father announced he wanted a match between us. Just because you decide you want me now after doing God knows what, you think I’d be with you? I’m not desperate.”

  “Wait.” He barked out a laugh. “You think I left because of that? Are you insane?”

  I shot him a droll look. “You’re really not helping your case.”

  “That is not why I left, Jasmine. You can believe me.” He stalked forward, and I found I couldn’t move. “I have never lied to you.”

  “No,” I whispered. “You just left.”

  “It didn’t have anything to do with what your father said. I promise you.” Just the tips of his fingers touched my cheeks, but it was still a shock to the system. “Let me prove it.”

  Our gazes locked, and I could feel my heartbeat in my veins and the warmth of his body, even though he barely touched me. Dez lowered his head, and the breath caught in my throat. Was he going to kiss me again? I couldn’t let him, but I also couldn’t deny the bittersweet swelling of yearning, of wanting something that could easily turn back around and strike where it hurt most.

  He didn’t kiss me, though. “I want you, and I know you feel the same way. Neither of us could’ve changed that much. I believe in that. And I want you.”

  So many times over the past three years, and even before then, when I was old enough to recognize how I felt around Dez, I had dreamed of this moment. But if what h
e said was true, then why had he left me? Why didn’t he have anything to say except I’m sorry? Accepting the apology was the easy way. Truth be told, it was what my heart wanted, but it wasn’t the only thing I wanted.

  I closed my eyes. “I don’t know.”

  “Seven days.” His nose brushed my cheek and his warm breath blew over my ear, causing me to shiver. “Give me these seven days, Jas. Please.”

  He hadn’t said why he left and he hadn’t professed undying love for me, but an idea sprang to mind, and once it took root, it flourished. Excitement rose like a budding flower. “Only on one condition, and still, I make no promises.”

  Dez chuckled in a way that was infuriating and yet wholly sexy. I blinked my eyes open. Had he sounded like that before? He pressed his palm to my cheek. “What is the condition?”

  I took a deep breath, concentrating on my words and not on how