by Jill Valley
“This is my friend Sylvan,” says JJ, waving his hand at the other guy. “We go way back.”
His friend reaches out a large hand for me to shake. His palm is warm and his grip is strong. I see a tattoo snaking up his arm, disappearing into his sleeve, which surprises me given that he’s a cop.
Sylvan grins and his eyes sparkle brighter. “I can tell you stories about this guy,” he says, “if you ever want to hear them.” Sylvan has a nice smile and I can see he’s the sort of guy who’s used to having girls melt when he uses it on them.
I smile back and say, “I always like hearing embarrassing stories about my friends.”
JJ’s eyes look just a tiny bit surprised, and I realize that despite the number of times I’ve run into him this weekend, saying we’re friends might be a little presumptuous. I shrink into myself a little.
“As long as you want to hear stories about me, I don’t care what they are,” he says. Again with the joking, but somewhere there’s an undercurrent of truth. Or is that my wishful thinking?
“What can I get you, honey?” The waitress has come over and is tapping her pencil on her pad, waiting for my order.
“Just coffee,” I say, feeling nervous as hell.
“A wee thing like you needs more than coffee,” she says, eyeing me with disapproval, but then she shrugs and looks at Sylvan and JJ. “You two good?” They’re obviously regulars.
“Yeah,” says Sylvan, taking another sip of coffee. “My break is almost over.”
Which means that once again it’s just going to be me and JJ. Who needs a class when I serendipitously keep ending up alone with him?
“So,” says Sylvan when the waitress leaves. “You’re here for the summer?”
I guess JJ’s been talking about me. I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not, but Sylvan seems friendly and warm and I like him. I don’t get the same comforting feeling I get when I look at JJ, but he’s nice.
“Yes,” I say. “It’s great. I like it. I’m a junior in college and this is my first summer away from home.”
When the waitress brings my coffee, I busy myself pouring piles of milk and sugar into it while Sylvan and JJ discuss the merits of summers in Portland.
While they talk, I study JJ’s profile. He’s animated when he talks, using his hands for emphasis. They’re the same hands I like looking at while he’s doing his work as a bartender. Strong and assured. He doesn’t even have to think about it.
“There are a lot of good places to go around here,” Sylvan assures me.
“But the best place is the Remember,” I say with a grin.
Both guys smile back at me. “Obviously,” says JJ. “Glad you have your bars straight.”
I take a tentative sip of the hot liquid. This isn’t as hard as I thought it would be.
When my eyes meet JJ’s again I start to tremble, but this time I don’t think it’s from nerves. I feel the blush coming up my cheeks and reach out to grab the sugar, just as a distraction. What is wrong with me?
When I look up again Sylvan is gazing at me thoughtfully.
“I should be getting back,” he says. “Will you be alright?” he asks JJ. Turning to me to explain, he says, “I gave him a ride here.”
“Sure,” says JJ. “I’ll walk Nora home and then just head to work.”
More tingling.
Sylvan nods.
“Nora, it was nice to meet you,” he says, stretching. “I’m sure I’ll see you at the Remember soon enough.” With that, he waves to the waitress and heads out.
Once Sylvan is gone, JJ turns his full attention toward me and I feel my insides churn. I desperately don’t want him to bring up our shared dark history.
To my great relief, he doesn’t. He leans forward, braces his elbows on the table with his hands tucked into the crooks of his arms, and says, “Your friends are awesome. Noah’s hilarious.”
I find myself grinning. “Right? He just decided we were going to be friends and now we are. Pity he isn’t twenty-one.”
JJ’s eyes sparkle. “Yeah, we get in a lot of trouble for serving underage kids. Fake ids used to drive my grandfather crazy.”
“I’m sure,” I murmur.
“I should talk to Noah,” says JJ thoughtfully. “Rumor has it that his grandmother and my grandfather used to date, before she broke his heart.”
“No way,” I gape at him. “Your poor grandfather.”
JJ chuckles. “Guys get their hearts broken all the time.”
