“Maybe it’s my pointed ears—or the fact that I can purr,” Jerden suggested.
Drania giggled. “If they like you better because they believe you’re one of them, they’ve obviously never bothered to check out your fabulous ass.”
Sara’s ripple of laughter surprised him. Had he ever heard her laugh? He didn’t think so, but he liked the sound of it—musical, and so infectious he couldn’t help but join in.
A moment later, Sara turned and their eyes met with an impact that shook Jerden’s entire body. Suddenly, she was beautiful. Before he’d have said she was passably pretty, but in that brief instant when her eyes sparkled with mirth, he caught a glimpse of the Sara that might have existed if life had treated her differently, the Sara she could still be if only…
If what? She’d let him help her? He doubted she would. She was clearly as stubborn as he was when it came to accepting help from anyone.
“Looks like this is your lucky day, Drania!” Reutal said. “Hot pancakes, hot ass… And speaking of hot, my tongue’s getting a little warm.”
As long as her reach was, Drania had no difficulty smacking the Norludian from where she sat. “You keep that nasty tongue to yourself, Reutal. I’d much rather have some of Jerden.”
Sara clucked her tongue. “Boyfriend?”
“Oh, yeah. Boyfriend.” Drania gave Jerden an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I keep forgetting I’ve already got one.”
Jerden grinned back at her. “No problem.” Noting that Sara was standing there with her plate in her hand, he got up and held the chair for her, motioning for her to sit.
“You Norludians put way too much emphasis on sex,” Zatlen said, shaking his head.
Reutal rolled his eyes. “And you Tryosians don’t put enough. No gender? I couldn’t live that way.”
Zatlen snickered. “You obviously haven’t thought it through. We aren’t genderless, we’re hermaphroditic. We can mate with any member of our species, not just the opposite sex.”
“I know that,” Reutal said patiently. “And it sounds perfectly boring. I much prefer the difference between males and females.”
“Me too,” Jerden said. As Sara sat down at the table, her scent rose around her, curling through his head. Men shouldn’t smell like that. Only women. No desire, perhaps, but nice. Very nice. “But I’m sure Tryosians think we’re crazy.”
Zatlen shrugged. “Not crazy, just different. We have trouble seeing the whole male-female thing. To us, it would be like mating with an entirely different species.”
Gazing down at Sara, Jerden realized for the first time that she was an entirely different species. Never mind that Zetithians and Terrans could crossbreed; some people simply couldn’t get past that idea, and perhaps she was one of them. His clients certainly hadn’t considered it to be a deterrent. The idea of sex with an exotic alien appealed to them. The problem had been more on his side of the equation, hence the need for Audrey. With her along for the ride, he’d even fucked a few Darconians, and though he’d never considered lizards to be even remotely sexy, he’d done it.
For money. Sara probably saw him as nothing but an alien prostitute—a man-whore who was beneath her notice. She might even believe he deserved what had happened to him, and perhaps even to Audrey for taking on what some would consider to be an immoral occupation—particularly when neither of them had been forced into doing it out of necessity. They’d both done it by choice.
It occurred to him that even the times he’d been with Audrey, it was considered part of her wages, so essentially that was done for money too. Not because he loved her.
Looking back, he couldn’t recall ever having done it for love. He’d done it for pleasure—his own and that of whatever lady he happened to be with.
Love. How would it feel to hold a woman in his arms and make love to her, not merely engage in recreational intercourse? To gaze into her eyes and see love there, rather than simple lust?
Then it struck him that he might never know.
Chapter 8
If the fact that he was Zetithian, as opposed to human, was the only reason for Sara’s apparent disinterest, Jerden could’ve lived with that. But he had a sneaking suspicion there was more to it. He was humanoid enough to feel an attraction to Terran women—Audrey was a perfect example—so why was it that Sara paid him no more notice than she did Reutal?
It was none of his business what she did or how she felt, but the need to know more hounded him. Revising his intent to leave her alone, he decided to stick around a while longer to see if he could come up with any clues as to the reason for her peculiar reaction—or lack thereof.
While Cria sat in the corner grooming herself, Jerden did everything he could think of to help Sara clean up after the others left for the stables, even to the point of mopping the kitchen floor. Unfortunately, she wasn’t very talkative. Aside from a couple of mystified glances in his direction, she seemed determined to ignore his presence. It wasn’t until he offered to change the sheets on her bed that he finally got a rise out of her.
“You don’t need to do that,” she said quickly. “I’ll do it later.”
Since almost the first thing she’d asked him was if he was well enough to go home, she clearly wanted him to get lost, but he simply didn’t want to go. Not yet. “I feel like I should do something for you, Sara. I haven’t thanked you properly for taking me in. I must’ve put you to a lot of trouble.”
“No trouble at all.” A touch of anxiety colored her voice. “Really. It was nothing.”
“Well, thank you anyway—and thanks for breakfast. It was delicious.”
Her shrug was almost a shudder. “Nothing special. As you can see, I’m used to feeding a crowd.”
“They’re an interesting bunch.” Jerden leaned back against the counter while she rinsed the last of the dishes. “It’s nice to see you don’t have anything against hiring an assortment of different species.”