I give him my best skeptical look. “It seems like the other way around to me. The guys are the ones who dump the girls for someone prettier or more fun, or they just cheat on them.”
JJ’s expression turns serious. “Not all guys cheat. Some guys do realize when they have a good thing, and they hold onto it like crazy. Or they’re upfront about their shitty behavior, so the girl doesn’t misunderstand. There are good guys.”
His eyes are locked on mine and I realize I’m breathless. A part of me, a tiny part that’s been growing since I first saw him at the bar, hopes that he’s not talking about his girlfriend right now.
Confused, I look away. “Sure.” If I speak any more quietly I’ll need a microphone so he can hear me.
“You don’t believe me,” he says, sitting back and rolling his shoulders. “You’re one of those girls who think all guys are awful.”
I mumble something inaudible in reply.
“We aren’t,” he says. “We want to find love just like you do.”
“My friends think bartenders are trouble,” I say, without thinking.
His eyes only sparkle more. “Some bartenders are trouble, but then again, some lawyers are trouble and some doctors are trouble. You have to look at the individual. Would you want someone to look at you like you’re trouble just because, say, you’re from Boston?”
I gape at him. “That’s not the same thing.”
“Sure it is,” he says, shrugging. “You meet the person, you get to know them. Before that you have no right to judge. I’ve never had a one-night stand with a girl. I’ve never used a girl’s number when she’s given it to me at the bar, and I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend. Do I get a lot of girls throwing themselves at me? Sure. Have I had more than my share of partners? Probably, but that doesn’t mean I’ll hurt you.”
His eyes widen as if he hadn’t meant to say that last bit. He takes a big swig of coffee.
“Want any more, hon?” The waitress is back, and I realize that in the heat of our conversation I’ve emptied my mug.
“Um, no thanks,” I say. “I should probably be getting back.”
JJ glances at his mug, which is also empty. He throws money down on the table for both our coffees before I can stop him. “I’ll walk you,” he says.
“No, that won’t be necessary,” I say. “I know the way.”
JJ smirks “Of course you do. That’s not why I offered. I offered because I like being around you.”
His admission threatens to knock me silly, but I can’t say it back.
“Really, I’m fine,” I say.
“Let the man walk you. Sheesh,” says the waitress, shaking her head at me.
I blush as JJ chuckles. “If Patty says I walk you then I walk you.”
“I bet she’s related to Noah’s grandmother,” I mutter, but I let him lead me out of the diner. Patty is standing there watching us, her fists braced on her hips.
“Cousins, actually,” says JJ, laughing harder. He’s enjoying this and he’s barely teased me. Warmth spreads through my insides.
Once we’re in the fresh morning air I take a deep breath and turn my face up to the sun. It feels wonderful. When I open my eyes I see that JJ is watching me with the strangest look in his eyes.
“What do you smell?” he asks.
I look around wildly for a second, then force myself to calm down. I hate being put on the spot, but that’s not what he’s doing. I take a deep breath.
“The sea, obviously,” I say. “The sun he
ating the morning pavement. It’s fresh and clean and probably smells wonderful right after it rains. Umm, flowers, and a hint of mowed grass. There’s something about the morning. Even when it’s hot it’s crisp, and with the sun shining like this. . . .” I trail off. “Well, you asked,” I grumble.
JJ nods. “I sure did.” He sticks his hands in his pockets and we walk in silence for a few minutes, enjoying not only the smells but the sounds of the summer morning. It’s still early, and although there are people in suits heading to work, it’s pretty quiet.
I pretend to stare at the ground as we walk, but really I’m studying JJ’s profile. He has strong features, a square jaw and a straight nose. Every girl we pass checks him out, some even glance at me to see who he’s with.
We’re almost to my apartment, talking about the differences between TV shows that are on in the summer versus all the ones that start in the fall, when two women in suit skirts and blouses rush up to us. They’re both very pretty, and I recognize one as the girl in red who spilled wine on me. Mason or something.
“Hi, JJ,” she says, smiling broadly.
“Hey,” he greets her politely. I realize he must run into girls he sees at the Remember all the time.