She paused, eyeing him curiously. “The way the nonhumans outnumber Terrans on this world, nobody can afford to be choosy, or to have any prejudices. Granted, there aren’t many Norludians or Rutarans around, but variety is the sort of thing immigrants have to expect.” Her eyes narrowed sharply. “Are you suggesting that I am prejudiced against them, or that I should be?”
“No. I’m just trying to understand why you left Earth to begin with. Seems an odd thing for a single woman to do—leaving home and family to live here among so many different aliens. Makes finding a mate difficult, doesn’t it?”
He thought she hesitated. “I liked the idea of being among the first to bring horses to Terra Minor.”
“That’s it?” He wasn’t sure he believed her explanation. It seemed inadequate somehow, not completely answering his question.
“Isn’t that enough?”
Jerden shook his head. “My homeworld was a beautiful place. If it still existed, I would never have left it to come here.” He was well aware that many planets fell far short of paradise, but he’d never heard that Earth was one of them. He’d been raised on the idea that it was as near perfect as a world could be. “And there are plenty of horses on Earth. Didn’t you like it there?”
She put the last of the plates in the rack to dry. “I liked it just fine, but land like this is hard to come by anymore—at least in my price range. As an established horse breeder and trainer, I got an incredibly good deal on the land here—part of the push for cultural improvements that started up a few years back. There are incentives for artists, craftsmen, and musicians, too.”
“Yes, but space travel isn’t cheap. Nor is importing horses from halfway across the galaxy.”
“True.”
When she didn’t elaborate, Jerden knew he should shut up and go home, but the need to understand her was overwhelming—baffling, perhaps, but undeniable. He tried to imagine all the reasons a woman would do what she’d done and couldn�
��t come up with any that made sense. “Sure you weren’t trying to escape from something? Or, perhaps… someone?”
A flicker of emotion crossed her features. “Escape? To Terra Minor?” Her short, mirthless laugh was heavy with sarcasm. “With the immigration regulations as tough as they are, I’m pretty sure I’d never have made it this far if I was on the run from the law.”
Frowning, he shook his head. “I didn’t mean to imply that you’d broken a law. In fact, you strike me as being law-abiding in the extreme. You didn’t come here to be with family, did you?”
“No. Nor was I trying to get away from them.” She took a step back, the tight line of her lips displaying her annoyance. “I don’t understand why any of this matters to you. Look, I said you could come over and ride Danuban whenever you liked. If I’d known you were going to—” she paused as though searching for the right word, “interrogate me about my lifestyle choices, I wouldn’t have made the offer.”
“You could have sold me that horse and chances are I’d have never darkened your door again. Instead, you refused to sell, preferring to keep him.” Jerden didn’t have to look in the mirror to know he was the sort of man most women found attractive. Drania’s reaction was fairly typical. How Sara could be so… uncaring that such a man was standing in her kitchen, completely naked, was driving him nuts. “Did you want to keep me, too?”
Her eyes flashed with anger. “No, I didn’t. In fact, I’d appreciate it if you’d get the hell out of my house and leave me alone!”
He took a step toward her. “Are you sure that’s what you want me to do?”
The color drained from her face. Jerden couldn’t tell if it was because of what he’d said or his nearness. One thing he knew for certain, she was feeling no desire whatsoever.
“If you think you can frighten me into selling you my stallion, you’ve got another think coming. I will not be intimidated by you or anyone else.”
“I’m not trying to scare you, Sara,” Jerden said gently. “I’m just trying to understand you.”
“You don’t need to understand me. It’s not important.”
“It is to me. Don’t ask me why, but it is.”
“There’s nothing to understand,” she insisted. “I raise horses and roses. That’s all you need to know.”
“I find that hard to believe. There’s more to you than that. I can feel it.”
Her brow rose in a skeptical arch. “What about you? Why don’t you tell me more about yourself? Until today, you’ve probably only said ten words to me. Now that you’ve mysteriously collapsed on my porch, spent two nights in my bed, and had breakfast in my house, you want me to tell you my deepest secrets? It hardly seems fair.”
“Maybe so, but I’m still curious. Tell me your secrets, Sara. I’d be willing to bet I’ll understand exactly how you feel.”
She stood gaping at him for a moment. She obviously didn’t believe him, but for a second there, he thought she might actually break down and confide in him. Instead, she picked up a dish towel and dried her hands. “I haven’t got any secrets. You want to know why I’m living out here all alone? Because I like it. I like not having anyone trying to run my life, bullying me into doing stuff I don’t want to do, and questioning every decision I make.” She stopped and took a deep breath. “You know something else? I liked you a whole lot better when you weren’t quite so nosy. You’re starting to remind me of Nate.”
Assuming that Nate was the man he’d seen when he’d ridden into her barn, he couldn’t help but grin. “Oh, I hope not. You probably won’t believe it, but if I’m nosy, it’s because I’m in a lot better shape now than I was just a few days ago. Still kinda fucked up, but better.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” she said bluntly. “Now, do me a favor and go home.”