The girl glances at me. She obviously doesn’t remember the wine incident, which is for the best, and she also wishes I was at the bottom of a deep pit with dirt being thrown on me with a metal shovel.
“How are you?” she asks.
“Good,” says JJ, nodding.
“My apartment is right there. I’ll catch you later,” I say, waving awkwardly, and before either of them can say anything else to me, I dart away.
When I get home, I bolt the door behind me and wish I could do the same with my heart.
Chapter Twenty - Nora
After a long work week, where I didn’t have the energy to do more than fall into bed at the end of the day, it’s Friday night. Lizzy has been texting me like mad all day, even though she’s just as tired as I am from her internship. She wants to go to the Remember. Now that we know the owner, she wants to take full advantage of the free drink possibilities.
“We’re just poor college students, after all,” she texts with a smiley. “We’ll come over for dinner and then head out.”
Since Nancy’s never around and I have to the place to myself, it’s easy to cook here. Noah and Aimee are coming too.
“Hey, I brought wine,” says Aimee, waving a bottle in the air as she comes up the stairs. “Can’t wait to party.”
Aimee takes the work hard, play hard mantra very seriously.
Noah has brought a casserole, and I’m cooking pasta. We complete the meal with an assortment of vegetables from the farmer’s market.
For once I’m relieved to be going out. I didn’t think I would be, since my first few visits to the bar were so overwhelming, but I want to see JJ. I just hope he was serious when he said he wanted to see me too.
I also hope he didn’t think I was crazy when I dashed away from him and that girl.
He did tell me he wanted me to come in, of course, but after my visit on Sunday I lost my confidence, and I haven’t gone back by myself.
“You excited to see your boy?” Noah asks, winking at me.
“He’s not my boy,” I say.
I glance at Lizzy. I’ve felt bad I that haven’t told her about my connection to JJ, so once we’re settled at the table and starting in on the food, I do. Lizzy listens in silence. Noah knows the headlines of what happened and so does Aimee, and I’m sure Lizzy has told Aimee a lot about my struggles since then. I know that no matter how hard it’s all been on me, it’s been pretty hard on my friends, too.
“Wow,” says Lizzy when I finish, while the other two sit in rapt silence. “Just, wow. So, you two have a history.” Her fingers are tangled together and she looks upset.
“You didn’t recognize him?” Aimee asks. “I mean, at the bar?”
I shake my head. “I mean, he wasn’t around much, and the night he pulled me out of the water I literally don’t even think I looked at his face.”
“That makes sense,” says Noah quietly, his kind eyes filled with concern. “After that sort of trauma, I would block it all out too.”
The trouble is that now flashes keep coming back, including flashes of JJ wrapping strong arms around me and keeping me safe from my own struggle to follow Michael.
I can’t think about that. It feels disrespectful to Michael.
“Anyway,” I say to Lizzy, “I wanted you to know.”
Lizzy nods. “I appreciate that. Have you talked to him about it at all?”
I shake my head. “Not yet. He says he wants to if I do. But I haven’t.”
I haven’t told Lizzy the worst of it yet, that we both knew Jackson’s mother. But Lizzy figures it out on her own.
She taps her finger against her lip, thinking. “Wait, wait a minute, is this Jackson Curtis?” Lizzy looks desperately at me, and I nod sadly. She slaps her hand over her mouth to stifle her cry.
“That’s awful,” she wails. “So awful.”
That requires another round of explanations about Jackson’s own sad history. Noah whistles softly. “No wonder you didn’t see much of him. He probably wanted to be anywhere else, or his mom sent him away. That’s probably more likely.”
“I know, right?” Lizzy says, sighing. “It’s just so tragic.”
“How awful,” says Aimee. “So sad. It must be really hard for JJ. Still. Like, even today I can’t imagine.”
I nod. “I remember her. She was such a nice lady. I used to see her around town and she would always smile and wave.”
We all sit in silence for a beat, thinking about JJ’s mom and what happened. Then the apartment is filled with movement again.
“Are we ready to go yet?” Aimee asks. She’s a very type A personality, always on time.
“Yeah,” says Lizzy, brushing nonexistent blond strands behind her ears. “Just let me finish my mascara.”
“I like how chill you look,” says Noah, glancing approvingly at my red t-shirt and jeans. “Very, I’m hot and I don’t care.”
I’m wearing ballet flats. Lizzy and Aimee are both in black sequin-style dresses and heels, but I don’t want to draw attention to myself. At the moment it’s enough that I’m going out at all. “Um, yeah,” I say. “Totally what I was going for.”
He grins. He already knows how uncomfortable I am with compliments. “I’m going to walk you over there,” says Noah, once we get outside.
Aimee puts her hand on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry you’re an infant who can’t come out with us,” she says with a wink.
Noah laughs. “Soon enough I’ll be able to. I can’t wait. You better come to the shop tomorrow,” he says sternly to me.
“Why don’t you want me to come?” Lizzy asks.
Noah smiles over at me but replies to Lizzy: “I do, but you sleep until noon and I know Nora doesn’t.”
“Nora barely sleeps at all,” says Lizzy, rolling her eyes. “I see your point. I’ll come by once I’m up.”
“Great,” says Noah. “Please save me from my grandmother . . . whom I of course love dearly.”
“I’ll come by when I’m up,” I say. I wonder if JJ is going to make another appearance at the coffee shop or if his bag of baked goods was a one time thing.
There are tons of people out, mostly twenty-somethings. I’m glad I can get lost in the crowd. Aimee and Lizzy are walking ahead of us, hooting and hollering already, having a great time. Noah slings his arm around me.
“Are you okay?” he asks me. “That was a pretty serious conversation we were having.”
I’ve only known Noah for a week, but it feels like a lifetime.
I flush. “I’m fine,” I say. “I think.”
He gives me a sympathetic look. Truth to tell I’m surprised at how well I’m doing. I know Michael was five years ago and I do, in most areas of my life not related to love, manage to function normally, but I’m still surprised
that all these reminders of his death, and my obviously intense attraction to JJ, haven’t sent me spiraling backwards into the deep end.
“If you need anything, you know you can talk to me,” says Noah, his eyes filled with concern. “And I like JJ. I think he’s good people.”
“You’re such an excellent judge of character?” I say sarcastically.
He gives me a friendly pat on my shoulder. “Obviously. I watch movies. I know all sorts of things about people.”
“It’s where you learn about life,” I say dryly.
Once we say bye to Noah, it’s off the Remember we go. For some reason it’s packed tonight. There are people streaming outside the doors, and inside I can see lots of bodies moving in the near-dark.
“This should be interesting,” I mutter, pausing at the entrance.
Lizzy rolls her eyes. “This is going to be awesome. Relax. Have some beer. It’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, right,” I say. I’ve only had beer once and it was with Michael. Obviously we weren’t supposed to have it, but his older sister Amelia had given us a couple of bottles.
His mother, Mrs. Rockwell, would have been furious if she ever found out. Luckily I hated the taste of it, but I knew Michael liked it. From time to time he would drink with Lizzy’s boyfriend Steven when I wasn’t around.
Lucky for us, the guy checking ids at the door is Ben. He spots us and grins. There’s a bit of a line out front to get in, but he beckons us over.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Lizzy asks, smiling at him. He smiles back. He’s wearing all black and he looks a lot more like a tough guy than he did last weekend at the block party.
“Great,” he says, shrugging. “Another busy night making sure you crazy kids are legal.”
He hasn’t met Aimee yet, so Lizzy introduces them.
“Nice to meet you,” says Aimee, extending her hand. “Sorry I missed last weekend. We’ll have to hang out again soon.”
“Definitely,” says Ben. “Katie’s inside at the bar, making JJ give her free drinks. Not that he puts up much of a real fight. You should find her.”
Lizzy laughs. “Oh, believe me, that’s definitely our plan.” It might just be my imagination, but I’m pretty sure Ben’s eyes flick to me.