He put up a hand. “Really, Sara. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just… intrigued.”
“Why? Because I’m not drooling all over you the way Drania does? Because I’m not begging you to stay?”
“Partly. And partly because you smell so… neutral.”
“Neutral? What the devil does that mean?”
“I mean, you don’t want me. And you should. It’s… bizarre. I’ve never encountered a neutral female scent before. There should be an underlying scent of desire, even if you don’t particularly like me. I smell it on every human female I’ve ever met—and not all of them were my clients. I don’t mean to sound cocky or conceited; I’m just trying to understand.”
“Well, don’t bother. It is what it is. Get over it.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“That’s your choice. Just leave me out of it.” She was still looking at him but carefully avoiding his eyes.
“Someone really got to you, didn’t they?”
Her chin went up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He edged closer. She stepped back. “You see? You can deny it, but it’s so ingrained, so automatic, you don’t even notice it.” He shook his head sadly. “I bet I could kiss you, and your scent still wouldn’t change.”
Jerden was wrong about that, but he didn’t need her scent to gauge her emotions, nor did he need to kiss her. The look in her eyes was quite enough. She was absolutely terrified.
“You have no need to fear me, Sara. I won’t hurt you. I can promise you that.” Cocking his head to one side, he attempted to recapture her gaze. He was only able to hold it for an instant before she glanced away again. “But someone else did.”
Her voice came out as a rough whisper. “Please go away.”
He studied her face for a long moment, then nodded. “I will. But I won’t go far. You gave me help when I needed it. I’ll do the same for you. Anytime. Remember that.”
Without another word, Jerden turned and walked out the back door, the leopard following silently in his wake. Sara grappled with her emotions, desperately fighting to regain the control she’d lost. Stumbling to the table, she sat down, reaching for her cup. She was thankful that the tea was still hot, because she was freezing. Cold chills permeated her body; her hands and feet were like ice, and shivers racked her limbs.
How had he broken through her defenses so easily? If only she’d been able to ignore his nearness and the fact that he read her so clearly. Then she wouldn’t feel as though he’d seen her more than just naked, wouldn’t feel as though he’d examined her soul.
The clatter of hoofbeats sounded from the stable yard. So, he’d opted to ride home, rather than walk. She couldn’t fault him for that and only wondered if the horse would come back without him.
That thought hung suspended in space—not quite a wish, but not quite a hope, either. Did she want the stud to come back alone? Or did she want to see him come galloping across the field with the Zetithian astride him? If she sold Danuban to Jerden, would he truly never darken her door again? Would it be worth it? Would she regret the loss of one? Or both?
No, she decided. She was not giving up the one simply to rid herself of the other. She’d worked long and hard for that horse. Giving up was not an option. Considering Danuban’s affinity for Jerden, sharing the stallion was the only practical solution. The trick would be spending time in Jerden’s company without losing control again. Perhaps she’d get better with it in time.
Or perhaps I’d find I don’t need that control. Jerden had promised she had nothing to fear from him and that he would never hurt her. Trust was the issue. If she trusted him, she needn’t fear him.
He trusted me. When he was sick, he’d come to her, landing on her doorstep, undoubtedly knowing he would be unconscious for days. He’d been completely helpless, yet had surrendered himself to her care. She would’ve had a very hard time doing that herself. Fortunately, she hadn’t needed anyone’s help very often, and certainly not to that extent. Rarely ill, she had seldom been injured—not that working with horses didn’t carry with it an
inherent risk.
As she sipped her tea, her nerves began to settle. It seemed that Jerden would’ve liked to be a calming influence on her, yet he was the one thing that disturbed her the most. Nate was simply annoying. She could brush him off and ignore him without too much trouble. Jerden was a different story.
It was difficult to admit, even to herself, but she liked him. He’d fit in well with the others; their conversation had even made her laugh. He’d laughed too. She liked the sound of it—even liked the way he looked when he smiled. Funny, when he’s not here, I like him just fine.
“You’re being silly, Sara.” Her voice was stronger now, and her heartbeat had returned to a normal pace. For a moment or two, it had hammered so hard and fast she’d felt almost faint. He’d been too close. When their eyes met in laughter, she’d felt the kind of camaraderie she’d never experienced with a man whom she actually saw as a man. As a rule, she got along well with Reutal and could laugh along with him, even though he was a male and always ready with a suggestive remark. He was easily tolerated. She wasn’t sure what the difference was.
No, the difference was quite simple: Norludians were unattractive. Zetithians were gorgeous. Period. The one she took seriously; the other, she didn’t.
Had he actually offered to kiss her? Mentally reviewing what he’d said, she couldn’t say for certain, but the idea was exciting, if somewhat disturbing. “Better get a grip, Sara. He sure as hell won’t kiss you now.”
Swallowing the last of her tea, she got up and headed out to the barn. It was going to be a very long day. Best to get started and get it over with.
***
Drania was turning the yearlings out in the south pasture when Sara stepped out onto the porch. She felt a thrill, just as she would watching any herd of horses, as they galloped up the hill. Danuban and Jerden were nowhere in sight.
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